Paul V. takes us on a wild ride that’s harrowing and hilarious-–often at the same time! From touring the country as a rising rock star to finding love on the set of Independence Day to living in a van, Paul’s life has had few dull moments, at least the way he tells it! His addiction adventures finally led him to recovery and now he finds that his dreams are coming true in improbable ways.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• A Turbulent Childhood: Paul recounts early experiences of feeling unsafe and seeking escape in video games, caffeine and sugar.
• The Path to Addiction: Discover how Paul's initial anti-drug stance dissolved after trying marijuana and how alcohol quickly became his drug of choice.
• Rockstar Dreams and Reality: Paul vividly describes joining a Ska-Punk band, touring extensively, and living his dream rockstar life. His dream came to a crushing end when he was kicked out of the band because of his using.
• Hitting Rock Bottom (Again and Again): Hear about Paul's descent into heroin use, his time on methadone, a severe depression that led him to cry out for "God help me," and a shocking relapse on Kratom (found at a 7-Eleven) that left him "scared of people" and eating under blankets in rehab.
• Embracing the 12 Steps:Paul shares his initial resistance to the 12 steps, including an audacious attempt to get Step 6 changed due to his "ego." He details his journey through NA and SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous), and the profound insights gained from doing his first inventory, realizing his own part in past betrayals.
• Living Dreams in Recovery: Discover how Paul's life transformed from homelessness in a van under a freeway overpass to teaching art to special needs children ("Mr. Paul"). He shares the joy of making music again, playing in a band, and seeing his childhood dreams come true through the power of connection and service.

Memorable Quotes:

• "Are you mocking me, street? Because I have not won anything." – Paul on driving down Victory Boulevard every day to a methadone clinic.
• "I would tweak out and play my game all night, stay up all night, and then… I would take a bus to the dealer." – Paul on his early video game addiction.
• "You're never too old to live your dreams and live your purpose and give your gift to the world." – A powerful message Paul received from a stranger.
• "Alcoholism is an entity. It's alive, it's a renegade AI. My brain is nothing but an organic computer.".

Definitions:

• SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous): A 12-step fellowship for individuals who struggle with sex and love addiction.
• Men's Stag: A meeting (often in 12-step fellowships) exclusively for men.
• Section 8: A government housing program in the United States that helps low-income families, the elderly, and people with disabilities afford safe and decent housing.
• In-N-Out: A popular regional fast-food chain in the Western United States known for its burgers and simple menu.
• Kratom: An herbal extract from a Southeast Asian tree that has opioid-like effects and can be addictive.
• MusicCares: A non-profit organization that provides health and human services resources for music people.
• Dual Diagnosis: The co-occurrence of a mental health disorder and a substance use disorder.

Links:

28th Annual Musicians’ Picnic - Sunday, September 21st 2025

Erik unpacks his journey through addiction and the ongoing miracle of his recovery. From navigating a childhood with an alcoholic stepfather and a teetotaler mother, to finding his "arrival" in the numbing embrace of alcohol, Erik talks about the insidious progression of substance use. He shares his dive into drugs like LSD and marijuana, the isolation of his drinking, and the "involuntary spiritual experience" that finally led him to the rooms of recovery. Erik's story is a testament to the power of willingness to let a higher power do the heavy lifting.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• Family & Early Influences: Erik reflects the complex family dynamics surrounding substance use.
• The "High Bottom" Experience: Erik provides a candid definition of a "high bottom" addict – someone whose life outwardly appears functional, but whose internal world is consumed by addiction, often leading to deep isolation.
• The Allure of Escape: He describes the powerful draw of his first drink, the feeling of stress melting away, and the rapid progression from social drinking to daily consumption and drug use, including "robotripping."
• The Path to Recovery: Erik details his "moment of clarity" at Harvard Square, the promise he made to himself to attend AA by July 4th, and his initial, skeptical entry into a Zoom meeting called "Zombies."
• The Power of Sponsorship & Steps: The conversation delves into the crucial role of a sponsor, Erik’s personal insights into Step 4 (including his unique method for getting sponsees through it), and how humility redefined his understanding of service.
• Transformation & New Beginnings: Erik shares the profound shifts in his life, from making amends for past harms to experiencing real emotional relief and finding joy in previously unimaginable achievements, emphasizing the spiritual and neurological changes sobriety brings.

Memorable Quotes:

• "I discovered that if I could be on LSD and drink and smoke weed, that was just like the perfect combination."
• "I just didn't have it in me to do that because ultimately I want to live." - On being on the brink of suicide.
• "I told myself, if you can make it past the Fourth of July, you'll go to AA. You'll give AA an honest shot."
• "It just started to become easier." - On walking past the liquor aisle without obsession.
• "I knew the promises were true. I just, I just didn't think it was possible. I didn't think it was for me."
• "Remember this feeling. Not the pink cloud, but when I first noticed that, 'Wow, I actually feel something and it feels good.'" - Erik's advice for retaining positive feelings in early sobriety.

For more information on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

Izzy shares her journey through active addiction and into a vibrant recovery. She opens up about her dual diagnosis of PTSD and severe anxiety, how her desire to escape herself led to blacking out on Vicodin and booze at 14, addiction to inhalants and psychedelics and an abusive 20-year marriage. Izzy’s story illuminates the insidious nature of the disease. and the profound miracles she's found in working the 12 Steps. John and Jason find deep identification with Izzy's struggles, particularly around the perils of "alcoholic thinking" and the unique challenges of early recovery. As usual, we laugh at all the wrong things and a good time is had by all.Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• Early Onset Addiction: Izzy shares her first experiences with Vikodin and alcohol, the immediate sense of "unlocking a secret," and blacking out at age 14.
• The Path of Self-Destruction: How addiction derailed her academic and career aspirations, leading to polysubstance abuse and an abusive marriage driven by a desire to avoid self-responsibility.
• Dual Diagnosis & Trauma: The impact of severe anxiety, PTSD, and the connection between unresolved trauma and the urge to escape reality.
• "Whack-a-Mole" Addiction: Izzy's experience of getting off one substance only to immediately pick up another, illustrating the core problem being the addiction itself.
• The Power of the 12 Steps: Her initial resistance to AA, the "homework" from her therapist that led her to her first meeting, and how embracing the steps (especially after addressing underlying issues) transformed her life.
• Sponsorship & Service: The profound impact of sponsoring others, the challenges of losing a sponsee to overdose, and the "gift" of seeing her darkest experiences help others.
• Spirituality & Self-Efficacy: Izzy’s journey from scientific atheist to believing in a "guardian angel" therapist, and how recovery helped her regain a sense of self-worth and purpose.
• The Dangers of "Alcoholic Thinking": The group deeply identifies with the self-centeredness, grandiosity, and self-pity that define active addiction and how it creeps back in.
• The Serenity Prayer & Gratitude: Daily practices that help Izzy stay sober and avoid the pitfalls of her thinking.

Memorable Quotes:

• I was afraid to be a human and I didn't like it here. I hated Earth.”
• “I was really on this amazing path and I completely fucked it all up. Partly because of the drinking and using, but partly because of the alcoholic thinking.”
• I started doing all sorts of drugs…And I thought that I was connecting with God. I thought it was my secret to connecting with God. There was this thought that then. I remember thinking that, you know, I bet there's a way to like this without drugs. And I hope that someday I get to experience that.”
• "There are three words an alcoholic can say that are the most dangerous, and it's ‘I’VE BEEN THINKING’”
• "My life has really become, is becoming, more and more amazing." – On the transformative power of recovery.

MySpiritualToolKit.com

For more information on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

In this candid and moving episode, Ted takes us on a 40-year journey through the slow, subtle progression of alcoholism. From a self-conscious "chubby kid" having his first shower beer before middle school gym class to a radio DJ broadcasting with a bottle by his side, Ted's story is a powerful look at how alcohol can become an identity. He shares the painful self-realizations of sobriety, the difference between religion and spirituality, and the surprising discovery that he was just as funny, charming, and capable without the booze.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

The Progressive Nature of Alcoholism: Ted details how his drinking evolved from a tool to overcome shyness to a daily, all-consuming habit that felt normal because he surrounded himself with other drinkers.

Alcohol as a Solution: The conversation explores how Ted used alcohol to feel more comfortable in his own skin, believing it made him a better singer, dancer, and more confident person, all while masking deep-seated insecurity.

Denial and Distorted Reality: Ted shares how he was convinced his best friend was the one with the drinking problem

The "Bottom" in Daily Life: Ted’s rock bottom wasn’t a single dramatic event but the culmination of small, painful moments, leading to his wife’s intervention and the heartbreaking admission that he couldn't stop drinking on his own.

The Surprises of Sobriety: Ted discusses the shock of realizing he was the same person sober, the clarity that comes from facing past wrongs, and the freedom found in being present for his family.

Spirituality vs. Religion: Ted shares his journey of finding a personal Higher Power rooted in community, love, and service, separate from the religious dogma that initially kept him away from AA.

Memorable Quotes:

"I put blue dye in it so it looked like windshield wiper fluid." - On the absurd lengths he went to hide his vodka in the garage.

On his relapse: "It's not the drinking, it's the lying. And I'm like, honey, you don't understand. They are one and the same."

"27 miles in to the woods, 27 miles out." - On understanding that recovery is a long journey that requires time and patience.

For more information on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

In this deeply personal and unexpectedly funny episode, hosts John and Jason sit down with Sarah, who recounts her path from a successful career to the edge of despair and back. Sarah shares the hidden life of a "high-bottom" alcoholic, from starting her drinking day at 2 PM while working from home to the elaborate schemes she devised to hide the extent of her addiction. Her story is a powerful testament to the insanity of the disease and the profound peace that can be found in surrender. She opens up about her "blackout naps," the moment her cats saved her life, and the surprising journey to finding a Higher Power she could finally connect with.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• The High-Bottom Drunk: Sarah discusses the deceptive nature of being a high-functioning alcoholic, where external success masks a deep internal struggle and suicidal ideations.
• The Art of Hiding: The conversation explores the meticulous efforts to conceal drinking, including taking empty bottles to the dumpster in the dead of night to avoid a roommate's suspicion.
• A Feline Intervention: A raw and moving account of how the simple thought of who would care for her cats pulled her back from the brink of suicide.
• Discovering a Higher Power: Sarah shares her initial resistance to and eventual embrace of a Higher Power of her own understanding, a journey from a "recovering Catholic" to someone with a daily spiritual connection.
• The Power of Zoom: How the accessibility of online meetings during the pandemic broke down the barriers to her first meeting and ultimately saved her life.
• Letting Go of Resentment: The freedom found in working the steps and releasing the anger and resentments that fueled her drinking for so long.

Memorable Quotes:

• "I didn't lose my job. So, you know, I was an employed suicidal person. It was great." - On the dark humor of being a "high-bottom" alcoholic.
• "But in my insane fucking mind, that was not what was happening. She wouldn't know if I took the first bottle and took it outside." - On the irrationality of alcoholic thinking.
• "Oh, thank God we are here. Like, for real." - The chilling moment her alcoholism seemed to celebrate finding the perfect place to hide and die.
• "I think it's the fountain of youth and the Holy Grail and all the things, is letting go of resentments."
• "You're just a different human who has had a different experience with life." - On finding compassion for others and letting go of the need to control them.

For more information on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

In this honest and sometimes hilarious episode, Marc talks about hitting rock bottom later in life. From celebrating his 50th birthday in detox to pooping his pants on the freeway, Marc details the moments of despair and absurdity that led him to recovery. His journey is a testament to the fact that it's never too late to ask for help and find a new way to live.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• Late-in-Life Addiction: Marc discusses how his rock bottom didn't happen until his late 40s, triggered by a series of life crises including divorce and family illness.
• The Power of the Decision: Marc emphasizes that the most critical moment for him wasn't just getting sober, but the conscious, firm decision to get well and ask for help.
• From Isolation to Fellowship: He describes the shift from the "go to your room" mentality of dealing with problems alone to the life-changing power of sharing himself and building a supportive community.
• Finding a Higher Power: Marc shares his journey from being a "born and raised agnostic" to developing a concept of a higher power that worked for him, starting with the simple premise that "this is not my simulation."
• Finding Humor in Humiliation: The group finds connection and laughter in some of Marc's most embarrassing moments, highlighting how the shared insanity of addiction can become a source of strength and identification in recovery.

Memorable Quotes:

• "I was actually underneath the stairs of my condominium... and I'm sitting in a puddle of vodka with a broken bottle... that's when I realized, oh my gosh, I might have a problem."
• "My first time alone at 47." - On the terrifying reality of having to finally face himself without the buffer of relationships or substances.
• "One of the reasons that I bought a truck at one point in my life was to help people move. I know that sounds fucking crazy." - On his lifelong pattern of putting others' needs before his own.
• On the detox group witnessing him jumping naked on his bed: "And none of them thought it was strange... 'Yep, been there.'"

For more information on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

In this raw and surprisingly humorous episode, hosts John and Jason are joined by J, who shares her journey through addiction and recovery. From grade school hangovers to hiding wine bottles from her partner to covering up a liquor spill with rubbing alcohol, J's story is a masterclass in alcoholic thinking. She shares the chaos of her past relationships, the rock bottom that led her to her first meeting, and the profound, sometimes hilarious, miracles she's discovered in sobriety.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• Early Life & Trauma: Jenevieve discusses her early introduction to alcohol, growing up with partying parents,
• The Art of Deception: The conversation dives into the complex lies and gaslighting inherent in active addiction, both towards loved ones and oneself.
• The "Bottom": Jenevieve shares the series of events that led to her "involuntary spiritual experience" and her desperate run to the rooms of recovery.
• Surprises in Sobriety: Discovering the simple joy of waking up without a hangover, the power of her children's pride, and the changing, expanding nature of her Higher Power.
• The Power of Inventory: How the seemingly dreaded task of writing an inventory can bring immediate clarity and freedom from resentment.
• Finding Humor in the Darkness: Throughout the episode, the group finds laughter and identification in even the most painful memories, highlighting the shared experience of recovery.

Memorable Quotes:

• "I'm the biggest, brightest, shiniest piece of shit in the room." - On the alcoholic paradox of shame and ego.
• "It's just for arts and crafts!" - On explaining a hidden cache of empty wine bottles.
• "Tell me all the horrible things you did and let me love you anyway." - On the unconditional love found in the recovery community.
• "I was the victim of my own incessant lying."
• On the PTA moms: "The PTA, they can drink. Those chicks... Never trust the Stanley cup. There is shit in their Stanley cup. They are drinkers."

For more information on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com