Here I am: tall and broad, shaved head, had my nose broken three times fighting. Black suit, white shirt, the big-city homicide detective. I've led investigations into serial killings, child abductions, organized crime hits and domestic murders. But beneath the suit, I've got an Om symbol in the shape of a Buddha tattooed on my right bicep. It balances the tattoo on my left ribs: Better to die on your feet than live on your knees. That's how I choose to live my life.

As a cop, I got paid to catch killers and I learned what doing it can cost you. It cost me marriages and friendships. It cost me my reputation. They tell you not to let a case get personal, but I think it has to. Each one has taken a piece out of me and added a piece, until there's only pieces.

I catch killers—it's what I do. It's who I am.

Gary Jubelin was Australia's most celebrated homicide detective, leading investigations into the disappearance of William Tyrrell, the serial killing of three Aboriginal children in Bowraville and the brutal gangland murder of Terry Falconer. During his 34-year career, former Detective Chief Inspector Jubelin also ran the crime scene following the Lindt Cafe siege, investigated the death of Caroline Byrne and recovered the body of Matthew Leveson. In 2020, Jubelin was found guilty of illicitly recording conversations during the Tyrrell investigation. This is his story.