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  • 066 Buts of Steel - 2 Small Words That Quietly Shape Every Conversation
    2025/12/02
    066 Buts of Steel: The Small Words That Quietly Shape Every Conversation The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori In the 1980s, there was a workout show called Buns of Steel—but today’s episode isn’t about glutes. It’s about something far more important to your influence, your relationships, and your leadership: your “Buts of Steel.” Not the muscles - the frames your language creates. Two tiny one-syllable words—and and but—decide what the brain focuses on, how people interpret your message, and whether a conversation opens up…or shuts down. These words can: shift emotional tone, start or stop arguments, open or close partnerships, encourage honesty or shut it down, help a leader receive information—or block it out. This episode dives into how “but” acts like a spotlight + eraser in neurolinguistic programming and why “and” allows two truths to coexist. More importantly, it shows how using “but” repeatedly can harden into a pattern—a pattern that becomes a habit— and that habit becomes how people experience you. That’s what Dr. Tori calls A “But of Steel. 🔍 The Three Ugly Buts (and How They Derail Influence) 1. Compliment → BUT → Critique “You did a great job… but the ending felt rushed.” Effect: The compliment gets erased. The critique becomes the only thing that lands. Fix: “You did a great job and it was a little rushed at the end.” Both truths survive. 2. Acknowledge → BUT → Dismiss “I get what you’re saying… but that’s not how we do things around here.” Effect: This is the death spiral of leadership. It quietly shuts down ideas, creativity, dissent, and psychological safety. Repeated often enough, people stop coming to you entirely—no matter how “open-door” you claim to be. This is one of the most dangerous “Buts of Steel.” 3. Intention → BUT → Obstacle (Self-Talk) “I want to write more… but I’m never motivated.” “I want to eat healthier… but the snack bar at work is full of junk.” Effect: You negate your own intention and center the obstacle. You shine a spotlight on why you can’t take action instead of why you should. This keeps you stuck—and often convinces you the problem is external. 🌟 The Three Beautiful Buts (When ‘But’ Is the RIGHT Tool) “But” isn’t always the villain. Used intentionally, it creates necessary rigid frames—your real Buts of Steel. 1. Setting Boundaries “I know you’re frustrated, but we don’t speak to our employees that way.” This is clarity + protection. A “but” here creates safety. 2. Clarifying Non-Negotiables A recent example Dr. Tori shares: A contract for a speaking engagement included an extreme IP clause. He responded (appropriately) with a but to draw an unmistakable line. “But” is the right choice when something cannot be compromised. 3. Reaffirming Values & Ethics “I know everyone’s feeling pressure, but when we cut corners, we make things dangerous.” Here, “but” reinforces standards and raises the conversation back to values. When ethics or safety are at stake, a firm ‘but’ is leadership. 💥 Why “But” Creates Steel Frames Dr. Tori explains that: “But” erases what came before. “But” highlights what comes after. “But” breaks a frame and replaces it with a new one. Repeated “buts” become patterns, and patterns become habits. In leadership or parenting, these habits define what others feel safe sharing with you. If you consistently use “but” to negate emotions, ideas, or intentions, people learn: “Don’t bring things to them—they won’t really hear you.” Conversely, when used deliberately in the right moments, “but” becomes a necessary tool for clarity, boundaries, and ethics. 🧪 Three Experiments for This Week Dr. Tori gives three simple, high-impact experiments for you to try: 1. Swap One “Yeah, but…” for a “Yes, and…” Do it once this week—especially in writing (email or text), where tone is easiest to misinterpret. 2. Flip Compliment → BUT → Critique into Critique → BUT → Compliment Still use “but,” but reverse the order: “It was a little rushed at the end, but overall it was phenomenal.” This preserves the praise instead of erasing it. 3. Use “But” to Set One Boundary Try a single clear, healthy boundary using “but.” Practice making the frame firm without being harsh or hostile. 🎯 Final Warning — and an Invitation If you mindlessly use “but,” you risk forging ugly Buts of Steel—rigid frames that accidentally shut down connection, truth, creativity, and collaboration. But if you use it intentionally, you can create beautiful Buts of Steel—the kind that set boundaries, reinforce values, and strengthen relationships. If you found this episode helpful… Share it with someone who needs better “buts,” better frames, and better conversations. Check out HypnoticGiftsBook.com for Dr. Tori...
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    12 分
  • 065 Spiritual Math and the Nate Jones Effect
    2025/11/13
    Episode 065 - Spiritual Math and the Nate Jones Effect

    What if the good you do doesn’t stop when you do it?

    In this episode, Dr. Ed Tori reflects on a powerful discovery: a newspaper article from 1995 that his late mother had saved - a story about his college t-shirt fundraisers that raised thousands for charity. Hidden in the article was a forgotten thread: he had once donated in the name of a 7-year-old boy named Nate Jones, who had raised $100 for a homeless shelter.

    Decades later, that act reemerged - shaping reflection, identity, and a concept Dr. Tori’s mentor would later call “The Nate Jones Effect.”

    🔢 The Idea of Spiritual Math

    Some math can’t be done on paper.

    The smallest good can ripple through:

    • Identities - A child who gives learns who he is.

    • Communities - A stranger multiplies the act in his name.

    • Generations - Children decades later read about it and are moved to do good.

    The lesson: good doesn’t just add up; it compounds - invisibly, exponentially, sometimes beyond your lifetime.

    💡 Reflection Prompts
    1. Who is your “Nate Jones”? Who quietly moved you to do something good?

    2. When was the last time you multiplied someone else’s goodness instead of just admiring it?

    3. How might your unseen acts be shaping someone’s story right now - someone you’ll never meet?

    🧭 Key Takeaway

    We often look for proof of our impact - reports, outcomes, numbers.

    But spiritual math lives in the ripples: in the people inspired, the words repeated, the habits that echo.

    You may never see the results, but the ledger is real.

    Keep doing good - the math is already working in your favor.

    🪞Quote from the Episode

    “What if every ripple of good that spreads from your actions is written down - every life touched, every story sparked, every unseen echo? That’s spiritual math.”

    🧩 Apply the Nate Jones Effect

    This week:

    • Notice a small good act by someone else.

    • Multiply it - anonymously, in their name.

    • Let it ripple.

    🔗 Resources Mentioned
    • HypnoticGiftsBook.com - A framework for transforming lives through a single conversation.

    • DrTori.com/coaching-application-1on1 - Apply for personal influence coaching with Dr. Tori.

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    8 分
  • 064 Solace in the Lost and Found
    2025/11/10
    Episode 064 - Solace in the Lost & Found The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori Show Notes

    Loss changes the rhythm of life. It reshapes conversations, rewires memories, and redefines silence. But hidden inside grief is often a quiet invitation - to carry forward what was best in the one we’ve lost.

    In this episode, Dr. Ed Tori shares a powerful conversational frame that helps others (and ourselves) move not on from loss, but with it. It begins with true listening - TING - the kind of listening that uses your whole presence. From that deep attention, something extraordinary can happen.

    Here’s the simple, human pattern:

    • Listen wholly. Not to fix. Not to fill silence. Just to hold space.

    • Notice permission signals. When someone shifts from facts to stories, they’re inviting depth.

    • Spot the light. When they describe a beautiful trait of the one they’ve lost - pause there.

    • Invite expansion. “Tell me more about how they made others feel loved.”

    • Honor it. Acknowledge its beauty. Sit in it for a beat.

    • Then, gently reframe. “If you were to bring a little more of that into your own life, what might that look like?”

    It’s not about replacing or distracting from grief. It’s about transformation through continuation - helping someone find the living thread of their loved one in the acts and traits they admired most.

    Grief doesn’t have to be the end of connection. It can be a new beginning of carrying forward what was good, kind, and true.

    Reflection Prompt:

    Think of someone you’ve lost.

    What was their superpower?

    What would it look like if you paid it forward - even once this week?

    Resources Mentioned:
    • TING - The Art of Listening

    • HypnoticGiftsBook.com - Discover how to transform someone’s life in a single conversation

    • DrTori.com/coaching-application-1on1 - For 1:1 influence immersion coaching

    Takeaway:

    We honor those we’ve lost not by moving on - but by moving with them, through every act of kindness we continue in their name.

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    11 分
  • 063 The Social Media Post I Was Too Scared To Send
    2025/10/13

    Here are the compelling show notes for Episode 063 – “The Social Media Post I Was Too Scared to Post” of The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori. These are designed to stand alone—providing value even if someone never hits play.

    🎙️ EPISODE 063: The Social Media Post I Was Too Scared to Send

    What punctuation, perception, and perspective have to do with your past—and your power.

    A single sentence.

    Six words.

    No context.

    woman - without - her - man - is - nothing

    Which is it?

    • Woman without her man is nothing.
    • Woman: Without her, man is nothing.

    In today’s episode, Dr. Ed Tori explores how the placement of punctuation - in language and in life - radically alters meaning.

    We punctuate our experiences all the time:

    • “That failure ended everything.”

    • “That failure… led to everything.”

      Same events. Different punctuation. Entirely different life.

    🟡 Here’s What You’ll Learn (Even Without Listening):
    • Punctuation isn’t grammar - it’s power. The same words, when punctuated differently, can inspire, insult, or transform.

    • Every email you read, every text you skim, every sentence you judge - reveals more about you than the sender.

    • The meaning of your memories often hinges not on what happened, but where you pause, what you emphasize, and how you tell the story.

    • Coaches, therapists, and wise friends don’t change your life. They change your punctuation.

    • You can do the same for others - in one single conversation.

    🪶 A Thought to Take With You:

    “How you punctuate your experiences will change your entire life.”

    🛠️ Apply This Today:
    • Re-read a text or email that upset you. What assumptions did you make? What if the sender emphasized something different?

    • Choose a past failure or difficult memory. Try re-punctuating it. Where else could the pause have been? What might it have led to?

    • Pay attention to the voice inside your head: What are you emphasizing? What are you minimizing?

    🔗 Links & Next Steps:
    • 💬 Learn how to shift lives through conversation: HypnoticGiftsBook.com

    • 🧠 Work with Dr. Tori 1-on-1: Coaching Application

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    9 分
  • 062 One Thing and Your Week Will Be Totally Different
    2025/09/08
    Episode 062: One Thought That Could Change Your Entire Week The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori What if your week could be transformed by one simple mental shift?

    In this episode, Dr. Ed Tori poses a deceptively powerful question:

    “How different would your week be if you pretended everyone you met was sent to teach you something?”

    From annoying coworkers to passive-aggressive emails… from toddler tantrums to micromanagers… from Lyft drivers to your own children - this episode unpacks how adopting a “curious student” frame in everyday interactions can unlock surprising insight, emotional mastery, and even life-changing wisdom.

    This isn’t just mindset work. It’s moment-by-moment training in influence, communication, and presence.

    In this episode, you’ll explore:
    • How friction can become feedback (and feedback can become fuel)

    • Why a 5-star Uber driver changed how Ed approaches every conversation

    • What criticism at the dinner table might really be offering you

    • The leadership lesson hiding inside micromanagement

    • A profound insight Ed’s mom got from a 5-year-old version of him

    • A practice you can start today that will change how people respond to you forever

    Challenge:

    For the next 7 days, pretend every person you meet - friend, stranger, critic, or child - is there to teach you something. Ask yourself:

    “What’s the lesson here?”

    Like the show?
    • Leave a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review on your favorite podcasting platform

    • Share this episode with a friend who’s facing a challenging week

    • Subscribe so you never miss a chance to influence for good

    “Pretend the next person you meet is there to teach you something. Are you ready to learn?”
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    10 分
  • 061 Don't Underestimate That Merch - It's More Than A Gift
    2025/08/26
    Episode 061 – Don’t Underestimate That Merch: It’s More Than a Gift The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori

    Ever found yourself having a vivid memory or insight for no obvious reason? In this episode, Dr. Ed Tori shares a moment at a red light that turned into a masterclass on non-conscious triggers, nostalgia, and the power of placing ideas in your line of sight.

    From merch to memory to mastery, this episode explores why deliberate reminders—like card decks, sticky notes, or swag—can shape behavior, improve communication, and even transform lives.

    If you’re an author, coach, speaker, or leader looking to package your ideas for real-world impact—don’t skip this one.

    In This Episode, You’ll Discover:
    • How a GPS label triggered a nostalgic wave and why that matters

    • The neuroscience behind “top of mind = tip of tongue”

    • The two ways to create real-world behavioral triggers

    • How Dr. Tori’s card decks became “theft-worthy” reminders for leaders

    • Why merch, swag, and tchotchkes are more than gifts—they’re influence tools

    Timestamps:

    00:00 – The red light memory: how non-conscious cues work

    01:45 – The role of visual anchors and everyday nostalgia

    02:30 – “Top of mind = tip of tongue” and why it matters for influence

    03:20 – Why Dr. Tori makes card decks and what they’re really for

    04:15 – A leader’s hidden use of his cards (and why it matters)

    05:30 – The merch mindset: how to make your ideas part of someone else’s daily life

    06:45 – The big takeaway: curate your cues and influence your habits

    07:15 – Systematize your triggers, influence your future

    💥 Ready to Build a Life of Daily Influence?

    Whether you’re shaping behavior in your home, your company, or your content—deliberate reminders can be game-changers. Want to turn your ideas into influence tools people keep on their desks, pin to their walls, and refer to before tough conversations?

    📬 Join the InfluenceBookClub.com

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    9 分
  • 060 Conversation - Making An A-- of Yourself During Small Talk
    2025/07/29

    Here’s a draft of compelling show notes for episode 060 based on your transcript:

    060 – Making an A– of Yourself During Small Talk The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori

    Small talk is deeply misunderstood. It’s often labeled as fake, pointless, or awkward - but what if those beliefs are just assumptions holding you back from genuine connection? In this episode, Dr. Ed Tori dismantles the limiting beliefs that make small talk feel like a chore and reframes it as one of the most powerful tools for building rapport and unlocking deeper conversations.

    Discover how to:
    • Identify and challenge your hidden assumptions that make small talk feel inauthentic.

    • Use small talk as a “hallway of doors” to find genuine connect points.

    • Shift your focus from being interesting to being interested.

    • Navigate small talk to skillfully warm up conversations and avoid awkward jumps into “too deep, too soon.”

    • Exit conversations gracefully when needed - without damaging rapport.

    If you’ve ever felt like you “just aren’t good at small talk,” this episode will help you turn that belief on its head - and maybe change how you connect with everyone you meet.

    Links & Resources
    • Hypnotic Gifts: How to Change Someone’s Life in a Single Conversation – Explore Dr. Tori’s upcoming book and framework for life-changing conversations.
    • Prior Episode: 012 (Not So) Small Talk and the Gold Rush
    • Connect on LinkedIn – Join the conversation and gain more daily influence insights.
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    12 分
  • 059 Conversation - Nearby But Not Yet Engaged
    2025/07/18
    Episode 059: Conversation - Nearby But Not Yet Engaged The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Tori

    Influence begins before a single word is spoken. Your presence, actions, and energy in the “nearby but not engaged” space are already shaping how others perceive you. This often-overlooked stage of interaction is where silent impressions form—and they can be more powerful than anything you say later.

    In this episode, Dr. Ed Tori explores how to master this subtle yet critical phase of influence. You’ll learn:

    • Why “it starts before it begins” is a game-changing principle for conversations, meetings, and networking.

    • How small, authentic gestures—like holding a door, picking up trash, or simply showing patience—radiate character and draw people toward you.

    • Ways to deliberately influence others nonverbally, just by how you carry yourself in public spaces.

    • How the pickup artist concept of “pre-selection” (minus the sleaze) shows the power of being observed in positive interactions.

    • Why being intentional in moments of waiting—at the grocery line, before a meeting, or even on public transport—sets the stage for better engagement.

    The secret? Build a magnetic presence by perfecting your character. When who you are shines in those unspoken moments, you create trust and rapport before the conversation even starts.

    Links and Resources:

    • Get Dr. Tori’s book: HypnoticGiftsBook.com

    • Apply for 1:1 Influence Immersion Coaching

    • Join the Influence Book Club

    Listen now and learn how to influence powerfully—without saying a word.

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    7 分