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What you’re hearing today is a ZSM Theatre scene: Stephanie writes a script and Zach goes in completely cold, having never read it – and somehow nails it anyway. This clip is a “lost” episode of All in the Family - an unaired, deeply inappropriate, oddly heartfelt episode that absolutely should not exist… but somehow does.

This is from our latest Patreon bonus, a full-on variety spectacular honoring Rob Reiner and Michele Singer Reiner — the partnership behind some of the most iconic, uniting, and deeply felt films of the last forty years (and yes, one movie Roger Ebert truly, profoundly hate-hate-hated).

From this lost All in the Family episode, to a documentary-style meditation on love across Reiner’s filmography, to a Castle Rock morning show calmly smiling through the apocalypse, we pulled out every stop.

Can love survive tiny Stonehenge failures, fire swamps, friendships, hobbling, and everything that comes after happily ever after? Tune in to find out!

Not yet a Patreon? Check the link in our bio or head over to www.patreon.com/zsmpodcast. Not yet ready to go to 11? You can unlock the full episode via that same link for a one-time donation of $3.

This episode was made for our patrons — the people we’d run across a city for, because when you want to spend the rest of your life making something meaningful for someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

We love you. And… as you wish. 💛

Music and additional effects sourced from Fesliyan, Pixabay and Freesound (public domain/CC0).

💙 Mental Health Matters 💙

It’s okay to not be okay. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone, and help is available.

📞 U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Dial 988
📞 Canada Talk Suicide Service: 1-833-456-4566
📞 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (U.S. & Canada)
📞 International Resources: findahelpline.com

Please take care of yourselves, and if you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. 💙

Send us a text

In a quiet room meant for rest, a woman begins to see something behind the pattern — something alive, something watching, something waiting…

What starts as confinement becomes revelation in this haunting classic of psychological horror and feminist rebellion.

Turn down the lights, and look closer…

Fresh from ZSM HQ — because it’s always midnight somewhere.

Music for this episode has been sourced from Pixabay, mostly from the very talented GregorQuendel: https://pixabay.com/users/gregorquendel-19912121/

(public domain/CC0)

Music and additional effects sourced from Fesliyan, Pixabay and Freesound (public domain/CC0).

💙 Mental Health Matters 💙

It’s okay to not be okay. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone, and help is available.

📞 U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Dial 988
📞 Canada Talk Suicide Service: 1-833-456-4566
📞 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (U.S. & Canada)
📞 International Resources: findahelpline.com

Please take care of yourselves, and if you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. 💙

Send us a text

The crypt doors creak open once more as Stephanie and Zach resurrect last year’s Patreon-only Halloween Spooktacular for the main feed—slightly abridged, freshly exhumed, and scrubbed of its cursed (read: licensed) tunes.

Join us for a chaotic séance of devil stories, urban legends, absurd games, and true-crime tangents that should’ve stayed buried. Neither host knew what the other was bringing, which—as usual—turned out to be both the best and worst idea imaginable.

Expect laughter, chills, questionable accents, and the lingering sense that the podcast is coming from inside the house.

**Originally a Patreon-exclusive episode; this version has been lightly trimmed and re-stitched for the mortal realm**

Music and additional effects sourced from Fesliyan, Pixabay and Freesound (public domain/CC0).

💙 Mental Health Matters 💙

It’s okay to not be okay. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone, and help is available.

📞 U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Dial 988
📞 Canada Talk Suicide Service: 1-833-456-4566
📞 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (U.S. & Canada)
📞 International Resources: findahelpline.com

Please take care of yourselves, and if you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. 💙

Send us a text

For the next installment in our Midnight Mini series, Stephanie reads another J.B. Stamper classic, The Jigsaw Puzzle:

A quiet night. An old puzzle. A picture that wasn’t meant to be finished. Turn down the lights, and piece this one together - if you dare...

Stephanie’s sharing her childhood nightmare fuel - so now it’s yours too, congrats!

Music and additional effects sourced from Fesliyan, Pixabay and Freesound (public domain/CC0).

💙 Mental Health Matters 💙

It’s okay to not be okay. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone, and help is available.

📞 U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Dial 988
📞 Canada Talk Suicide Service: 1-833-456-4566
📞 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (U.S. & Canada)
📞 International Resources: findahelpline.com

Please take care of yourselves, and if you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. 💙

Send us a text

From the twisted mind who brought you Psycho, and the voice that brings you Zachsolved Mysteries — our latest Midnight Drop descends into Robert Bloch’s “A Home Away From Home.” Turn the lights down, get cozy, and ignore those whispers in the hall...

Story written by Robert Bloch. Music and additional effects sourced from Pixabay and Freesound (public domain/CC0).

💙 Mental Health Matters 💙

It’s okay to not be okay. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone, and help is available.

📞 U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Dial 988
📞 Canada Talk Suicide Service: 1-833-456-4566
📞 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (U.S. & Canada)
📞 International Resources: findahelpline.com

Please take care of yourselves, and if you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. 💙

Send us a text

A bite-size treat while we’re between seasons—and to get you in the spoooooky mood! Stephanie narrates one of her childhood faves, JB Stamper’s classic chiller “The Furry Collar,” with sound design that crawls under your skin. It’s short, creepy, and perfect for a late-night scare.

This is just a taste of what’s coming: our 2nd Annual Spooooktober Spectacular Livestream will be open to EVERYONE, so be sure to mark your calendars for Monday, Oct 13 @ 6:30pm CT. We’ll drop more surprise minis leading up to Halloween, so keep an eye on your feed for spooky stuff! 🎃

Story written by J.B. Stamper, from the collection Tales for the Midnight Hour. Music and additional effects sourced from Pixabay and Freesound (public domain/CC0).

💙 Mental Health Matters 💙

It’s okay to not be okay. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone, and help is available.

📞 U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Dial 988
📞 Canada Talk Suicide Service: 1-833-456-4566
📞 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (U.S. & Canada)
📞 International Resources: findahelpline.com

Please take care of yourselves, and if you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. 💙

Send us a text

“…And da Vinci said I like to fuuuuuuuu….function as a one-stop art shop.” It’s our Season 2 finale - extra-sized to keep you satiated through the rest of the summer - and we’re sending it off with a Molotov bang, a brushstroke of burnt umber, and a head tilt sharp enough to open an envelope.

In this episode, we allow you to escape the way only Oklahomans can—through a dumb, understaffed county jail and an open-door policy that would shock even the Kool-Aid Man. We meet a murderous couple in New Jersey who took sibling rivalry to a whole new level, then visit fair Florence, Italy and hang out with a genius. From there, we ride Stack’s coat tails to Rhode Island, where a missing wife and a husband with a thesaurus leave us with more questions than answers. And to round it out, we uncover a furry browed scam artist in Florida who steals from the government at a dry tortoise’s pace. So come and UNALIVE your boredom with Zach and Stephanie on ZACHSOLVED MYSTERIES!

See you in the fall for Season 3 (unless we fake our deaths first...) And hey, if you miss us, we’re not really gone—join our Patreon for our Summer of Mortality series! We’ll be dropping fresh chaos all summer long over there, even while the main feed is on vacation.

💙 Mental Health Matters 💙

It’s okay to not be okay. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone, and help is available.

📞 U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Dial 988
📞 Canada Talk Suicide Service: 1-833-456-4566
📞 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (U.S. & Canada)
📞 International Resources: findahelpline.com

Please take care of yourselves, and if you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. 💙

Send us a text

This week, we go digging for the truth—and end up unearthing royalty, Rasputin, and a surprisingly efficient storage hack.

First, a woman with no name—and plenty of scars—emerges from a German asylum claiming a past that might be tragic, imperial, or both. Then, a small-town sheriff learns the hard way that holiday spirit doesn’t mix well with foster system red tape. And finally, a criminal mastermind introduces a space-saving solution so bold, you’ll never look at dust bunnies the same way again.

Plus, ZSM Theatre returns with daytime talk show DNA tests, disembodied mystics, and a Real Housewives-style vodka launch that ends in blood, glass, and at least one misplaced weave.

Mystery, mayhem, and multiple identities—because the only thing harder than proving who you are is convincing everyone you're not someone else.

💙 Mental Health Matters 💙

It’s okay to not be okay. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone, and help is available.

📞 U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Dial 988
📞 Canada Talk Suicide Service: 1-833-456-4566
📞 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (U.S. & Canada)
📞 International Resources: findahelpline.com

Please take care of yourselves, and if you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. 💙