Why can’t I stay hard?

It’s one of the most painful, confusing, and silent questions men carry — and one that too many men are afraid to ask out loud.

If you’ve ever lost your erection during sex, if you’ve ever felt performance anxiety take over your body, if you can get aroused with porn but struggle with a real partner, or if you’ve wondered whether porn addiction has rewired your brain and damaged your ability to connect —

This episode is for you.

In today’s conversation, I sit down with Shay Doran, a men’s coach who specializes in helping men overcome erectile dysfunction, sexual performance anxiety, and porn-related arousal issues. Shay has lived this struggle himself — and now helps men all over the world rebuild confidence, presence, and intimacy from the inside out.

This is not a surface-level conversation.

We go deep into the psychology of performance anxiety, the neuroscience of arousal, and the emotional patterns that keep men stuck in shame, overthinking, and disconnection.

We talk about why erectile dysfunction in young men is becoming more common, why pills often fail to fix the real problem, and how porn conditioning quietly trains the brain away from real intimacy.

But most importantly, we talk about how to heal.

We talk honestly about masculinity, self-esteem, and how many men use porn as a way to prove to themselves that they’re “still okay” — even while it slowly deepens the disconnection they’re trying to escape.

If you’ve ever thought, “What’s wrong with me?”, if you’ve felt broken, ashamed, or afraid, this issue will ruin your relationship, and if you want real answers instead of generic advice

This episode will meet you right where you are.

You’re not broken, your body isn’t failing you, and this struggle doesn’t define your worth as a man.

It’s a signal — and it can be healed.

Check out Shay's Youtube at: https://www.youtube.com/@shay-doran
Interested in taking Shays Performance Anxiety Quiz? : https://shay-doran.com/free-quiz/

If you’re looking for deeper support and real connection in recovery, I’m opening the No More Desire Brotherhood on January 15th. The pre-launch is open right now, and when you join you’ll get free lifetime access to my 4 Pillars of Recovery mini-course, plus exclusive pre-launch bonuses. You can learn more and join here: https://www.nomoredesire.com/prelaunch

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life

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Most men don’t struggle with porn addiction because they lack discipline.

They struggle because they were never taught how to understand, regulate, or work with their emotions.

In this episode, I sit down with Rich Savoy—a coach, leader with Husband Material, and longtime mentor to men—to have one of the most honest conversations I’ve ever had about men, emotions, masculinity, and porn addiction recovery. We go beneath behavior and willpower and into the emotional and psychological roots that quietly keep men stuck in the cycle of shame, relapse, and self-criticism.

If you’ve tried to quit porn and found yourself asking “Why do I keep going back?”—this episode will give you clarity, relief, and a new path forward.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why porn addiction is rarely about sex—and almost always about emotional pain
• How emotional suppression and shame fuel compulsive porn use in men
• The difference between healthy masculinity and the “man box” most of us were raised in
• Why willpower fails and emotional intelligence changes everything
• How Internal Family Systems (IFS) and parts work explain porn addiction at the root
• Why the part of you that turns to porn isn’t broken—and what it’s actually trying to protect

We also talk candidly about firefighter parts, shame cycles, emotional avoidance, and why many faith-based or performance-driven recovery approaches unintentionally make porn addiction worse.

This episode is for men who are tired of fighting themselves.

Men who want to overcome porn addiction without shame.

Men who are ready to reclaim masculinity through presence, emotional awareness, and self-leadership—not suppression.

If you’ve ever felt trapped between wanting to be strong and feeling deeply human at the same time, this conversation will resonate.

Resources mentioned:

• Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy
• No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz
• Altogether You by Jenna Riemersma
• Boundaries for Your Soul by Kim Miller
• Podcasts and teachings from Drew Boa and Husband Material

If this episode helped you, I’d encourage you to listen with an open mind—and share it with a man who needs to hear that he’s not broken, weak, or beyond hope.

Porn addiction recovery is possible.

And it starts with emotional healing.

Explore more of Rich's work at:https://www.husbandmaterial.com/

Link to Blog Article for this Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, visit NoMoreDesire.com and apply for my 1-on-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coaching Program. You’ll gain the structured tools, accountability, and training you need to transform not only your habits—but your heart.

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life

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When I first started building a real recovery lifestyle, I believed the answer to breaking porn addiction was more control — more discipline, more structure, more “push harder.”

But the truth is, that mindset only kept me trapped in dopamine overload, emotional numbness, and a constant battle against myself.

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Jeremy Lipkowitz — former Buddhist monk, mindfulness teacher, and founder of The Unhooked Academy — to explore a radically different, science-backed path to freedom from porn addiction.

Together, we break down how chronic stimulation from smartphones, social media, and porn fragments your attention, dysregulates your nervous system, and keeps you from feeling present, alive, and connected to the people you love.

We dive into the neuroscience behind dopamine dysregulation, the psychology of shame and perfectionism, and the emotional patterns that keep men locked in compulsive behavior. I share what happened during my own 30-day presence challenge — how putting my phone away transformed my marriage, my mental clarity, and my sense of identity — and why learning to cultivate presence, embodiment, and noble pleasure is essential to losing your desire for porn.

This conversation blends neuroscience, mindfulness, masculine leadership, and real emotional healing to show you how to rewire your brain, regulate your emotions, and build a recovery mindset defined by presence, purpose, and genuine internal peace.

In This Episode, We Explore:
• Why willpower and white-knuckling fail — and how awareness and emotional regulation create real freedom from porn addiction
• How dopamine overload from technology and porn trains your brain for distraction, restlessness, and chronic dissatisfaction
• The difference between base pleasures and noble pleasures — and how earned dopamine rebuilds identity and direction
• How shame, fear, and perfectionism fuel addiction — and how to transform painful emotions instead of escaping them
• The role of mindfulness, presence, and embodiment in healing the nervous system and rewiring cravings
• Why smartphone addiction and porn addiction are neurologically intertwined — and how a simple phone detox can reset your brain
• How relational connection, vulnerability, and community become powerful antidotes to cravings and isolation
• Practical methods to rewire your brain through mindfulness, intentional routines, and recovery-focused habits

If you’ve been fighting yourself in recovery, this conversation will help you make peace with your mind, reconnect with your body, and build a lifestyle where porn no longer has a pull on you.

You don’t overcome porn addiction by forcing yourself to be stronger.
You overcome it by becoming more present, more aware, and more connected to what truly brings you life.

Link to the Blog Article for This Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, visit NoMoreDesire.com and apply for my 1-on-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coaching Program. You’ll gain the structured tools, accountability, and training you need to transform not only your habits—but your heart.

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overc

Support the show

No More Desire