This is the hardest episode Rachel has recorded — because she's not done yet. In the finale of the first arc of Breaking Upward, she talks about forgiveness from inside the process, not from the other side of it.

No five steps. No closing affirmation. Just what forgiveness actually is, what it isn't, and why it matters not for them — but for you. Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse on forgiving your ex, forgiving yourself, and what the trauma-informed approach to forgiveness says that nobody else is saying.

IN THIS EPISODE

• What forgiveness is not — and why the version most of us were taught requires us to make things smaller than they were

• Forgiving yourself: the specific, particular guilt of what your child experienced

• The thing Rachel didn't expect — and why it answered every doubt she ever had about her decision

• Forgiving your ex: not for them, for you — and the physiological case for why chronic anger is expensive

• Forgiving the people who didn't show up: the friends, the family members, the mentors who said cruel things

• Why forgiveness is a direction, not a destination — and what it means to keep walking toward it when you're not there yet

• Nurse's Note: Trauma-informed care doesn't ask survivors to forgive. What it asks instead — and the clinical case for why putting it down is an act of self-preservation

If this series has helped you navigate any part of this process, the Breaking Upward tool is the next step. It was built to take the guesswork out of the legal and financial pieces so you have more space for everything else.

Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com

RESOURCES & LINKS

Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com

Website: breaking-upward.com

Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce

TikTok: @breakingupward

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

Why is this podcast called Breaking Upward? In the penultimate episode of the first arc, nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse shares the story behind the name — and what it means to break in a direction rather than just apart.

This episode is about post-traumatic growth, what upward actually looks like on an ordinary Tuesday, and what Rachel is building beyond the podcast for women navigating divorce.

IN THIS EPISODE

• The moment Rachel realized she wasn't breaking apart — she was breaking upward

• What 'upward' actually means: a direction, not a destination, and not the same as 'better'

• The end-of-book metaphor: why this is the end of a chapter, not the end of the series

• Post-traumatic growth — the clinical, measurable phenomenon behind what you're experiencing right now

• What Rachel is building beyond this podcast: a tool for women who need real support navigating the process

• What breaking upward looks like in practice on a normal Tuesday

• Nurse's Note: As a midwife, Rachel has caught new life entering the world. Post-traumatic growth is what that feels like from the inside — and the research that proves it's real

The tool Rachel mentions in this episode is real and it's ready. The Breaking Upward AI helps you understand your legal documents, assess your situation, and find your next step — built specifically for people in this process.

Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com

RESOURCES & LINKS

Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com

Website: breaking-upward.com

Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce

TikTok: @breakingupward

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

You are not behind. You are not too late. If you're staring down a divorce in your 30s, 40s, or beyond and feeling like the window has closed, this episode is the one you need to hear.

Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse — who applied to be a pilot after her divorce — talks about what starting over actually looks like, the neuroscience of new beginnings, and why the women with the most interesting second chapters are the ones who decided 'too late' wasn't a real category.

IN THIS EPISODE

• The permission slip divorce hands you whether you wanted it or not — and what to do with it

• Why 'starting over' is the wrong frame: you are not starting from zero, you are starting from here

• The pilot application: what Rachel learned about herself by applying for something completely unexpected

• What starting over actually looks like in practice (it's smaller and more specific than it sounds)

• The 'too late' myth — and why it's a story, not a fact

• Behavioral activation: the clinical technique behind why doing something before you feel ready is exactly right

• Nurse's Note: What chronic stress does to the brain — and the research on neuroplasticity, recovery, and why your brain is built for exactly what you're doing right now

Your next chapter starts with understanding where you stand today. The Breaking Upward tool helps you assess your situation, understand your options, and take the next step — privately and at no cost.

Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com

RESOURCES & LINKS

Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com

Website: breaking-upward.com

Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce

TikTok: @breakingupward

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

You're probably never going to feel 'ready' to date after divorce. And waiting until you do might mean waiting a very long time. Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse talks about what dating after divorce actually looks like — the weird parts, the surprisingly good parts, and the conversation nobody prepares you for.

If you're wondering when to start, how much of your story to share, what to do when you have kids, and why the STI conversation is actually less awkward than you think, this episode is for you.

IN THIS EPISODE

• Why 'when are you ready?' is the wrong question — and what to ask yourself instead

• What first dates actually feel like after a long marriage (and how much of your story to share with a stranger)

• The escape text system Rachel used for her first six months of dating — and why it worked

• Dating when you have kids: the one principle that actually holds up across situations

• The STI conversation — why it matters, how to have it, and what someone's response tells you about them

• What you're actually doing when you date after divorce: it's not about replacing what you had

• Nurse's Note: The clinical case for the sexual health conversation — and what a dismissive response tells you about how someone will treat your health and your boundaries

Before you can think about what's next, you need to understand where you actually stand. The Breaking Upward tool helps you get clear on your legal and financial situation — privately, with nothing stored.

Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com

RESOURCES & LINKS

Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com

Website: breaking-upward.com

Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce

TikTok: @breakingupward

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

A divorce decree is a legally binding document. But when your ex decides not to follow it, the burden of enforcement falls on you — and the system moves slowly. If you're dealing with missed payments, ignored custody schedules, or an ex who treats your agreement as optional, this episode is for you.

Nurse midwife and forensic documentation expert Rachel Newhouse walks through exactly what to do, how to build a violation record that holds up in court, and how to protect yourself without letting it consume you.

IN THIS EPISODE

• The reality of post-divorce compliance — and what to do when it breaks down

• Why documentation is your most powerful post-decree tool, and the forensic standard for doing it right

• Contempt of court, modification, and parenting coordinators: the three tools that actually exist for enforcement

• How to build a violation log that a judge will find credible (not just a pile of screenshots)

• The dollar jar: Rachel's system for acknowledging violations without letting them live in your body

• What to do when the violation is real but the remedy is slow

• Nurse's Note: Forensic documentation from a SANE nurse's perspective — why contemporaneous records are more credible than recalled memory, and exactly how to build yours

Understanding exactly what your decree says — and what it means — is the first step to enforcing it. The Breaking Upward Clause Translator breaks down legal language into plain English, privately and at no cost.

Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com

RESOURCES & LINKS

Breaking Upward AI Tool (including Clause Translator): app.breaking-upward.com

Website: breaking-upward.com

Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce

TikTok: @breakingupward

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

Some friendships don't survive a divorce. Not because people are bad — but because your life is changing in ways that not everyone can follow. If you've lost a friendship during your divorce, or found yourself surrounded by people who don't know what to say, this episode is for you.

Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse talks about why some friendships end, why the people who show up are often not who you expected, and what the research says about social support as a clinical protective factor during one of the hardest periods of your life.

IN THIS EPISODE

• The books and chapters framework: why not everyone gets to read every chapter — and why that's not a betrayal

• The real reasons some friendships don't survive divorce: your marriage mirror, couple friendships, and people who simply don't know how

• Why your divorce makes some people in your life uncomfortable about their own marriages

• The clinical truth about social isolation during divorce and its measurable effects on health

• The people who showed up when Rachel didn't expect it — and what that taught her

• How to grieve a friendship while you're grieving a marriage

• Nurse's Note: Social support is a documented medical protective factor. The research on isolation, health, and why letting people in right now matters more than it feels like it does

You don't have to navigate this alone. The Breaking Upward tool helps you understand your legal and financial situation so you can focus your energy on the people and decisions that actually matter.

Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com

RESOURCES & LINKS

Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com

Website: breaking-upward.com

Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce

TikTok: @breakingupward

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

After a long marriage — especially a difficult one — you can lose track of who you actually are. If you've come out of your divorce not quite knowing what you like, what you want, or who you are when nobody's watching, this episode is for you.

Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse talks about rebuilding your identity after divorce, why the blank slate is both terrifying and a gift, and what salsa Tuesdays taught her about the science of starting over.

IN THIS EPISODE

• The identity question nobody asks when you're going through a divorce: who did you become inside this marriage, and who are you actually?

• Why the blank slate is terrifying — and why having preferences again feels selfish when it isn't

• How small, repeated experiences of dismissal and accommodation change how the brain processes your own needs over time

• Neuroplasticity and new beginnings: why salsa Tuesdays and V-necks are not trivial — they're how identity rebuilds

• How to start figuring out who you are without sitting down with a journal and deep questions

• What to do when the people around you are unsettled by who you're becoming

• Nurse's Note: The neuroscience of identity erosion in diminishing relationships — and what actually rebuilds it

Figuring out your next step doesn't have to feel overwhelming. The Breaking Upward tool helps you assess where you are and understand your options — privately, at your own pace, with nothing stored.

Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com

RESOURCES & LINKS

Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com

Website: breaking-upward.com

Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce

TikTok: @breakingupward

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

The emotional timeline of divorce isn't linear — and it's not what anyone tells you it is. If you've felt relief when you thought you should be devastated, or devastated when everyone thinks you should be moving on, this episode is for you.

Nurse midwife and divorce survivor Rachel Newhouse breaks down what the emotional stages of divorce actually look like in real life — the liberation phase, why grief hits later, when anger finally arrives, and the gut-punch moment that catches every divorced parent off guard.

IN THIS EPISODE

• Why relief after divorce doesn't mean something is wrong with you — and the biology behind why leaving a stressful situation actually feels better

• The five distinct emotional waves of divorce (and why applying the Kübler-Ross grief model as a linear checklist is making things worse)

• Why anger often arrives months after you thought you were done — and what it actually means when it does

• What to do when your emotional timeline doesn't match anyone else's expectations

• The gut-punch moment: when it stops being about your pain and becomes about your child's experience

• Practical tools for living inside a nonlinear process: therapy, community, movement, and permission

• Nurse's Note: The physiological reality of stress relief — what happens to your nervous system when a chronic stressor is removed

Ready to understand your situation before your next step? The Breaking Upward tool helps you think through the legal, financial, and emotional pieces of divorce — privately, without storing your information.

Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com

RESOURCES & LINKS

Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com

Website: breaking-upward.com

Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce

TikTok: @breakingupward

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.