Episode 56: Parents, Raise Kind Kids: When Words Follow Our Children Home

Our seven year old went to school excited about her new hairstyle.

She came home with most of it undone.

A classmate had told her it was ugly and looked like spiders, so she took it out. The next day, the same child ruined a self portrait she had drawn.

Then, later that week, we were called into the principal's office and shown a picture our daughter had drawn.

Across the top she had written:

“How can I be dead if kids be mean to me?”

She's seven.

This week we're having a conversation we never wanted to have. We're sharing what happened, what we learned after talking with our daughter, the heartbreak and anger we felt as her parents, and what we believe our responsibility is now.

We're also talking about something this experience forced us to confront: our kids can be carrying far more than we realize. Sometimes the bubbly, energetic kid is hurting too. Sometimes “school was good” isn't enough. Sometimes behavior is telling us something, and we need to slow down long enough to notice it.

But this conversation isn't only for parents whose children are being bullied.

It's also for the rest of us.

Because sometimes our child is the one doing the hurting.

Our kids will get it wrong. They'll say something cruel. They'll hurt someone's feelings. When that happens, our job isn't to get defensive or blame somebody else. Our job is to own it, correct it, model something better, and teach our children to be kind.

Don't just raise successful kids.

Don't just raise athletic kids.

Raise kind kids.

Raise kids who notice the child sitting alone. Raise kids who don't make fun of someone because they look different. Raise kids who understand their words have weight. Raise kids who apologize when they get it wrong. Raise kids who understand that kindness isn't weakness.

Because we can't control every voice our children will hear. But we can teach them which voices deserve to be believed, and we can raise children who use their own voices to build others up.

In this episode:

• Recognizing when behavior may be communicating something deeper

• Why we shouldn't minimize our children's emotions

• Listening before trying to fix the problem

• Taking concerning language seriously

• Advocating for and protecting our children

• Grounding our kids in their identity in Christ

• What to do when your child is the one being unkind

• Raising compassionate kids in an increasingly unkind world

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Music Credit: “Paradise Found” by Kevin MacLeod, Creative Commons.