Three ways your fellow commuters are broadcasting their private lives into shared public space, whether you consented or not.

Number one: loud music on public transport. Headphones exist, they're cheap, and yet every journey someone's got their phone speaker facing the carriage, playing the same 30-second clip on loop while an entire train quietly dies inside.

Number two: speaker phone calls. Full conversations, both sides, completely audible — relationship problems, salary negotiations, dental appointments broadcast to sixty strangers who never asked to know any of it.

Number three: notification sounds. Ding, ping, buzz - every single alert, at maximum volume, because muting a phone apparently takes more effort than subjecting an entire carriage to it, all day, every day.

From a TikTok on full volume at 8:47am to the impossible social contract that says you can't ask someone to turn it down without becoming the villain — this episode is a plea for basic respect in shared space. Your convenience is not more important than everyone else's peace. There is a mute button. Use it.

Featuring a bonus mini-rant on loud conversations on trains — the most innocent-seeming, hardest-to-call-out form of audio pollution of them all.

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Indicators are apparently optional now, caravans have declared the middle lane a personality trait, and somewhere out there a man in a woolly hat has put his convertible roof down in October and is not backing out of it. This week Alison takes on the three unwritten rules of British driving that everyone's quietly ignoring - plus a modest proposal for solving the caravan problem once and for all. Is it me, or is everyone else losing the plot?

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A bonus rant on pumpkin spice: the flavour that broke free from lattes and infested literally every product category on earth.

Pumpkin spice lattes were fine. Seasonal. Normal. But then pumpkin spice stopped being a flavour and became a personality marker, proof that you "get" autumn, you're into the vibe, you're the pumpkin spice person.

And once it became a tribal requirement, the food industry descended. Now it's in donuts, cereal, yoghurt, cream cheese, butter, and inexplicably - toothpaste. None of it tastes good. It all tastes like you're eating a scented candle that's gone off.

The worst part? You're not buying it because it tastes good. You're buying it to announce you're into Spooky Season. You have to own the crisps, the toothpaste, the cereal. You have to perform it. Corporations turned a latte flavour into proof of belonging to the right tribe.

Verdict: pumpkin spice lattes are fine. Pumpkin spice in a crisp? In toothpaste? "That's when it stops being a flavour and starts being a trap."

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