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  • 517: How a Bloody Trauma Case Cured My Lifelong Blood Phobia

    517: How a Bloody Trauma Case Cured My Lifelong Blood Phobia
    2026/08/31
    Episode 517: How a Bloody Trauma Case Cured My Lifelong Blood Phobia Hosts: Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns Episode Summary Can your greatest fear become one of your greatest strengths? In this deeply personal episode, Dr. David Burns shares the remarkable true story of how a severe lifelong blood phobia nearly ended his medical career—and how one unforgettable day in the emergency room transformed that fear forever. David recounts his unconventional path to becoming a psychiatrist, including almost dropping out of medical school, taking years away from medicine, living without money while trying to create a life centered around helping others, and eventually finding his way back to psychiatry through a residency at Highland Hospital in Oakland. On his very first day in the emergency department, David was confronted with what seemed like his worst nightmare: a critically injured bombing victim covered in blood. Unable to avoid the situation, he was asked to help clean gunpowder from the patient's wounds. What began as overwhelming terror became an unexpected turning point that permanently erased his blood phobia—and ultimately shaped his career treating anxiety disorders. Along the way, David and Kevin explore why exposure is one of the most powerful treatments for anxiety, why motivation is essential for lasting change, and why courage doesn't require the absence of fear. This inspiring conversation is a reminder that the experiences we most want to avoid can sometimes become the doorway to profound growth. In This Episode Why David never intended to become a physician—and almost quit medical school.The childhood experiences that contributed to his lifelong blood phobia.How avoiding feared situations keeps anxiety alive.The extraordinary trauma case that unexpectedly became David's own exposure therapy.The surprising moment his fear disappeared completely.David's concept of the "200% cure"—when something you once feared becomes something you genuinely enjoy.Why therapists sometimes avoid using exposure therapy, even though it is one of the most effective anxiety treatments.Why motivation often determines whether people are able to face their fears.The role of acceptance and willingness during exposure.A moving reunion with Highland Hospital decades later through the surgeon who recently performed David's successful colon surgery. Key Takeaways Exposure works because avoidance keeps fear alive. The natural impulse is to escape what frightens us. Unfortunately, every act of avoidance teaches the brain that the feared situation is dangerous. When we stay in the feared situation long enough, anxiety eventually peaks and then naturally declines. The feared catastrophe rarely occurs, and our confidence grows. Courage means acting while you're afraid. Kevin highlights an important distinction: You don't have to eliminate fear before taking action. Real courage is moving forward even while your anxiety feels overwhelming. David's anxiety remained at a 100 out of 100 for nearly fifteen minutes before it suddenly dissolved. Anxiety cannot remain at its peak forever. One of the biggest misconceptions about anxiety is the belief that once it starts, it will continue indefinitely. In reality, anxiety naturally rises and falls. If we stop escaping and allow ourselves to experience it, it eventually loses its power. Motivation makes exposure possible. For years David simply avoided blood. Everything changed because he had something more important than avoiding fear: he wanted to become a psychiatrist. Having a compelling reason to face anxiety often makes difficult exposure exercises possible. Sometimes fear transforms into enthusiasm. David describes what he calls the "200% cure." A 100% cure means you're no longer afraid.A 200% cure means you actually enjoy doing the very thing you once feared. Many people who overcome fears discover new passions that once seemed impossible. Therapists can become afraid of their patients' anxiety. Kevin and David discuss an important obstacle in treatment: therapists themselves sometimes avoid exposure because they're afraid it will overwhelm the client. Ironically, protecting people from anxiety often prolongs suffering. Learning that anxiety is uncomfortable—but not dangerous—is one of the most healing discoveries patients can make. Exposure requires willingness, not comfort. The goal is never to feel relaxed before confronting a fear. The goal is to become willing to experience anxiety while pursuing what matters. Memorable Quotes "When you confront the thing you're afraid of, you discover that the monster has no teeth." "You don't have to be a hero. You just have to make the decision to do it." "The 100% cure is you're no longer afraid. The 200% cure is that you love doing the thing you were once afraid of." "The real harm is believing that anxiety itself is dangerous." Resources Mentioned Dr. David Burns' accompanying Psychology Today article, "How a Bloody...
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    38 分
  • 516: The Man Who Was Fired Five Times

    516: The Man Who Was Fired Five Times
    2026/08/24
    The Man Who Was Fired Five Times How Letting Go of Blame Can Transform Your Life Hosts: Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns What if the biggest obstacle to your happiness isn't your depression, your anxiety, or even the difficult people around you? What if it's the belief that everyone else needs to change first? In this powerful episode of the Feeling Good Podcast, Dr. David Burns and host Kevin Cornelius, LMFT, discuss one of David's favorite therapy stories from his recent Psychology Today article, "The Man Who Was Fired Five Times." What begins as the story of a brilliant computer programmer who can't keep a job becomes an unforgettable lesson in overcoming resistance, building meaningful relationships, and discovering the extraordinary power of humility. This episode is packed with practical TEAM-CBT techniques, fascinating therapy demonstrations, and one of the most inspiring recovery stories you'll ever hear. In This Episode A Brilliant Man Who Couldn't Keep a Job David introduces us to "Bhagwant" (a pseudonym), an exceptionally gifted computer programmer who sought treatment after being fired five times in just two years. Although he initially came to therapy complaining of low self-esteem, David quickly noticed something much deeper. Bhagwant believed: His coworkers were conspiring against him.His bosses failed to appreciate his intelligence.Other people were the source of nearly all his suffering. Despite his obvious brilliance, his habit of blaming others had become the greatest obstacle to both his career and his happiness. Why David Didn't Try to Help Him...At First Instead of immediately offering therapy techniques, David did something surprising. He told Bhagwant that perhaps they shouldn't work together. Why? Because therapy would require Bhagwant—not his coworkers—to do all of the changing. Rather than arguing with Bhagwant or trying to convince him he was wrong, David used one of the most powerful TEAM-CBT methods: Dangling the Carrot By joining Bhagwant's resistance instead of fighting it, David completely changed the emotional dynamic. Instead of saying: "You're the problem." He essentially said: "You're right—it seems terribly unfair that you'd have to do all the work when everyone else is causing the problem." That paradoxical response immediately dissolved Bhagwant's resistance. Moments later, he admitted something he had hidden from David: He hadn't merely been placed on probation. He had already been fired—for the fifth time. Why Specificity Matters One of the central themes of the episode is David's insistence on working with specific moments instead of vague labels. Rather than treating "low self-esteem" as the problem, David asks: What happened?Where were you?What time was it?What exactly were you thinking? This "fractal" approach allows therapy to target the real thoughts creating emotional suffering instead of treating abstract diagnostic labels. As David explains, problems can only be solved when they're connected to a real moment in time. Recovery Begins with Practice Once Bhagwant committed fully to treatment, he became an extraordinarily dedicated student of TEAM-CBT. He learned to: Identify cognitive distortionsChallenge negative thoughts using Externalization of VoicesMaster the Five Secrets of Effective CommunicationReplace defensiveness with curiosity and empathy At one point, David actually had to limit Bhagwant's therapy homework because he was spending six to eight hours a day practicing. The Job Interview That Changed Everything Eventually Bhagwant received a job offer from a company in Florida. David gave him one final piece of surprising advice: Ask your new employer to agree to criticize you every single week. Specifically, David suggested requesting regular meetings where supervisors would openly point out mistakes so Bhagwant could practice using the Five Secrets and the Disarming Technique. The company agreed. The results were astonishing. Within weeks: He had developed excellent relationships with coworkers.He won Employee of the Month.He received multiple promotions.His salary doubled. Years later, David received a Christmas card that brought tears to his eyes. Bhagwant had become CEO of the very company that hired him. The Disarming Technique Much of the second half of the episode explores one of the most challenging—and most transformative—TEAM-CBT skills. What Is Disarming? Disarming means sincerely finding the truth in criticism, even when the criticism seems exaggerated or unfair. David explains what he calls the Law of Opposites: Defending yourself often convinces others the criticism is true.Agreeing sincerely with whatever truth exists often causes the criticism to lose its power. This simple paradox can dramatically transform difficult conversations. Live Role-Playing Kevin and David demonstrate the Disarming Technique through several live role plays. David criticizes Kevin as being: FakeInexperiencedPretending to know more than ...
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    46 分
  • 515: Ask David-When Negative Thoughts Won't Stop

    515: Ask David-When Negative Thoughts Won't Stop
    2026/08/17
    Episode 515: Ask David Parenting Meltdowns, Real-Time TEAM-CBT, and When Negative Thoughts Won't Stop What do you do when your child has a public meltdown—and you feel your own frustration rising just as quickly? And what if your mind feels so overwhelmed with anxious or depressive thoughts that completing a Daily Mood Log seems impossible? In this Ask David episode, Dr. David Burns is joined by host Kevin Cornelius, LMFT, and Psychiatrist/TEAM-CBT therapist Dr. Matt May to answer two thoughtful listener questions that many parents and therapy enthusiasts will recognize. Together, they demonstrate TEAM-CBT techniques live, showing not only what to do, but how to think differently in the moment. Along the way, they explore why changing your relationship with your own thoughts is often more important than trying to control other people's behavior. In This Episode Question 1: How Do I Use TEAM-CBT in Real Time When My Child Has a Meltdown? A listener describes taking his two young sons to the driving range when one child suddenly wants to leave while the other wants to stay. As frustration mounts, so do the automatic thoughts: "He's being a brat.""He's too immature for this.""He's ungrateful and whines all the time." Although the listener can challenge these thoughts later using a Daily Mood Log, he wonders: How can I use TEAM-CBT in the middle of an emotionally charged parenting moment? David, Kevin, and Matt explore this question through several live demonstrations. Topics Include: Why self-compassion comes before effective parentingThe danger of "should" statements directed at yourselfHow beating yourself up actually makes it harder to respond compassionatelyWhy practice outside emotional moments prepares you for success inside emotional momentsAccepting your own imperfections as a parent Matt demonstrates how to respond to his own inner critic using Externalization of Voices, replacing self-criticism with realistic self-acceptance instead of perfectionism. Challenging "Shoulds" About Other People The conversation then shifts to another common trap: Trying to make other people different than they are. Together they examine several automatic thoughts parents commonly experience: "He's being a brat.""He's too immature.""He's ungrateful." David helps Matt and Kevin identify the cognitive distortions hiding inside these thoughts, including: LabelingHidden should statementsUnrealistic expectationsBlaming Rather than arguing intellectually, they demonstrate TEAM-CBT methods such as: Acceptance ParadoxSelf-DefenseCounterattackExternalization of Voices The discussion highlights an important insight: Much of our emotional suffering comes not from other people's behavior—but from insisting they should be different than they are. Kevin shares a personal story about using the Feeling Great app's Paradoxical Magnification exercise to dissolve his own "should" statements about parenting through humor and acceptance. Question 2: What If My Mind Never Stops Producing Negative Thoughts? The second listener has struggled with depression and anxiety since adolescence. Although he believes in TEAM-CBT, he finds the Daily Mood Log overwhelming because his mind produces what feels like hundreds of negative thoughts every minute. His questions include: How long should I spend on a Daily Mood Log?Do I need to answer every negative thought?Why can't I create positive thoughts that actually feel believable? David's Advice Dr. Burns explains that: 10–20 minutes of Daily Mood Log work is usually enough.You do not need to answer every negative thought.Most automatic thoughts are simply variations of a handful of core beliefs.Consistent practice matters much more than perfection. Using his own recovery after recent surgery as an example, David reminds listeners that small, steady efforts often produce remarkable long-term change. Helpful TEAM-CBT Strategies Discussed Kevin describes how simply sitting down with the Daily Mood Log often quiets his racing mind and helps him focus on what truly matters. David recommends another powerful exercise: Negative Practice Instead of fighting racing thoughts: Schedule a few minutes.Record every negative thought without challenging them.Then listen back to the recording. Many people discover that simply hearing their thoughts aloud changes their relationship to them. Matt also emphasizes several uncovering techniques that help identify the deeper beliefs generating so many automatic thoughts, including: The What-If TechniqueIndividual Downward ArrowCost-Benefit AnalysisPositive Reframing Rather than trying to "think positively," TEAM-CBT first helps eliminate the hidden resistance that makes positive thoughts difficult to believe. A Quick Speed Round Near the end of the episode, David introduces a new experiment: Rapid-fire Ask David answers. In just thirty seconds, he explains one of the central concepts from Feeling Great: The Four Deaths of the Self The death of the Special Self (...
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    46 分
  • 514: Ask David w/ Dr. Matt May

    514: Ask David w/ Dr. Matt May
    2026/08/10
    514: Ask David w/ Dr. Matt May Schizophrenia, Resistance, TEAM's Future, and What Makes a Great Therapist In this thought-provoking Ask David episode, Dr. David Burns is joined by Kevin Cornelius, LMFT, and special guest Dr. Matt May, psychiatrist, TEAM-CBT therapist, and longtime colleague of Dr. Burns. Together, they tackle challenging listener questions about schizophrenia, emotional suffering, resistance to change, therapist training, and the future of psychotherapy. Along the way, the conversation becomes deeply personal as David reflects on the qualities that shaped the development of TEAM-CBT, his hopes and concerns for the future of psychotherapy, and the lessons he's learned after decades of clinical work. Our Special Guest: Dr. Matt May Kevin welcomes Dr. Matt May back to the podcast. Matt is a psychiatrist trained at Stanford who has worked closely with David for more than twenty years. Although trained in psychiatry, Matt explains that his work today focuses almost entirely on TEAM-CBT rather than medication management. David praises Matt as one of the most gifted therapists he has ever known, highlighting his warmth, compassion, humility, and clinical expertise. Question #1: Can TEAM-CBT Help the Negative Symptoms of Schizophrenia? A listener asks whether TEAM-CBT can help with the so-called "three A's" of schizophrenia: ApathyAvolition (severe lack of motivation)Anhedonia (loss of pleasure) or whether medication is the primary treatment. David's Response David challenges the assumptions behind the question itself. Rather than viewing people through the lens of diagnostic labels and symptoms, he emphasizes that TEAM-CBT begins by asking: "What would you like help with?" He argues that therapists often fall into the trap of acting like experts who believe they already know what a patient needs based on a diagnosis. TEAM-CBT takes the opposite approach, focusing on the individual person's goals, struggles, and hopes. David shares an early experience treating a patient with schizophrenia. Initially, he tried to challenge the patient's delusional beliefs directly through cognitive techniques. When the patient simply reinterpreted the evidence to support the delusion, David realized he was pursuing his own agenda rather than the patient's. The lesson: TEAM-CBT focuses on helping people with the problems they want help with—not on treating diagnostic labels. Key Takeaways Diagnosis does not define the person.People with schizophrenia may still want help with relationships, mood, habits, goals, or self-esteem.Effective therapy begins with understanding what matters to the individual.Humility is often more helpful than expertise. Question #2: What About Trauma, Brain Circuits, and "Underlying Vulnerabilities"? A listener asks whether present-moment thoughts are only part of the picture and whether deeper emotional circuitry, stress physiology, or network-level brain changes also contribute to emotional suffering. The listener also wonders whether cognitive therapy truly processes emotions like grief, fear, shame, and anger—or merely suppresses them. Matt's Perspective Matt offers a practical example from his own life. One afternoon he found himself flooded with depressive thoughts and self-critical feelings. He suddenly felt hopeless, inadequate, and discouraged. Then he realized: He had skipped lunch and was extremely hungry. After eating, the negative thoughts disappeared. His point is that physical states matter. Sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, illness, intoxication, and other biological factors can influence how easily negative thoughts arise and how difficult they are to challenge. David's Perspective David distinguishes sharply between: Healthy negative emotionsDistorted emotional suffering He revisits a story from his medical school years, describing the death of a beloved elderly patient whose family gathered around him during his final moments. Everyone cried. David cried too. But that sadness was not depression. The grief emerged naturally from loving thoughts and genuine loss. In contrast, depression is fueled by distorted thoughts such as: "I'm worthless.""I'm not good enough.""Things will never get better." TEAM-CBT seeks to eliminate distorted suffering while preserving healthy human emotions. Key Takeaways Healthy grief is not a disorder.TEAM-CBT does not suppress genuine emotions.Depression, anxiety, shame, and hopelessness often arise from distorted thoughts that can be transformed.Biological factors matter, but thoughts remain a powerful therapeutic target. Question #3: What's the Biggest Misunderstanding Therapists Have About TEAM-CBT? A listener asks: When teaching clinicians, what misunderstanding should be corrected first? The belief that resistance means the patient is difficult?Or the belief that techniques alone are enough? David's Answer David emphasizes that TEAM is a system: Testing → Empathy → Agenda Setting → Methods Many therapists focus immediately on ...
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    46 分
  • 513 - Grandma's Snake Phobia

    513 - Grandma's Snake Phobia
    2026/08/03
    Grandma's Snake Phobia The Real Cause of Her Anxiety Hosts: Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns What if anxiety isn't the problem? What if anxiety is actually a message? In this fascinating episode, Dr. David Burns and Kevin Cornelius explore one of the most intriguing concepts in TEAM-CBT: the Hidden Emotion Technique. Using the memorable case of "Grandma's Snake Phobia," David explains why some forms of anxiety persist despite cognitive techniques, exposure exercises, and logical reassurance—and how uncovering an unrecognized emotional truth can sometimes lead to astonishingly rapid recovery. David shares the story of an elderly woman who suddenly developed a crippling fear of snakes despite spending her entire life comfortably around them. While most therapists might have focused on treating the phobia itself, David suspected that the anxiety was serving another purpose entirely. As the conversation unfolds, listeners learn how anxiety can function as a symbolic message from the subconscious mind, drawing attention to feelings, needs, conflicts, or desires that have been pushed out of awareness. David also shares the remarkable story of the patient whose panic attacks and nausea at work led him to first discover the Hidden Emotion Technique, as well as a deeply personal story involving his own struggle with anxiety and professional conflict. Along the way, David and Kevin discuss why highly anxious people are often some of the kindest and most compassionate individuals, how "niceness" can sometimes fuel anxiety, and why learning to honor our feelings may be one of the most important steps toward recovery. In This Episode Why traditional cognitive and behavioral approaches sometimes only partially relieve anxietyThe origins of the Hidden Emotion TechniqueThe surprising connection between anxiety and excessive "niceness"Why anxiety may be a symbolic message rather than a malfunctionThe case of Grandma's sudden snake phobiaHow unspoken fears about aging and dependence fueled anxietyWhy simply becoming aware of a hidden emotion is not enoughThe critical action step that completes the Hidden Emotion TechniqueThe story of the young woman whose job was literally making her sickHow suppressed dreams and unexpressed desires can trigger anxiety symptomsDavid's personal experience discovering a hidden source of anxiety in his own lifeThe role of conflict avoidance, people-pleasing, and "emotophobia"Why the hidden emotion is almost always happening in the present—not buried in childhoodHow anxious symptoms often function as symbolic clues to what's really wrongPractical ways to begin exploring hidden emotions in your own life Key Insights from David "Anxiety is our subconscious mind trying to get our attention and tell us something important that our conscious minds can't seem to see." "The ultimate fear in anxiety is often the fear of your own feelings." "Only nice people develop anxiety disorders." "The hidden emotion isn't the fear itself. The fear is conscious. The hidden emotion is the feeling you believe you're not supposed to have." "Anxiety never comes out of the blue. It comes from our lives and our hearts." The Hidden Emotion Technique: Two Essential Steps Step 1: Discover the Hidden Emotion Identify the feeling, desire, conflict, or unmet need that has been pushed out of conscious awareness. Common examples include: Anger that feels unacceptableUnexpressed disappointmentA desire you feel guilty about wantingConflict you're avoidingA dream you've abandonedA need you're afraid to ask for Step 2: Take Action Recovery occurs when you: Express the avoided feeling honestlyAddress the underlying problem directlyHave the difficult conversation you've been avoidingHonor the need or dream you've been neglecting As David emphasizes, insight alone rarely eliminates anxiety. The transformation occurs when awareness is followed by action. Why "Nice" People Often Struggle with Anxiety David describes a pattern he has observed repeatedly throughout his career: Many anxious individuals: Want everyone to be happyAvoid conflict at all costsFeel responsible for others' feelingsBelieve they should never feel angryFear disappointing peopleSuppress their own needs and desires When these feelings remain hidden, anxiety can emerge as a signal that something important needs attention. Questions for Reflection Is there something important you're not telling someone?Are you avoiding a conflict because you don't want to upset anyone?Have you been ignoring a dream, desire, or need that matters deeply to you?Do your anxiety symptoms seem symbolic in any way?Is there a feeling you've decided you're "not supposed" to have? Resources Mentioned Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns When Panic Attacks by David BurnsDavid's recent Psychology Today article, "Grandma's Snake Phobia: The Real Cause of Her Anxiety" Listener Survey We'd love to hear from you! Your feedback helps shape future episodes and allows us to ...
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    41 分
  • 512: The Myth of Slow Healing

    512: The Myth of Slow Healing
    2026/07/27
    The Myth of Slow Healing Why Rapid Recovery Is Possible Featuring Dr. David Burns and Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Many people believe emotional healing takes months—or even years. Therapists are often trained to expect gradual progress, and patients may assume lasting change requires prolonged struggle. But what if that assumption is wrong? In this episode, Dr. David Burns challenges one of the most deeply entrenched beliefs in mental health: the idea that meaningful psychological recovery must happen slowly. Drawing from his recent Psychology Today article, The Myth of Slow Healing, Dr. Burns explains why rapid emotional change is not only possible—it may actually reflect how the human brain naturally works. Through powerful clinical stories, personal reflections, and decades of research, Dr. Burns describes how depression, anxiety, panic, shame, and hopelessness can sometimes disappear in a matter of minutes when people discover and challenge the distorted thoughts driving their suffering. What Inspired This Article? Dr. Burns begins by sharing a formative experience from his psychiatric residency in Philadelphia. As a young psychiatrist, he noticed something troubling: psychotherapy often seemed to continue indefinitely, yet measurable recovery was rarely discussed. Therapists relied heavily on intuition, but almost no one was systematically measuring whether patients were actually improving. A walk through Fairmount Park sparked an insight that would transform his career. Thinking about professional basketball players improving through constant feedback—seeing whether the ball goes through the hoop—he wondered: How can therapists improve if they never measure whether their sessions are helping? This question led him to become one of the earliest advocates for routine outcome measurement in psychotherapy, eventually helping shape the development of TEAM-CBT's session-by-session assessment system. The Importance of Measurement Dr. Burns discusses his early use of the Beck Depression Inventory and the surprising lessons it taught him. Again and again, he discovered that his assumptions about how patients felt were often wrong: Some patients appeared severely depressed but reported relatively mild symptoms.Others seemed cheerful and functional while scoring in the severe range. These experiences reinforced an important lesson: Therapists need data, not guesses. By measuring depression, anxiety, empathy, and therapeutic effectiveness during every session, therapists can receive the feedback necessary to improve their work and help patients more effectively. The Caveman Effect: Why the Brain Can Change Instantly One of the episode's most memorable concepts is what Dr. Burns calls the "Caveman Effect." Borrowing an illustration from neuroscientist Mark Noble, he describes a prehistoric human hearing a twig snap behind him at dusk. The caveman immediately thinks: "A tiger is behind me!" Instantly, fear surges. Then he turns around and discovers the sound came from his wife stepping on a branch. In that moment, his fear vanishes. Not gradually. Not over six months. Instantly. Dr. Burns argues that this illustrates a fundamental principle: Thoughts create emotions. When a frightening thought is believed, anxiety emerges. When that thought is no longer believed, anxiety disappears. This process can happen in seconds. Three Levels of "Shortness" Dr. Burns describes three different ways emotional healing can occur rapidly. 1. Therapy Can Be Brief Many patients experience dramatic improvements within a single two-hour session. Rather than expecting treatment to continue indefinitely, Dr. Burns often approaches therapy with the goal of achieving complete symptom remission as quickly as possible. 2. Breakthroughs Often Happen in Minutes Even within a session, the most important change frequently occurs during a short window—sometimes only a few minutes long. Once therapists identify the specific distorted thoughts maintaining the problem and apply an effective intervention, major shifts can happen quickly. 3. The Moment of Enlightenment The most dramatic change often occurs in a matter of seconds. This is the moment when someone suddenly sees: Their negative belief isn't true.They've been deceiving themselves.A different perspective is possible. When this realization occurs, emotions can shift almost instantly. Dr. Burns compares this experience to the caveman discovering there was never a tiger at all. Why People Resist the Idea of Rapid Recovery If rapid healing is possible, why do so many people reject the concept? Dr. Burns identifies several reasons: For Patients Many people have spent years struggling with depression or anxiety. The idea that change could happen quickly may sound unrealistic or even fraudulent. After repeated disappointments, hope itself can feel dangerous. For Therapists Rapid recovery also challenges many traditional assumptions about psychotherapy. It raises uncomfortable questions: ...
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    50 分
  • 511: Shame Attacking: Overcoming a Lifetime of Social Anxiety

    511: Shame Attacking: Overcoming a Lifetime of Social Anxiety
    2026/07/20
    Shame Attacking: A Surprising Cure for Social Anxiety Hosts: Kevin Cornelius, LMFT Dr. David Burns Episode Summary Many people believe social anxiety is caused by low self-esteem, poor social skills, or awkwardness. But what if the real culprit is shame? In this episode, Dr. David Burns and Kevin Cornelius explore one of the most powerful—and unconventional—tools for overcoming social anxiety: Shame Attacking Exercises. Drawing from Dr. Burns' recent Psychology Today article, Shame Attacking: Overcoming a Lifetime of Social Anxiety, they tell the remarkable story of Martin, a handsome young man whose intense shame about excessive sweating had left him isolated and unable to connect with others. Through a series of courageous shame-attacking exercises, Martin discovered something life-changing: the world was far kinder and less judgmental than he imagined. Along the way, David shares how he first learned shame-attacking exercises from followers of psychologist Albert Ellis and describes his own unforgettable experience of asking strangers in a crowded New York restaurant if he could sample their food. The episode highlights how bringing our perceived flaws into the open often causes shame to evaporate—much like a vampire exposed to sunlight. In This Episode The Origins of Shame Attacking Exercises David's introduction to Albert Ellis's famous techniqueWhy therapists should never ask patients to do something they wouldn't do themselvesThe surprising results of David's first shame-attacking exercise in a crowded Chinese restaurant Martin's Story A young man whose fear of sweating kept him trapped in lonelinessHow shame—not sweating—was the real problemA therapy session unlike any other: jogging through Philadelphia, getting intentionally soaked, and publicly announcing his "flaw" What Happened When Martin Stopped Hiding Why strangers responded with warmth instead of ridiculeHow exposing his greatest fear challenged years of distorted beliefsThe unexpected encounter that changed his social life forever Shame Is Like a Vampire David introduces a memorable metaphor: Shame survives in darkness and secrecy. When exposed to the light, it shrivels up and dies. The discussion explores how openly acknowledging our imperfections can dramatically reduce anxiety and self-consciousness. The Hidden Cost of Taking Ourselves Too Seriously David and Kevin discuss: Why humor can be a powerful antidote to social anxietyThe value of becoming more playful and less self-focusedHow social anxiety often convinces us that everyone is watching and judging us when they're usually not Guidelines for Shame Attacking Exercises David emphasizes that shame-attacking exercises are powerful but should be used thoughtfully. Some important principles include: Be Respectful Exercises should never disrupt places where people deserve peace and privacy, such as hospitals, churches, or synagogues. Be Playful, Not Aggressive The goal is to laugh at yourself, not make others uncomfortable or upset. Don't Wait Until You're Ready The breakthrough often comes when you act despite feeling anxious. Therapists Must Lead by Example If therapists want patients to challenge shame, they should be willing to challenge their own shame as well. Memorable Takeaways The problem is rarely the flaw itself—it's the hiding.Most people are far less judgmental than we imagine.Courage grows through action, not waiting for fear to disappear.Humor and playfulness can dissolve shame.Vulnerability often creates connection rather than rejection.The world may be much friendlier than your anxiety predicts. Featured Article This episode is based on Dr. David Burns' Psychology Today article: "Shame Attacking: Overcoming a Lifetime of Social Anxiety" The article explores Martin's story in greater detail and illustrates how shame-attacking exercises can transform social anxiety by challenging both self-criticism and fears of rejection. We'd Love Your Feedback As with TEAM-CBT therapy, feedback helps us improve. Please take a few minutes to complete the episode feedback survey linked here. Your responses help us create better episodes and continue exploring the topics that matter most to you. Until next time, remember: the things you're most afraid to reveal about yourself may be the very things that set you free. Contact Information Kevin Cornelius, LMFT is a Level 5 Certified Master TEAM-CBT Therapist and Trainer and the Clinical Director of Feeling Good Institute--Silicon Valley. He specializes in the treatment of trauma, anxiety, depression, relationship problems and insomnia. You can reach Kevin at kevin@feelinggoodinstitute.com and visit his website at www.tools4change.me. You can reach Dr. Burns at david@feelinggood.com. Feeling down in these turbulent times? Take a ride on our Feeling Great app. Feeling Great feels wonderful! You owe it to yourself to feel GREAT! Give the Greatest Gifts of ALL--Love and Happiness!
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    37 分
  • 510-Conquering Social Anxiety: The Courage to Reach Out

    510-Conquering Social Anxiety: The Courage to Reach Out
    2026/07/13
    Conquering Social Anxiety: The Courage to Reach Out

    Hosts:
    Kevin Cornelius, LMFT
    Dr. David Burns

    In this deeply moving episode, Dr. David Burns and Kevin Cornelius explore one of the most painful and misunderstood forms of anxiety: social anxiety.

    David shares a remarkable true story about a wealthy and highly successful businessman whose severe social anxiety left him feeling isolated, ashamed, and unable to connect even with his own family. Despite his power, wealth, and accomplishments, he secretly believed there was something deeply wrong with him because he felt anxious around people.

    Through an unforgettable exposure exercise involving radical self-disclosure on a public train, David illustrates how shame loses its power when it is brought into the open—and how genuine human connection can emerge when we stop hiding our perceived flaws.

    This episode explores:

    • Why shame—not low self-esteem—is often at the core of social anxiety
    • How secrecy fuels anxiety and emotional suffering
    • The healing power of vulnerability and authenticity
    • Why exposure exercises can create rapid breakthroughs
    • How therapists can unintentionally reinforce hopelessness
    • The difference between treating a diagnosis and treating a human being
    • The surprising warmth and compassion people often receive when they stop pretending to be "special"

    David and Kevin also discuss:

    • Why TEAM-CBT is never a "cookie-cutter" approach
    • The importance of courage in overcoming fear
    • "Reverse hypnosis" and how anxious thoughts persuade people they are incapable
    • Why meaningful change often requires stepping directly into discomfort
    • How human connection—not status or achievement—creates joy

    One especially memorable takeaway from the episode:
    "When I give up my need to be special, then life can be special."

    Key Themes
    • Social Anxiety
    • Shame and Vulnerability
    • Exposure Therapy
    • TEAM-CBT
    • Self-Disclosure
    • Human Connection
    • Courage and Emotional Healing
    Memorable Moments
    • David describing the businessman arriving at a modest hospital in a limousine with bodyguards
    • The patient's emotional transformation after talking openly with strangers
    • The realization that most people respond with kindness rather than judgment
    • David's reflection that "magic is available to most of us most of the time"
    • Kevin's observation that the patient "had everything—and yet nothing"
    About the Next Episode

    Next week, David and Kevin explore another powerful treatment for social anxiety inspired by Albert Ellis: Shame Attacking Exercises—a bold and often life-changing approach to overcoming fear of judgment.

    Resources Mentioned
    • David Burns' articles on Psychology Today
    Let Us Know What You Think of This Episode

    Please use this link to take a very brief survey and share your opinion with us about this episode

    Contact Information

    Kevin Cornelius, LMFT is a Level 5 Certified Master TEAM-CBT Therapist and Trainer and the Clinical Director of Feeling Good Institute--Silicon Valley. He specializes in the treatment of trauma, anxiety, depression, relationship problems and insomnia. You can reach Kevin at kevin@feelinggoodinstitute.com and visit his website at www.tools4change.me.

    You can reach Dr. Burns at david@feelinggood.com.

    Feeling down in these turbulent times? Take a ride on our Feeling Great app.

    Feeling Great feels wonderful!

    You owe it to yourself to feel GREAT!

    Give the Greatest Gifts of ALL--Love and Happiness!
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    34 分