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If you’ve ever found yourself obsessing over texts, over-giving in relationships, or feeling painfully hooked on emotionally unavailable people, this episode is going to feel like a deep exhale.

In this conversation, I’m joined by trauma-informed somatic coach and anxious attachment specialist, Valerie Rubin. We dive into what anxious attachment actually is, why it’s not a personality flaw and how healing happens at the level of the nervous system, the body, and even ancestral lines – not just in your head.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What anxious attachment really looks like in everyday life
• The 4 attachment styles (plus one often-missed one)
• Why anxious & avoidant attachment share the same core wound
• Reassurance-seeking, ‘chasing’ & “crazy” behaviour – reframed
• Why talk therapy alone often isn’t enough
• Ancestral trauma & attachment
• Somatic & nervous system tools to begin healing anxious attachment
• Breaking the pattern of chasing emotionally unavailable partners

This episode is for you if…

• You identify as anxiously attached, or you’re constantly worrying your partner will leave, cheat or “find someone better”.
• You keep ending up with emotionally unavailable, avoidant or “bad boy” types, even though you know they’re not good for you.
• You’ve tried talk therapy, mindset work and “acting differently”… and still find yourself stuck in the same cycles.
• You’re curious about somatic therapy, brainspotting, ancestral healing or shamanic work as ways to untangle old patterns.
• You’re ready to stop blaming yourself and start working with your nervous system instead of against it.

If you’re someone who is anxiously attached and keeps being pulled towards avoidant or emotionally unavailable partners, Valerie has created a free masterclass that you’re going to want to jump into.

👉 You can access Valerie’s free masterclass HERE

You can find Valerie and her work here:

• Instagram: @healwithval
• Podcast: The Anxiety Recovery Podcast with Valerie Rubin
• Website: www.valrubin.com

Thank you for listening, and as always, if this episode resonated, please share it with a friend who keeps getting hooked by emotionally unavailable partners, or leave a review so more people ca

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In this week’s episode, we are diving deep into a relationship pattern so many brilliant, capable, beautiful women find themselves stuck in: the magnetic pull toward the emotionally unavailable man.

If you’ve ever chased crumbs, waited for the 2am “u up?” text, or convinced yourself that bare-minimum effort was “just his way,” this episode is going to land for you.

I unpack why this pattern is so common — and spoiler, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because your attachment style, childhood wiring, and self-worth have been running the show from the shadows.

In This Episode We Explore:

✨ Why unavailable men feel so intoxicating when you have low self-worth

✨ The anxious–avoidant trap

✨ How childhood bonds create adult relationship choices

✨ What self-worth actually is

✨ What you tolerate when your self-worth is low

✨ How to start breaking the cycle

Practical, grounded, and spiritual tools including:

- Recognising your patterns
- Attachment style awareness
- Shamanic journey work + ancestral healing
- Family constellations
- Nervous system regulation
- Inner child re-parenting
- Learning to trust your intuition (not your anxiety)
- Getting honest about loneliness and choosing from clarity, not fear

✨ Why secure self-worth makes you magnetic

When you choose yourself — truly — your standards rise, your intuition sharpens, and you stop accepting anything that drains your energy or diminishes your value.

If You're Caught in the Cycle…

Please know this: you can break it. You deserve more. And you are not alone.

You get to choose a partner who shows up with consistency, safety, emotional maturity, and respect. You don’t have to earn love. You don’t have to soften parts of yourself to be acceptable. And you do not have to wait for someone to “finally choose you.”

When your self-worth rises, the whole landscape of dating and relationships shifts — for good.

Links & Next Steps:

📌 Listen to Episode 14 for a deeper dive into attachment styles
📌 Next week’s episode features a guest expert on anxious attachment
📌 Come say hello on Instagram: @EmmaOBrienCoach

If this episode has hit home and you recognise your own patterns in the stories I’ve shared, I’d love to support you.

We’ll talk about your self-worth, the unavailable man cycle, and what it will take for you to finally break it — so you can create the love, safety, and connection you truly deserve.

✨ Book a free connection call in HERE

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In today’s episode, we’re going down a rabbit hole I’ve been exploring deeply over the past month — a trail that started with my shamanic soul-retrieval work, moved into inner child healing, and has now led me into the world of attachment styles in romantic relationships.

If relationships feel confusing, draining, or chaotic for you… this is an episode you don’t want to miss.

I’m sharing insights from the brilliant book Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller (linked in the show notes). If you struggle in romantic partnerships, I’m practically ordering you to read or listen to this book — it will give you clarity, language, and tools that make everything make sense.

This episode explores why you show up the way you do in relationships, how your early experiences shaped that, and—most importantly—how you can shift toward secure, grounded, self-led connection.

What We Explore in This Episode

✨ Why attachment styles matter more than you think

✨ The 3 main attachment styles (plus the rare 4th)

✨ How childhood shapes attachment

✨ Triggers and attachment activation

✨ The anxious–avoidant trap

✨ How to shift toward secure attachment

✨ The power of secure partners

Resources Mentioned

📘 Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller — Find it on Amazon HERE.

If this episode has brought some lightbulb moments or stirred something meaningful for you, I’d love to hear from you. Send me a DM on Instagram at @EmmaOBrienCoach

If you’d like support with healing your attachment patterns, inner child work, or building emotional safety in your nervous system, you can book a free connection call. Coaching is where this work becomes truly transformational.

✨ Book a free connection call → HERE

Thank you for being here with me. There’s so much exciting self-discovery happening behind the scenes, and I can’t wait to bring you into the next layer in the upcoming episode.

Happy healing, and see you next week!

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In this episode I’m diving into one of my favourite topics: inner child healing and how re-parenting yourself can help you reconnect to your brilliant, innate, authentic self.

We explore why so many of your current triggers, perfectionism, people-pleasing and “why am I reacting like THIS?!” moments are actually being run by a much younger version of you – and how to lovingly take back the wheel.

In this episode, I talk about:

• What “inner child” actually means
• Why even a “good” childhood leaves imprints
• Signs your inner child needs attention
• Re-parenting yourself in real time
  
  
• Inner child work & your nervous system
• Triggers as teachers
• Internal Family Systems (parts work)
• Shamanic soul retrieval & inner child healing
• Practical ways to start today
• Integration – where real change happens
  

Resources mentioned:

• Books

No Bad Parts – Richard Schwartz

You Are the One You’ve Been Looking For – Richard Schwartz

• On my website

Blog post on Shamanic Soul Retrieval which you can find HERE.

If this episode stirred something in you…

If you’ve listened and thought, “Okay, this is me, and I don’t want my 6-year-old self running my adult life anymore”, this is exactly the kind of work I love supporting women with.

I blend:

• Thought work & practical strategy
• Shamanic journeying and soul retrieval
• HeartMath nervous system regulation
• Direct, honest, compassionate coaching

…to help women in midlife step into their sovereignty, heal old patterns, and reconnect with the most authentic version of themselves.

Work with me

• Book a free connection call HERE
  If you’re curious about inner child work, soul retrieval, or nervous system support, you’re very welcome to book a free connection call with me. We’ll explore what’s coming up for you and whether working together feels like a good fit.
• Say hello on Instagram @EmmaOBrienCoach
  
  Pop me a message and let me know what landed for you in this episode.

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In this episode I dive into the Witch Wound: the ancestral, collective trauma rooted in the Burning Times that still shapes how women show up today. If you’ve ever felt afraid to be visible, worried about being “too much”, or guilty for wanting more than the bare minimum… this one is for you.

Drawing on Celeste Larsen’s powerful book Heal the Witch Wound I explore how historic persecution of women—healers, midwives, herbalists, independent women—still echoes in our nervous systems, beliefs & behaviours.

In this episode, I talk about:

• What the Witch Wound actually is
  How the “Burning Times” weren’t just a gruesome chapter in history, but a systemic campaign to control women’s power, wisdom, bodies & resources.
• How ancestral trauma shows up in modern life
  Why you might feel unsafe being visible online, charging well for your work, having strong opinions, or leaving relationships that deplete you.
• Powerful women as a “threat”
  The social conditioning that still rewards the quiet “good girl” & punishes outspoken, sovereign women.
• Nervous system & Witch Wound links
  How your fear of criticism, trolling, rejection, conflict, or taking up space isn’t weakness—it’s your nervous system remembering old danger patterns.
• Money, safety & fear of success
  Why so many women are subconsciously afraid of wealth & how this links back to women once being punished & stripped of everything for having power.
• Where to begin your healing
  Simple starting points: noticing your triggers, journaling your beliefs & learning to regulate your nervous system instead of abandoning yourself.

If this episode hit a nerve (in a good way) & you’re done playing small, diluting yourself, outsourcing your safety & power & you’re ready to step into your sovereignty:

• Send me a DM on Instagram @EmmaOBrienCoach and tell me what landed.
• Book a free connection call HERE and let’s talk.

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

This conversation is a straight-talking road map for women who feel stuck around money. We unpack why so many of us unconsciously give our financial power away (hello, patriarchy + intergenerational programming), how those beliefs show up as procrastination, over-giving, perfectionism, and under-charging, and the practical tools that help you shift into wealth + worth.

Karen shares her own story—from healing trauma to paying off $13k debt—plus how EFT tapping and self-worth work change your relationship with money so you can take aligned action (without B-minus guilt).

What You’ll Learn

- Why your money issues are rarely about the money—and what they’re really about
- The “financial garden” metaphor: stop snipping weeds at the soil line and pull them up by the roots
- How inherited fear and social conditioning (e.g., “women aren’t good with money”) keep you small
- The nervous-system angle: turning off “freaked-out brain” and switching on “peace brain” so you can make clear decisions
- Why progress beats perfection (ship the B-minus work!)
- Karen’s 3 power moves for financial success

Key Takeaways & Sticky Notes:

“Money work is identity work.” Change the story, then the numbers can change.

Regulate to rewire. You can’t dream big from a dysregulated state. Calm first, then plan.

Abundance isn’t only a finish line. Practice pleasure and joy while pursuing goals.

B-minus work ships. Your people want resonance, not polish.

Guest Links & Resources

About Karen Berzanski: CEO & founder of TheLuckySoul.com, creator of the M-Spot membership. Karen helps women clear hidden money blocks so they can earn, receive, and lead with confidence.

Free training: The Guilt-Free Money Reset — Three Money-Guilt Mistakes and How to Break Free (includes 21 Practical Abundance Strategies + 12 Things to Stop Doing) HERE

Website: TheLuckySoul.com
YouTube: @TheLuckySoul - Wild, Wealthy & Free
Instagram: @theluckysoul

About Your Host (that’s me, Emma)

I coach mid-life women who are done playing small to rebuild self-worth, regulate their nervous system and rewrite the beliefs that keep them stuck. My approach blends thought work, shamanic journeying/soul retrieval, somatic tools, and no-nonsense accountability so you can lead your life and money with sovereignty.

Work With Me: Explore what’s keeping you under-earning and map your next best step book a FREE call HERE.

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

If you caught last week’s episode, you’ll know we talked about limiting beliefs — where they come from and how to start shifting them - you can catch that episode here.

This week, we’re taking that work a layer deeper, exploring how intergenerational trauma — the patterns, fears, and stories passed down through your family line — can quietly shape your core beliefs and keep you repeating the same loops for years, sometimes generations.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• How trauma and patterning are handed down through family lines — even when you’ve never “personally” experienced the original event
• What intergenerational trauma really means, beyond the big-T events
• How family modelling (especially around gender roles, self-worth, and relationships) creates subconscious blueprints you might still be living by
• The fascinating science behind epigenetic inheritance — including the Mount Sinai study on Holocaust survivors and gene FKBP5 that literally changed how future generations respond to stress
• Why “what’s familiar feels safe” to your nervous system — even if it’s dysfunctional
• How shamanic energy work can complement practical coaching tools to help you rewrite inherited beliefs at a deep level

I share a personal example from my own shamanic practice — a journey that revealed an inherited belief from my grandmother that “women are worthless.”

Seeing how that belief echoed through generations was a huge light-bulb moment. After doing ancestral healing work around it, I felt the energetic shift almost immediately — the procrastination lifted, clarity returned, and I could finally move the needle in both of my businesses again.

Whether that healing happens on an energetic plane or in the subconscious mind doesn’t really matter — what matters is that it works.

Intergenerational patterns don’t have to define you. Once you bring them into conscious awareness, you can choose differently — and when you shift, everyone after you benefits.

Want Support Rewriting the Story?

If you’re noticing repeating patterns in your relationships, career, or self-worth — and you can’t seem to break them no matter how much therapy or mindset work you’ve done — it’s time for something deeper.

💫 Book a 75-Minute Breakthrough Session — together we’ll identify and clear one of your core limiting beliefs, using a mix of practical thought work and (if you’re open to it) shamanic energy tools that shift things fast.

Book a Breakthrough Session HERE.

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In this episode, I’m diving into one of my favourite topics — limiting beliefs: what they are, where they come from, how they quietly run your life from the shadows, and most importantly, how to shift them so you can stop playing small and start moving forward with clarity and confidence.

We all have subconscious belief systems shaped by childhood experiences, family modelling, and social conditioning. These old narratives — “I’m not good enough,” “money is hard to make,” “I have to earn love” — become invisible scripts that shape our choices, relationships, and self-worth.

But the good news is, they’re not permanent. You can rewrite them.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• What limiting beliefs actually are and how they form through childhood, attachment patterns, and social conditioning.
• How to spot your own limiting beliefs by paying attention to triggers, recurring thoughts, and inner chatter.
• How your brain reinforces old stories through pattern recognition and the “reticular activating system.”
• Powerful ways to shift your beliefs – from reframing and evidence-building to using tools like Byron Katie’s The Work.
• How shamanic and energetic work can help release deeper, intergenerational or subconscious patterns.
• Why integration is the key to making lasting change — and how to practice new ways of being in daily life.

Journal Prompts

If you want to take this episode deeper, grab your journal and reflect on these:

1. What recurring thoughts or phrases do you catch yourself saying that might be limiting you?
2. When do you feel triggered — and what belief might be hiding underneath that reaction?
3. What’s one piece of evidence that challenges your biggest self-doubt?
4. How would you act differently this week if you fully believed you were good enough?

Work With Me

If you’re ready to uncover and release the core belief that’s been keeping you stuck, book a 75-Minute Breakthrough Coaching Session with me.
Together, we’ll identify and shift the root block that’s limiting your progress so you can move forward with self-trust and confidence.

👉 Book your Breakthrough Session here

Connect with me on Instagram @EmmaOBrienCoach

You can also book a free Connection Call to explore how coaching can help you change the patterns that no longer serve you.

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.