In this episode, we dive into a conversation that feels deeply personal—especially if you’re in a season of striving, questioning, or quietly wondering, Is this it? Inspired by Colette’s recent reading of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, we reflect on success, purpose, and why even the seasons that look “good” from the outside can feel surprisingly disorienting and exhausting.

We lean into the uncomfortable middle—the stretch where you’ve worked hard for something but still feel unsure of what’s next. We talk about the younger parts of ourselves that flare up when plans don’t unfold as expected, the urge to pull back when it all feels like too much, and the realization that joy may not come from avoiding struggle—but from staying in it long enough to be changed.

Episode Highlights:

[0:03] – We’re back on the mic and jumping straight into existential midlife questions.

[1:01] – Colette shares how reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years sparked a deeper reflection on what makes a life “well lived.”

[5:13] – The power of story: Are we meant to attain something—or be transformed by the search?

[8:59] – Familiarity as the greatest seducer: Why we stay stuck even in “comfortable” unhappiness.

[10:56] – Laura opens up about meeting a young, entitled part of herself when life doesn’t go according to plan.

[15:02] – Coaching yourself through emotional overwhelm: movement, naming feelings, and creating space.

[18:30] – The fear of making the wrong choice—and why meaning matters more than accolades.

[24:40] – Forcing yourself into growth: committing before you feel ready (TEDx talks, book deals, Machu Picchu).

[27:13] – The marathon as metaphor: Laura’s renewed commitment to the New York City Marathon and doing hard things differently.

[31:35] – Why suffering may actually be the pathway to joy.

[33:49] – When you want to quit everything: the difference between discernment and hiding.

[35:30] – Our closing thesis: Happiness isn’t eliminating obstacles—it’s being willing to stay in the game.

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!

Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/

Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

This week on Insights from the Couch, we sit down with the fierce and unapologetic Valerie Jones to talk about her powerful book, The Selfish Year. And yes—we mean selfish in the most revolutionary way possible. Together, we unpack what it really means to stop abandoning yourself, to take radical responsibility for your life, and to choose your freedom—even when it disappoints other people.

We dive into divorce, people-pleasing, inner child work, emotional abuse, and what Valerie calls “First Girl” and “Hurt Girl.” This conversation is about midlife awakening, reclaiming your voice, and learning how to sit in the fire of discomfort without losing yourself. If you’ve ever felt stuck, resentful, lost, or like you’re living someone else’s version of your life… this episode will hit home. Press play. This is the work.

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] – Welcome back! We introduce Valerie and why The Selfish Year moved us so deeply.

[02:45] – Redefining “selfish”: why selflessness has been conditioning women to self-abandon—and what it means to be “full of self.”

[05:22] – Laura shares her own rescuer pattern and what it took to hit the wall.

[08:42] – Valerie opens up about childhood sexual abuse, people-pleasing, and her first marriage marked by bipolar disorder and addiction.

[13:12] – Divorce as transformation—not failure—and why we should be applauding women who walk through it.

[16:11] – “First Girl” and “Hurt Girl”: how we exile our authentic self to survive—and how to bring her back.

[21:05] – Sitting still with yourself: why there is no shortcut to healing and why everything is data.

[25:56] – The “villain era”: disappointing others, standing in the fire of disapproval, and building resilience.

[33:35] – Playing the game of your life instead of sitting on the sidelines.

[38:42] – Radical responsibility: moving from victimhood to sovereignty and reclaiming your power of choice.

[44:00] – The woman dancing in the surf: the moment that symbolizes the freedom we’re all craving.

[48:17] – How to connect with Valerie and get your copy of The Selfish Year.

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!

Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/

Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

In this episode, we sit down with the brilliant Fran Houser for a conversation that feels especially relevant if you’re trying to be successful at work without losing yourself along the way. We talk about ambition, empathy, boundaries, and the exhausting double bind women still face in the workplace—where you’re expected to be both warm and bulletproof. Fran brings such grounded wisdom from her decades in corporate leadership, startup investing, and now her portfolio career, and we found ourselves nodding along the entire time.

Together, we explore what it really means to lead with kindness and strength, why empathy is not a weakness but a strategic advantage, and how women can rethink networking, ambition, and career pivots in a way that actually fits real life—especially at midlife. This conversation is honest, practical, and deeply validating. You’ll walk away feeling both seen and energized to rethink how you show up at work and beyond.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] – Welcome to Insights from the Couch and why this conversation matters at midlife
[2:10] – Fran’s upbringing, immigrant parents, and early lessons about work and responsibility
[6:45] – The origin of The Myth of the Nice Girl and redefining leadership for women
[10:40] – How empathy creates trust, influence, and better outcomes at work
[15:30] – The fine line between kindness, people-pleasing, and setting boundaries
[19:50] – A real workplace story that shows how “being nice” can backfire—and how to repair it
[26:30] – Ambition, likability, and the double bind women still face
[31:00] – Why women still hesitate to speak up and how perfectionism gets in the way
[34:00] – Networking at midlife: why it matters and how to do it in a way that fits you
[39:00] – Portfolio careers, career pivots, and designing work that supports your life
[47:30] – Fran’s upcoming book on time, perfectionism, and doing less better

Links and Resources:

Fran’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/franhauser/

Fran’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fran_hauser/

If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!

Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!

👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/

Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book