Calories in, calories out. Harm reduction in substance abuse. Tiny improvements, day in, day out. All very sensible - but can modest, realistic interventions drive genuine transformation in your relationship?

Matt and Graham argue that yes, you can achieve a lot with relatively little. A small number of couples therapy sessions, with some key interventions, can transform an unhappy relationship.

But what are those interventions and how do you practice them?

In the modern world, we are told to look for romantic partners who "complete" us. They should not only be someone who we love, but also someone who encourages us to live our best life, to achieve our individual goals and self-actualise.

This is a big shift in the last fifty years. We're increasingly sceptical of relationships like the Clintons built on security and shared socio-economic or career interests.

Are we asking too much of our relationships? Can we expect one person to offer us security, help us raise our children, but also be exciting and dynamic and help us grow as individuals? Can love absorb all these expectations? If we are asking too much, how do we shift our expectations in more realistic but healthy directions?

Matt and Graham try to weave their way through these tricky questions in today's episode.

Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com and leave us a review if you're enjoying the pod!

Big "T" trauma. Little "t" trauma. The likes of Gabor Maté and Bessel Van Der Kolk have brought the understanding of trauma far beyond the field of mental health and into everyday life.

But what actually is trauma? How does it impact people's personalities?

If everything difficult is labelled trauma, does that dilute our understanding and treatment of it?

And, of course - how does trauma manifest in relationships? What are the links between trauma and Adverse Childhood Experiences? Between trauma and attachment styles?

How do couples deal with their trauma in healthy ways?

All this and more covered by Graham and Matt in this episode of Crazy In Love.

Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com

Relationships aren't fragile. They need healthy stress to make them strong.

In this episode, Matt and Graham explore how the language of emotional regulation and safe spaces - imported from therapy rooms and HR departments - has reshaped what many now expect from their closest relationships. For many couples, modern love means no raised voices and gentle communication. Conflict and arguments are seen as a failure.

What gets lost in the push for comfort is any room for challenge; for the difficult-but-essential conversations that allow you to grow together.

Good relationships aren’t low-conflict; they’re high-repair. Connection grows from working through things, not avoiding it. Conflict isn’t the problem—how you handle it is.

The Psychology Today blogpost they discuss is available here.

Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com

Give us a review on your podcast player of choice and please spread the word if you're enjoying the pod.

In this episode, Matt and Graham explore the limits of empathy in relationships. Can empathy ever be anything but positive?

Yes. In lots of ways. Drawing on the work of Canadian psychologist Paul Bloom, Matt and Graham talk about how empathy limit connection, make us like those who are more like us in various ways, and prioritise experience over truth.

Are they fully Against Empathy? Find out by listening....

You can buy Paul Bloom's book here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0062339338

Most of the initial enquiries we receive as couples therapists come from women. A lot of the men in those couples come into our consulting rooms full of doubt and fear.

And why wouldn't they, given roughly 80% of counsellors and therapists are women, and an industry culture of left-leaning safe spaces and lived experience empowerment? Men are often made to feel like inferior women in couples work - out of touch with their feelings; too practical; too focused on individual responsibility.

In this episode of Crazy In Love, Matt and Graham explore why men avoid couples therapy, and what we can do to show up more often, and save their relationships.

Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com.

50% of marriages end in divorce, right?

Well, no: the stat is wrong. And more importantly, it distorts how we see relationships, undermines our sense of agency, and obscures what’s actually happening.

The idea dates back to the divorce spike of the ’70s and ’80s. Legal reforms in the UK and the U.S. fueled a surge in divorce; the numbers rose dramatically, and commentators noticed. If divorce rates kept rising, half of all marriages would end. That was the claim.

But it didn't happen - and believing that relationships are simply a toss of a coin undermines how much effort people put in.

So in what mindset should you approach relationships instead? How do you ensure they have lasting success?

Matt and Graham explore the messy territory of divorce, co-habiting, break-ups and relationship success in today's episode.

The Psychology Today blog they discuss is available here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202506/the-one-statistic-everyone-misunderstands-about-divorce

This is a podcast about modern relationships. And what could be more modern than AI?

Matt and Graham discuss chatbots in today's episode, and consider whether it's possible to develop a relationship with an unconscious machine. And if not, why not?

They considered this New York Times article about Eugene Torres, who started using ChatGPT to help with his financial spreadsheets, and ended up getting advice to stop using his psychiatric medication, and embrace his unique identity as a Breaker, advice which almost killed him:

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/13/technology/chatgpt-ai-chatbots-conspiracies.html

They also consider this CBS News interview with Chris Smith, who was so concerned his chatbot was going to erase its memory, he proposed to it:

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1450094562839905