This week’s episode comes straight from the DMs: “Can you please make a video about your partner sleeping soundly while you are crying next to him?” It’s a message Margarita gets often, and one she lived herself in her twenties. The internet’s answer is usually just “leave him,” but Margarita argues that skips the most important part: understanding what is actually happening. In this episode, she breaks down the pursue-withdraw dynamic, why men and women experience conflict so differently, and how anxious and avoidant partners are both trying to feel safe in opposite ways. She gets candid about emotional sovereignty, rumination, and handing your emotional weather to someone else. She also explains how to tell a healthy break from stonewalling, emotional overwhelm from emotional punishment, and the one simple test that shows whether it really is time to leave him.

In this episode:

1. Three separate reasons this could be happening and they are all different

2. The pursue withdraw dynamic and why it is so painful

3. Anxious versus avoidant attachment and why these two always find each other

4. Sleep does not prove emotional indifference

5. Why women ruminate and men shut down during conflict

6. Emotional invalidation versus nervous system overload

7. Stonewalling versus taking a healthy break

8. Why women carry the emotional labour of the whole relationship

9. Contempt and emotional punishment disguised as withdrawal

10. What the next day actually tells you about everything

Write to Dear Margarita and read Unfiltered with Margarita

Mentioned in this episode:

Unbothered by Margarita Nazarenko

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Episode mentioned: The Bossticks with Margarita Nazarenko

Peep the comments on the IG Reel that sparked this conversation

Books mentioned:

Unbothered by Margarita Nazarenko

The New Rules by Margarita Nazarenko

To learn more about Margarita Nazarenko, visit https://www.margaritanazarenko.com

Welcome back to Being Her, where today it’s getting juicy, spicy and real life. Margarita is launching her new Substack, Unfiltered with Margarita, and using a viral moment from her recent appearance on The Bossticks to unpack why so many women feel burnt out, frazzled and in constant conflict with the people they love. When a clip about her husband forgetting the diapers in Las Vegas blew up online, the comment section revealed something bigger: women are carrying loads that were never theirs to carry. In this episode, Margarita breaks down the psychology of over-functioning, the difference between caring and controlling, and why stepping back and letting natural consequences play out can transform your relationships. She gets candid about her own over-functioning roots as the child of an immigrant, the mental load, catastrophizing, and why being unbothered means knowing exactly what deserves your energy. As always, 10 takeaways and 10 actionable steps.

In this episode:

1. Stop turning inconveniences into emergencies

2. You are not an emergency service for every adult in your life

3. The psychology of over functioning in a family system

4. Stop confusing caring with controlling

5. Consequences are often the best teacher, stop removing them

6. Your nervous system does not know you are arguing about small things

7. Stop treating every mistake as evidence of something bigger

8. Women are exhausted from monitoring everything

9. You cannot complain about carrying everything while refusing to put it down

10. Being unbothered means knowing what actually deserves your energy

If you do everything and nobody notices, if you correct how everyone else does things because your way is right, or if you are exhausted but cannot actually let go, this one is going to hit home.

Write to Dear Margarita and read Unfiltered with Margarita

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You already know what you need to do. You are just scared of what it is going to cost you.

Margarita is back from her book tour in America, freshly moved into a half renovated house with two small children, and she has things to say.

In this episode she shares the 10 mindset shifts that came up for her on the trip, the permissions she had to stop waiting for, and why the life you want is already inside you and has been the whole time.

In this episode:

1. You are probably not confused you are just scared of the consequences

2. Stop collecting advice you already have the answer

3. Distance tells you things proximity cannot

4. Your next life requires disappointing someone from your current one

5. Stop waiting to feel ready confidence only comes after evidence

6. When you transform the old identity will fight back hard

7. Stop making permanent decisions based on temporary emotions

8. Your life changes when you stop negotiating with what you know

9. There is no future version of you coming to save you

10. Give yourself until the end of the year to prove you can do hard things

If you know what you need to do but cannot bring yourself to do it, if you keep asking everyone else what you should do with your life, or if you are waiting to feel ready before you start, this one is for you.

This is your sign. Lock in.

Being Her is your no filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.

Love you lots like jelly tots xx

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Join me for the Final round of The Unbothered Woman Ever - We start October 2nd.

She was a fashion editor at GQ and Allure. She built a fashion line that dressed every A list celebrity. Then covid shut it all down.

And at 52 years old she started over. And built the biggest success of her entire career.

In this episode Margarita sits down with Mary Alice Haney in Hollywood and has the conversation every woman in her thirties, forties and fifties needs to hear. About reinvention. About the why not me mentality. About what it actually costs to build something.

We talk about how Mary went from fashion editor to founder to podcaster, why confidence is not something you wait for it is something you fake until it becomes real, what nobody tells you about balancing motherhood and ambition, why your biggest success might still be ahead of you, and why your age and your children are not the excuses you think they are.

If you have ever thought you are too old, too busy, too far behind, or that the window has closed, this episode will change your mind.

Being Her is your no filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.

Love you lots like jelly tots xx

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If there is one episode you listen to this year on anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, and why you can never fully relax in a relationship, let it be this one.

Your gut is not a wise little oracle. It is a nervous system shaped by everything that has ever happened to you. And if most of your experiences with love have involved pain, your gut has been calibrated to a setting that does not serve you when you are finally safe.

In this episode Margarita breaks down the real difference between anxiety and intuition, why trusting your gut is damaging advice for anxiously attached women, and what to do in the moment when you genuinely cannot tell which one is speaking.

In this episode:

Why anxiety and intuition feel exactly the same from the inside

Why trusting your gut is dangerous advice for anxious women

How your nervous system scans for danger even when you are safe

Why reassurance is a leaky bucket that will never fill

The three question framework to tell anxiety from intuition

What real intuition actually feels like vs anxious spiraling

What hyper independent women do when they finally feel something real

How to regulate before you react and ruin something good

When to stay and when the signal is actually real

What changes when you finally learn to tell the difference

If you can never fully relax no matter how much he shows up, if you need certainty just to feel okay, or if you are exhausted by your own spiral and just want it to stop, this one is for you.

Being Her is your no filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.

Love you lots like jelly tots xx

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If you have been trying to step into your feminine energy but everything you have followed so far has felt like a performance, doing all the right things, not texting first, being soft, letting him lead, and still feeling the same anxiety underneath because nothing you were taught actually changed how you feel on the inside, this episode is for you.

In this episode I break down why the mainstream version of feminine energy is keeping you stuck in a cycle of performing for an outcome instead of actually embodying who you are, the real definition of feminine energy that no one is talking about, and the specific practices that shift you from managing every outcome to being so anchored in yourself that you never lose her again.

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→ Unbothered: The art of letting go

→ The New Rules Book

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Love you lots like jelly tots xx

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Watch Detach

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You are not going to like this one. And if it makes you angry, that is probably a sign you need to hear it.

In this episode Margarita breaks down five things women do completely unintentionally, usually with the best intentions, that quietly push men away. Not the obvious stuff every relationship coach has already told you. The things nobody is saying.

In this episode:

1. Narrating every internal state the second you feel it

2. Mothering him and collapsing the polarity without realising it

3. Making yourself too agreeable, too easy, too cool girl

4. Manufacturing jealousy instead of actually building a full life

5. Needing his validation vs valuing his opinion

Whether you are in the talking stage, a long term relationship that has lost its spark, or a marriage that feels more like flatmates,

one of these five is going to hit home.

This is not about blame. It is about understanding why the dynamic shifts without either of you realising, until he pulls back and you have absolutely no idea what happened.

Being Her is your no filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.

Love you lots like jelly tots xx

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Watch Detach: My 3 Day Intensive Masterclass

You have been warm to everyone. And it has exhausted you.

In this episode Margarita brings back an ancient Slavic wisdom she nearly lost to western society and makes the full case for your

ice queen era. Not cold for the sake of it. Not emotionally shut down. Just deeply discerning about where your warmth actually goes.

Because warmth given to everyone is worth nothing.

And warmth given to the right people changes everything.

In this episode:

1. Warmth is valuable because it is limited

2. Coldness gives you enough distance to see reality

3. An ice queen does not react on impact

4. Being colder means you stop explaining the verdict

5. Stop mothering people who disappoint you

6. You can love someone without giving them access

7. Colder women are harder to manipulate

8. Protected softness is intimacy, unprotected softness is self abandonment

9. The cool girl and the ice queen are not the same thing

10. The goal is not to be Elsa forever, it is to be discerning

If you give your warmth to everyone and get nothing back, if you over explain every boundary until it loses its power, or if you keep

performing warmth even when you are genuinely hurt, this one is for you.

Welcome to the ice queen era.

Being Her is your no filter space for woman empowerment, relationship advice, confidence, feminine energy, and living life completely on your own terms.

Love you lots like jelly tots xx

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