Why can’t I stay hard?

It’s one of the most painful, confusing, and silent questions men carry — and one that too many men are afraid to ask out loud.

If you’ve ever lost your erection during sex, if you’ve ever felt performance anxiety take over your body, if you can get aroused with porn but struggle with a real partner, or if you’ve wondered whether porn addiction has rewired your brain and damaged your ability to connect —

This episode is for you.

In today’s conversation, I sit down with Shay Doran, a men’s coach who specializes in helping men overcome erectile dysfunction, sexual performance anxiety, and porn-related arousal issues. Shay has lived this struggle himself — and now helps men all over the world rebuild confidence, presence, and intimacy from the inside out.

This is not a surface-level conversation.

We go deep into the psychology of performance anxiety, the neuroscience of arousal, and the emotional patterns that keep men stuck in shame, overthinking, and disconnection.

We talk about why erectile dysfunction in young men is becoming more common, why pills often fail to fix the real problem, and how porn conditioning quietly trains the brain away from real intimacy.

But most importantly, we talk about how to heal.

We talk honestly about masculinity, self-esteem, and how many men use porn as a way to prove to themselves that they’re “still okay” — even while it slowly deepens the disconnection they’re trying to escape.

If you’ve ever thought, “What’s wrong with me?”, if you’ve felt broken, ashamed, or afraid, this issue will ruin your relationship, and if you want real answers instead of generic advice

This episode will meet you right where you are.

You’re not broken, your body isn’t failing you, and this struggle doesn’t define your worth as a man.

It’s a signal — and it can be healed.

Check out Shay's Youtube at: https://www.youtube.com/@shay-doran
Interested in taking Shays Performance Anxiety Quiz? : https://shay-doran.com/free-quiz/

If you’re looking for deeper support and real connection in recovery, I’m opening the No More Desire Brotherhood on January 15th. The pre-launch is open right now, and when you join you’ll get free lifetime access to my 4 Pillars of Recovery mini-course, plus exclusive pre-launch bonuses. You can learn more and join here: https://www.nomoredesire.com/prelaunch

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life

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Most men don’t struggle with porn addiction because they lack discipline.

They struggle because they were never taught how to understand, regulate, or work with their emotions.

In this episode, I sit down with Rich Savoy—a coach, leader with Husband Material, and longtime mentor to men—to have one of the most honest conversations I’ve ever had about men, emotions, masculinity, and porn addiction recovery. We go beneath behavior and willpower and into the emotional and psychological roots that quietly keep men stuck in the cycle of shame, relapse, and self-criticism.

If you’ve tried to quit porn and found yourself asking “Why do I keep going back?”—this episode will give you clarity, relief, and a new path forward.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why porn addiction is rarely about sex—and almost always about emotional pain
• How emotional suppression and shame fuel compulsive porn use in men
• The difference between healthy masculinity and the “man box” most of us were raised in
• Why willpower fails and emotional intelligence changes everything
• How Internal Family Systems (IFS) and parts work explain porn addiction at the root
• Why the part of you that turns to porn isn’t broken—and what it’s actually trying to protect

We also talk candidly about firefighter parts, shame cycles, emotional avoidance, and why many faith-based or performance-driven recovery approaches unintentionally make porn addiction worse.

This episode is for men who are tired of fighting themselves.

Men who want to overcome porn addiction without shame.

Men who are ready to reclaim masculinity through presence, emotional awareness, and self-leadership—not suppression.

If you’ve ever felt trapped between wanting to be strong and feeling deeply human at the same time, this conversation will resonate.

Resources mentioned:

• Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy
• No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz
• Altogether You by Jenna Riemersma
• Boundaries for Your Soul by Kim Miller
• Podcasts and teachings from Drew Boa and Husband Material

If this episode helped you, I’d encourage you to listen with an open mind—and share it with a man who needs to hear that he’s not broken, weak, or beyond hope.

Porn addiction recovery is possible.

And it starts with emotional healing.

Explore more of Rich's work at:https://www.husbandmaterial.com/

Link to Blog Article for this Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, visit NoMoreDesire.com and apply for my 1-on-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coaching Program. You’ll gain the structured tools, accountability, and training you need to transform not only your habits—but your heart.

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life

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When I first started building a real recovery lifestyle, I believed the answer to breaking porn addiction was more control — more discipline, more structure, more “push harder.”

But the truth is, that mindset only kept me trapped in dopamine overload, emotional numbness, and a constant battle against myself.

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Jeremy Lipkowitz — former Buddhist monk, mindfulness teacher, and founder of The Unhooked Academy — to explore a radically different, science-backed path to freedom from porn addiction.

Together, we break down how chronic stimulation from smartphones, social media, and porn fragments your attention, dysregulates your nervous system, and keeps you from feeling present, alive, and connected to the people you love.

We dive into the neuroscience behind dopamine dysregulation, the psychology of shame and perfectionism, and the emotional patterns that keep men locked in compulsive behavior. I share what happened during my own 30-day presence challenge — how putting my phone away transformed my marriage, my mental clarity, and my sense of identity — and why learning to cultivate presence, embodiment, and noble pleasure is essential to losing your desire for porn.

This conversation blends neuroscience, mindfulness, masculine leadership, and real emotional healing to show you how to rewire your brain, regulate your emotions, and build a recovery mindset defined by presence, purpose, and genuine internal peace.

In This Episode, We Explore:
• Why willpower and white-knuckling fail — and how awareness and emotional regulation create real freedom from porn addiction
• How dopamine overload from technology and porn trains your brain for distraction, restlessness, and chronic dissatisfaction
• The difference between base pleasures and noble pleasures — and how earned dopamine rebuilds identity and direction
• How shame, fear, and perfectionism fuel addiction — and how to transform painful emotions instead of escaping them
• The role of mindfulness, presence, and embodiment in healing the nervous system and rewiring cravings
• Why smartphone addiction and porn addiction are neurologically intertwined — and how a simple phone detox can reset your brain
• How relational connection, vulnerability, and community become powerful antidotes to cravings and isolation
• Practical methods to rewire your brain through mindfulness, intentional routines, and recovery-focused habits

If you’ve been fighting yourself in recovery, this conversation will help you make peace with your mind, reconnect with your body, and build a lifestyle where porn no longer has a pull on you.

You don’t overcome porn addiction by forcing yourself to be stronger.
You overcome it by becoming more present, more aware, and more connected to what truly brings you life.

Link to the Blog Article for This Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, visit NoMoreDesire.com and apply for my 1-on-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coaching Program. You’ll gain the structured tools, accountability, and training you need to transform not only your habits—but your heart.

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overc

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If you’ve ever wondered why you can’t “just stop” watching porn—why you cycle through cravings, shame, self-promises, and relapse—this episode will change the way you see your struggle forever. Because the truth is, porn addiction is not a willpower problem. It’s a nervous system problem.

In this episode, I’m joined by my friend and colleague Chris Chandler, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), trauma specialist, and one of the most grounded, brilliant men I know in the world of addiction neuroscience, trauma healing, and nervous system regulation. Together, we break down the deep biological, emotional, and spiritual roots of pornography addiction and why most men stay stuck for years without ever understanding why.

We explore polyvagal theory, the fight-flight-freeze response, and how sympathetic activation, dorsal vagal shutdown, and ventral vagal connection shape everything—from your cravings and emotional triggers to your patterns of withdrawal, anxiety, and relational disconnection.

This isn’t just another conversation about “trying harder.”
This is about learning how your body, brain, and nervous system actually work—and how to regulate yourself in moments of anxiety, craving, emotional pain, conflict, and stress.

We discuss practical strategies for recovery, including:

• Vagus nerve regulation
• Breathwork for anxiety
• Embodiment practices that increase emotional presence
• IFS (Internal Family Systems) for understanding your protective parts
• Healthy boundaries and relational repair
• Mindfulness for addiction
• And why the opposite of addiction is connection, not sobriety

If you’re ready to stop feeling defeated…
If you’re ready to stop fighting your body and start understanding it…
If you’re ready to step into grounded masculinity, emotional depth, and real long-term recovery…

Explore more of Chris's work at: https://www.breathtobones.com/
Learn more about his program at: https://www.joinrelay.app/

Link to Blog Article for this Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, visit NoMoreDesire.com and apply for my 1-on-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coaching Program. You’ll gain the structured tools, accountability, and training you need to transform not only your habits—but your heart.

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life

Support the show

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If you’ve ever wondered why you feel numb, disconnected, or unable to access the full depth of your emotions—this episode may hit closer to home than anything you’ve heard before.

In today’s episode, I dig into one of the most overlooked factors in porn addiction recovery: your relationship with your physical body. We talk about why so many men feel emotionally flat, why empathy feels harder than it should, and why your motivation and sense of direction can feel so distant—even when you’re trying your best to change.

And the truth is not what most of us were taught.

Porn addiction isn’t just a “mind” problem.

It’s not just a spiritual issue.

It’s not even primarily about willpower.

Porn addiction is deeply tied to emotional numbness—numbness created by years of disconnecting from your body.

Neuroscience is very clear: when your insula (the brain’s interoception center) becomes weakened through compulsive behaviors, overstimulation, and technology addiction, your ability to feel, connect, empathize, and motivate yourself declines dramatically.

In other words:

The less connected you are to your body, the easier it is to get stuck in porn. And the more embodied you become, the easier recovery becomes.

I also share my personal journey—how I unknowingly detached from my body through achievement addiction, overstimulation, and constant phone use… and how reconnecting with my body changed my emotional life, my marriage, and my recovery.

This episode will help you understand:

• Why you feel numb—and how to reverse it
• Why empathy feels hard—and how to get it back
• Why porn cravings stay strong—and how embodiment dissolves them
• Why your identity feels shaky—and how to anchor it again
• How to restore the body–mind connection that drives true recovery

If you’re ready to experience real emotional presence, deeper connection with your wife, healthier masculinity, and the strength required to overcome porn addiction long-term, this episode is a must-listen.

This is not about willpower. It’s about embodiment. It’s about reconnection. It’s about becoming whole again.

Listen now and learn how to feel again.

Link to Blog Article for this Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, visit NoMoreDesire.com and apply for my 1-on-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coaching Program. You’ll gain the structured tools, accountability, and training you need to transform not only your habits—but your heart.

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life

Support the show

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Most men battling porn addiction think their problem is “lust,” “self-control,” or “not being disciplined enough.” But for millions of men, the real issue is something far deeper—and far more common—than they realize.

In this powerful and eye-opening episode, I sit down with Dr. Doug Carpenter, licensed psychologist and author of the groundbreaking book Secret Shame, to uncover the hidden link between male sexual abuse, childhood sexual trauma, shame, and porn addiction.

What Doug reveals in this conversation is staggering—and every man needs to hear it.

For decades, men have been suffering in silence. Many grew up believing that what happened to them wasn’t “real” abuse. Others felt that their body’s response meant they “wanted it,” “caused it,” or that something was fundamentally wrong with them. Most never told anyone.

But the truth is this:
Male sexual trauma is far more common than reported—and its impact on a man’s sexuality, masculinity, and identity is enormous.

And for many, it becomes the hidden engine powering porn addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, PIED (porn-induced erectile dysfunction), and emotional avoidance in adulthood.

In this episode, we unpack how early exposure, sexual imprinting, and shame wire the brain toward addictive behavior—and how men can finally begin to heal through neuroscience-backed practices, spiritual grounding, trauma-informed support, and masculine emotional leadership.

This is not a heavy, dark episode. This is a hopeful one—filled with clarity, compassion, truth, and a real recovery roadmap.

In This Episode, We Explore:

• Why one in six men have experienced some form of sexual abuse—and why most don’t disclose for 25+ years
• How childhood sexual trauma, early sexual exposure, and porn imprint the developing brain
• The neuroscience behind compulsive sexual behavior and why willpower alone fails
• The truth about sexual identity confusion and why it’s the #1 side effect of male sexual abuse
• Why your body’s response during abuse does not define your sexuality, masculinity, or identity
• How shame becomes the fuel source for porn addiction
• The survivor’s journey from victim → survivor → thriver
• How to start healing sexual shame and rebuilding healthy masculinity
• Why trauma-informed therapy and brotherhood are essential for overcoming porn
• What real recovery looks like when men stop fighting themselves and start understanding themselves

Explore more of Doug’s work at HusbandMaterial.com.
Want to dive deeper into his insights? Visit: douglascarpenter.com

Link to Blog Article for this Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, visit NoMoreDesire.com and apply for my 1-on-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coaching Program. You’ll gain the structured tools, accountability, and training you need to transform not only your habits—but your heart.

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life

Support the show

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Do you ever feel like your mind just won’t stop racing?
Like you’re constantly doing—working, scrolling, thinking, striving—but rarely being present?

If you’ve ever felt trapped in busyness, anxiety, or mental chaos, this episode might be one of the most important you’ll ever hear.

In this solo episode, I explore one of the most overlooked truths about porn addiction recovery: your addiction isn’t just about sexual compulsion—it’s about disconnection. A restless, overstimulated brain craves relief. Porn becomes the shortcut.

But the real problem runs deeper.
Our constant distraction, productivity obsession, and dopamine overload keep us stuck in the same cycle of craving and shame.

When your brain never stops seeking stimulation, it can’t access stillness, focus, or peace. And that lack of presence doesn’t just feed addiction—it weakens your relationships, your masculinity, and your spiritual connection.

In this episode, I share:

• The neuroscience behind mental chaos and why an underactive prefrontal cortex keeps you craving porn.
• The hidden ways your phone, productivity, and social media feed the same dopamine system as pornography.
• How to break free from attention fragmentation and rewire your brain for calm focus.
• A 30-Day Challenge to restore balance between doing and being—and how this shift can heal your mind, your marriage, and your soul.
• Practical mindfulness and embodiment tools to ground your masculine energy and rebuild self-leadership.
• Why your relationship with stillness determines your ability to connect—with yourself, with others, and with God.

I’ll also share my own recent experience detoxing from technology—what it revealed about my mind, my family, and the subtle addictions hiding behind constant busyness.

If you’re ready to go beyond willpower and understand the psychology, neuroscience, and spirituality of true freedom, this episode will help you build the presence and balance you’ve been missing.

Because overcoming porn addiction isn’t just about quitting a habit—it’s about retraining your brain to live differently.

It’s time to stop running and start being.

Link to Blog Article for this Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, visit NoMoreDesire.com and apply for my 1-on-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coaching Program. You’ll gain the structured tools, accountability, and training you need to transform not only your habits—but your heart.

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life

Support the show

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What if the real reason you can’t stop watching porn… isn’t porn itself?

In this episode of the No More Desire Podcast, I dive deep into the hidden connection between tech addiction, dopamine, and porn addiction recovery — and why constant distraction may be the true enemy of your freedom.

We live in a world built to hijack your attention. From smartphones and social media to the endless scroll of entertainment, every digital interaction trains your brain for instant gratification. Over time, this dopamine overload rewires your reward system, weakens your self-control, and makes you more vulnerable to pornography addiction.

But here’s the truth: your brain isn’t broken. It’s just conditioned. And what’s been conditioned can be reconditioned.

In this powerful, science-backed, spiritually grounded conversation, I’ll walk you through:

• The neuroscience of dopamine and addiction — how tech overstimulation leads to desensitization and “hypofrontality,” weakening your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for focus and discipline).
• The psychology of distraction — how “attentional fragmentation” leaves men restless, unfocused, and disconnected from their purpose.
• The real link between porn addiction and technology addiction — and how both exploit the same reward circuitry in the brain.
• Ancient wisdom and modern mindfulness — what Jesus, the Buddha, and modern neuroscience all agree on: the power of stillness, presence, and self-awareness to rewire the addicted brain.
• Practical methods for recovery — including my 30-Day Presence Challenge to help you regain control of your attention, rebuild your dopamine balance, and reconnect with real life and real people.

This episode is a call to arms for men who are tired of distractions running their lives. It’s about replacing compulsive stimulation with conscious connection — with your body, your relationships, and your higher purpose.

Link to Blog Article for this Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, visit NoMoreDesire.com and apply for my 1-on-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coaching Program. You’ll gain the structured tools, accountability, and training you need to transform not only your habits—but your heart.

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life

Support the show

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