Have you ever been told, or told yourself, that you just need to try harder to be normal? In this episode I look at where that idea comes from, why Western society and capitalism are built around such a narrow picture of a good worker or a good person, and why I don’t think you need fixing.

• The “ideal person” we’re measured against, and why asking “what is wrong with me?” is the wrong question
• A speculative look at how ADHD and autistic traits may have been useful to early human groups
• Queer and trans history: homosexuality was classed as a mental disorder until 1973 (APA) and 1990 (WHO), and the roots of anti-LGBTQ+ laws in colonialism
• Gender-diverse roles across cultures, including the Hijra in South Asia and two-spirit people in North America
• Same-sex pairing in the animal kingdom, from albatrosses to bonobos to penguins
• A small thing to try: next time you think “what’s wrong with me?”, ask “what is this trait good for?” and “where am I being asked to do a job I’m not built for?”

Struggling in a world that wasn’t built for you does not make you broken. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment on YouTube or message me through my website, neuroqueeragenda.com

Get notified of all episodes and any bonus content! Visit neuroqueeragenda.com.

Have you ever been told a room is a safe space and not felt safe in it? That happens more often than people admit, and it’s a big topic for neuroqueer folk. In this episode I talk about what makes a space feel safe, why comfortable and safe are not the same thing, and what I’ve learned from being misgendered on a 12-week course.

• The ground rules I use when I run a group, and why I use the word comfortable rather than safe
• Why safety is felt in your nervous system, and why only you can judge it, moment by moment
• Why “put your pens and phones down” doesn’t work for everyone, and what regulation can look like instead
• Ideas for workshop facilitators, from fidget toys and choice of seating to camera-off options and permission to move around
• A small thing to try: next time you’re in a group, notice what helps you feel regulated and seen

If you run workshops, I’d love to know what you do to make them safer. If you attend them, think about what helps you. And if this episode could help someone you know, or a facilitator who needs to hear it, please send them the link to this episode.

Get notified of all episodes and any bonus content! Visit neuroqueeragenda.com.

If LGBTQIA+ has only ever half fitted you, you’re not alone. In this episode I unpack why “queer” became the word I could finally call home, and why my definition stretches a little further than the acronym does. We look at Gayle Rubin’s Charmed Circle and ask what neurotypical has to do with heteronormativity. There’s also a small, low-pressure thing to try afterwards.

• Why I use queer for myself, the worry about not being “queer enough”, and why it’s still a slur for some people (and that’s OK)
• Gayle Rubin’s Charmed Circle from the 1980s, and how it divides “good” and “bad” sex
• Why I see that line as the line between heteronormativity and queerness, and who historically wrote the rules
• Early thoughts on whether neurotypical and normativity are closer than they look (I’m still working on this one)
• A small task: notice one rule about how you should love, dress or behave that you picked up by default, and ask whose rule it is

People don’t fit into nice, neat boxes, so why should you have to fit into one in coaching? Neuroqueer coaching starts with your whole identity and builds from there. If you’d like to talk, I offer a free consultation: https://emmaleadleycoach.com.

References:

- Gayle Ruben – introduced the "Charmed Circle" as a theoretical framework in her 1984 essay, "Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality".

- Kimberlé Crenshaw – introduced the term ‘intersectionality’ in her essay, "Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex," to point out how anti-discrimination law and early feminist theory failed Black women.

Get notified of all episodes and any bonus content! Visit neuroqueeragenda.com.

Does “how are you feeling?” ever leave you stuck, reaching for “fine” and hoping the conversation moves on? You’re not alone, and it's how we're wired. In this short episode, I explain what alexithymia is, how it differs from interoception, and why not having the words for a feeling doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings.

In this episode

• What alexithymia is: a difficulty identifying and describing what you feel, and why it’s a trait rather than a diagnosis
• How it differs from interoception, which is noticing the signal (like a racing heart), while alexithymia is working out what the signal means or what to call it
• What the research suggests: alexithymia is more common in autistic adults than neurotypical ones, the evidence is thinner for ADHD, and some emotional difficulties described in autism may be alexithymia
• Why none of this means we don’t care, and how to respond if someone says they’re having a “big autistic feel”

Want to talk it through?

If this has got you thinking about how you notice and name your feelings, I’d love to chat. You can book a free discovery call (a “virtual brew”) with me at https://emmaleadleycoach.com/contact.

Feelings wheel: https://www.feelingswheel.com

If you know a neurodivergent person who struggles to describe how they feel, send them this episode.

Get notified of all episodes and any bonus content! Visit neuroqueeragenda.com.

Ever looked up after hours of reading and realised you’re desperate for the toilet, thirsty and stiff all at once? If so, you’re in good company. In this short episode, I explain what interoception is, why it often runs differently for ADHD and autistic people, and how to catch your body’s signals before they turn urgent. There’s a small checklist to try at the end, if you want it.

In this episode

• What interoception is: your brain’s ability to sense what’s going on inside your body, such as thirst, hunger, temperature and needing the toilet
• Why the signal can be quieter, more intense or confused for neurodivergent people, and why this is brain wiring rather than laziness or a lack of self-care
• How hyperfocus can mean the signals arrive late, with a personal example from my own reading habits
• Practical ways to help yourself, including alarms that tell you why you set them and visual cues like a water bottle in view

Want to talk it through?

If this has got you thinking about how your own body talks to you, I’d love to chat. You can book a free discovery call (a “virtual brew”) with me at https://emmaleadleycoach.com/contact.

The next podshot covers alexithymia, which is about feelings rather than physical signals, so follow or subscribe so you don’t miss it.

Send me your questions and they might become a future episode!

Have you ever felt like you had to hide twice over, once for being neurodivergent and once for being queer? No wonder you're tired.

In this episode, I talk about what "neuroqueer" means, where the word came from and why it might give you the language you've been missing. There's one small task at the end, if you want it.

In this episode

• Where the word neuroqueer comes from, and why it's a verb first (neuroqueering) before it's a label
• How I interpret it: exploring how our neurodivergent and queer identities interact, and undoing the heteronormative and neurotypical defaults we've been taught
• Why not everyone who is LGBTQ identifies as queer, and why not everyone who is queer is LGBTQ (this is my own view, and I'm open about that)
• Why looking at neurodivergence and queerness separately can undermine what someone has been through, and how knowing there's a community can help

Want to talk it through?

If this episode has stirred something up, I'd love to hear about it. You can book a free discovery call (a "virtual brew") with me at https://emmaleadleycoach.com/contact/

And, if someone came to mind while you were listening, send them this episode. Neuroqueer might just be the word they've been missing.

Get notified of all episodes and any bonus content! Visit neuroqueeragenda.com.

Ever feel like you missed the memo, or like everyone else got a manual you never received? The Neuroqueer Agenda is for late diagnosed ADHD, autistic and AuDHD queer adults working through unmasking, autistic and ADHD burnout, executive dysfunction, emotional regulation and diagnosis grief, and finding relationship styles and ways of living that don't depend on fitting a neurotypical, heteronormative world.

I'm Emma Leadley, a UK-based non-binary ADHD and neuroqueer coach. I'm late diagnosed autistic and ADHD (AuDHD), queer, chronically ill, polyamorous and kink-aware, and I speak from lived experience and professional training. My approach is neurodiversity-affirming: we are not broken and we do not need fixing.

New five-minute podshots, short episodes for busy neurodivergent brains, arrive several times a week. Each sticks to one idea and ends with an optional small task or tool for you to try.

Get notified of all episodes and any bonus content! Visit neuroqueeragenda.com.