Listener Question:

It's hard to decide what to do with my relationship & the advice I see seems contradictory or confuses me. I don't know what to think...

In this Episode:

• Renee discusses the challenges trauma survivors face in making major life decisions, particularly in relationships, due to unresolved attachment wounds and a lack of "codes" for healthy relationships.
• She emphasizes the importance of trusting one's intuition and consuming information selectively, taking what resonates and leaving the rest.
• Renee advises trauma survivors to seek guidance from trusted mentors and to focus on healing and addressing their own trauma FIRST before making significant relationship decisions.
• She also highlights the need for survivors to honor themselves while maintaining healthy relationships, without sacrificing their well-being.

Concepts:

1. Health of individuals & relationships is on a continuum. Mainstream advice may not be nuanced enough for trauma survivors or abuse victims.
2. Look for a mentor who has awareness of the "universal patterns" of your particular challenge and can appreciate the nuances of your specific context.
3. Renegotiating relationships or changing/ending relationship contracts ignites primal fear for folks with insecure attachment. Decisions are best made not from fear based trauma energy but from a place of inner authority, clarity, & discernment.
4. Every human is seeking to meet their biological imperative or essential human needs of: SECURITY/SAFETY & BELONGING/CONNECTION/ATTACHMENT. Healthy relationships meet both needs.
5. It is important to CALL IN what you desire & need versus CALL OUT if you want to exit a negative relationship cycle.
6. Do your part. Engage your healing. Keep your side of the street clean & move with your values & integrity intact to minimize harm & minimize regret.
7. Allow an unfolding. There is a divine plan & divine timing. Your job is to be ready to be have the courage to pivot when needed for your growth & evolution.

8. 
   

For more information about your host please visit:

https://resetwithrenee.com/

To join Renee's free community on Mighty Networks -

The Reset Collective:

https://reset-gathering.mn.co/share/Z2B41TXYimz0wgrm?utm_source=manual

Thank you for listening!

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Renee chats with Michael Herman , the Autistic Half of "Scenes from a Neurodivergent Marriage".

They chat about the nuances of communication styles, the importance of self-acceptance, & the impact of neurodiversity on personal and professional relationships.

They also discuss how understanding one's own needs & communicating them effectively can lead to healthier interactions, both in work and personal life.

The dialogue emphasizes the significance of vulnerability, especially in the context of social media, and how sharing personal experiences can foster community and healing.

They also touch on the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals in relationships and the importance of mutual understanding and support.

Our Guest:

Michael is a Chicago-based director, playwright and teacher. He loves nothing more than watching a new play come to life, while increasing access to the arts. Michael studied Architecture at The Cooper Union, holds undergraduate degrees in Theater and English from The State University of New York at Brockport, and an MFA in Dramatic Writing from Carnegie Mellon University. Music is the answer.

http://www.outerlooptheater.org/

http://www.youtube.com/@MyAutisticHusband

https://www.tiktok.com/link/v2?

aid=1988&lang=en&scene=bio_url&target=instagram.com%2Fmyautistichusband

https://www.instagram.com/myautistichusband?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Our Host: Renee Fleming

A therapist turned coach who specializes in trauma healing & late diagnosed neurodivergence.

https://resetwithrenee.com/

https://www.instagram.com/resetwithrenee/?hl=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@resetwithrenee

Nadine's Journey to Trauma Bond Expertise

Nadine shared her personal journey, including her marriage to the Wolf of Wall Street and her later divorce. She discussed how her experiences led her to pursue a career in therapy & eventually earn a doctorate. Nadine specializes in trauma bonds & betrayal trauma, which she developed after realizing the need for further research in this area. She wrote a book based on her findings, which has been well received.

Nadine's Approach to Complex Trauma

• symptoms
• personality traits
• attachment
• developmental trauma
• reconnect the person with their authentic self, using unconditional positive regard & curiosity
• a need for directness when dealing with women in trauma bonds or those who have just left
• psychoeducation to empower her clients,
• teaching them about the vagus nerve & its role in perceiving safety & danger
• regain their autonomy & overcome the power imbalance often present in trauma bonds

Navigating Toxic Relationships & Co-Parenting Challenges

Nadine shared:

• her personal experience of having her ex-husband arrested, which shifted the power balance in her favor.
• the importance of emotional support & the need for a protective wall, made of several supports
• the re-traumatizing effects of post-separation abuse & the difficulties of mediating with pathological lovers in the family court system.

Pathological Relationships & Self-Care Strategies

• The importance of self-care, therapy, the need for radical acceptance & an understanding that co-parenting with a pathological person is not possible.
• Dr. Christine Cocciola's program, Protected Parents, which helps women dealing with post-separation abuse.

Self-Care &Compassion in Trauma

Nadine discussed the importance of :

• self-care & self-compassion in managing emotional flashbacks & anxiety.
• staying calm & responding to aggressive emails or situations.
• Sandra Brown's book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, discusses the 5-factor model of personality & how certain traits make individuals vulnerable to pathological relationships.

Dealing With Narcissistic Individuals

• Narcissists often target empathetic & caring people, & it's crucial to recognize one's own traits to avoid being a perfect prey.
• The complexities of human behavior & the need to balance labeling & understanding individuals.
• Renee also discussed the intersection of trauma, attachment, & neurodivergence as a potential impact on relationships.

Recognizing Trauma Bonds & Coercive Control

• recognizing the invisible nature of these dynamics
• need for self-care & empowerment
• abuse is never the survivors’ fault
• a journey of building resilience through therapy & self-reflection is encouraged

Our Guest:

Dr. Nadine Macaluso, or Dr. Nae, is the real-life inspiration behind Naomi Belfort's character in "The Wolf of Wall Street." She survived a turbulent eight-year marriage to Jordan Belfort, marked by abuse, greed, & trauma.

Following her experiences, Dr. Macaluso relocated to California. Her journey of trauma & healing inspired her to return to school at age 39, where she earned her Master's in counseling & a Ph.D. in somatic psychotherapy. She further specialized with a two-year postdoctoral training in the Neuro-affective Relational Model (NARM).

As a therapist, Dr. Macaluso combines her education & personal experiences to help others heal from trauma. Her practice focuses on assisting patients in connecting with their authentic selves, fostering confidence, resilience, & agency. Dr. Macaluso firmly believes in the potential for post-traumatic growth, instilling hope in her patients & guiding them to reach their potential in life & love.

Be sure to check out Dr. Macaluso’s new book, “Run Like Hell” & her online community on Circle!

Our Host:

Renee Fleming, therapist & coach, can be found on most social media platforms @Resetwithrenee or www.resetwithrenee.com

Both her free & subscription community & courses can be found on Mighty Networks.