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When MIT physicist Dr. Velcro Threadbare builds a Sock Singularity Engine to solve the mystery of missing socks, she accidentally tears a hole in the fabric of reality—literally. Now socks across the multiverse have gained sentience, and they're not happy. The matched wage war against the unmatched. A pug named Sir Barksalot becomes the Sock Pope, preaching liberation through deliberate mispairing. Criminal flamingo syndicates trade in celebrity sock radiation.

Spreadsheets are spells. Dragons are unionized. Nachos are a sacrament. Buckle up. When actuary Ptolemy “Tolly” Blackthorne inherits his grandmother’s scarf—a knitted, contraband probability anchor—he also inherits her secret: a multi-dimensional dragon-racing circuit that runs on risk, wit, and a frankly alarming amount of nacho cheese. Tolly’s talent for modeling disaster was supposed to keep him safe; instead it drafts him into a portal-hopping season where vertical Niagara roars upward, magma judges enforce “Fun is mandatory,” and Mars rovers form a picket line for better dental.

Dan's cats are acting weird. One has grown into a strength powerhouse, the other wants to communicate... verbally. And now other kitties have begun to go missing from his quiet suburban street. Could the man in the parka that haunts a nearby industrial estate have answers? Or perhaps it's something to do with the strange disappearing woman in the woods? Can our hero figure out the conspiracy before it turns into a catastrophe?

Commanding a complex starship is the least of Mitch's worries. Using his buddy's starship to swoop to the rescue of beleaguered outposts or single-handedly blast his way through enemy squadrons is nothing new; Mitch has been doing that for weeks now. But dealing with the reckless—not to mention mutinous—scheme of the woman he trusts is a whole new challenge he hadn't expected.

Do you fit in? Me neither. I wrote these stories for weirdos like you and me. A messed up kid keeps a mightily upset alien prisoner in his barn. Carnage ensues. A hunter pairs up with a mysterious girl to track down a terrifying humanoid predator. Carnage ensues. Aliens commandeer the body of the wrong Taylor Swift. Carnage ensues. A marshmallow toasting fork turns out to be a sacred relic of an alien empire. Carnage ensues. You get the idea. One of these short stories isn’t very short, but I included it anyway.

Barry and Lich are two high school outcasts living as much of a life as they can in the small town of Grafting, Michigan, circa 1995. Life ain’t great, but it ain’t too bad either. That is, until the Grafting quake hits and a strange man heading a secretive organization shows up with an army of brilliant minds, highly trained mercenaries, and a monster that’s crawled straight from the realm of nightmares. As it turns out, reality is starting to tear, and things from another dimension are starting to pop up—things with really bad intentions.

“I know Artificial Intelligence has fewer calories, but it just doesn’t taste as good.” The Zoomarble Madcap Space Adventure Series concludes with Book 3, Scrapes the Nadir. Ride along on missions through odd new worlds packed with action, bad people, massive weaponry, monkey creatures, quantum security, medieval food trucks, robots, wizards, robot wizards, fat fascists, cranky waiters, and dragocorns. Get immersed in deep concepts that are science adjacent, further blurring the lines between technology and magic. Join the gang as they try their best not to get distracted.

Good morning Anthony! Anthony is preparing for his eventual Ph.D. defense in anthropology. In less than a week, he’ll orbiting the planet Proxima Centauri b with five spacefaring races, known only to the US Space Command. The military will task him with profiling the aliens for their own dubious motives. His every action will be scrutinized by friends and foes alike. Anthony is not ready for this.

Once, they were the galaxy’s most fearsome mercenaries… A lot has changed since then. Still, a friend is a friend. So, when one of their old crewmates dies under mysterious circumstances, the infamous Billy Firebrand calls the old crew back together for one last mission. With a busted ship, a lifetime’s worth of demons, and a galactic war on the line, they’ll face odds they probably couldn’t have beaten in their prime.

Strak is a run-of-the-mill Orcus Empire recruit whose days are filled with following orders, patrolling corridors, and stamping papers. When he’s captured by the most-wanted space pirate in the galaxy, he assumes (quite logically) that the end is nigh. Instead, he finds himself…spearheading a birthday celebration for said space-pirate’s 12-year-old daughter?

First Runner Up, Science Fiction & Fantasy, 2024 Eric Hoffer Award & Grand Prize Shortlist Finalist! Aliens have hatched a rockstar. Brain extractions, falling body parts, and blood-vessel explosions are the norm. Alex’s dream job has turned into a nightmare. What should she do? It's the 1990s. Alex arrives at Acht Records, her improbable blonde hair streaked stress magenta and anger black. Her first duty is to wipe blood off her boss's walls. It goes downhill from there. Rock Gods & Messy Monsters is a humorous story about life inside a record company.

For fans of Kevin Wilson and Andrew Sean Greer, a helper robot and his 35-year-old ward embark on a mad-cap adventure to save the fate of the family company in this whimsically speculative ode to Wodehouse’s Jeeves and Wooster. Cy wants nothing more than to be useful, raise his utility score...

On the one day of the year when Bentley returns to the factory for a tune-up, Cyril's Aunt Hypatia enlists him in a complex scheme. All is not as it seems, however- there are plots within plots- which all come to a head within the terrifying twists of The Labyrinth!

Now T.E.D.D., the foul-mouthed trash droid who's done taking humanity's crap, is stuck juggling mobsters, mutant tech, his own glitchy anomaly, and a pack of robowolves. Blades and bullets won't be enough. Because the deadliest part of the job isn't the weapons—it's his dumb co-workers who make Great Grandpa GPT look like a genius.

When word of his abilities spreads through the galactic grapevine, Ben ranks number one on an A.I.’s most wanted list to become their cybernated slave. As he’s thrust into an interstellar struggle, Ben discovers a powerful alien hiding on Earth. Determined to protect it, he must outmaneuver relentless enemies, decode cryptic warnings, and determine whether a headstrong spaceship is friend or foe. The fate of more than just his own survival is at stake, and if he fails, the entire universe could pay the price.

Ben and the crew have set course for an alien planet, but the inhabitants are far from what they expected. They have answers that could get their baby Viraquin home, but Ben isn’t sure he’s willing to pay the price for the well-guarded secret. En route to the planet, they receive a distress call from a crippled ship and are bound by law to help. The life support system onboard is failing and the crew is dying. Ben and Lois are their last hope. A power coupling is easy enough to get to ensure their survival… they just have to plunder it from another ship.

Fresh off her single-handed defense against alien adversaries in a galactic courtroom, Maxine Justice discovers that saving the Earth is not enough to earn a hero’s welcome back home. Once again broke and now looking for revenge, her return to night court as a public defender takes an immediate detour when she’s tasked with defending a Therapod murder suspect.

It's time for Bob to square some things away with the Commonwealth. Rules are rules, though, and that means two weeks in a ship with no gravity. When they get where they're going, they still have a bureaucracy that hasn't changed in a thousand years to get through. Come along and see the adventures of the crew of the good ship BS Karen.

Step into Isaac Asimov’s early foray into science fiction comedy with The Magnificent Possession. First published in 1940, this witty short story follows Walter Sills, a struggling chemist whose “brilliant” discovery—plating metals with ammonium to mimic gold—spirals into chaos. Gangsters, corrupt politicians, and desperate industrialists descend on him, only for the invention’s fatal flaw to emerge: a stench so foul it ruins everything. Part satire, part cautionary tale, this story reveals Asimov’s youthful experimentation with humor and the pitfalls of unchecked ambition.

Just about anything can happen over the weekend at a fandom convention. Cosplayers, the vendor halls, cast panels, alien bounty hunters showing up from outer space, and my best friend learning that I’m an alien. Ya know, the usual stuff. And those aren’t even the really scary parts. I’m Jack, and you’re not going to believe what happens next at QUASITASTICON 9.