For Valentine's Day recently, The Guardian newspaper asked its readers from across the globe to offer their tips for successful long-term romantic relationships.

If we're honest, we thought the results were going to be abysmal. Bubble baths, "happy wife, happy life", go salsa dancing together: that kind of thing.

But as you'll hear, the tips themselves were a decent mix of useful motherhood and apple pie truths and some left-field gems.

We go back and forth in rapid fire with our views on the 16 tips, which range from "lower your expectations" (we love that one!) to "laugh together often" (we're a bit less keen on that one).

Here's the link:

‘Love, honor, cherish, accommodate’: 16 hard-earned relationship tips

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It's a confusing message: you should be vulnerable and open up to the risk that your partner could hurt you, but also that too much dependence risks tipping over into unhealthy co=dependence, merger, and the loss of a decent sense of self.

So where is that sweet spot, and how do you know if you're falling too far on either end of the spectrum of independence/co-dependence?

Matt and Graham try to make sense of all this in a somewhat free-flowing, going-all-over-the-place episode of Crazy In Love.

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Matt and Graham delve into the "no apprenticeship" model of relationships in this episode.

We repeat what we see modelled to us in our own childhood homes. Often, that's two people trying their best to stay together without the skills to make a relationship flourish: conflict resolution, active listening, asking for what you want without whining or retreating into contempt and silence.

We don't learn decent relationship skills at school, either. Any relationship education is fostered on helpful, but limited, skills - empathy and trust, for example. Great for friendships and not making enemies in the workplace, but maybe less helpful for romantic relationships and marriages.

And then there's the culture at large - emphasising unhelpful myths about The One and the romantic dash to the airport. Great for the first few months of lust. Less great for long-term love.

So, what do we do if we haven't had a decent relationship apprenticeship? What if we're stuck with insecure attachment? How can we make love last?

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Nearly one in two marriages don't work out. The failure rate for second marriages is, surprisingly, even higher. We don't learn the lessons we need to learn; we repeat the same mistakes; choose the same, wrong partners.

What can we learn from those failed relationships that can help us learn to make better decisions, and be better partners, so that we can avoid having to call the divorce lawyer next January...?

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Matt's sceptical about New Year's Resolutions: fluffy, too broad, unrealistic. Graham thinks New Year is the perfect time to have a good think about self-improvement, self-reflection - including in our relationships.

Who's right? You decide!

Happy new year to all our listeners!

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This Christmas, Matt & Graham give you an early gift: permission to stop being so damn nice in your relationship!

But hang on, aren't they always banging on about how important it is to try your best to be an absolute pleasure to live with for your partner, and stop being such a bore, stop sulking, stop criticising and focus on their attributes?

Listen in to hear how they get out of this conversational cul-de-sac...!

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The relationship ends. You lick your wounds. And then you say something like: "I've got to work on myself before I start another one". But what does that mean - working on your attachment style maybe? - and are you sure that a long period of time out of a relationship is the best thing for you?

Graham and Matt offer a different take in this episode: both that the best change often occurs inside a good relationship. And anyway, the personality science suggests you can't change your personality that much. So the best attitude is to try and be yourself, but better, in a better relationship.

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There's a myth about the ending of relationships: fire, heat, arguments, affairs.

But only about a quarter of divorces occur because of an affair. Half of couples stay together after one of them strays.

The reality is that something more depressing is taking place: the slow, sad decline of once-decent relationships into disappointment and loneliness. 1 in 10 are stuck in what they describe as loveless marriages. 15% of people wish they'd married someone else. An even bigger percentage describe being in sexless relationships.

Why do we end up making each other so unhappy? What goes wrong? How do you identify if you're in one of those relationships, and what should you do about it?

Big topics for Matt and Graham to consider in this episode of Crazy In Love.

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