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Welcome to Episode 3 of my Book Series on "You Are the One You've Been Waiting For" by Dr. Richard Schwartz.

Make sure to catch up on episodes 1 & 2 first!

This is Part 1 of Chapter 3- Courageous Love & Doomed Relationships.

In this episode I cover:

What are Neo-exiles?

Identifying parts of us that become exiled because they are not acceptable to our partner;

Reflecting on how we have done the same to our partners

The consequences of neo-exiles in relationships

The role of abandonment anxiety

The 2 roles you may take on when experiencing anxiety in a relationship:

1- over-controlling, criticizing, hyperawareness, demanding closeness

2-becoming the one who is least-invested: hyper-independence, avoiding closeness, seeking distance

Actual examples from the book and couples therapy

Reflection Questions:

What parts have been exiled because they are not accepted by my partner

What parts of my partner have they exiled because I find them unnacceptable

Which role do I take on in the relationship (as stated above)

What cycles do my partner and I get into because of neo-exiles

Get this book: available on Kindle, Audible and Paperback

https://a.co/d/8It64Xd

[Raquel is an IFS level 1 trained therapist but is not affiliated directly with this book, or the IFS institute. This book review series is purely for educational purposes based on her experience as a couples and IFS therapist and her personal joy of reading]

Disclaimer: Although I am a licensed therapist, the information in this podcast is not therapy and not intended to replace mental health counseling.

If you are seeking therapy services in AZ and would like a free consultation fill out this form!

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Check out my private practice, InnerBloom Therapy Services in Phoenix

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Welcome to Episode 2 of my book review series! (originally recorded in July)

Today I review Chapter 2 of You Are the One You've Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz: The Development and Power of Exiles. There is SO much depth in this chapter. Join me as I dive in to explain exiles with examples from the book as well as real life.

Grab a pen and paper because there is a LOT of powerful info in this episode!

This episode describes how our exiled parts can be activated within our intimate relationships and how they develop.

A little about exiles:

Exiles are our most vulnerable and sensitive parts. They are created when we learn that being vulnerable isn't safe- these childlike parts get locked away inside and they become exiles of our psyche. This is based on how caretakers and later, peers, respond to our sensitivity

Exiled parts are burdened by beliefs and emotions, such as “I’m not good enough, I’m worthless, I’m unloveable.” Protector parts want to keep these locked away so we don’t become overwhelmed by this pain.

Buried beneath our visible (protective) behavior in relationships such as how we respond to or start conflict, is an exiled part.

Questions to consider:

1-How did your family of origin / caretakers react to your vulnerability or sensitivity; AND how did their reactions affect the way you learned to relate to those parts of you?

2-Apply this same question to PEERS or PARTNERs

Disclaimer: Although I am a licensed therapist, the information in this podcast is not therapy and not intended to replace mental health counseling.

If you are seeking therapy services in AZ and would like a free consultation fill out this form!

Contact Form

Check out my private practice, InnerBloom Therapy Services in Phoenix

Let's connect on Instagram


Love this podcast? Please rate and write a review on Apple podcasts so we can spread the message!

Send us a text

Welcome to the first episode of book review series! (recorded in July)

This first week I am reviewing the Introduction & Chapter 1 of You are the One You've been Waiting For by Dr. Richard Schwartz. This book will change everything you thought you new about romantic relationships!

In this episode I cover:

Brief overview of the concepts in Internal Family Systems (IFS)

-protectors, exiles & Self

The 3 projects we take in on in intimate relatioships

The importance of the Self

Cultural & Gender implications that impact parts and expectations of intimate relationships

Reflection Questions:

1- What parts of me show up most in my intimate relationship?- do protectors like criticism, withdrawal, caretaking, people pleasing or control show up?

2-When do I feel most connected to my Self:

(calm, curious, connected, compassion, clarity, courage, confidence, creativity)

3- Do I carry the expectation that my parter or future partner will "fix, compete or rescue me."

4-What does it feel like to imagine that my core Self is always present even if hidden?

Disclaimer: Although I am a licensed therapist, the information in this podcast is not therapy and not intended to replace mental health counseling.

If you are seeking therapy services in AZ and would like a free consultation fill out this form!

Contact Form

Check out my private practice, InnerBloom Therapy Services in Phoenix

Let's connect on Instagram


Love this podcast? Please rate and write a review on Apple podcasts so we can spread the message!