Episode 56: Parents, Raise Kind Kids: When Words Follow Our Children Home

Our seven year old went to school excited about her new hairstyle.

She came home with most of it undone.

A classmate had told her it was ugly and looked like spiders, so she took it out. The next day, the same child ruined a self portrait she had drawn.

Then, later that week, we were called into the principal's office and shown a picture our daughter had drawn.

Across the top she had written:

“How can I be dead if kids be mean to me?”

She's seven.

This week we're having a conversation we never wanted to have. We're sharing what happened, what we learned after talking with our daughter, the heartbreak and anger we felt as her parents, and what we believe our responsibility is now.

We're also talking about something this experience forced us to confront: our kids can be carrying far more than we realize. Sometimes the bubbly, energetic kid is hurting too. Sometimes “school was good” isn't enough. Sometimes behavior is telling us something, and we need to slow down long enough to notice it.

But this conversation isn't only for parents whose children are being bullied.

It's also for the rest of us.

Because sometimes our child is the one doing the hurting.

Our kids will get it wrong. They'll say something cruel. They'll hurt someone's feelings. When that happens, our job isn't to get defensive or blame somebody else. Our job is to own it, correct it, model something better, and teach our children to be kind.

Don't just raise successful kids.

Don't just raise athletic kids.

Raise kind kids.

Raise kids who notice the child sitting alone. Raise kids who don't make fun of someone because they look different. Raise kids who understand their words have weight. Raise kids who apologize when they get it wrong. Raise kids who understand that kindness isn't weakness.

Because we can't control every voice our children will hear. But we can teach them which voices deserve to be believed, and we can raise children who use their own voices to build others up.

In this episode:

• Recognizing when behavior may be communicating something deeper

• Why we shouldn't minimize our children's emotions

• Listening before trying to fix the problem

• Taking concerning language seriously

• Advocating for and protecting our children

• Grounding our kids in their identity in Christ

• What to do when your child is the one being unkind

• Raising compassionate kids in an increasingly unkind world

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Jason and Whitney are available to speak about foster care, adoption, faith, leadership and finding meaning through small acts of faithfulness.

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Music Credit: “Paradise Found” by Kevin MacLeod, Creative Commons.

We love foster care. We love the children God has brought into our home, we're grateful for the privilege of loving them, and we know this is something God has called our family to do.

And sometimes, we're just tired.

Actually, weary might be the better word.

Because foster care can wear on more than your body. There's the interrupted sleep, appointments, therapies, visits, diapers, school schedules, medical needs, and the constant juggling of everyday life. But there's also the mental load of keeping everything straight, the exhaustion that comes from constantly advocating, the frustration of navigating a complicated system, and the emotional weight of loving a child deeply while knowing you may eventually have to say goodbye.

In this episode, we're having an honest conversation about that weariness and the guilt that can sometimes come with admitting it.

We chose this life. We said yes. We know these children didn't choose what happened to them. So sometimes it feels like we don't have the right to say that it's hard.

But gratitude and weariness can coexist.

We talk about what foster parent weariness has looked like in our home, from the mundane tasks that pile up to the mental load of managing seven kids, therapies, visits, court hearings, school schedules, and medical appointments. Whitney shares about the exhausting work of advocating for our children and a recent win after weeks of pushing for one of our foster children's needs to be accurately recognized.

We also talk about the emotional side of foster care that can be harder to see. Foster parents are asked to fully love and attach to children while knowing reunification may mean eventually saying goodbye. We're walking alongside children through pain we can't fix while also helping the other children in our home process the brokenness they're witnessing.

That's heavy.

But weariness doesn't mean we're doing something wrong. And it doesn't mean we're no longer called.

Galatians 6:9 reminds us, "Let us not become weary in doing good."

So what do we do when we are weary?

We acknowledge it. We talk about it. We ask for help. We allow our community to step in. We bring the burden to God instead of convincing ourselves that being strong means carrying everything alone.

And sometimes, like the bison facing a storm, we simply turn toward the hard season instead of running from it.

If you're a foster parent who is tired right now, we hope this episode reminds you that you're not alone. The small acts of faithfulness still matter. God sees the appointments, the late nights, the phone calls, the advocacy, the waiting, and all the things nobody else sees.

Don't give up.

You're not meant to carry this alone.

Support the Podcast

If Dream Small has encouraged you and you'd like to help us continue sharing stories about foster care, adoption, faith, leadership, and living faithfully right where you are, you can support the podcast here:

https://dream-small-podcast.captivate.fm/support

Speaking Requests

If your church, conference, foster care organization, or event would like Jason and Whitney to speak about foster care, adoption, faith, leadership, or living a meaningful life through small acts of faithfulness, we'd love to hear from you.

Email us at dreamsmallpodcast@gmail.com.

Follow & Contact

Instagram: @dreamsmallpodcast

Facebook: Dream Small Podcast

Twitter/X: @DreamSmallShow

YouTube: @dreamsmallpodcast

Email: info@dreamsmallpodcast.com

If this episode encouraged you, please follow the podcast, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Music Credit

"Paradise Found" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons.