With his best friend Lizzie, Scott opens up his diary from 2003 and finds out what he had for breakfast, which of his friends were liars, which ones were bonking, and what happened when he got caught writing an erotic story in geography.

Scott rents X-Men on video and steals a squirrel. Meanwhile, at school, his music teacher is a cruel witch, exams start and the I Hate Scott contract is delivered. Elsewhere, Scott and Lizzie chat Eurotrash, having a TV in your room as a kid, and how they first met. 

Some inappropriate hickies are given and Big Brother 4 starts. In other news, Scott starts going to drama club, revamps his hairstyle, and suckles lukewarm tea from a baby’s bottle. Around the table, Lizzie and Scott chat inappropriate comments on nights out, getting up early to play video games and teachers being mean. 

In this warts and all reading, Scott applies for his first job, floods his bathroom and reads his first porno mag. Meanwhile, a game of dares gets steamy, things get violent in the school library, and Lizzie loses the will to live. 

Scott heads to the Lake District on the annual Year 8 Camp, where he has some fun with a packet of Wine Gums, harshly criticises the camp talent show, sees a ghostly figure in the woods and struggles with his body image. Back at home, Big Brother 4 ends and the summer holidays begin.

As Scott and Lizzie bicker over the title, the summer holidays continue, Scott's dad returns with disappointing gifts, his dreams of selling pies are dashed and his Autumn show is reworked after a harsh review from his mum. Aside from family visits and summer barbecues, he relabels his VHS tapes and watches a lot of TV.

The summer holidays come to an end as Scott starts year 9. He starts sex education, has his artwork criticised and tries to figure out with Lizzie if his voice has broken. Meanwhile, Lizzie introduces Scott to MRS NERG and they reminisce about their favourite teachers.

Scott starts his new job as a paper boy, gets his school photo taken, gets a harsh reality check in PE, and his toilet is moved in to the garden. Away from the diary, it’s Christmas Day! Scott and Lizzie talk presents, and reminisce about GCSE results and first kisses.