If you've ever found yourself having to outline the entire day's schedule before you've even had your first coffee, or negotiating bath time as a sacred non-negotiable human right, this episode might just be the one you didn't know you needed. Mark is joined by the brilliant Jo Matthews for a deep dive into what it really means to be your child's safe person.

Whether your neuroshambolic family is shaped by autism, ADHD or PDA, so many of us know the exhausting, relentless, sometimes claustrophobic experience of being the one person our child needs above all others. It's a privilege and it's hard work, but it's almost never talked about with the honesty it deserves on a neurodivergent parenting podcast.

In a Neuroshambles first, this episode also features a second guest - Dotty Matthews, Jo's 19-year-old autistic daughter - who joins Mark for a candid, funny and genuinely moving conversation about what it felt like to be that child. From the early days of demanding apple juice to command her mum's attention, through to slowly learning to find safety in other people, Dotty's perspective is the kind of lived experience that makes this show worth your time.

There's also a listener email from Lydia, whose 13-year-old daughter's intense attachment prompted this whole conversation - and both Jo and Dotty have something genuinely useful to say in response. Autistic parenting advice doesn't get much more grounded in lived experience than this.

CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED)

00:01:08 - Meet the Guest: Jo Matthews

00:03:40 - This Week's Topic: Being Your Child's Safe Person

00:04:22 - Lydia's Listener Email

00:07:06 - Dotty's Early Attachment (and the Gee Story)

00:10:25 - Transitional Objects and Starting School

00:18:58 - Co-regulation: Being Your Child's Emotional Anchor

00:25:54 - Scaffolding the Day: Structure and Predictability

00:30:54 - Being Their Executive Function

00:37:45 - Advocating for Your Child

00:43:41 - Being a Physical Safe Space (Including Co-sleeping)

00:48:05 - Being an Emotional Outlet

00:56:34 - The Guilt and Exhaustion of Being a Safe Person

01:03:12 - Attachment Theory and Building Independence

01:06:58 - When Only One Parent is the Safe Person

01:14:17 - Meet the Second Guest: Dotty Matthews

01:38:51 - It's Not All Rubbish

01:41:07 - Neurodiversity Champions

01:43:46 - Tiny Epic Wins

01:47:04 - What the Flip Moments

LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE

Attachment Theory (John Bowlby) - https://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html

The Loxdale Centre, Portslade - https://www.loxdale.com/

mASCot - https://www.asc-mascot.com/

Mark's talk: "How Dads Can Show Up Better For Our Neurodivergent Kids" - https://neuroshambles.com/page-gazc-3dk8-ywa8-dnly

Raising SEND kids: The Dad's Perspective (with Terry Lloyd) - https://neuroshambles.com/episode/raising-send-kids-the-dads-perspective-terry-lloyd

📣 CONTACT US

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles

🎙️ CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

Mark is joined by Sam Bayley - founder of mASCot, a Sussex-based parent-to-parent support network for families of autistic, ADHD and PDA children and young adults - for a warm and genuinely uplifting conversation about one of the most important things you can do as a neurodivergent parent: find your people.

They dig into why parenting a neurodivergent child can feel so isolating - especially in the early days before diagnosis, when you're still trying to crowbar your kid into situations built for neurotypical families and slowly realising it isn't working. Sam shares the story of how mASCot grew from a few breakout coffee sessions into a community supporting thousands of families, and Mark recounts the moment he first walked into Sunday Club and felt the blessed relief of a room with absolutely no judgement in it.

They also get into the thornier side of finding your people - namely, the bit where you have to let go of the ones who aren't. From unsupportive friends who just aren't listening, to family members who think it's all a fad, this episode doesn't shy away from how hard it can be to protect your energy when you haven't got much of it to spare.

If you're after a neurodivergent parenting podcast that feels human, honest and occasionally sweary, this one's for you.

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CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (Estimated): 00:00 - Intro 01:11 - Meet the Guest: Sam Bayley 04:01 - Topic of the Week: The Importance of Finding Your People 09:10 - How mASCot Was Born: Coffee Mornings and the Birth of Community 10:09 - Early Expectations and the Reality of Neurodivergent Parenthood 27:19 - The "Coming Home to Autism" Event That Changed Everything 31:35 - The mASCot Card: A Little Bit of Context, a Lot of Confidence 37:51 - Sunday Club and the Joy of a Non-Judgmental Space 47:59 - Inspired to Act: Hannah Woods and Spectrum Squad Penarth 52:16 - The Online Community: Why mASCot's Facebook Forum Matters 59:52 - When Lockdown Showed Us What Our Kids Already Knew 01:01:49 - Finding Your People Means Letting Go of the Wrong Ones 01:09:05 - The Tricky Business of Unsupportive Family Members 01:13:18 - It's Not All Rubbish: The Positives of Finding Your People 01:16:17 - Neurodiversity Champions: mASCot, Bill Bayley and the BNC 01:22:40 - Tiny Epic Wins 01:26:12 - What the Flip? Moments

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LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:

Podcasthon - https://podcasthon.org/

mASCot - https://www.asc-mascot.com

Donate to mASCot via Givey - https://www.givey.com/mascot

National Autistic Society - https://www.autism.org.uk/

PDA Society - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/

Bristol Parent Carers Forum - https://www.bristolparentcarers.org.uk/

The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene - https://amzn.eu/d/0jkdMxga

Spectrum Squad Penarth - https://www.facebook.com/groups/2039735040102766/

Brighton Neurodivergent Community (BNC) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/brightonneurodiverse

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📣 CONTACT US 🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com 📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com 📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles 🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod 📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles

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🎙️ CREDITS 🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

Mark is joined by returning guest Rebecca Hussain for a hilarious chat about the perils of trying to introduce any kind of hair care routine to our neurodivergent kids. It’s a knotty issue for loads of Neuroshambolic families - whether it's brushing, washing, cutting it or trying to navigate dreaded nit combs.

Mark and Rebecca unpick why hair-related stuff can be so dysregulating for our autistic, ADHD or PDA kids - from sensory overwhelm and loss of control, to the irrepressible instinct to run away when someone approaches them with a brush and they're already feeling overwhelmed.

Rebecca explains her role as night time hair brushing ninja and Mark recounts the horror story of the time he tried to trim India's fringe himself. They also dig into the awkward realities of salons and barbers, the compromises that sometimes (briefly) work, and the grim truth that a lot of so-called “simple” solutions don’t feel simple at all when you’re parenting a child with a PDA profile, ADHD traits, or autism-related sensory sensitivities.

If you’re after autistic parenting advice that feels human rather than preachy, this one will have you nodding, laughing and cringing in equal measure.

00:00:37 - Intro 00:01:07 - Meet the guest: Rebecca Huseyin 00:05:36 - What’s the topic of the week? Hair care 00:08:01 - Haircuts: clippers, salons and pure dread 00:13:16 - Dealing with brushing & knots - night time ninja brushing 00:21:40 - Sensory overload: why hair care causes so much overwhelm 00:25:25 - The drama of washing their hair 00:42:34 - Barbers/hairdressers: trusting a stranger with scissors 00:47:15 - Products, routines and reducing the stakes 00:55:08 - The reason some neurodivergent’s prefer long hair 00:58:10 - The lengths we go to for a haircut 01:03:12 - Not wanting people to notice their hair 01:05:47 - Reliving Mark’s trauma of cutting India’s fringe 01:18:17 - A surprising India haircut success story 01:21:04 - It’s not all rubbish: looking at the Positives 01:22:22 - Neurodiversity Champions 01:26:10 - Tiny Epic Wins 01:31:18 - What the Flip Moments?

A Boy Less Ordinary (Rebecca’s blog) - https://aboylessordinary.com/

PDA Society - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/

Jem’s Hair brush - https://amzn.eu/d/0dTSItLZ

India’s hair brush - https://amzn.eu/d/072vd0L6

India’s coconut scented hair brush - https://amzn.eu/d/05Er65tF

Nit comb - https://amzn.eu/d/00cSPgcz

Grappling with Personal Hygiene episode of Neuroshambles - https://neuroshambles.com/episode/grappling-with-personal-hygiene-rebecca-huseyin

Wash and Go - https://amzn.eu/d/0cmgCDdU

Danielle Jata-Hall / “PDA Parenting” - https://pdaparenting.com/

Hairport (Brighton) - https://www.brightonhairport.co.uk/

EAG Expo, Docklands - https://www.eagexpo.com/

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

Mark Allen is joined by Terry Lloyd for an honest, insightful and humorous chat about what it feels like to parent neurodivergent kids from a dad’s perspective.

They lift the lid on why dads are always “late to the party” when it comes to recognising neurodivergence, struggling to process what it all means, and figuring out how to show up properly for your family - especially when one parent has already been doing the heavy lifting for ages.

They also delve into how traditional gender roles can make everything harder, and why guilt, grief and defensiveness can quietly shape how dads respond in the early days. There are also plenty of practical, lived-experience tales about having to unlearn how we were parented, getting on the same page as your co-parent and the challenge of not accidentally becoming the bad cop.

A must listen for any dads raising autistic, ADHD or PDA kids, as well as any mums interesting in hearing a different perspective of the challenges men face, but often can't articulate.

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CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED)

00:00:37 – Intro and what’s coming up 00:01:15 – Meet the Guest: Terry Lloyd 00:04:07 – Topic of the Week: Dads and the neurodivergent parenting journey 00:05:36 – Being late to the party spotting neurodivergence (and why dads often miss it) 00:06:05 – Inheriting breadwinner v caregiver roles, and the mental load gap 00:10:47 – When your co-parent says “something’s different” 00:17:03 – Labels, diagnosis, and why denial delays support 00:25:21 – The provider/disciplinarian stereotype (and how it backfires) 00:32:07 – How our own upbringing can influence dads' approach to parenting 00:36:52 – PDA, control, and why authority dynamics don't work 00:48:34 – Before diagnosis: doubt, uncertainty, and needing clarity 00:51:20 – Grief, shame, and the emotional weight of realising your child is neurodivergent 00:55:40 – The importance of finding other dads in the same boat 01:00:07 – Learning the hard way (books and resources that helped) 01:09:54 – Advice for dads needing to get more hands-on 01:21:08 – It’s Not All Rubbish: Finding the positives 01:24:59 – Neurodiversity Champions 01:27:57 – Tiny Epic Wins 01:29:49 – What the Flip Moments 01:34:52 – Outro (how to share your stories, links to the socials and wrap-up)

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LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE

Neuroshambles website – https://www.neuroshambles.com

The Journey into SEND Fatherhood (book Mark and Terry contributed to) - https://amzn.eu/d/03g3S0J7

The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene (book) - https://amzn.eu/d/0az7Uy7e

SEND Dads Drop In (Facebook group) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/3100788930061466

PDA Father Figures (Facebook group) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/809973900027348

Lisa Lloyd (@asd_with_a_g_and_t) - https://linktr.ee/ASDwithagandt

Raising the SEN-Betweeners by Lisa Lloyd (book) - https://amzn.eu/d/01pvrF2f

SAA Clothing (sensory-friendly clothing) - https://www.saaclothing.com/

Let Us Learn Too (parent/carer education campaign) - https://letuslearntoo.wordpress.com/

Amaze Sussex dads support group (run by Darren Walker) - https://amazesussex.org.uk/events/dads-group-east-sussex/

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📣 CONTACT NEUROSHAMBLES 🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com 📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com 📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles 🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod 📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles

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🎙️ CREDITS 🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

If you’ve ever felt like Key Stage 2 at school was when it all got harder - not only for your neurodivergent child, but also for you as a parent - this is the episode for you. Mark is joined by philosophy educator and fellow Neuroshambler Grace Lockrobin for a cathartic look at the ages of 7-11, which is where the wheels can start to wobble more for our autistic, ADHD or PDA kids.

Together, they unpack the pressures of conformity, the nightmare of homework and the heartbreak of parents evenings. From school trips and transitions to SATs and navigating playground politics, they shine a light on why this age can be so tough - and why the system often gets it wrong.

It’s warm, witty, and full of the kind of honesty that makes you feel just a little less alone when your child doesn’t quite fit the mould.

If you’re searching for an autism parenting podcast or ADHD parenting podcast that actually reflects the messy, hilarious, heartbreaking truth of raising neurodivergent children, you're in the right place.

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CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (Estimated):

00:00 - Intro and meet the guest

03:30 - What’s changed since we last spoke

05:50 - Intro to topic of the week

23:00 - The challenges of the shift in KS2 teaching style

10:00 - Misguided attempts to get them to "catch up"

13:00 - The role that transitions play in these difficulties

22:15 - Social cliques and friendship dynamics

35:15 - Bullying

43:00 - The difficulty of parents’ evenings

57:15 - Homework nightmares

1:00:40 - The unhelpful pressure of SATs

1:06:25 - School trips

1:12:10 - It's not all rubbish: looking at the positives

1:24:15 - Neurodiversity Champions

1:27:45 - Tiny Epic Wins

1:30:00 - “What the Flip?” Moments

1:33:50 - Wrap-up and where to find us

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LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE:

SATs - https://educationhub.blog.gov.uk/2022/05/everything-you-need-to-know-about-sats/

Karate Zone - https://karatezone.com/

PDA Society - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/

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CONTACT US

🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com

📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com

📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles

🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod

📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles

🧵 Threads: @neuroshambles

⸻

CREDITS

🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com