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The devastating words "just move on" after betrayal often cause more harm than the infidelity itself. Like an elephant stubbornly refusing to leave the room, unaddressed betrayal trauma grows larger the more we attempt to ignore it. This raw, honest conversation delves into why rushing the healing process sabotages genuine recovery and creates deeper wounds for both partners.

When betrayal shatters your reality, hearing that you should "get over it" feels like being betrayed all over again. This dismissal creates a secondary trauma—silencing your pain, invalidating your emotions, and blocking the accountability necessary for true healing. Through exploring ten reasons why "just move on" fails, we uncover how avoidance tactics like sweeping affairs "under the rug" create emotional distance that becomes impossible to bridge without confronting uncomfortable truths.

For those struggling with a partner unwilling to engage in repair, this episode offers validation and practical guidance. Healing is possible even when your spouse refuses to help, but it shouldn't be done alone. By choosing courage over comfort and facing pain rather than avoiding it, betrayed partners can reclaim their power and create lasting healing—whether the relationship survives or not. Your future self deserves the gift of complete healing, not the false promise of moving on before you've had the chance to process what happened.

Ready to transform your post-betrayal journey? Sign up for our newsletter or follow us on social media to continue the conversation. Share your experience in the comments—what healing approach has helped you move forward after betrayal?

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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The words "you're just too sensitive" ring in our ears long after they're spoken—especially when they're used to cover up betrayal. As a trauma-informed coach who survived my own journey through infidelity, I've discovered that most troubled relationships follow a pattern: one partner acts as the "bomb maker" while the other becomes "the bomb." This powerful metaphor, borrowed from relationship expert Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, perfectly captures the dynamic where one person creates chaos while the other absorbs negativity until eventually exploding.

When someone lives a double life through affairs or addiction, they manufacture stress through lies and deception. Their partner feels this constant undercurrent of negative emotion but can't quite identify its source—until discovery happens. Then the explosion occurs. The aftermath leaves both people wondering how to navigate this emotional minefield. Do you recognize signs of a bomb maker? They create emotional outbursts, start arguments with contradictory statements, engage in gaslighting, blame-shift, emotionally manipulate, and place unrealistic expectations on their partner. These behaviors destroy trust, drain energy, and erode self-esteem in devastating ways.

Healing starts with acknowledging what's happening. Set clear boundaries and communicate consequences when they're violated. Instead of trying to control your partner's behavior, focus on what actions you'll take to protect yourself when tensions rise. Create emotional safety within yourself rather than relying on someone else to provide it. Most importantly, get support. While betrayal magnifies these destructive dynamics, with awareness and proper guidance, both partners can learn to recognize these patterns and create healthier relationship dynamics. If you're struggling to navigate betrayal's aftermath, know that healing is possible—and you don't have to do it alone. I've been there, and now I help others find their path to living happily, even after betrayal.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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Have you ever felt crazy when your intuition was screaming that something was wrong in your relationship? Jeni Brockbank's story will validate those feelings and show you there's a path forward through betrayal trauma.

Jeni, Executive Director of Her Wings Unfold, joins me to share her journey through a 25-year marriage marked by betrayal, and how she transformed her pain into purpose. After discovering her husband's double life just nine months into their marriage, Jeni spent years trying to hold everything together while raising six children and maintaining the appearance of a perfect family. Her powerful awakening came when she realized she wasn't the one breaking covenants or destroying their relationship.

What makes this conversation particularly valuable is Jeni's insight into the unique challenges of leaving an abusive relationship when religious beliefs emphasize eternal marriage. She candidly discusses how abuse often escalates after separation, sharing her own experience of temporary homelessness when her ex-husband convinced a court to place all their home sale proceeds into escrow.

The heart of our discussion focuses on Her Wings Unfold's revolutionary approach to healing through trauma-sensitive 12-steps. Traditional recovery models often pathologize natural responses to betrayal as "codependency," inadvertently blaming victims. Jeni's program instead validates survivors' experiences, emphasizing safety, self-compassion, and community healing to address what she calls the Four A's: abuse, addiction, adultery, and abandonment.

Whether you're navigating betrayal yourself or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers a compassionate framework for understanding the complex trauma of broken trust and the possibility of healing beyond it. As Jeni puts it, "I wasn't the one who broke the covenants" – a powerful reminder that taking back your life isn't breaking your promises.

To get in contact with Jeni:

Here are a few links:

Find a Trauma-Sensitive 12-Step meeting

H.E.R. Wings Unfold

Relational Trauma SOS

Also, something that I didn't mention is that I did author a betrayal trauma book for members of the Church. Feel free to not use the link but here it is in case: Healing In Christ's Light From Patterns of Sexual Betrayal

I'd love to keep in touch! You are doing amazing and brave things. <3

Warmly,

--

Jeni Brockbank
Executive Director
H.E.R. Wings Unfold
435-339-3561
herwingsunfold.org / ts12anon.org

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com