Welcome to our mini.chat. Today Tara shares about a psychic experience when she was pregnant over fifteen years ago with her first child.

Jess and Tara talk about psychic matters and ghostie experiences.

Have you ever had a psychic or ghostie experience? Write us about it! We'll read it on the pod: lettersforgirls.submissions@gmail.com

Also, let us know: do you think the psychic was right with his guesses/predictions about Tara's baby or do you think it was all just a coincidence?

Comment on this episode, we'd love to hear from you.

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Have you experienced questions or comments on your life-choices from family, friends, or even strangers? External pressures have likely impacted all of us at some point.

Our letter writer is 37, a homeowner, single, and childfree. She is happy with where her life is, and has faith that her life will go the way it’s meant to. She shares her feelings about getting repeatedly questioned on her choices, dating life, and future.

How do we decide which experiences we want to have in life? What do you consider to be truly living a fulfilled life for yourself?

Remember: Just because you're not living the way people expect you to, doesn't mean you're not living a meaningful life.

Jess & Tara share some of the unsolicited questions they have received throughout their adult lives.

How do you know when to ask certain questions? How can we practice not answering questions that make us feel uncomfortable?

Jess recommends considering how well you know someone when asking questions about life & future plans.

Tara considers the difference between a question, and a judgement.

Is it okay to ask specific questions if someone has already opened up the dialogue about their plans?

Topics touched on:

-The movie "The Invention of Lying" with Ricky Gervais

-Being a stay-at-home mom

-Feeling like we have to justify our choices and circumstances, and expecting pressure and certain questions, because it has become the social norm

-If someone asks you a question that you don't want to answer, or makes you uncomfortable, you do not have to answer. Have tools and responses in your back pocket to respond to questions that you don't like. (Check out @dannah_eve to learn about “lie to survive”)

-Online dating, and dating in general. What do we look for when we first meet someone? Attraction? Connection? Laughter? (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10481040/)

-Social anxiety & making meaningful connections

-Is laser-focusing on something you want, causing you to miss out on some great opportunities?

-How can we be more open to joy? Try naming the things that you like in your immediate space, or look for hearts around you (Mel Robbins - https://www.instagram.com/reel/CZ-ibdmAXVp/?hl=en)

*Take whatever you personally find helpful here and leave the rest.*

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Have you ever felt like being an adult that has it all together is an illusion?

You'd be right.

Our letter writer shares how when she was a kid she thought she'd have life all figured out as an adult, but now as an adult she definitely doesn't. And neither do Jess and Tara.

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-Being an adult and having responsibilities and obligations every day is a challenge.

-Jess shares her childhood fantasy of her family being whisked away to be royals. She would gladly accepted the role of princess.

-Tara shares her current adult fantasy is that when her kids grow up and move out of the house that they want to come around!

Other topics touches on:

-Having a social circle is important for your mental health

-Meal planning

-Using google and Pinterest for recipes

-Looking at chores and household tasks as an on-going to-do list that is never complete (known as the cycle theory)

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_uyqd2hViGE

https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-99/#10:14

- Tara mentions @beautys.library (Selena's bookish/reader account on Instagram) she started calling her TBR list her hopefuls to take off the pressure of getting to every book on her list every month.

-Jess is working on being more present, taking time for more rest and leaving her phone in a different space.

-Malteesers on popcorn

Tell us your favourite toppings to put on popcorn in the comments!

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Have you ever struggled with anxiety or fear at bedtime?

Our letter writer shares about her experience with this as a kid.

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This week's letter writer shares about her experience with anxiety and fear at bedtime when she was a kid.

Things we discuss within this episode:

-Jess shares about her own struggles with lack of sleep as a mom, and fear of the dark as a kid with an overactive imagination.

-Tara mentions an experience with anxiety and fear at bedtime when she was sick with a concussion as an adult

-Did we watch too many scary movies way too young?

-Are we still scared of the dark as adults? Definitely when we're outside (werewolves out during a full moon are always a risk).

-Jess thinks her stress manifests in her sleep and dreams and she therefore limits watching scary movies now

-Tara thinks she has a super power at night time

-Both hosts share some tools they use to get to sleep at night

-What about using devices before bed? We share our tips for managing our smartphone use to avoid disrupting sleep.

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How do you approach using your social media? How do you navigate it if you have kids?

Tara shares about a story she came across years ago:

The story is about a child's experience with their parent posting their pictures and private information about them on Facebook and how it impacted them. This story had such a profound effect on Tara, that it changed how she posts about her own kids on social media. She asks for her kids' consent before sharing any pictures, and at that, shares very few.

Jess shares her approach to posting about her own child on social media. Most pictures she shares include a profile of her child, or images where her face isn't visible at all.

This conversation brings up a few important questions:

- How can we protect our kids' privacy online when they can't properly advocate for themselves?

-What is an invasion of privacy?

-How will the things we post about our kids now, impact them in the future?

-What does over-sharing online look like?

-Is posting in real-time a good and safe idea?

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Have you ever felt behind in life? This letter writer shares how she felt unprepared for adulthood and still struggles today with feeling unprepared and behind on life.

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Our recurring theme in this episode, is asking, are we all just making it up as we go? Are we ever "all done" with learning? When do we feel confident being our fullest self?

Okay fellow 80s-90s kids, did a lot of our parents avoid or skim over awkward conversations?

Tara acknowledges that it's okay to grieve the childhood you didn't have. It's okay to grieve the parents you were born to.

We chat about personal style. Do most people feel comfortable with their style, or are more of us just making it up as we go? Jess & Tara share their own experiences figuring out style.

Jess mentions how "make-over" shows wouldn't exist if we all understood and embraced our unique styles. How have these shows, like Queer Eye or Wear Whatever the F You Want (What Not to Wear), changed since the 2000s?

How can we outsource our learning? Jess suggests we can turn to our communities and cosmetic store tutorials, maybe hire a stylist. Tara mentions "Being curious is cool." Try replacing jealousy with curiosity. Ask your friends and others that are close to you to teach you what you don't know, but want to know.

Catch up mechanics in video games: needing to master certain skills or collect specific resources to succeed in later levels.

It's never too late to learn a new skill, but it can be incredibly complicated and challenging to "go back to earlier levels," to collect the resources you need to move forward in the direction you want.

Tara questions: Is this struggle mine to carry? Or has it been projected on to me by my caregivers?

Are we ever healed? Or does life require us to continue 'the work', without ever reaching a specific end point, like in a videogame?

"Explore each level while you're in it."

Tara mentions this 10% Happier Podcast about multi-tasking:

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/ten-percent-happier-with-dan-harris/id1087147821?i=1000709871259

Jess mentions how walking can help prevent dementia: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/walking-linked-to-lower-dementia-risk

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Here are two surprising self-care tips that you maybe haven't considered before.

*Share this episode with a friend that needs some out-of-the-box self care ideas.*

Tara and Jess each share an accessible and free self-care practice that they try to implement in their daily or weekly lives.

Consumer culture tells us that we have to spend money on self care. But Tara and Jess reject that sentiment! It's okay to spend money on self-care treats, but you don't have to.

A couple specific topics touched on:

-What IS self-care?

-Does self-care need to be a big investment of: money, time, energy?

-De-influencers!

-Walking outside first thing in the morning

-Circadian rhythm

-Sunlight on your eyes in the morning

-Theta brain state: https://nhahealth.com/brainwaves-the-language/

-Reciting 3 things you're grateful for (feeling gratitude) when your eyes are still closed when you first wake up in the morning: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain

https://drjoedispenza.com/dr-joes-blog/the-transformational-power-of-gratitude

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Have you or a loved one received a neurodivergent diagnosis in adulthood? You're not alone!

Our letter writer shares about an autism diagnosis she received in her late 20's. She writes about her journey with getting to know herself, accepting herself and becoming okay with being misunderstood by others.

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Tara and Jess relate to getting a later-in-life neurodivergent diagnosis, and they each share a bit about their own journey.

Tara mentions Dr Gabor Maté's theory on neurodivergence as an interesting piece to add to the conversation.

https://drgabormate.com/adhd/

https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-235/

Jess speculates that a lot of people from generations past have likely been misdiagnosed, or not diagnosed at all, and made it through life not knowing they were neurodivergent.

Tara shares how she always felt a little different growing up and in her 30's ended up with an ADHD diagnosis. She too, is becoming more and more okay with being misunderstood by others.

Understanding neurodivergence allows us to have more compassion for others and their behaviour and how they move through the world!

Jess points out how the majority of research on autism and other neurodivergence is primarily done on white male boys. In general, most health research is done on men and boys. Very limited research is done on women and girls. Depending on your demographic, you can be impacted by different mental and physical health conditions, disabilities and other diagnoses and only have access to certain (or very limited) support and resources.

Advocating for your own mental and physical health is important!

The letter writer references a speech made by a public figure related to autism. Jess expands on what was said in the speech and who said it. She shares some of her own theories surrounding the speech.

No matter if you are neurodivergent, or neurotypical, we are all human! Life is made up of struggles and a lot of joy and happiness. Tara and Jess want to be more mindful of noticing and appreciating joy, and leaning into their unique strengths. They encourage listeners to consider this too!

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Autism Resources:

https://www.autismcanada.org

https://aidecanada.ca

https://autismalliance.ca

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