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Truth can be both illuminating and devastating. When I recorded my very first podcast episode on "content communicating" with my then-husband, I believed we were strengthening our marriage by teaching others to "say what you mean and mean what you say." Little did I know he was actively betraying me throughout our entire year of podcasting together.

Looking back at that initial episode brings a mixture of embarrassment, pain, and unexpected wisdom. What began as a simple communication concept has evolved into something far more powerful in my life: telling the whole truth. Not just the polite truth or the partial truth, but the complete, nuanced reality of our experiences. This isn't just about clearly expressing whether you need a bathroom break on a road trip—it's about acknowledging the complex, sometimes contradictory truths that define our lives.

My truth included desperately wanting to save my marriage while ultimately choosing divorce. It included building a life coaching career focused on helping couples rebuild after betrayal, then transforming that practice when I realized I couldn't be the poster child for staying together through infidelity. The whole truth is messy, painful, and ultimately freeing. Through my own healing journey, I've learned that speaking our complete truth—first to ourselves, then to others—forms the foundation for authentic living after betrayal. Whether deciding to skip an event where seeing my ex would trigger dysregulation or setting boundaries that honor my wellbeing, this practice of whole-truth telling has become my compass. Original episode on Content Communicating I did with my former spouse: Cue the Cringe. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/happily-even-after-with-life-coach-jen/id1566971244?i=1000522868984

Ready to explore what telling your whole truth might reveal? Connect with me at hello@lifecoachjenwith1n.com or follow me on Instagram and Facebook @HappilyEvenAfterCoach. Together, we'll navigate the path to your own happily even after—one honest conversation at a time.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

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Relationship and intimacy coach Monica Tanner joins us to unpack the damaging marriage advice many of us have accepted as truth. Drawing from her seven years of podcasting experience and three years exclusively coaching couples, Monica reveals why seemingly innocent phrases like "happy wife, happy life" and "don't sweat the small stuff" actually create disconnection and resentment in relationships.

Monica shares details about her upcoming book, "Bad Marriage Advice: Debunking Myths That Will Make You Miserable and What to Do Instead," which evolved from a heartfelt letter to her soon-to-be-married son. The conversation digs into why telling couples "divorce is not an option" often backfires, removing motivation for growth rather than strengthening commitment.

The most practical segment focuses on Monica's three-step formula for making effective requests in relationships. Instead of complaining about what you're not getting, she teaches how to identify what you want, make your request "stupidly easy" to fulfill by being specific, and show gratitude for any progress. This approach transforms communication patterns and creates positive momentum in relationships.

We also explore the powerful garden metaphor for marriage—how beliefs planted by others in our childhood need tending, weeding, and sometimes complete replanting as we grow and face life's transitions together. Monica emphasizes the value of seeking relationship support before crisis strikes, sharing stories of proactive couples who establish relationships with coaches early in their marriages.

Whether you're struggling with communication issues, feeling disconnected, or simply want to strengthen an already good relationship, this episode offers practical wisdom for creating a marriage where both partners feel valued, heard, and cherished. Ready to transform your relationship? Listen now and discover how to replace bad marriage advice with strategies that actually work.

Monica Tanner Guest Information
Monica Tanner, RLT trained, Relationship Coach and host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast, transforms marriages with simple communication, connection, conflict resolution and commitment strategies. Her mission is to lower the divorce rate and improve marital satisfaction. Through her engaging podcast, new book, Bad Marriage Advice, vibrant social media community, and couple’s coaching practice, Monica's expert guidance has impacted thousands of couples, by helping them ditch resentment and roommate syndrome and get back to living their happily ever after love story.

website: https://monicatanner.com

book: https://badmarriageadvice.com

podcast: https://secretsofhappilyeverafter.buzzsprout.com

Have you gotten on the waitlist for my new book - Bad Marriage Advice? You can do that HERE!

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

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Healing after betrayal often feels impossible when we're white-knuckling our trauma, convinced that hypervigilance will somehow protect us from future pain. But what if the very things we're clinging to—obsessive thoughts about the affair partner, negative self-image, or fantasy versions of our relationships—are actually preventing our healing?

Drawing from both personal experience and my work as a trauma-informed coach, I explore the invisible barriers we construct after infidelity and betrayal. Our primitive brains convince us that staying on high alert will keep us safe, but this constant state of anxiety is both exhausting and ineffective. If someone wants to betray you again, no amount of phone checking or hypervigilance will prevent it.

Real healing begins when we serve an "eviction notice" to the thoughts keeping us stuck. This process starts with awareness of what we're holding onto, followed by what I call bringing our "CEO brain" online—engaging our higher thinking rather than remaining trapped in fear-based responses. Through radical honesty with ourselves, we can loosen our grip on betrayal trauma and begin rebuilding trust from within.

The journey requires distinguishing between fantasy and reality. Fantasy feels safer—imagining what might have been or how things "should" have worked out—but it keeps us disconnected from our actual lives. The sooner we can accept our circumstances, the sooner we can create something meaningful from them. Letting go isn't about forgetting what happened; it's about creating space for new possibilities and yes—living happily, even after betrayal.

Ready to identify what you're holding onto that's keeping you stuck? Reach out for a free call, and let's work together to help you create your happily even after.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

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The aftermath of betrayal often leaves us scrambling to "fix" our broken marriage, convinced that our happiness depends entirely on our spouse's transformation. But what if these beliefs are actually preventing your healing?

Drawing from years of helping clients navigate post-betrayal recovery, I challenge the misconception that rebuilding a marriage is solely your responsibility. When your spouse has an affair, they—not you—must own their choices completely. No matter what challenges existed in your marriage, you didn't cause their betrayal. Their willingness to take full responsibility and seek help understanding why they strayed is essential to genuine reconciliation. Without this commitment from both partners, one person alone cannot repair what's broken.

Even more damaging is the belief that your happiness depends on your spouse changing. This mindset surrenders your emotional well-being to someone else's choices. While their actions certainly affect you, your thoughts about those actions largely determine your happiness. Many marriages get trapped in unhealthy power dynamics where one partner positions themselves as superior (one-up) while the other feels inadequate (one-down). Breaking free requires recognizing everyone's strengths and weaknesses without keeping score. What if both partners could be simultaneously amazing and flawed? What if different approaches to tasks weren't automatically judged as right or wrong?

True healing begins when you reclaim responsibility for your own happiness while releasing the expectation that your spouse must transform to validate your worth. This doesn't mean accepting ongoing betrayal—rather, it means developing the emotional independence to make clear-headed decisions about your future from a place of personal strength rather than desperate dependency. Whether your marriage ultimately survives or not, you deserve to find your way to "happily even after."

Ready to break free from betrayal trauma? Connect with me at hello@lifecoachjenwithn.com or @HappilyEvenAfterCoach on Instagram and Facebook to learn how we can work together toward your healing.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

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Have you ever found yourself stuck in the mindset that your spouse should be the same person you married years ago? Or perhaps you've only focused on your partner's good qualities while being painfully aware of your own flaws? In this deeply personal episode, I share breakthrough realizations about relationships that took me nearly 30 years to uncover.

We explore the life-changing perspective that we're all different people than when we first married—and that's natural. I reveal how my marriage was shaped by a dangerous pattern: I could only see my husband's positive traits while he focused on my shortcomings. This imbalanced dynamic created the perfect storm for dysfunction and heartbreak.

The journey from betrayal to healing requires us to see both the good and challenging aspects of our partners and ourselves with clear eyes. Only then can we make decisions based on reality rather than fantasy. I candidly share how recognizing both my value and my ex-husband's genuine flaws allowed me to finally break free from painful patterns.

For those navigating post-divorce relationships, especially with children involved, I offer practical guidance on setting boundaries, managing family events, and deciding what kind of "former spouse" you want to be. These aren't just abstract concepts—I share my personal struggles, from the initial inability to even say my ex's new wife's name to finding neutrality after years of healing work.

Ready to transform how you view your relationships and yourself after betrayal? This episode provides the roadmap many wish they'd had earlier. Sign up for my email at hello@lifecoachjen.com if you're ready to discover your own path to living "happily, even after."

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

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What happens when the foundation of your marriage crumbles through betrayal? Jennifer Townsend knows this territory intimately. After 26 years of marriage punctuated by her husband's affairs, Jennifer discovered the transformative power of coaching that ultimately gave her the clarity and strength to rebuild her life.

The journey through betrayal trauma is unlike any other. Jennifer shares how she initially believed she could "think her way out" of the pain, and how she mistakenly carried the weight of both her own shame and her husband's. "I was surviving my life," she explains, describing the frozen state many betrayed spouses experience. This numbness becomes a coping mechanism when the reality feels too overwhelming to face.

Jennifer's perspective as both a survivor and a coach offers unique insights into the healing process. She challenges common misconceptions about betrayal recovery, particularly the idea that marriage counseling should be the first step. "Healing needs to be separate until you are healed enough," she explains, noting how trauma shuts down the cognitive part of your brain, making productive couples work nearly impossible in the early stages. This counterintuitive approach allows individuals to gain clarity before attempting to rebuild the relationship.

The most powerful revelation? Understanding that your partner's betrayal was never about you. This shift in perspective removes the burden of self-blame that many betrayed spouses carry. Jennifer now helps both men and women navigate this difficult terrain, teaching them how to establish boundaries, rebuild self-trust, and determine their own needs rather than focusing solely on the relationship.

Whether you're currently navigating betrayal or supporting someone who is, Jennifer's compassionate guidance offers a roadmap through the darkness. Her message is clear: healing is possible, and with the right support, you can move from merely surviving to genuinely thriving again. Take the first step toward your own healing by recognizing that you deserve support, regardless of what decisions lie ahead for your relationship.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

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Have you ever wondered what life could look like three years after making one of the most difficult decisions of your life? In this deeply personal anniversary episode, I reflect on my three-year divorce milestone and the remarkable transformation that's occurred since choosing to end my 26-year marriage after experiencing betrayal.

The journey hasn't been easy. That first year was brutal—selling our home, moving, and watching my children struggle as they rated their healing at near-zero on a ten-point scale. But sitting here today, those same children confidently declare they're at a perfect ten. They're thriving, no longer fantasizing about their parents reuniting, but accepting and embracing our new reality with surprising contentment.

What's changed for me personally is even more profound. The thoughts of my ex-husband and his new wife that once consumed my mental space have faded into neutral territory. I'm dating again—something unimaginable just a year ago—and can even envision remarriage with the right person (though they'd need to bring something truly special to the table). Most importantly, I've reclaimed my sense of self. After 26 years of not choosing me, I finally did—and that choice has transformed everything.

Whether you're just beginning to process betrayal, considering divorce, or somewhere in the middle of your healing journey, this episode offers honest reflection and genuine hope. Choosing yourself might be terrifying, but the peace waiting on the other side is worth every uncomfortable step. If you're ready to move from victim to hero in your own story, I'd be honored to help guide you there. Let's create your happily even after.

Year 2 episode:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/happily-even-after-with-life-coach-jen/id1566971244?i=1000656124266

1st year of divorce episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/happily-even-after-with-life-coach-jen/id1566971244?i=1000613968858

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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Have you ever prided yourself on being the one who "keeps the peace" in your relationships, only to realize later you might be sacrificing your own well-being in the process? That's exactly what happened to me after years of what I thought was noble peacekeeping in my marriage.

In this deeply personal exploration, I unpack the critical difference between peacekeeping and peacemaking—a distinction that transformed my understanding of healthy relationships after betrayal. Peacekeepers avoid conflict at all costs, minimize problems, and often sacrifice their own needs for artificial harmony. Meanwhile, peacemakers have the courage to engage with difficult issues while maintaining compassion and respect.

Through my own journey recovering from betrayal, I discovered that my so-called peacekeeping was actually preventing genuine healing and connection. I share the telltale signs you might be a peacekeeper, including feeling responsible for managing everyone else's emotions, walking on eggshells to avoid triggering others, and suffering in silence rather than addressing problems directly.

Most importantly, I offer practical guidance for shifting from peacekeeping to peacemaking: identifying your triggers, setting healthy boundaries, practicing difficult conversations, and creating safe spaces where vulnerability is welcomed rather than punished. This transformation isn't about becoming confrontational—it's about finding the courage to address issues with love and integrity rather than sweeping them under the rug.

Whether you're healing from betrayal or simply want more authentic connections in your life, understanding this distinction could be the key that unlocks more honest, fulfilling relationships. Listen now to discover how you can honor your truth while still cultivating genuine peace in your relationships.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com