What this episode moves through

• The subtle ways control still shows up even when you think you’ve “done the work” • Why the mundane parts of your day hold more power than the big healing moments • The nervous system patterns built in repetition, not intensity • What it actually feels like to stop filling every quiet space • The difference between thinking about change & living inside it • How presence becomes something your body knows, not something you try to do

There was a point where I stopped looking for the big moment to change everything.

Not because I found it… but because I couldn’t keep chasing it.

I remember thinking something must be missing. Another protocol. Another shift. Another layer I hadn’t uncovered yet. And yet nothing was actually changing in the way I thought it would. Not in the timeline I had quietly decided it should.

And what I didn’t see at the time was how much of my life I was moving through without ever really being in it.

This conversation starts to land there. Not in the dramatic parts of the journey. Not in the big decisions or the big healing moments. But in the places that feel almost too ordinary to matter.

The parts of your day you usually rush through or fill up or try to get past.

And how those exact moments are where something deeper either stays the same… or finally begins to shift.

Timestamps

01:05 The reality of staying in the work over time 02:01 Bringing awareness into the mundane 03:17 Why big healing moments are not where change sticks 04:18 Presence inside ordinary life 05:17 Noticing the absence of urgency 06:12 How patterns are built in small moments 07:11 Parenting, awareness & self-compassion 07:40 Rewiring happens faster than you think 08:09 Returning to yourself in simple ways 08:35 What begins to shift without external change

Full Transcript Over on the Blog: https://www.findingfertility.co/blog/The%20Hidden%20Pattern%20Keeping%20You%20Stuck%20in%20IVF%20&%20Fertility%20Burnout

Let's Do This Together 💚

Monica

Instagram: https://bit.ly/FindingFertilityIG

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@findingfertility

TikTok: https://bit.ly/FindingFertilityTikTok

🌺 Book Your Fertility Breakthrough Session Today here: https://calendly.com/findingfertility/discoveryconsultation?month=2022-10

🎙 Subscribe on your favourite podcast platform:⁣⁠⁣⁣⁣

Apple: http://bit.ly/FINDINGFERTILITYAPPLE⁣⁠⁣⁣⁣

Stitcher: http://bit.ly/FindingFertilitySTITCHER

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0BMtwCvdyR4aJyfSfcKh6i

🍍HELP SUPPORT THE SHOW🍍 You can shop for your favourite fertility support products over on: Seeking Health:https://bit.ly/FFSeekingHealth & Amazon:http://bit.ly/FindingFertilityAmazon

Anything written or said about health and diet are my opinions, that I have formed over the years, through trial and error, study, reading, listening and observing. What worked for me, may not work for you. I am not a doctor, nutritionist or dietician and all medical advice should be gotten from a qualified professional. Product recommendations are based on what I used during my infertility journey or wish I had.

“Awareness is not the same as self-monitoring.”

• How awareness quietly turns into pressure and self-monitoring

• The deeply ingrained pattern of being hypercritical with yourself

• Why many emotional patterns are learned, not who you actually are

• The difference between observing and trying to fix yourself

• The concept of “the observer observing the observer”

• How judgment, shame, and blame activate the nervous system

• Why clean awareness creates regulation and softness in the body

• Letting go of the need to improve every moment you notice

• The internal stories that keep you stuck in “this is just who I am”

• Moving into a more neutral, graceful relationship with yourself

Hello Beautiful, Monica here supporting you to become the conscious mama you were born to be…

And this week… we go a layer deeper.

Because a lot of you have done the work. You’ve slowed down. You’ve started noticing your patterns. You’re becoming aware. And instead of that bringing relief… it’s quietly turned into another thing you’re trying to get right.

Watching yourself. Correcting yourself. Wondering if you’re doing it “well enough.”

And I get it. I’ve lived that.

But this is where things can get a little sneaky. Because awareness can very quickly turn into self-monitoring. And self-monitoring almost always turns into judgment.

So instead of softening… your body tightens even more.

This episode is where we shift that.

Not by doing more. Not by fixing anything. But by learning how to observe yourself without adding another layer of pressure on top of everything you’re already carrying.

Because the truth is… you’re not stuck because you’re doing it wrong.

You’re stuck because you’re still judging yourself while you’re trying to change.

And once you see that… something opens.

“Judgment tightens the body. Awareness softens it.”

00:00 Welcome and grounding into your fertility journey

01:35 How awareness turns into self-monitoring and pressure

02:29 The root of self-judgment and learned patterns

03:18 The observer observing the observer explained

04:47 Why judgment tightens the body and awareness softens it

06:12 You are the only one judging yourself

Full Transcript Over on the Blog: https://www.findingfertility.co/blog/week-17%20Fertility%20Burnout%20&%20the%20Trap%20of%20Self-Monitoring%20Your%20Healing%20During%20IVF%20&%20Infertility

Let's Do This Together 💚

Monica

Instagram: https://bit.ly/FindingFertilityIG

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@findingfertility

TikTok: https://bit.ly/FindingFertilityTikTok

🌺 Book Your Fertility Breakthrough Session Today here: https://calendly.com/findingfertility/discoveryconsultation?month=2022-10

🎙 Subscribe on your favourite podcast platform:⁣⁠⁣⁣⁣

Apple: http://bit.ly/FINDINGFERTILITYAPPLE⁣⁠⁣⁣⁣

Stitcher: http://bit.ly/FindingFertilitySTITCHER

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0BMtwCvdyR4aJyfSfcKh6i

🍍HELP SUPPORT THE SHOW🍍 You can shop for your favourite fertility support products over on: Seeking Health:https://bit.ly/FFSeekingHealth & Amazon:http://bit.ly/FindingFertilityAmazon

Anything written or said about health and diet are my opinions, that I have formed over the years, through trial and error, study, reading, listening and observing. What worked for me, may not work for you. I am not a doctor, nutritionist or dietician and all medical advice should be gotten from a qualified professional. Product recommendations are based on what I used during my infertility journey or wish I had.

“You are not responsible for everything that happens… but you are responsible for how you meet it.”

• The quiet ways control hides inside being responsible, organized, and “on top of it”

• How overdoing becomes identity without you even realizing it

• The internal pressure of time and the feeling of constantly being behind

• The nervous system’s attachment to urgency and why slowing down feels unsafe

• The difference between reacting from default patterns and responding from awareness

• Why radical responsibility is not blame, shame, or self-judgment

• The moment you start noticing yourself in real time and everything shifts

• How small shifts in awareness begin to change your default frequency

• The gap between noticing your patterns and criticizing yourself for them

• Letting yourself be human while still choosing something different next time

“The hardest part of this journey is remembering to break the pattern.”

Hello Beautiful, Monica here supporting you to become the conscious mama you were born to be…

And this week… we go there.

Not the surface-level stuff. Not the “just stay positive” nonsense. We’re talking about the patterns that have been quietly running your life for years. The ones that look like responsibility. Like being on top of things. Like doing everything right.

But underneath… it’s control. It’s pressure. It’s that constant hum of feeling behind.

And I know this one can feel a bit confronting. Because when we start talking about radical responsibility, it can tip straight into blame if you’re not careful. That old energy of “this must be my fault.”

It’s not that.

It’s the moment you realize… you might not control what’s happening, but you are shaping how you meet it. And that changes everything.

Because this isn’t about doing your fertility journey better. It’s about getting honest with how you’re showing up inside of it.

And once you see it… you can’t unsee it.

00:00 Welcome and grounding into the deeper fertility journey

02:06 The hidden layers of control most women don’t see

03:34 How time pressure creates urgency and tightness in the body

04:30 What radical responsibility actually means

05:55 Forgetting, looping patterns, and removing self-judgment

06:51 Why shifting patterns feels unsafe in your body

Full Transcript Over on the Blog: https://www.findingfertility.co/blog/week-16%20IVF,%20Control%20&%20Time%20Pressure:%20Why%20You%20Still%20Feel%20Behind%20During%20Infertility

Let's Do This Together 💚

Monica

Instagram: https://bit.ly/FindingFertilityIG

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@findingfertility

TikTok: https://bit.ly/FindingFertilityTikTok

🌺 Book Your Fertility Breakthrough Session Today here: https://calendly.com/findingfertility/discoveryconsultation?month=2022-10

🎙 Subscribe on your favourite podcast platform:⁣⁠⁣⁣⁣

Apple: http://bit.ly/FINDINGFERTILITYAPPLE⁣⁠⁣⁣⁣

Stitcher: http://bit.ly/FindingFertilitySTITCHER

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0BMtwCvdyR4aJyfSfcKh6i

🍍HELP SUPPORT THE SHOW🍍 You can shop for your favourite fertility support products over on: Seeking Health:https://bit.ly/FFSeekingHealth & Amazon:http://bit.ly/FindingFertilityAmazon

Anything written or said about health and diet are my opinions, that I have formed over the years, through trial and error, study, reading, listening and observing. What worked for me, may not work for you. I am not a doctor, nutritionist or dietician and all medical advice should be gotten from a qualified professional. Product recommendations are based on what I used during my infertility journey or wish I had.