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If you’ve ever found yourself obsessing over texts, over-giving in relationships, or feeling painfully hooked on emotionally unavailable people, this episode is going to feel like a deep exhale.

In this conversation, I’m joined by trauma-informed somatic coach and anxious attachment specialist, Valerie Rubin. We dive into what anxious attachment actually is, why it’s not a personality flaw and how healing happens at the level of the nervous system, the body, and even ancestral lines – not just in your head.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What anxious attachment really looks like in everyday life
• The 4 attachment styles (plus one often-missed one)
• Why anxious & avoidant attachment share the same core wound
• Reassurance-seeking, ‘chasing’ & “crazy” behaviour – reframed
• Why talk therapy alone often isn’t enough
• Ancestral trauma & attachment
• Somatic & nervous system tools to begin healing anxious attachment
• Breaking the pattern of chasing emotionally unavailable partners

This episode is for you if…

• You identify as anxiously attached, or you’re constantly worrying your partner will leave, cheat or “find someone better”.
• You keep ending up with emotionally unavailable, avoidant or “bad boy” types, even though you know they’re not good for you.
• You’ve tried talk therapy, mindset work and “acting differently”… and still find yourself stuck in the same cycles.
• You’re curious about somatic therapy, brainspotting, ancestral healing or shamanic work as ways to untangle old patterns.
• You’re ready to stop blaming yourself and start working with your nervous system instead of against it.

If you’re someone who is anxiously attached and keeps being pulled towards avoidant or emotionally unavailable partners, Valerie has created a free masterclass that you’re going to want to jump into.

👉 You can access Valerie’s free masterclass HERE

You can find Valerie and her work here:

• Instagram: @healwithval
• Podcast: The Anxiety Recovery Podcast with Valerie Rubin
• Website: www.valrubin.com

Thank you for listening, and as always, if this episode resonated, please share it with a friend who keeps getting hooked by emotionally unavailable partners, or leave a review so more people ca

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In this week’s episode, we are diving deep into a relationship pattern so many brilliant, capable, beautiful women find themselves stuck in: the magnetic pull toward the emotionally unavailable man.

If you’ve ever chased crumbs, waited for the 2am “u up?” text, or convinced yourself that bare-minimum effort was “just his way,” this episode is going to land for you.

I unpack why this pattern is so common — and spoiler, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because your attachment style, childhood wiring, and self-worth have been running the show from the shadows.

In This Episode We Explore:

✨ Why unavailable men feel so intoxicating when you have low self-worth

✨ The anxious–avoidant trap

✨ How childhood bonds create adult relationship choices

✨ What self-worth actually is

✨ What you tolerate when your self-worth is low

✨ How to start breaking the cycle

Practical, grounded, and spiritual tools including:

- Recognising your patterns
- Attachment style awareness
- Shamanic journey work + ancestral healing
- Family constellations
- Nervous system regulation
- Inner child re-parenting
- Learning to trust your intuition (not your anxiety)
- Getting honest about loneliness and choosing from clarity, not fear

✨ Why secure self-worth makes you magnetic

When you choose yourself — truly — your standards rise, your intuition sharpens, and you stop accepting anything that drains your energy or diminishes your value.

If You're Caught in the Cycle…

Please know this: you can break it. You deserve more. And you are not alone.

You get to choose a partner who shows up with consistency, safety, emotional maturity, and respect. You don’t have to earn love. You don’t have to soften parts of yourself to be acceptable. And you do not have to wait for someone to “finally choose you.”

When your self-worth rises, the whole landscape of dating and relationships shifts — for good.

Links & Next Steps:

📌 Listen to Episode 14 for a deeper dive into attachment styles
📌 Next week’s episode features a guest expert on anxious attachment
📌 Come say hello on Instagram: @EmmaOBrienCoach

If this episode has hit home and you recognise your own patterns in the stories I’ve shared, I’d love to support you.

We’ll talk about your self-worth, the unavailable man cycle, and what it will take for you to finally break it — so you can create the love, safety, and connection you truly deserve.

✨ Book a free connection call in HERE

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In today’s episode, we’re going down a rabbit hole I’ve been exploring deeply over the past month — a trail that started with my shamanic soul-retrieval work, moved into inner child healing, and has now led me into the world of attachment styles in romantic relationships.

If relationships feel confusing, draining, or chaotic for you… this is an episode you don’t want to miss.

I’m sharing insights from the brilliant book Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller (linked in the show notes). If you struggle in romantic partnerships, I’m practically ordering you to read or listen to this book — it will give you clarity, language, and tools that make everything make sense.

This episode explores why you show up the way you do in relationships, how your early experiences shaped that, and—most importantly—how you can shift toward secure, grounded, self-led connection.

What We Explore in This Episode

✨ Why attachment styles matter more than you think

✨ The 3 main attachment styles (plus the rare 4th)

✨ How childhood shapes attachment

✨ Triggers and attachment activation

✨ The anxious–avoidant trap

✨ How to shift toward secure attachment

✨ The power of secure partners

Resources Mentioned

📘 Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller — Find it on Amazon HERE.

If this episode has brought some lightbulb moments or stirred something meaningful for you, I’d love to hear from you. Send me a DM on Instagram at @EmmaOBrienCoach

If you’d like support with healing your attachment patterns, inner child work, or building emotional safety in your nervous system, you can book a free connection call. Coaching is where this work becomes truly transformational.

✨ Book a free connection call → HERE

Thank you for being here with me. There’s so much exciting self-discovery happening behind the scenes, and I can’t wait to bring you into the next layer in the upcoming episode.

Happy healing, and see you next week!

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.