Does your marriage feel hopeless right now? Before you make any permanent decisions, you need to know if you are fighting your spouse or if you are both fighting depression.

⚠️ This is Part 2 of our Deep Dive on Depression. In Part 1, Dr. Scott Hastings explained the medical side (brain chemistry, meds, and diagnosis).

Watch Part 1 Here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5PZyTeOqWd5E7YU1gTuQAh?si=ff2f5e06ec8342c5

In this episode of Marriage iQ, Dr. Heidi Hastings shifts the focus from the brain to the relationship. We break down the specific ways depression distorts your view of your partner, the "Three Lies" it tells you, and why your struggles feel permanent even when they aren't.

If you or your spouse are navigating this darkness, this video will give you the research-backed tools to separate the illness from the marriage and find a path back to connection.

Research & Links:
✨Seligman, M. E. P., & Garber, J. (1980). Human helplessness: Theory and applications.

✨Academic Press. Roepke, A.M. and Seligman, M.E., 2016.Depression and prospection.

✨British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 55(1), pp.23-48.

About Marriage IQ: We are Dr. Heidi Hastings (Marriage & Sex Researcher) and Dr. Scott Hastings (Medical Doctor). We combine medical expertise with relationship research to help you intelligently transform your marriage. Whether you need a tune-up or a total overhaul, we share the "secret sauce" of a scintillating relationship through real-life experience and science.

Link to the video Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman - Animation : https://youtu.be/2hHNq45rEnU

SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

FREE PDF DOWNLOADS : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.marriageiq.com/freebies⁠⁠

Stop blaming yourself for being "lazy." If you physically cannot get off the couch, no amount of willpower or New Year's Resolutions will fix it—because the problem isn't in your mind. It’s in your biology.

In this video, Dr. Scott Hastings explains the difference between "burnout" and actual clinical depression. We break down the invisible physical markers—from inflammation to serotonin depletion—that hijack your motivation and leave you feeling exhausted. If you have been white-knuckling your way through the holidays and feel like you’ve hit a wall, this medical breakdown is the permission slip you need to stop pushing and start healing.

RESEARCH & REFERENCES
✨Hasin, D. S., et al. (2018). Epidemiology of adult DSM-5 major depressive disorder and its clinical correlates. JAMA Psychiatry.
✨The Inflammation Theory: Cytokines and their impact on mood regulation.
✨Neurotransmitters 101: The role of Serotonin, Dopamine, and Norepinephrine.
✨S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder): The impact of light deprivation on the hypothalamus.

ABOUT MARRIAGE IQ: Could your marriage use a tune-up or an overhaul? We are Dr. Heidi Hastings (PhD, Researcher) and Dr. Scott Hastings (physician). We combine medical science with relationship psychology to help smart couples build scintillating marriages. No fluff—just the hardware and software of love.

SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

FREE PDF DOWNLOADS : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.marriageiq.com/freebies⁠⁠⁠⁠

In this reposted episode of Marriage IQ, we pause for the holiday season and reflect on the importance of slowing down, being intentional, and prioritizing family time—before stepping into a deeply meaningful conversation about trust and healing in marriage.

We’re joined by Geoff Steurer, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in helping couples rebuild trust after sexual betrayal. With clarity and compassion, Geoff unpacks what it truly takes to move from crisis toward connection, offering hope for couples navigating deep hurt.

You’ll hear powerful insights around:

✨ The four cornerstones of a healthy marriage: identity, intentionality, insight, and intimacy

✨ Why trust is foundational—and how betrayal disrupts more than just the relationship

✨ What not to do after betrayal, and why timing and response matter

✨ How trust is rebuilt through accountability, consistency, and open communication

✨ Practical wisdom drawn from Jeff’s clinical experience with real couples

Geoff also shares resources from his own work, including his podcast From Crisis to Connection and his online recovery program Courageous Together, designed to support couples walking the difficult but hopeful road of restoration.

🌐You can find Geoff Steurer and learn more about his work at : geoffsteurer.com

SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

FREE PDF DOWNLOADS : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.marriageiq.com/freebies⁠⁠

We’re bringing back one of our earlier Marriage IQ episodes—because emotional triggers in marriage haven’t gone away, and this conversation is just as relevant and needed today as ever.

Have you ever wondered why a simple comment from your spouse can suddenly spark a strong emotional reaction? Or why conversations sometimes derail before you even realize what’s happening? In this episode, we explore what’s really going on beneath the surface—inside your brain—and how understanding it can transform the way you communicate in marriage.

Using a powerful blend of brain science and practical relationship wisdom, we unpack how two key parts of the brain shape marital conflict and connection: the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex.

In this episode, we cover:

🧠 The Brain Behind Emotional Triggers in Marriage
• How the limbic system drives instinctual “fight, flight, or freeze” reactions• Why emotional “storms” happen when this system is overstimulated• The role of the prefrontal cortex in rational thinking, emotional regulation, and perspective-taking• How strengthening this balance leads to healthier, more resilient communication

This is a repost of one of our previous episodes, and whether you’re listening for the first time or revisiting it with fresh insight, it’s a powerful reminder that better communication begins with understanding how your brain works.

🎧 Tune in to learn how taming emotional triggers can lead to deeper understanding, stronger connection, and a healthier marriage—one conversation at a time.

SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

FREE PDF DOWNLOADS : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.marriageiq.com/freebies⁠⁠

We’re bringing back one of our earlier Marriage IQ episodes—because the patterns that drive conflict in marriage haven’t changed, and this conversation is just as relevant today as ever.

Ever wonder why the same arguments keep resurfacing in your relationship? Or why small misunderstandings can suddenly spiral into major conflict? In this episode, we explore a powerful (and often invisible) force at work in every marriage: cognitive biases—the unconscious mental shortcuts that shape how we see, interpret, and react to our spouse.

We kick things off with a raw, real-life moment from our own marriage—an airport miscommunication that quickly turned into unexpected tension—and use it as a springboard to unpack how easily bias can hijack connection.

In this episode, we cover:

🧠 The 6 Hidden Biases That Shape Marriage

• Implicit Bias: The default assumptions you bring into love

• Perceptual Bias: How your personal “marriage glasses” distort reality

• Self-Serving Bias: Why we’re quick to excuse ourselves and criticize our spouse

• Attribution Bias: Assuming negative intent instead of extending grace

• Confirmation Bias: How we subconsciously look for proof that we’re right

• Expectation Bias: The “Disney effect” of unrealistic relationship ideals

We also bust common myths—like the idea that happy couples are immune to bias or that these patterns can’t be changed. Spoiler: they can.

This is a repost of one of our previous episodes, and whether you’re hearing it for the first time or revisiting it with fresh ears, it’s a powerful reminder that a healthier marriage often starts with clearer thinking.

🎧 Tune in and start seeing your relationship through smarter, more compassionate eyes—because when you change the way you think, you change the way you love.

SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

FREE PDF DOWNLOADS : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.marriageiq.com/freebies⁠⁠⁠

We’re bringing back one of our earlier Marriage IQ episodes—because the conversation around expectations in marriage is just as relevant today as ever.

In this episode, we unpack how unspoken and unrealistic expectations quietly shape marital satisfaction. Using pop-culture contrasts like Enchanted vs. Shrek, we explore how fantasy versions of love collide with real-life marriage. Along the way, we share personal stories (including a memorable Christmas gift mishap) and break down what research actually says about expectations and long-term happiness.

In this episode, we cover:

✅ Fairy Tales vs. Reality: What movies get wrong about marriage—and how that hurts real couples.
✅ The Expectation Trap: How unmet expectations create resentment, even when love is present.
✅ What Research Reveals: Insights from Eli Finkel and Dr. Jim McNulty on high vs. low expectations and marital outcomes.
✅ Where Expectations Hurt Most: Household roles, sex, in-laws, and parenting.
✅ Practical Tools: How to communicate expectations clearly and realistically—without blame or shutdown.

This is a repost of one of our previous episodes, and if you’ve never heard it—or need the reminder—it’s a powerful reset for how you think about marriage.

If you want a stronger, more fulfilling relationship, it starts with honest self-reflection and open conversations. Tune in and let’s rethink expectations—together.

SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

FREE PDF DOWNLOADS : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.marriageiq.com/freebies⁠⁠

Busy. Tired. Running on fumes.
Sound familiar?

In Part 2 of our conversation with Dr. Greg Smalley (VP of Marriage at Focus on the Family), we talk about what really happens to marriages when life gets overwhelming—and why “we’ll fix it later” rarely works.

Greg shares a devastating personal story about his daughter’s marriage ending on her third anniversary, and how that moment reshaped the way he thinks about commitment, humility, and what actually sustains a marriage over time.

In this episode, we explore:

✨How busyness and exhaustion slowly disconnect couples

✨Why two empty people can’t build a healthy marriage

✨Why identity is always shifting—and why curiosity matters more than certainty

✨How caring for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential

✨Why small daily moments matter more than big getaways

✨A simple 10-minute High/Low check-in that keeps couples emotionally connected

If you’ve ever thought, “I didn’t sign up for this,” or feel like your marriage is surviving on leftovers, this conversation will meet you right where you are—with honesty, hope, and practical tools.

🎧 Listen in and learn how to stay connected—even in the busiest seasons of life.

🌐You can find Dr. Greg Smalley and learn more about their work at ⁠https://www.focusonthefamily.com/⁠

SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

FREE PDF DOWNLOADS : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.marriageiq.com/freebies⁠⁠

You’re not bad at communication—you’re just missing a few critical skills.

In this episode of Marriage IQ, we’re joined by Dr. Greg Smalley (Focus on the Family) for a powerful conversation about why couples keep miscommunicating—and how small shifts in how you speak and listen can radically change your marriage.

From misunderstood questions and defensive responses to old conversations that keep resurfacing, we explore why saying “we’ve already talked about this” rarely works—and what to say instead.

You’ll learn :

✨Why communication breaks down even in loving marriages

✨How defensiveness blocks listening and fuels conflict

✨The role of curiosity in better conversations

✨How to repair communication after hurtful words

✨What emotionally mature couples say when things get tense

If you’re stuck in the same arguments, feel unheard, or don’t know how to talk without it escalating, this episode gives you language, clarity, and hope.

🌐You can find Dr. Greg Smalley and learn more about their work at https://www.focusonthefamily.com/

SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

FREE PDF DOWNLOADS : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.marriageiq.com/freebies⁠⁠