Why can't you manifest the thing you want — more money, the right relationship, more peace — even when you're doing everything right? In this episode of Grit & Grace, hosts Pam Rader and Erin Payne break down the real reason manifestation stalls out in the gap between wanting something and receiving it, and the missing step almost no one talks about: forgiveness.

Pam and Erin unpack Jim Curtis's framework from The Book of Possibility — Release, Align, Become — and trace the same universal truth through Abraham Hicks' teaching on contrast and the "rocket of desire," David Bayer's principle that desire plus non-resistance equals your desired result, and Baron Baptiste's line, "the answer to how is yes." They share real stories: Pam's $52,000 debt and the yoga teacher training that sold for exactly $52,000; Erin's money scarcity patterns and how she manifested a $9,000 coaching program she couldn't afford; and Pam's shift from listing qualities she wanted in a partner to asking who she needed to become instead.

The conversation lands on the ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho'oponopono — I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you — and why forgiving yourself for ever believing you weren't worthy may be the real "alignment" step between releasing an old identity and becoming the person who can hold what you want.

In this episode:

• Why vision boards and affirmations alone don't work
• The difference between chasing the "how" and trusting the lag
• Why your old identity — not bad luck — is what's blocking you
• Real stories of manifestation through becoming, not forcing
• How shadow work and spiritual bypassing can look identical
• The Ho'oponopono practice, explained simply
• A better affirmation: "I am divinely guided and perfectly on time"
• What Pam and Erin are each manifesting right now

Books mentioned:

• The Book of Possibility: Release. Align. Become. by Jim Curtis
• Zero Limits by Dr. Joe Vitale

Work with Pam & Erin: Book a free discovery call to explore 1:1 coaching: https://pamrader.com/

Become the Catalyst — our six-month live coaching certification — opens for its next cohort October 20, 2026: https://pamrader.com/

Grit & Grace Retreat waitlist: https://pamrader.com/gritandgrace

Follow the show: Pam: instagram.com/pamrader | YouTube: @coachpamrader Erin: instagram.com/erin_payne | erinpayne.ca

If this episode resonated, subscribe and leave us a review — it helps more people find the show.

Self-trust is the missing ingredient in personal development — and it's why you can do all the "right" work and still feel stuck. In this episode of Grit & Grace, Pam Rader and Erin Payne break down the exact methodology they use with coaching clients to create lasting, sustainable change: CORE — Create Safety, Observe Patterns, Restore Self-Trust, Embody & Integrate.

Pam shares the real story behind her cold plunging practice — how she started building nervous system resilience months before she consciously knew a storm was coming, and how that practice carried her through the day her marriage ended. Erin opens up about choosing herself over a relationship, and the visceral nervous system backlash that showed up the moment she took that step — even though it was exactly what she wanted.

Together they unpack why shame and self-blame block transformation, how unspoken expectations quietly sabotage relationships, and why the "terror barrier" — that gut-drop feeling right before you take aligned action — is actually a sign you're doing it right, not a sign to stop.

You'll learn:

• The CORE method for creating lasting change in any area of your life
• Why creating safety with yourself (not a toxic-free environment) is the real starting point
• A 3-part inquiry to interrupt any pattern that isn't serving you
• Why "this doesn't feel right" after a big decision is often your nervous system, not your intuition
• How to embody new behavior until it becomes identity, not just insight

This episode also introduces Become the Catalyst, Pam and Erin's six-month live coaching certification launching October 2026. Applications are open now.

Connect with us:
Pam Rader: https://pamrader.com | IG: @pamrader | YouTube: @coachpamrader
Erin Payne: https://erinpayne.ca | IG: @erin_payne

Apply for Become the Catalyst: pamrader.com

If this episode helped you, share it with someone who needs it — and leave us a rating, it helps more people find the show.

Self-trust starts the moment you stop blaming your circumstances and start naming your patterns. In this raw, funny episode, Pam Rader sits down with co-host Erin Payne and returning guest Brian Thiessen ("the cowboy") to pull apart the invisible loops that keep smart, capable people stuck in the same relationship, business, or money pattern over and over again.

They introduce the "safety officer" — the protective part of you (Pam calls hers Darlene, Erin's is Diane, Brian's is Dave) that hijacks your growth in the name of keeping you safe. It's not broken. It's not weak. It's a part of you doing exactly what it was built to do — and once you see it clearly, you can't unsee it.

This episode breaks down the real differences keeping you stuck in the loop:

• Familiarity vs. Safety — Erin's key distinction: what feels "safe" is often just familiar chaos. Real safety feels different, and most people can't recognize it because they've never actually felt it
• Dopamine vs. Oxytocin — the chemical of wanting vs. true bonding, and why we get addicted to "dopamine hunting" instead of real connection
• Discomfort vs. Wrong — why growth is supposed to feel uncomfortable, and why "this doesn't feel right" is often the exact sign you're finally doing something different
• Protection vs. Prevention — every self-sabotaging pattern exists to protect, preserve, or prevent something, and why your safety officer isn't broken, it's just doing its job too well
• Authenticity vs. Performing — Erin's real-time experiment dating multiple people at once, and the moment she noticed she liked herself with one and was performing with the others
• False Safety vs. Real Intimacy — Brian's story of building a 22-year "safe" relationship engineered to avoid the actual risk of real closeness

Plus: Name Your Officer — a simple parts-work practice for identifying your own protector, thanking it for trying to keep you safe, and moving forward anyway.

Quote of the episode: "Just because it's uncomfortable doesn't mean it's wrong."

Mentioned in this episode:

• Parts work / Internal Family Systems (IFS)
• Avoidant attachment and the dopamine-oxytocin cycle
• Bob Proctor — "as within, so without"
• A previous episode on authenticity vs. performing a version of yourself

Connect with us:
Pam Rader — pamrader.com | IG @pamrader
Erin Payne — erinpayne.ca | IG @erin_payne
Watch on YouTube — youtube.com/@coachpamrader

If this episode named something you've never had words for, share it with someone who needs to hear it, rate the show, and let us know what landed for you.

Ready to go deeper? Join the waitlist for our Grit & Grace Retreat at pamrader.com/gritandgrace.

Pam's book, Through the Cracks: A Gripping Story of Addiction and Rising: https://www.amazon.ca/Through-Cracks-Gripping-Addiction-Rising/dp/1777531608