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// The Soft Girl Survival System - https://stan.store/GraceSandra/p/the-soft-girl-survival-system //

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Ever felt like you're hanging by a thread, quietly crumbling while trying to hold it all together? This raw, honest conversation dives into what happens when a Black woman reaches rock bottom—and finds her way back.

I'm sharing my personal journey from escaping domestic violence through the darkest valleys of complex PTSD, perimenopause, financial hardship, and suicidal ideation. For years, I searched desperately for resources created by Black women who understood these specific struggles, only to come up empty-handed. That search led me to create what I couldn't find: the Soft Girl Survival System.

What makes this healing approach different is its foundation in the lived experience of being "down bad"—so down that traditional healing resources feel impossible to implement. When your nervous system is shot, when you can't focus because of ADHD or perimenopause brain fog, when you're parenting alone or drowning in grief—you need tools designed with these realities in mind.

The most transformative revelation in my journey wasn't finding external safety or validation, but realizing these must first be cultivated within. Society doesn't provide adequate systems to hold Black women in our pain, so we must create our own. This shift from seeking softness outside myself to embodying it internally changed everything about how I navigate relationships, work, and self-worth.

If you've ever felt stuck in survival mode despite trying everything—therapy, meditation, journaling, medication—know that healing is possible on your terms and timeline. You deserve softness, especially when life has been hard. You're allowed to thrive, and you don't need to be perfect to begin.

Ready to stop surviving and start thriving? Check out the Soft Girl Survival System in the show notes, designed specifically for Black women navigating trauma, ADHD, perimenopause, and the unique challenges we face. Your healing journey doesn't have to look like anyone else's—it just needs to start

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🎶MUSIC🎶

All music & permissions provided by: Epidemic Sound.

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Connect with Lily!

Website - https://www.bodyintelligenceacademy.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/bodyintelligence_academy
Her Medium article- https://medium.com/@lily_56950/love-bombs-and-red-flags-a-story-about-self-trust-703e50041bbc

What happens when two women discover they've been manipulated by the same man? In this raw, intimate conversation, we meet Lily - a woman who had a brief encounter with the Grace's ex-husband years before their marriage. When Grace discovered her then-husband was obsessively creating disturbing artwork featuring Lily's face and planning to sell it, she reached out with a warning. What blossomed was an unexpected friendship and a powerful testament to female solidarity.

The conversation takes us through the disturbing reality of how manipulative partners create false narratives about former relationships. The host's ex-husband maintained a years-long fixation on Lily, even painting a violent portrait that began as a beautiful image but evolved into something grotesque over time. This obsession became a tool for emotional abuse in his marriage, as he would taunt his wife by comparing her to Lily and suggesting she was trying to imitate her.

Beyond the shared trauma, this episode reveals Lily's remarkable journey from professional dancer to somatic coach and creator of the Body Intelligence Collective. Her work helps women reconnect with their bodies through movement, especially after experiencing trauma or disconnection. Lily shares how movement became her pathway to healing after her own divorce, as it allowed her to process emotions that couldn't be resolved through traditional talking therapies.

Both women discuss society's tendency to define women by their relationships with men and how they've found strength in rejecting these limitations. Lily explains why she fired a marketing person who insisted on featuring her husband prominently in her business materials, believing women would only be interested in her work if it promised a "happily ever after" with a partner.

This conversation offers a message of hope: even from painful experiences, beautiful connections can emerge. As Lily puts it in the closing moments, "Create a quiet space where you can hear yourself...get in nature, and move a little bit. It doesn't have to be a huge movement practice...just be able to hear yourself."

📚MY BOOK📚

Grace, Actually: Faith, Love, Loss & Black Womanhood

🔗 https://amzn.to/2I2uqBE

💌SIGN UP FOR MY SUBSTACK NEWSLETTER! 💌

https://outheretrynasurvive.substack.com/

📧 BUSINESS INQUIRIES📧

outheretrynasurvive@gmail.com

💻MY WEBSITE💻

🔗 https://outheretrynasurvive.com

⚡️CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL⚡️

📲INSTAGRAM -https://www.instagram.com/grace_sandra_

📲TIK-TOK - https://www.tiktok.com/@OutHereTrynaSurvive

🎗SUPPORT🎗

💐Support here: https://www.patreon.com/GraceSandra

🎶MUSIC🎶

All music & permissions provided by: Epidemic Sound.

🔗 https://www.epidemicsound.com/referral/vm2l9

Support the show

Send us a text

Have you ever watched a show that unexpectedly cracked your heart open? That's what happened when I watched Netflix's "Forever" - and I'm still processing all the feelings it brought up.

This adaptation of Judy Blume's 1975 novel follows two Black teenagers in 2018 Los Angeles through their experiences of first love. But what struck me most powerfully were the parents - particularly Justin's mother with her protective (sometimes "overbearing") love and his father with his perfect balance of firmness and unconditional acceptance. "You will never lose my love," he tells his son in one pivotal moment, and those words illuminated something I've been missing my entire life.

As someone raised by a white mother with paranoid schizophrenia and an absent Black father who later abused me, watching these functional, loving Black families on screen created an ache of recognition. I found myself wondering what it would have been like to grow up with that protection, that stability, that unconditional love. Not just theoretically, but specifically - what would my life trajectory have looked like with parents who could create safe spaces for me instead of spaces I needed to escape?

This isn't about claiming victimhood or staying stuck in grief. It's about acknowledging our specific wounds so we can heal them. For Black women especially, we're so often expected to be endlessly resilient without acknowledging our pain. But naming our losses matters. And healing happens when we learn to reparent ourselves - offering our inner children the protection, validation, and love they didn't receive.

What helps me most is building community with other Black women, pursuing therapy when needed, and focusing on relationships built on mutual respect rather than just chemistry. I'm learning to create the environment I longed for rather than looking for it elsewhere.

What small act of kindness or protection can you offer your inner child today? Remember - we can become the parents we wished we had, not just for our children, but for ourselves. Share your thoughts in the comments, and don't forget to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

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