Raise your hand if you’re tired of the confidence myth everyone sells: that confidence is just about “acting brave” and “being positive.”

I SEE YOU. My hand’s been up for years.

The truth of the matter – what real confidence IS – is way messier and way more fascinating. Anyone can pretend they’re fearless, but not everyone wants to understand how their brain works when fear, doubt, and hesitation kick in, and then do the work to rewire it so they don’t get stuck there.

Fact: our brains want to keep us SAFE, but safe often means stuck — stuck in old patterns, stuck in second-guessing, stuck in the kind of mental freeze that keeps you playing small or holding back.

My guest this week, Betsy Holmberg, calls this state of stuckness the “survival mode trap,” and it’s why most confidence advice feels like empty noise. It’s also why if you want to create real change, you have to confront how your brain tightens the reins — and then be willing to do the hard work to take back control.

I could talk about this for hours: real neuroscience, real mindset shifts, and real grit.

But Betsy and I made the best use of our time together and got straight to what’s really going on inside your head when confidence feels impossible, what it means to “flip the switch” on your brain’s default survival settings, why that’s essential for building genuine confidence, and what happens when you finally break free of doubt’s chokehold.

If you’re tired of spinning your wheels and ready to understand the raw mechanics of confidence — the kind that sticks — this episode is your blueprint.

Key takeaways:

• Why your brain’s “safety mode” is the biggest confidence killer you’ve never noticed
• The sneaky ways doubt hijacks your decisions without you realizing
• How rewiring your brain is like upgrading your mental software — tricky, surprising, and entirely possible
• The one mindset shift that feels like a secret cheat code for confidence
• Why “fake it till you make it” is lying to you — and what actually works

Betsy Holmberg, PhD, is a psychologist and author specializing in overthinking and negative self-talk. She writes for Psychology Today, and has been featured in radio, television, and podcasts. Before that, she ran the mental health service line at McKinsey & Company and received her PhD from Duke University. Learn more about Betsy at betsyholmberg.com.

There’s a moment that sneaks up on you in conversations—someone starts talking and, before you know it, you're deep in the weeds of their breakup, their boss drama, their third cousin’s dog’s vet bill.

You’re nodding, maybe throwing in the occasional “Wow” or “That’s wild,” but inside you’re thinking: How did I get cast in this one-person show I didn’t audition for?

Take heart. This doesn’t happen because you’re too nice. It happens because somewhere along the way, we were taught that being a “good friend,” a “good colleague,” a “good person” means being endlessly available for other people’s emotional baggage—no matter how full our own arms already are.

Here’s what I want to challenge: the idea that listening without limits is a virtue.

Because it's not. It’s often a survival strategy. It’s the quiet fear that if we draw a line—if we interrupt, or redirect, or say, “Hey, I can’t hold all this right now”—we’ll be seen as selfish. Cold. Rude.

And fear is the enemy of confidence.

Confidence is not about being stone-faced or detached. It’s about knowing your capacity and honoring it. It’s about recognizing when a conversation has shifted from connection to emotional labor—and having the clarity to step out, without shame or apology.

And here's the paradox: when you model that kind of boundary, you give other people permission to do the same. You show that strength doesn’t come from over-functioning—it comes from being honest about your limits.

This episode is your call to pay attention to where your energy is going. To stop treating emotional overload like a social obligation. And to start seeing boundaries not as a defense, but as a commitment to your own peace.

You ever find yourself stuck — your brain playing the same mental track on repeat? That loop of doubt, second-guessing, and what-ifs that you can’t switch off? It’s exhausting AND believe it or not, those loops aren’t your enemy.

They’re the secret doorway to a kind of confidence no one talks about.

My guest on this episode, Amy Kemp, has spent years untangling how these mental patterns work. She’s not here to hand you easy answers or you-go-girl pep talks. Instead, she helps us see the messy, tangled process beneath the polished idea of confidence — how real strength comes from leaning into those repeating thoughts, not trying to silence them.

Get ready because Amy and I get intimate with those thought loops — the ones that trip us up, keep us stuck, and sometimes even feel like our worst enemy. Then, Amy shows us how to tune into the vital clues these loops carry. If you learn to listen to your thoughts differently, you can find your way out and rebuild confidence from the ground up.

No pretending to be fearless. No faking it till you make it. It’s about owning the struggle, understanding what your mind’s really doing, and using that knowledge to create a confidence that’s solid, authentic, and unshakable.

Highlights from our conversation:

• Why the mental loops you dread are actually the foundation of lasting confidence.
• How embracing discomfort rewires your brain to break free from stuck thinking.
• The patterns hidden inside your thought loops that signal where your real power lies.
• Why confidence grows through fear, not despite it.
• Concrete steps to turn repetitive doubts into your greatest strengths.

Amy Kemp is the owner & CEO of Amy Kemp, Inc. As a certified Habit Finder coach, Amy helps leaders and business professionals understand how deeply thought habits impact every part of their work and lives. Learn more about Amy, her work and her book, I See You, at amykemp.com.