When your teen shuts you out, gets defensive, or reacts with anger when you try to connect, it's easy to take it personally. You might feel rejected, frustrated, or worried that if you don't address the problem right now, things will only get worse. But what if your teen's reaction is actually giving you valuable information?

In this episode, Seth and I explore a subtle but powerful shift in understanding teen behavior: learning to look beyond your teen's immediate reaction and get curious about what it might be telling you.

When you're parenting a struggling teen, it's natural to want to resolve conflict, get an apology, or have an important conversation ASAP! But you can't make your teen ready to talk, take responsibility, or make a change. And honestly, pushing harder can leave you both feeling more disconnected.

So what to do instead?

We talk about how to recognize when your teen isn't ready to engage, respect their need for space without withdrawing your love, and keep the door open for connection. We also explore how to listen for the feelings and unmet needs that might be hiding behind hurtful words, defensiveness, or silence.

And here's something important: understanding your teen's behavior doesn't mean accepting every behavior or abandoning your own boundaries. You can respect your teen's readiness while still being clear about what you will and won't do moving forward.

If you've ever felt stuck trying to get through to your teen, this conversation offers a different way forward: one that makes room for patience, healthy boundaries, and a stronger connection.

In this episode on understanding teen behavior, we discuss:

• Why your teen's reaction can be valuable information, even when it's not the response you hoped for.
• How to recognize when your teen isn't ready to have a difficult conversation.
• Why pushing for an apology, a response, or a resolution can get in the way of connection.
• How to respect your teen's need for space without withdrawing your love.
• How to listen for the feelings and perspectives behind defensive or hurtful comments.
• Why understanding your teen's behavior doesn't mean accepting every behavior.
• How to validate your own feelings and focus on what is within your control.
• Ways to keep the door open for honest communication while maintaining healthy boundaries.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

→ Leaving a review

→ Subscribing to the show

→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

What if helping your young adult become independent means doing less for them, not more? If your child is struggling to launch into adulthood, you may find yourself doing everything you can to help them succeed. But what if, without realizing it, you're making it harder for them to build the confidence and skills they need to stand on their own two feet?

In this episode, I'm joined by Hayley Caddes, co-founder and COO of Not Therapy, a coaching company that supports neurodivergent and struggling young adults and their families. Having navigated the mental health and treatment system herself as a teenager, Hayley brings a unique perspective to understanding why some young adults struggle with independence and how parents can help them move forward.

Together, we explore the idea of delayed independence and why labeling your young adult as a ‘failure to launch’ can leave everyone feeling stuck.

When fear, worry, and past crises shape your parenting, it can be incredibly difficult to step back and let your child figure things out. You want to protect them, support them, and prevent them from struggling again. But sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is give them more opportunities to discover what they're capable of.

The good news?

You don't have to make drastic changes or expect your young adult to suddenly have everything figured out. Small, consistent shifts in your parenting can create opportunities for them to build independence while helping you feel less consumed by worry. And as you begin to focus on your own well-being, confidence, and relationships, you may discover that supporting your child doesn't have to mean putting your own life on hold.

In this episode on 5 things parents can do to help their young adult become independent, we discuss:

• Why delayed independence is a more hopeful way to understand the failure-to-launch experience.
• How doing too much for your young adult can unintentionally hold them back.
• Five things parents can do to help their teen or young adult build independence and confidence.
• How to identify the small tasks and responsibilities you can begin handing back to your child.
• Why believing in your child matters, even when you're afraid they might struggle.
• How to focus on your own well-being and model the changes you want to see.
• Why building a support system is essential when changing long-standing parenting patterns.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Hayley’s article on the Yale study we discuss: Stop telling your kid to get a job (do these 5 things instead)

More about Hayley Caddes

Hayley Caddes is the co-founder & COO of Not Therapy, a lived-experience coaching company for neurodivergent and stuck 16- to 29-year-olds and their families. She went through the "troubled teen" and mental healthcare system herself as a teenager, holds a BS and MS from Columbia Engineering, and previously founded a venture-backed mental health technology company, Chill Pill.

Learn more about Not Therapy on their website, or directly sign up for their incredible newsletter.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

→ Leaving a review

→ Subscribing to the show

→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

They tell you they’re doing better. They promise they’re not going to use again. They say they’ll keep going to meetings, stick with what they learned, and make better choices.

You want to believe them. Maybe you need to believe them after everything your family has been through.

But what happens when your teen tells you something you don’t want to hear?

Maybe they say they want to smoke weed occasionally. Maybe they’re already questioning whether they need all the support they had in treatment. Maybe they tell you they feel ready to move on, and your first instinct is to think, ‘Absolutely not. We didn’t spend all that time and money on treatment for this.’

In this episode, Seth and I talk about the complicated things teens and young adults may say as they prepare to come home from treatment. Sometimes they’re saying what they think their parents want to hear. Sometimes they’re testing the waters. And sometimes they genuinely mean every word, but coming home brings them back into an environment where they have to practice everything they learned without the same structure and support.

That can be incredibly difficult to navigate as a parent.

When your teen is coming home from treatment, it’s easy to hear only the information that reassures you, or to shut down the information that scares you. But if you want your teen to be honest with you, you also have to be willing to hear what they’re actually saying.

You don’t have to agree with them. You don’t have to abandon your boundaries. But you do need to be willing to listen.

In this episode on what your teen is saying when they’re coming home from treatment, we discuss:

• Why teens may say what they think their parents want to hear
• Why a teen can genuinely believe they’re ready to come home and still struggle once they’re back
• Why returning home can be harder than treatment itself
• What can happen when a teen returns to the stressors and patterns they had been protected from in treatment
• Why your teen may genuinely believe they can use substances “just occasionally”
• How to move away from black-and-white thinking when your teen tells you something you don't want to hear
• Questions you can ask to understand what your teen is really looking for
• How to help your teen identify their own warning signs
• Why asking for honesty means being willing to actually hear the answer
• How you can respond when your teen says something that catches you completely off guard
• The role of boundaries when your teen comes home from treatment
• Why there are more options than your anxious brain may be telling you in the moment

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

→ Leaving a review

→ Subscribing to the show

→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Your child is looking for the easy way out. And maybe you are as well.

If you're parenting a teen or young adult after treatment, you may know the feeling. Your child has worked through treatment, but now they're talking about drinking instead of using drugs, experimenting with a different substance, or finding a way to manage their pain without truly addressing what's underneath.

You find yourself wondering, Didn't we already go through this? Why can't they see what's happening?

In this episode, Seth and I talk about the difficult reality of parenting a teen or young adult after treatment. We explore why substance use can continue to show up in different forms, what unresolved pain might have to do with it, and how easy it is to believe that one more solution will finally make everything better.

And then there's our own part as parents.

Because as much as we want our kids to stop hurting, we also want to stop hurting ourselves. We want to avoid the confrontation, the anger, the discomfort of holding a boundary, or the fear of watching our child struggle. Sometimes, we hope our teen will change so we don't have to look at what we might need to change ourselves.

That doesn't mean you're a bad parent. I've been there, too. I know how deeply you want to help your child, and how tempting it can be to make the discomfort go away. But what if growth, for you and your child, requires something different?

There is no easy way out. And that doesn't mean there isn't hope. It means we have to be willing to look at what's underneath the behavior, recognize what belongs to us, and allow our kids to experience the discomfort that comes with growth.

In this episode on parenting a teen or young adult after treatment, we discuss:

• Why teens and young adults may substitute one substance for another after treatment.
• The underlying pain, trauma, and emotional discomfort that can drive substance use.
• Why treatment is an important beginning, not necessarily a complete solution.
• The temptation to search for a quick fix, including new treatments or medications.
• How parents can fall into the trap of looking for an easy way out themselves.
• The importance of recognizing your own role in the family dynamic.
• Setting boundaries while allowing your teen or young adult to experience the discomfort of life.
• Why growth requires ongoing work, patience, and a willingness to face what feels uncomfortable.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

→ Leaving a review

→ Subscribing to the show

→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Your teen is struggling with addiction and you’re terrified that helping them might actually be making things worse. What do you do?

In this episode, I’m joined by Thomas Henderson, a former struggling teen who began using substances at just 11 years old and eventually found himself caught in a cycle of addiction, relapse, treatment, and recovery. Today, Thomas works with families and uses his own experience to help parents and kids navigate some of the same challenges he once lived through.

Thomas and I talk honestly about the incredibly difficult line between supporting your teen and enabling them. His parents loved him deeply and never stopped believing in him, but there were also times when their support allowed his addiction to continue. Eventually, they had to make the terrifying decision to completely cut off financial support and communication and let Thomas experience the consequences of his choices.

From a parent’s perspective, that kind of boundary can feel impossible.

How do you step back when your child is hurting?
How do you hold onto hope without rescuing them?
And how do you know when helping has crossed into enabling?

Thomas shares what those choices felt like from his side of the story, including what he remembers about his parents’ unconditional belief in him, what finally helped him take ownership of his recovery, and why he believes reconnecting with yourself is such an important part of lasting change.

In this episode on helping a teen with addiction without enabling them, we discuss:

• Thomas’s journey from early substance use to addiction and recovery
• How parents can unintentionally enable a teen’s addiction
• The difference between supporting your teen and rescuing them
• Why Thomas’s parents eventually had to draw a hard boundary
• What it felt like for Thomas when his parents stopped financially supporting him
• How consequences can sometimes create the pressure needed for change
• Why parents need to hold onto hope, even when their teen has given up on themselves
• How treatment, wilderness, nature, mentors, and community shaped Thomas’s recovery
• What Thomas wants parents of struggling teens to understand about addiction and ownership

More about Thomas Henderson

Thomas got sober in 2020 after years of addiction and rebuilt his life from an RV in the California desert. Today, he is a family manager and coach at Not Therapy Coaching where he uses his experiences to help others build resilience, purpose, and lasting change. He's also an ultramarathon runner, breathwork facilitator, and entrepreneur.

Learn more about Not Therapy on their website.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

→ Leaving a review

→ Subscribing to the show

→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You’re trying so hard to repair what’s been broken, to rebuild trust, and feel close again with your teen or young adult. So when they pull away, it can feel almost impossible to not try harder.

But what if trying harder to reconnect is actually making this very connection harder?

In this episode, Seth and I have a very honest conversation about rebuilding connection with your struggling teen or young adult, and how difficult it can be to practice what we teach when the person we love is the one who’s struggling.

Seth shares what it’s like to support a struggling family member and realize that, despite knowing all the “right” things to do, there are moments when there is simply nothing more within your control. We talk about the guilt that can come with that realization, the urge to fix things, and the painful truth that you can care deeply about someone without being responsible for their choices.

I also share a recent experience with my own son. After a difficult conflict, I found myself wanting to reach out, talk things through, and repair the relationship. But underneath my attempts to connect was something I didn’t initially recognize: anxiety. I had an agenda. I wanted him to open up, reconnect, and let me know what he was feeling.

Once I realized that, I was able to slow down, let go of what I thought should happen, and simply be present with him.

And something surprising happened: when I stopped pushing for connection, he began moving toward it himself.

Rebuilding connection with your struggling teen doesn’t necessarily mean finding the perfect words or having the perfect conversation. Sometimes, it means creating enough safety for your teen to come toward you in their own time and in their own way.

In this episode on rebuilding connection with your struggling teen or young adult, we discuss:

• Why trying harder to connect can sometimes create more distance
• The difference between offering connection and trying to make someone connect with you
• How guilt can make you feel responsible for another person’s choices
• What it really means to “hold space” for your teen or young adult
• Why safety requires letting go of judgment and your agenda
• How your energy, tone, and way of being can affect connection
• Why slowing down can be more helpful than pushing for a conversation
• How connection can look different for you and your child
• Recognizing the small ways your teen may already be reaching for connection
• Why accepting what your teen or young adult is able to give right now can help rebuild trust and connection
• The importance of noticing your own patterns and emotional reactions
• Why rebuilding connection takes time, practice, and plenty of imperfect moments

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

→ Leaving a review

→ Subscribing to the show

→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.