In this quick Thanksgiving episode, Tammy J. Bond challenges the notion that gratitude is just a holiday tradition—it's a leadership strategy. She shares that leaders often get stuck in a "scarcity loop," focusing only on what is not working yet. This episode provides four quick points to help leaders shift their perspective from lack to presence, turning gratitude into a proactive force that expands positive outcomes and boosts team performance.

• The Scarcity Loop: Leaders commonly focus on the "yet's" (what they don't have yet, who's not performing yet), leading to a perception of lack. This scarcity loop expands what you don't want to see.

• Flip Your Focus: Flip the script by focusing on the "yet." Acknowledge the positive basics (e.g., "I'm grateful Frank shows up on time every day") and then shift to what you want next. What you focus on expands.

• Shift from Missing to Present: Do not focus your attention on what's missing. Shift your thinking to what is present and what you do have. This perspective shift attracts more of the positive into your field of vision.

• Gratitude as a Strategy, Not a Tradition: Gratitude should be a constant practice. When you focus on the positive around you, you can even find a "best gift attribute" in an underperformer, simply by shifting your attention from what is frustrating to what is present.

Before the holiday distractions take over, pause for 30 seconds and ask yourself this powerful question:

"What is here that I have been too busy [distracted] to appreciate?"

Take time to breathe in gratitude—not resentment, frustration, or fear. Always remember, leadership isn't something we're born with, it's something that we grow into.

Happy Thanksgiving! Remember that gratitude is a leadership strategy. What are you focusing on today, leader?

Passive aggression is the emotional sabotage dressed as politeness that is silently draining your team's energy and trust. Tammy J. Bond pulls back the curtain on this pervasive workplace toxicity, revealing that leaders who ignore it aren't keeping the peace—they're preserving the problem. With over 50% of employees reporting being targeted by passive aggression, this episode provides direct, no-fluff strategies for leaders and middle managers to confront this "camouflaged conflict" and restore health to their teams.

• The High Cost of Avoidance: Passive aggression is leadership quicksand. Over half your team may be spending mental energy decoding tone and mannerisms instead of focusing on their jobs.

• The Source of Passive Aggression: It's not about conflict; it's about control. Passive aggressive individuals avoid direct confrontation but use sarcasm, silence, or "forgetfulness" to pull strings and be the master puppeteer.

• The Leadership Leak: Passive aggression is cowardly communication in leadership's clothing.Ignoring it rewards avoidance and reinforces the toxic pattern. Leaders must stop rescuing people from discomfort and start coaching them through it.

• Coaching vs. Dictating: Workplace coaching is not the "point, shoot, and tell" style. True coaching is being curious, asking questions, and evoking answers that help people up-level themselves.

• Directness is Respect: If you are serious about creating a sandbox where adults talk to one another, you must teach the team that healthy directness is respect, not rudeness.

You don't tiptoe through the tulips; you call the behavior what it is.

1. Name It and Claim It: Do not over-explain or accuse. Simply name the specific behavior you observe and tie it back to a core value.
   Example: "I'm noticing sarcasm when we talk about deadlines. Help me understand what's really going on, because sarcasm is not one of our espoused values."

2. Model Clarity and Accountability: Use the clear, simple framework of the SBI+E Model (Situation, Behavior, Impact, and Expectation) for a straightforward, behavioral conversation.

3. Set the Boundary and Hold It: The only way to stop the "leak" is to confront it. Document it, discuss it, and model how to clean up the conflict.

If your leader is the passive-aggressive player, don't accuse them directly. Bring the clarity back to them:

1. Expose the Behavior, Not the Person: Present the situation and the unaligned behavior you've noticed on the team.

2. Ask for Their Strategy: Ask the leader, "How would you go about approaching these behaviors when they have the impact that's causing others to shut down?"

3. Gain the Framework: Let the passive-aggressive leader give you the expectation and solution, then use that framework to present the required behavioral changes.

The next time a coworker drops an "I'm just kidding" that lands like a knife, don't laugh it off. Push pause, take a breath, and ask your next best question. Leadership is about keeping everyone accountable.

Tammy J. Bond fires up the microphone for women leaders, challenging the pervasive habit of over-apologizing in professional settings. She argues that frequently defaulting to phrases like "I'm sorry, but..." or "This might not be the right time, but..." causes your apologies to show up louder than your actual leadership, draining your credibility and inviting doubt. This episode confronts the conditioning that leads women to wait to be invited instead of owning the room and provides a power move to replace apologies with confident, conscious confrontation.

• The Apology Drain: Unnecessary apologies soften your voice and teach the room to doubt you, reducing your credibility right before your "mic drop moment."

• The Real Reason Women Apologize More: Studies show both men and women apologize about 81% of the time when they agree something is an offense. However, women judge more situations as apology-worthy because of their heightened emotional awareness and ability to read the room. Apologizing is a sign of noticing, not a sign of weakness.

• The Cost of Over-Apologizing: You are donating your credibility and putting doubt in place of confidence with your team.

• The Power Move: Leadership presence means stepping in, being willing to confront—consciously, contagiously, and confidently—without apology.

• Owning the Room: Men walk in and own the room; women often sit back and wait to be invited. It's time to own your voice and your space.

Stop apologizing for being direct, confident, bold, or clear. Save your "sorry's" for real harm you've caused.

1. Replace the Apology: Instead of starting with "I'm sorry, but..." or "I know we're almost out of time, but...," reframe your statement to be clear and convicted.

   • Old: "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have a question about the budget."

   • New: "Hold a minute. I want to bring up something about the budget before we run out of time."

2. Acknowledge, Don't Apologize (for stepping on toes): If you suspect you were overly direct, acknowledge the potential impact, but do not apologize for your assertiveness.

   • Statement: "I acknowledge that was very bold. Let's talk about how you feel about that."

   • Goal: You thank them for bringing it to your attention and ask how to make it different next time, ensuring you are not apologizing for being bold.

Ladies, stop apologizing. Start leading with conviction, confidence, clarity, and connection to the purpose of your conversation. Who are you not to?

In this quick, yet critical episode, Tammy J. Bond tackles a fundamental leadership challenge: ensuring you have the right people in the right seats on your organizational "bus". Prompted by a leader struggling with under-delivery (not under-performance), Tammy challenges the common impulse to start with people. Instead, she provides a strategic framework to audit your organization, starting with the needs of the business before assessing the talent you have. This episode is imperative for leaders planning their success for the upcoming year and looking to replace disfunction with intentional structure.

• The Performance Gap: If team members are doing "solid work" but lacking creativity or "anything extra," the problem likely isn't the person's effort—it's the position's fit or a lack of clarity from the leader.

• The Strategic Bus Audit: Don't start with the Who (people). Start with the What (the seats/positions needed) to achieve your goals.

• • What: Define the positions, expectations, and goals required for the next level of growth.

  • How: Determine the model or required competencies for success in those seats.

  • Who: Then look at your team members to see who possesses the qualities and qualifications to fill the defined seats.

• Hope is Not a Strategy: Relying on the hope that someone will "figure it out" or move on is like "throwing a dart blindfolded." Action is required to align people with position expectations.

• Beyond the Resume: Many leaders hire based on the resume, not the heart or true organizational need. Hiring for impressive qualifications without clearly defining the position leads to mismatched talent.

• Audit Your Team's Energy: Use the Working Genius Model (by Patrick Lencioni), or similar tools, to discover what parts of the job give your team members energy versus what leaves them feeling frustrated. Align their roles to maximize energy and momentum.

• Know Their Place on the Bus: Ask your team members what they want more of, what they want less of, and what truly lights them up about their job.

• The Avoidance Trap: If you're avoiding the conversation, you're wearing the avoidant behavior hat. You must have the conversation to clarify how the individual can win at their current position.

Leader, lead yourself well first. Get your expectations clear. Be intentional about taking your organizational "bus" apart and putting it back together based on the needs of the growth model, not the people you currently have. You might discover your bus should become a spaceship!
(Discover Derek Gorse's artwork - spaceman art reference from episode)

What other bold conversations would you like to know how to navigate?
DM Tammy on LinkedIn, Instagram, or share in the comments if you're watching on YouTube!

Chapters
00:00 Assessing Team Dynamics and Leadership Roles
08:19 Identifying the Right Seats on the Bus
09:34 The Importance of Intentional Leadership Conversations

Leaders, you might call it flexibility, but your team calls it chaos. Tammy J. Bond cuts through the "hybrid fantasy" that believes simple Slack chats can replace connection, clarity, and collaboration. She exposes the silent culture split created by hybrid models, arguing that failure is rooted not in location, but in disconnection and unstable leadership. This episode provides the strategic framework for leaders to start intentionally engineering trust to make hybrid work successful.

• The Hybrid Fantasy: The belief that a few Zoom calls and Slack channels can organically thread connection and clarity is false. Studies show this level of casual connection does not suffice.

• The Culture Split: Hybrid work creates division. Office workers resent remote workers (assuming they work less), and remote workers feel invisible and disconnected from impromptu "hallway decisions."

• The Core Problem: Hybrid teams fail because of disconnection, not location. Leaders often confuse visibility (screen time) with actual productivity and meaningful engagement.

• The Unstable Wi-Fi is You: "It's not the Wi-Fi that's unstable in their work environment, it's your leadership connection to them."

• The Danger of Over-Accommodation: Leaders often say yes to every schedule to "keep the peace," under-communicate, and mismanage accountability, leading to performance issues and the language of assumption ("I thought you meant," "I assumed").

• Friendship is Not a Strategy: Leader, you haven't changed you yet. Simply offering a hybrid model won't work if you haven't sharpened your own leadership skills in setting clear expectations.

1. Re-establish Shared Rhythm (Not Just Scheduling): Replace random meetings with rituals (e.g., Monday Momentum check-ins, Friday Feedback sessions, a 30-second Praise Celebration). Use communication tools for quick, bottom-line check-ins, not endless dialogues.

2. Define Outcomes, Not Hours: If you are measuring success by online status or screen time, "you're running a daycare, not a business." Clarify what "done well" and "complete" looks like, using the simple SBI+E Model (Situation, Behavior, Impact, Expectation) for performance feedback.

3. Rebuild Connection Intentionally: Hybrid trust must be engineered on purpose. This involves celebrating small wins out loud, pairing up office/remote partners, and creating non-meeting connection moments (like a remote "Drink and Think").

4. Stop Letting Convenience Replace Courage: You must have the bold conversations. Ask what's working/not working, and if a hybrid worker claims higher productivity, tie it to an objective desk audit of project updates, timelines, and KPIs. Shut up and listen, then ask the next best follow-up question.

Your job this week is to define the rules of your Hybrid Sandbox before chaos defines them for you:

1. Audit your team's rhythms.

2. Clarify expectations in one single conversation. Have your team email you back what they heard you say and what you can count on them for.

3. Create one connection moment that does not involve another meeting (e.g., a team "drink (coffee/tea) & think" session).

Tammy J. Bond shares her frustration after hearing a story from a middle manager dealing with a chaotic environment. The core issue: senior leaders are prioritizing being liked and showing misplaced "compassion" over actual leadership, accountability, and clear expectations. This episode is a fierce examination of how this dynamic demoralizes middle managers, promotes a culture of mediocrity, and actively destroys team trust and performance. Tammy challenges both senior leaders to put on the "boss hat" and middle managers to lead down and courageously speak up.

• Chaos is Contagious, and so is Mediocrity: When leaders above the middle manager avoid difficult decisions (like performance termination), they model that mediocrity is acceptable, frustrating the rest of the high-performing team.

• Friendship is Not a Strategy: Prioritizing feeling liked or showing "compassion" in a performance issue is a destructive leadership failure. Compassion for hurt is necessary; compassion for unacceptable performance is enabling.

• The Cost of Circumvention: When a senior leader oversteps a middle manager (e.g., going directly to the employee or giving them assignments) it shows a break in trust, a lack of respect, and a disconnect that breaks down the entire organizational structure.

• The 90-Day Rule: Leaders must be slow to hire and quick to fire. Performance issues should be addressed and resolved (via performance plan or termination) well within the initial 90-day evaluation period.

Middle managers are often stuck: managing up, communicating down, and balancing two sides with no support. Here's how to navigate the tension:

1. Lead Down and Pull People Closer: When the top is failing, focus your energy on your team. Allow a three-minute "whine 101" for them to voice frustration. Acknowledge, "Heard, understood," and then ask, "And now what?" to shift to solution mode.

2. Courageously Manage Up: Do not suffer in silence. Use curiosity to address boundary violations with your boss. Try framing your question like this:
   "I'm just curious, help me understand what's missing in my management style that's causing you to go around me directly to my staff? Here's what it feels like, and here's how it impacts the team."

3. Know When to Escalate: If the unhealthy and destructive behavior of your superior continues, you have a right to go to HR to have a conversation about the negative impact on the team and your ability to lead.

A word from Tammy: I unapologetically ask bold questions and challenge assumptions to help leaders rethink what they thought was true! If this episode resonates with you and you need help having this conversation with your boss, reshare this episode, tag me in your post, and I will reach out to discuss a role-play strategy.

Celebrating two years and 104 episodes, Tammy J. Bond drops a truth bomb: If your communication sounds like chaos, it's because your nervous system is leading the meeting, not your core leadership. This episode breaks down the concept of the "Calm Cascade"—how your internal regulation sets the emotional thermostat for the entire team. Tammy argues that emotional regulation is not a soft skill, but a crucial leadership strategy. When you walk in "hot," your team burns out and tunes out; the best communicators are always the calmest in the room.

• Regulation is Leadership: Emotional regulation is a strategy. If you can't regulate yourself and your emotions, you cannot motivate a team to speak up or succeed.

• The Thermostat Principle: Your energy sets the temperature. Your team needs you to set the thermostat to a regulated, comfortable temperature—not "frigid cold" or "burning hot."

• Dysregulation = Damage Control: When you are dysregulated, your rational brain (prefrontal cortex) takes a vacation. A dysregulated brain cannot do diplomacy; it can only do damage control.

• Actionable Correction: If you "freak out," quickly correct by saying: "I recognize what I did was wrong, here's how it might have impacted us, and here's what I'm doing differently next time."

• Chaos Short Circuits All Communication: When you are dysregulated, you invite the amygdala hijack—the fear center—leading to regretful blurting, defensiveness, and distractions from team members ("Johnny the Sandthrower").

• Regulated Leaders Create Psychological Safety: Your people will mirror your tone faster than your words. When they feel calm around you, they are more truthful, collaborative, and focused on innovation, not self-protection.

• Trust is Earned by Being Calm: You don't earn trust by talking calm; you earn it by being composed in tense situations. When the leader stays composed, it shifts the energy of the entire room.

• Regulation is Your Lifeline: If you can't regulate, you can't communicate. If you can't communicate, you aren't leading. Regulation is your ultimate responsibility.

• The 90-Second Reset: Before any high-temperature meeting, take 90 seconds to reset your internal thermostat using box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4).

• The "Grandma Vance" Principle: Be the first one to set your own thermostat every morning to the right temperature for your success.

If you're ready to lead from calm, clarity, and courage, tune in every week. Share this episode with a leader who could benefit from hearing this message.

Tammy brings the hard hitting truth: Chaos might feel like momentum, but it's really just motion without meaning. In this fast-paced episode, she dives into the high cost of allowing stress, drama, and avoidant behaviors to run your workplace. Through personal anecdotes (like the story of "Frank"), Tammy explains why unsustainability is the ultimate price of chaos—affecting everything from turnover rates and sick leave to team productivity. This is a crucial lesson on self-regulation, clarity, and building a workplace where order restores energy and trust.

1. Chaos is Expensive: Chaos lacks sustainability. Leaders who use fear or high-pressure tactics get short-term results, but overall productivity drops, leading to increased turnover, higher sick leave, and loss of revenue.

2. Unregulated Leaders Create Unregulated Teams: You cannot lead people out of stress while you are drowning in it. An unregulated leader models expected chaotic behavior, causing the team to become dysregulated, driving them to spend time job-searching instead of working.

3. Communication in Chaos Becomes Cannibalistic: Fear-fed communication eats results for breakfast. When defensiveness (a form of fear-filled communication) becomes the norm, team members focus on self-preservation, eating away at collaboration, trust, and transformation.

4. Regulation is Not Rigidity: Order restores energy, focus, and trust in your team. Regulation is about your "count-on-ability"—what your team can rely on from your reactions and responses. It's the opposite of being stuck; it's the foundation for agility.

• The Problem with Volatility and Vacancy: Both yelling and retreating are equally damaging. Vacancy (silence/shutting down) tells people they can't trust you, while volatility pushes them away. Leaders must find the regulated middle ground.

• The Key to Performance: "Healthy, actionable steps driving performance is a winning plan every single day."

• Your Self-Check: Ask your team: "What is your count-on-ability factor?" Look at your sick leave and turnover rates—these are chaos-driven numbers.

• Final Quote: "Fear-fed communication eats results for breakfast."

Don't drive Q4 momentum with chaos. Drive it with curiosity and clarity.

I unapologetically ask bold questions and challenge assumptions to help leaders rethink what they thought was true!

DM me the word CHAOS on Instagram @TheTammyBond to get a resource that will help you ask the right questions to solve for the chaos and finish the year strong.