The "Let Them" Theory from Mel Robbins has been embraced by millions across the globe, sparking thousands of Instagram and TikTok videos, and many tattoos.

Mel Robbins' book of the same name asks a simple question: what if the key to happiness, success, and love was as simple as two words?

In simple terms, if you're overwhelmed, angry or frustrated, the problem isn't you. The problem is the power you give to other people. And two simple words―Let Them―will set you free.

But is that too simple? Is it just ancient Buddhist and Stoic wisdom wrapped up in contemporary self-care? What happens when people hurt us, or act in ways contrary to our values? What do we do then?

Matt and Graham dive into "Let Them" this episode, and seek to make sense of a global phenomenon.

Let Them mantra; https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/p/C7O-KhCyIyE/?hl=en-gb

Let Them tattoos: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/p/DEOApA0vmR3/seeing-so-many-of-you-get-let-them-permanently-inked-on-your-body-is-proof-of-ju/?hl=en&img_index=1

The Serenity Prayer: https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/magazines/the-serenity-prayer/

Attachment theory, and attachment styles, are having their moment. Search any social media site and you'll find thousands of videos how attachment theory explains everything about you, from your success (or lack of success) in romantic relationships, to your overall mental health.

Matt and Graham have spent a big part of their professional lives investigating attachment, and using it to help individuals and couples improve their lives.

But what's the reality about attachment?

What are its limitations?

Should we continue to talk about our attachment styles?

This episode explores those questions, and more.

Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com

Miranda July's "All Fours" was one of the literary sensations of the summer. Many women in particular resonated with the tale of midlife sexual and creative freedom.

The New York Times called it "The First Great Perimenopause Novel" and, in a separate piece, discussed how women across the globe were rethinking family and married life as a result of reading the novel.

Others are not so sure. Some see naïve fantasy in its politics instead of liberation.

Matt and Graham consider all this in today's episode of the podcast, and have a think about how the story compares to what they see in their clinical work with couples.

This episode, Matt and Graham stray into unusual territory, don their policy wonk hats, and look at a question of public policy.

They discuss Andrew Yang's idea when running for U.S. President in 2020 for the state to fund marriage counselling before divorce. Similar ideas were proposed as part of legisiation in the UK in 2020.

Should the Government fund counselling to attempt to keep couples together? Even if it's a good idea in principle, could it ever work?

Here's Andrew Yang discussing his idea:

https://thehill.com/homenews/media/452014-meghan-mccain-argues-with-andrew-yang-about-free-marriage-counseling-proposal/

And Patrick Deneen discussing the idea on Ezra Klein's podcast:

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/13/podcasts/transcript-ezra-klein-interviews-patrick-deneen.html

Here's the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020:

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2020/11/pdfs/ukpgaen_20200011_en.pdf

Affairs are common. Twenty percent of married men have cheated.

But do they make us happy? Do the relationships that begin with affairs last?

Why do we even have affairs in the first place?

Matt and Graham answer all your questions about affairs in today's episode, based on their Psychology Today blogpost:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202502/affairs-the-grass-probably-isnt-greener

Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com

Controlling behaviour is more common in relationships than you might think. Approximately 1.4 million women and 750,000 men in the United Kingdom experience some form of abuse. And some of our heroes - Gandhi, Einstein, Tolstoy, Dickens - have been extremely controlling in their relationships.

But it should have no place in a healthy relationship. How do you identify controlling behaviour, especially when it can feels like love? What do you do if you think you're in a relationship with a controlling partner?

Matt and Graham answer all these questions in today's episode, based on this blogpost for Psychology Today:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202501/5-ways-you-might-be-controlled-without-realising-it

Deciding to leave a relationship is hard, especially when you’ve been together for years. But putting some thought into how you’re going to end it can minimise the depth of the scar you leave, for everyone involved.

In this episode, Matt and Graham discuss why “It’s not you; it’s me” is the wrong place to start; how to plan the break-up itself; and how to deal maturely with the immediate aftermath.

Their Psychology Today piece this episode is based on is available here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202412/being-the-bad-guy-how-to-end-a-relationship-like-a-grown-up

Talking can help unearth problems and direct you towards possible solutions and compromises. But the wrong conversations reinforce an image of the relationship as problematic, and upset your partner.

So, what should you do instead? When and how should you bite your tongue? Matt and Graham explore these questions and more in today's episode.

The blogpost they discuss is available here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202412/bite-your-tongue-when-to-stay-quiet-in-your-relationship

Email us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com