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A woman is eight minutes from delivery, screaming through a wheelchair ride, and a nurse is still asking about “live births.” That moment—followed by another mother turned away to give birth on the roadside—sparked a raw, necessary conversation about disbelief, danger, and the cost of bias on Black women’s bodies.

We trace the throughline from the labor ward to the comment section: how joy gets labeled arrogance, how visibility is framed as provocation, and how a simple hello on a dating app can trigger a stranger’s need to diminish. I share my own birth story and the memories that still burn twenty years later, then connect those memories to a nervous system shaped by chronic dismissal. Hypervigilance isn’t drama; it’s adaptation. When medical staff ignore pain or minimize symptoms, the body flips to survival mode, and over time that stress hardens into complex PTSD—one reason Black maternal mortality and Black infant mortality remain disturbingly high in the United States.

We also explore the political stage, where double standards make mistreatment for some a scandal and for others a baseline. Through it all, we honor the resilience of Black women—most educated demographic in America—who keep creating, parenting, leading, and loving in a culture that too often refuses to protect us. This conversation offers language, validation, and practical grounding for anyone who’s felt unseen, along with guidance for raising kids who know their worth and can claim their voice early.

If this resonates, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more listeners find the show. Tell me: where were you last dismissed, and what would believing you the first time have changed?

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A headline asked whether having a boyfriend is embarrassing—and it landed because so many women are done letting public romance define their worth. I take you from “boyfriend land” and early mommy blogging to a new center of gravity where sovereignty, safety, and self-respect lead. As a Gen X Black woman who grew up in church culture, married young, and lived the trad-wife script, I’ve seen how the internet once rewarded hard launches and identity-by-relationship. Now, younger women are choosing privacy, soft launches, and lives not anchored to men. That isn’t cynicism; it’s clarity.

We dig into why Gen Z calls relationships a brand risk, the rise of “aura,” and how heterofatalism names the real fatigue of cishet dating. I share why I posted the back of my boyfriend’s head, what protecting our adult kids online looks like, and how choosing to share less can reflect more power. We also talk data: why single women often age happier and wealthier, why men’s outcomes improve with marriage, and how that asymmetry shapes whether marriage, partnership, or a private bond makes sense. The theme running through it all is agency—love as a choice, not a rescue plan.

You’ll hear what a sovereign relationship feels like in practice: two full lives, mutual respect, effort and consistency without codependence. We celebrate friendship, community, and mothering as real sites of intimacy, and we reject manipulative “get-his-money” strategies that mirror the worst of patriarchy. Share your joy loudly or guard it quietly—either way, let the center be you. If this conversation resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review with your take: do you hard launch, soft launch, or keep love off the grid?

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The headline said SNAP might pause, and my stomach dropped. Not because of theory, but because of dinner. What follows is a raw, grounded look at who gets hit first when social safety nets fray—women-led households, elders, disabled neighbors, and children—and how Black women absorb the shock long before it makes the news. I share what it felt like to pencil out November with nothing extra, why “just get a job” ignores reality, and how pulling millions from local stores drives grocery prices up for everyone.

We go deeper than policy. I talk candidly about mental health, perimenopause, PTSD, and ADHD—and how these shape work, parenting, and capacity. We unpack the Strong Black Woman myth and name the invisible load so many of us carry in silence. Then we get practical: a simple breathing practice to steady your nervous system, small manifestation routines that help your brain find a path, and the boundaries that keep your energy from leaking away. Softness is not surrender; it’s a calibrated form of strength that lets us remain human while the system shakes.

You’ll hear the story of growing up hungry, the first years of overeating when food was finally accessible, and why food insecurity leaves fingerprints on our present. You’ll also hear how community care shows up in real life, why asking for help is strategy not shame, and how the Soft Girl Survival System gathers tools—grounding, self-advocacy, and daily energy audits—for women who are tired of being everyone’s backbone. If this conversation lands, share it with someone who needs proof they aren’t alone, subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next, and leave a review with one practice you’ll try this week. Your softness is a strategy. Your joy is resistance. Let’s protect both.

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The moment I stopped needing a relationship, everything changed. After years of pushing through “little t” traumas in the dating pool and holding out hope that the right man would make it all click, a brutal Valentine’s reveal forced a reset. I saw the real pattern: every time I accepted nonchalant energy or waited for potential, I was abandoning myself.

I walk you through the exact shifts that followed—clear boundaries, daily self-love you can actually feel in your body, and a short season of singleness and celibacy that sharpened my standards. I cut ties fast when anxiety showed up. I stopped negotiating with mixed signals. I told myself “I love you” every morning and meant it. And then, without the noise of need, I realized something radical: I don’t need men for anything—money, safety, sex, or companionship. That clarity didn’t make me cold; it made me free.

From that grounded place, someone new reached out. No pressure. No games. Respect, follow-through, and real conversation. I share how I evaluated green flags, why voice and nervous system cues matter, and how we’re protecting a healthy, chalant connection while it grows. The biggest shift isn’t him—it’s me. Wanting without needing changed my choices, my peace, and the kind of partner I could even notice.

If you’re tired of the chase, this is your roadmap: drop nonchalance, practice embodied self-love, and treat brief dating as data. Hit play, then tell me your new non-negotiable. If this resonated, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs stronger boundaries, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

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The feed won’t stop. One more video of a life ending, one more thread turning human pain into content—and our nervous systems keep paying the price. I’m talking frankly about what it’s like to be inundated by violent imagery, how selective empathy fractures trust, and why we need boundaries that protect our peace without blurring our values.

I share personal updates from a year of real healing—therapy, Gabor Maté’s The Myth of Normal, The Body Keeps the Score, long walks, and a stubborn commitment to more joy. Then we get into the hard stuff: the public reaction to Charlie Kirk’s death, the gulf between tone and truth, and how civility can be used to launder harm. We unpack why scripture, read inductively, centers the poor, the immigrant, and the vulnerable—and how that lens challenges Christian nationalism’s power plays. We also take on gun violence and why “more guns at schools” is a fear industry talking point, not a safety plan.

Most importantly, we map a path back to center. Practical tools include turning off violent videos while staying informed, restructuring your algorithm, claiming a weekly reset day, and using diaphragmatic breathing to steady your body before you act. We talk about following Black women’s leadership for moral clarity, building micro-environments you can control, and treating joy as a strategy that keeps you resourced for the long haul. If you’ve felt torn between staying engaged and staying sane, this conversation offers honest language, grounded perspective, and a plan you can start today.

If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a review so more people can find the show. Your support helps this community grow—and helps all of us keep showing up with clear eyes and steady hearts.

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// The Soft Girl Survival System - https://stan.store/GraceSandra/p/the-soft-girl-survival-system //

💌SIGN UP FOR MY NEWSLETTER! 💌https://substack.com/@outheretrynasurvive

Ever felt like you're hanging by a thread, quietly crumbling while trying to hold it all together? This raw, honest conversation dives into what happens when a Black woman reaches rock bottom—and finds her way back.

I'm sharing my personal journey from escaping domestic violence through the darkest valleys of complex PTSD, perimenopause, financial hardship, and suicidal ideation. For years, I searched desperately for resources created by Black women who understood these specific struggles, only to come up empty-handed. That search led me to create what I couldn't find: the Soft Girl Survival System.

What makes this healing approach different is its foundation in the lived experience of being "down bad"—so down that traditional healing resources feel impossible to implement. When your nervous system is shot, when you can't focus because of ADHD or perimenopause brain fog, when you're parenting alone or drowning in grief—you need tools designed with these realities in mind.

The most transformative revelation in my journey wasn't finding external safety or validation, but realizing these must first be cultivated within. Society doesn't provide adequate systems to hold Black women in our pain, so we must create our own. This shift from seeking softness outside myself to embodying it internally changed everything about how I navigate relationships, work, and self-worth.

If you've ever felt stuck in survival mode despite trying everything—therapy, meditation, journaling, medication—know that healing is possible on your terms and timeline. You deserve softness, especially when life has been hard. You're allowed to thrive, and you don't need to be perfect to begin.

Ready to stop surviving and start thriving? Check out the Soft Girl Survival System in the show notes, designed specifically for Black women navigating trauma, ADHD, perimenopause, and the unique challenges we face. Your healing journey doesn't have to look like anyone else's—it just needs to start

📚MY BOOK📚

Grace, Actually: Faith, Love, Loss & Black Womanhood

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📧 BUSINESS INQUIRIES📧 - outheretrynasurvive@gmail.com

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🖇AFFILIATE INFO🖇 Affiliate Links included. I only recommend products & services I use myself & love. Using affiliate links helps me & is no extra cost to you.

🎶MUSIC🎶

All music & permissions provided by: Epidemic Sound.

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🙏🏾Thank you for watching + liking + commenting + sharing!

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Connect with Lily!

Website - https://www.bodyintelligenceacademy.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/bodyintelligence_academy
Her Medium article- https://medium.com/@lily_56950/love-bombs-and-red-flags-a-story-about-self-trust-703e50041bbc

What happens when two women discover they've been manipulated by the same man? In this raw, intimate conversation, we meet Lily - a woman who had a brief encounter with the Grace's ex-husband years before their marriage. When Grace discovered her then-husband was obsessively creating disturbing artwork featuring Lily's face and planning to sell it, she reached out with a warning. What blossomed was an unexpected friendship and a powerful testament to female solidarity.

The conversation takes us through the disturbing reality of how manipulative partners create false narratives about former relationships. The host's ex-husband maintained a years-long fixation on Lily, even painting a violent portrait that began as a beautiful image but evolved into something grotesque over time. This obsession became a tool for emotional abuse in his marriage, as he would taunt his wife by comparing her to Lily and suggesting she was trying to imitate her.

Beyond the shared trauma, this episode reveals Lily's remarkable journey from professional dancer to somatic coach and creator of the Body Intelligence Collective. Her work helps women reconnect with their bodies through movement, especially after experiencing trauma or disconnection. Lily shares how movement became her pathway to healing after her own divorce, as it allowed her to process emotions that couldn't be resolved through traditional talking therapies.

Both women discuss society's tendency to define women by their relationships with men and how they've found strength in rejecting these limitations. Lily explains why she fired a marketing person who insisted on featuring her husband prominently in her business materials, believing women would only be interested in her work if it promised a "happily ever after" with a partner.

This conversation offers a message of hope: even from painful experiences, beautiful connections can emerge. As Lily puts it in the closing moments, "Create a quiet space where you can hear yourself...get in nature, and move a little bit. It doesn't have to be a huge movement practice...just be able to hear yourself."

📚MY BOOK📚

Grace, Actually: Faith, Love, Loss & Black Womanhood

🔗 https://amzn.to/2I2uqBE

💌SIGN UP FOR MY SUBSTACK NEWSLETTER! 💌

https://outheretrynasurvive.substack.com/

📧 BUSINESS INQUIRIES📧

outheretrynasurvive@gmail.com

💻MY WEBSITE💻

🔗 https://outheretrynasurvive.com

⚡️CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL⚡️

📲INSTAGRAM -https://www.instagram.com/grace_sandra_

📲TIK-TOK - https://www.tiktok.com/@OutHereTrynaSurvive

🎗SUPPORT🎗

💐Support here: https://www.patreon.com/GraceSandra

🎶MUSIC🎶

All music & permissions provided by: Epidemic Sound.

🔗 https://www.epidemicsound.com/referral/vm2l9

Support the show