When your teen shuts you out, gets defensive, or reacts with anger when you try to connect, it's easy to take it personally. You might feel rejected, frustrated, or worried that if you don't address the problem right now, things will only get worse. But what if your teen's reaction is actually giving you valuable information?

In this episode, Seth and I explore a subtle but powerful shift in understanding teen behavior: learning to look beyond your teen's immediate reaction and get curious about what it might be telling you.

When you're parenting a struggling teen, it's natural to want to resolve conflict, get an apology, or have an important conversation ASAP! But you can't make your teen ready to talk, take responsibility, or make a change. And honestly, pushing harder can leave you both feeling more disconnected.

So what to do instead?

We talk about how to recognize when your teen isn't ready to engage, respect their need for space without withdrawing your love, and keep the door open for connection. We also explore how to listen for the feelings and unmet needs that might be hiding behind hurtful words, defensiveness, or silence.

And here's something important: understanding your teen's behavior doesn't mean accepting every behavior or abandoning your own boundaries. You can respect your teen's readiness while still being clear about what you will and won't do moving forward.

If you've ever felt stuck trying to get through to your teen, this conversation offers a different way forward: one that makes room for patience, healthy boundaries, and a stronger connection.

In this episode on understanding teen behavior, we discuss:

• Why your teen's reaction can be valuable information, even when it's not the response you hoped for.
• How to recognize when your teen isn't ready to have a difficult conversation.
• Why pushing for an apology, a response, or a resolution can get in the way of connection.
• How to respect your teen's need for space without withdrawing your love.
• How to listen for the feelings and perspectives behind defensive or hurtful comments.
• Why understanding your teen's behavior doesn't mean accepting every behavior.
• How to validate your own feelings and focus on what is within your control.
• Ways to keep the door open for honest communication while maintaining healthy boundaries.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

→ Leaving a review

→ Subscribing to the show

→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

What if helping your young adult become independent means doing less for them, not more? If your child is struggling to launch into adulthood, you may find yourself doing everything you can to help them succeed. But what if, without realizing it, you're making it harder for them to build the confidence and skills they need to stand on their own two feet?

In this episode, I'm joined by Hayley Caddes, co-founder and COO of Not Therapy, a coaching company that supports neurodivergent and struggling young adults and their families. Having navigated the mental health and treatment system herself as a teenager, Hayley brings a unique perspective to understanding why some young adults struggle with independence and how parents can help them move forward.

Together, we explore the idea of delayed independence and why labeling your young adult as a ‘failure to launch’ can leave everyone feeling stuck.

When fear, worry, and past crises shape your parenting, it can be incredibly difficult to step back and let your child figure things out. You want to protect them, support them, and prevent them from struggling again. But sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is give them more opportunities to discover what they're capable of.

The good news?

You don't have to make drastic changes or expect your young adult to suddenly have everything figured out. Small, consistent shifts in your parenting can create opportunities for them to build independence while helping you feel less consumed by worry. And as you begin to focus on your own well-being, confidence, and relationships, you may discover that supporting your child doesn't have to mean putting your own life on hold.

In this episode on 5 things parents can do to help their young adult become independent, we discuss:

• Why delayed independence is a more hopeful way to understand the failure-to-launch experience.
• How doing too much for your young adult can unintentionally hold them back.
• Five things parents can do to help their teen or young adult build independence and confidence.
• How to identify the small tasks and responsibilities you can begin handing back to your child.
• Why believing in your child matters, even when you're afraid they might struggle.
• How to focus on your own well-being and model the changes you want to see.
• Why building a support system is essential when changing long-standing parenting patterns.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Hayley’s article on the Yale study we discuss: Stop telling your kid to get a job (do these 5 things instead)

More about Hayley Caddes

Hayley Caddes is the co-founder & COO of Not Therapy, a lived-experience coaching company for neurodivergent and stuck 16- to 29-year-olds and their families. She went through the "troubled teen" and mental healthcare system herself as a teenager, holds a BS and MS from Columbia Engineering, and previously founded a venture-backed mental health technology company, Chill Pill.

Learn more about Not Therapy on their website, or directly sign up for their incredible newsletter.

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

→ Leaving a review

→ Subscribing to the show

→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

They tell you they’re doing better. They promise they’re not going to use again. They say they’ll keep going to meetings, stick with what they learned, and make better choices.

You want to believe them. Maybe you need to believe them after everything your family has been through.

But what happens when your teen tells you something you don’t want to hear?

Maybe they say they want to smoke weed occasionally. Maybe they’re already questioning whether they need all the support they had in treatment. Maybe they tell you they feel ready to move on, and your first instinct is to think, ‘Absolutely not. We didn’t spend all that time and money on treatment for this.’

In this episode, Seth and I talk about the complicated things teens and young adults may say as they prepare to come home from treatment. Sometimes they’re saying what they think their parents want to hear. Sometimes they’re testing the waters. And sometimes they genuinely mean every word, but coming home brings them back into an environment where they have to practice everything they learned without the same structure and support.

That can be incredibly difficult to navigate as a parent.

When your teen is coming home from treatment, it’s easy to hear only the information that reassures you, or to shut down the information that scares you. But if you want your teen to be honest with you, you also have to be willing to hear what they’re actually saying.

You don’t have to agree with them. You don’t have to abandon your boundaries. But you do need to be willing to listen.

In this episode on what your teen is saying when they’re coming home from treatment, we discuss:

• Why teens may say what they think their parents want to hear
• Why a teen can genuinely believe they’re ready to come home and still struggle once they’re back
• Why returning home can be harder than treatment itself
• What can happen when a teen returns to the stressors and patterns they had been protected from in treatment
• Why your teen may genuinely believe they can use substances “just occasionally”
• How to move away from black-and-white thinking when your teen tells you something you don't want to hear
• Questions you can ask to understand what your teen is really looking for
• How to help your teen identify their own warning signs
• Why asking for honesty means being willing to actually hear the answer
• How you can respond when your teen says something that catches you completely off guard
• The role of boundaries when your teen comes home from treatment
• Why there are more options than your anxious brain may be telling you in the moment

Looking for support?

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at beth@bethhillmancoaching.com

You can support the show by:

→ Leaving a review

→ Subscribing to the show

→ Sharing it with another parent!

And remember parents, the change begins with us.