I get a ton of pitches from coaches, therapists, and experts but my guest for this episode stopped me cold: he works with anxious attachment, and he framed it in a way that made me think, this is about confidence too. So I invited him on the podcast.

Trevor didn’t come to this work from some abstract theory. His life exploded first: a high-profile role at Tesla disappeared in a massive layoff. At almost the same time, a skiing accident left him with a broken jaw and the relationship he thought would last forever collapsed.

Professional confidence? Rock solid. Personal confidence? Shattered. Everything he thought he knew about himself and his relationships got thrown in the trash.

From that wreckage, Trevor uncovered patterns most of us live with quietly—patterns that quietly sabotage confidence and decision-making. Anxious attachment is more than overthinking or fear of rejection. It’s the invisible force that keeps you clinging to situations that don’t serve you, doubting your worth, and letting fear run the show.

And you probably already figured this one out: awareness alone isn’t enough. Confidence doesn’t return by just knowing you have these patterns. It only grows when you actively rewire your emotional responses.When fear stops dictating your choices, confidence stops being fragile; it becomes reliable and actionable.

This episode is messy, honest and deeply human, and it’s about more than relationships. It’s about how you show up, how you trust yourself and how you rebuild your confidence when life shoves you into the deep end.

Highlights from our conversation:

• Why anxious attachment quietly sabotages confidence, and how it shows up in everyday life.
• How patterns from early experiences can echo decades later—and why you don’t have to be stuck in them.
• The surprising link between fear, attachment, and the choices that define your life.
• How structured emotional work can transform anxiety into grounded, actionable confidence.
• Why your next breakup, job setback, or personal meltdown could actually be a pivot toward real confidence.

After a skiing accident left Trevor Hanson with a broken jaw, a toxic relationship ended and a corporate career at Tesla unraveled he immersed himself in the science of attachment, trained with some of the world’s leading experts, and earned his master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. Today, Trevor helps people break free from anxious attachment, cultivate secure relationships, and build the confidence they deserve. Learn more about Trevor at theartofhealingbytrevor.com.

So picture this: three broken heating systems, all at once, all different energy sources—propane, solar, oil—and one with a ticking oil tank disaster that could have exploded. Six thousand dollars later, and yeah, I was lucky. Sure, it could’ve been worse, but the frustration, the stress, the sheer ugh of it? That didn’t disappear.

Stack ranking our misery can give us a helpful perspective but it doesn’t erase the suck.

And here’s the confidence lesson buried in that suck: life will throw chaos at you, no matter how prepared, no matter how smart, no matter how experienced. Confidence isn’t about avoiding that chaos—it’s about what you do once it hits.

That’s what this episode is about. Feeling crappy? Fine. Have your pity party, but set a deadline on it. Then flip the switch. Take action. Make a plan. Call for help. Do the research. Even one small step toward control rewires your brain in that moment from panic to power.

That’s real confidence. Not the “I never mess up” fantasy—but the “I can handle this, and I’m going to take control” reality.

So tune in and let’s explore why leaning into the suck actually builds confidence. How taking action, even when everything’s falling apart, tells your brain, “I’ve got this.” How gratitude for avoiding worse doesn’t erase the frustration—but acknowledging the suck and acting anyway? That’s a confidence superpower.

Then, the next time life throws a $6,000 oil tank, or a scary medical report,or just one of those gut-punch moments, you’ve already trained yourself to respond with clarity, calm, and courage.

Hey, fellow confidence Crusaders! I’m so excited to share this episode because I got to reconnect with my longtime friend and ACI-certified confidence coach, Annet van Duinen. We talked about her incredible transformation—and wow, the glow is real.

When we first met, she was quiet, thoughtful, and introverted. Today? She’s fully embraced her true self, radiating confidence in a way that’s both wild and sensitive—her term, wild sensitive.

Annette’s journey started with her ACI confidence training, which flipped her perspective on how she sees herself. By exploring her traits as both a highly sensitive person (HSP) and a high sensation seeker (HSS), she discovered a unique superpower: she can process deeply and take bold action.

It’s not just about personality—it’s about harnessing who you truly are to live fully, make courageous choices, and show up authentically.

We laughed, we got real, and we shared stories about the tough stuff: leaving a marriage, moving across the globe, and embracing traits society often mislabels as “too much” or “wrong.”

Annette’s story proves that understanding yourself—and giving yourself permission to be both sensitive and adventurous—is one of the most powerful confidence hacks out there. And the best part? She’s now helping others discover their own wild sensitive strengths and unlock the confidence they didn’t even know they had.

Key Takeaways:

• What happens when a highly sensitive person meets their wild side.
• Why embracing your quirks can unlock unexpected confidence.
• The hidden strength in traits most people overlook.
• How embracing yourself changes the way you move through the world.
• The surprising way adventure and sensitivity can work together.

Annet van Duinen has over ten years of experience in personal and professional coaching, and work that centers on helping people understand their nervous system and learn to work with their sensitivity rather than against it. Feeling a kinship with Annet? You can learn more about her and her work at annetvanduinen.com.