Some conversations take time to find their moment. This one was recorded in Mazunte, México in January 2023, just over three years ago now, waiting for the right container to release it into.

Andy and I were housemates on the Oaxacan coast. We'd wake up, walk to morning meditations at a local centre, drift down to the beach, cook together, and marvel at the plants and wildlife around our tropical setting. It was one of those rare pockets of life where everything seemed to slow down just enough to actually feel it.

Andy Vantrease is a writer, storyteller, and women's coach who has spent nearly two decades honing a craft that, on the surface, looks like writing or interviewing, but underneath is really about creating the conditions for people to be truly heard. From freelance journalism to producing the Dandelion Effect Podcast at Feathered Pipe Ranch in Montana, to one-on-one story mapping sessions, to facilitating circles for nurses in California, her work kept finding new forms while staying rooted in the same thread: helping people see their own magic. Since we recorded that conversation, Andy’s path has taken another turn. She now works specifically with women, educating on menstrual health, cycle wisdom and female body literacy. She is a student of the Blood Mysteries School and holds classes, circles and private sessions that help women come home to their bodies and understand the power of their biological design.

So while what you’ll hear is Andy as she was in early 2023, the roots of everything she's moved toward since are all here, present and growing.

We talk about what it means to build a creative livelihood without being trapped inside a label. The difference between a side gig and a calling, and the slow, unglamorous process of learning to price yourself as a whole person rather than just a finished product. The cyclic nature of life and how things, projects, relationships and chapters all want to die so something new can grow. Seva, selfless service, and why Andy isn't convinced she believes in it anymore. Through an NGO in rural Nepal where we first met, we also dove into what it taught us about reciprocity, sustainability, and the real cost of burning out in the name of devotion.

And then, near the end, I share three words from a handpainted sign I came across on a mountain road in the Indian Himalayas, while bike touring in my 30th year. Words that had been living in me for years by then, and that Andy receives with the kind of quiet recognition that tells you something has landed.

"Work is devotion."

Love you, Andy! <3

Follow Andy and her work via: https://andyvantrease.com/

-

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life.

Follow and engage: http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves. Hat tip to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the beautiful soundtrack. Gratitude. See you again.

"Living with openness isn’t easy, but it’s the only way I feel truly connected."

In this intimate, firelit conversation recorded in the oak woodlands of Mendocino, I sit down with someone who has long felt like a little sister to me - Alyson. We’ve shared many chapters over the years, from our time living and working in Nepal to weaving our own creative paths through life. What we spoke about in 2023 still holds weight today, perhaps even more so in this ever-accelerating world.

Together, we unpack themes of identity, ego, creativity, and care. Alyson reflects on growing up Filipino-American in San Jose, California, finding healing through gardening and natural dyeing, and wrestling with the writer’s journey - the guilt, the fixation, the fear. We talk candidly about the shadow side of service, and the ever-present tug between doing what we love and doing what we think will make us lovable.

This episode is a heartfelt tribute to the cycles we move through - in art, in life, in healing. It's a timestamp of where we were, and a torchlight for the path still unfolding.

Connect with Alyson on Instagram: @alysonnoele (instagram.com/alysonnoele/)

Supporter-exclusive video version of this podcast: https://patreon.com/posts/wilderness-ww-07-135769600

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life. Each episode is intended to be an open share and celebration of the triumphs, failures, learnings, and vulnerabilities of these wonderful humans and myself, Kai J. Lee.

Follow and engage with this journey http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ | @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves - engaging with me and sharing the episodes with others.

Special thanks to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the WW soundtrack and logo. Gratitude to so many past & present patrons - in making this dream come true!

"It’s no longer getting healthy because I should. It’s getting healthy because I’m trying to become fit for fatherhood - physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally."

In this heartfelt catch-up, I sat down with my dear friend and brother, Scott Hanson - a man whose life story reminds me (and all of us) what happens when you listen to your gut, surrender to change, and build a life of intentional service and community.

Scott and I rewinded the tape all the way back to where it began: the mountains of Nepal eight years ago, swinging hammers, sharing tea, and learning the quiet power of living and working in true community. From there, our paths kept crossing: weddings, big moves, late-night conversations, and, on this day, a milestone moment - we recorded this just after his baby shower for twins (!) in Albuquerque, New Mexico in 2023.

This episode celebrates a friendship rooted in adventure, honesty, and mutual witness; the tender power of becoming a father - and how it pushes a man to grow up again and again; Scott’s reflections on leaving behind old habits, building new ones (think: haikus); the sacred role of community, especially in the western world where isolation can feel all too normal; his commitment to raising kids in a world with more connection, care, and good mischief.

We laughed, we teared up, we time-traveled through Scott’s memories - from engineering "empty buildings" in the California Bay Area to building schools & community in Nepal, and now a family rooted in ancestral soil.

I have witnessed Scott become the man, husband, and father he had journaled about.

Look for him under Scout Rockwell on these platforms - half of the Wilderness Within soundtrack has his fingerprints all over them. And, @scout.rockwell on Insta.

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life. Each episode is intended to be an open share and celebration of the triumphs, failures, learnings, and vulnerabilities of these wonderful humans and myself, Kai J. Lee.

Follow and engage with this journey http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ | @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves - engaging with me and sharing the episodes with others.

Special thanks to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the WW soundtrack and logo. Gratitude to so many past & present patrons - in making this dream come true!

In this deeply personal solo episode, yours truly, Kai J., return to one of the lands that raised me - Los Angeles - to walk, reflect, and speak aloud the truths that have shaped my latest chapter. Through spontaneous storytelling on the trail, I explore what it means to finally meet the hero I've been searching for: myself. From honouring ancestral roots and interviewing my parents on camera for the first time, to shedding victimhood and stepping into authorship of my own life story, this is an intimate meditation on privilege, presence, and the power of becoming our own witness. Blending ancestral reverence with humble awe for modern miracles, I invite all listeners into a moment of grounded gratitude and radical self-honesty. This episode is a reminder that storytelling isn’t just for others - it’s for the future self, too. Whether we're in transition, healing family dynamics, or redefining our own path, this episode holds space for the question: What story are we here to tell - and are we brave enough to be its protagonist?

Kai J.'s website: subtledream.com

Instagram: @subtledream

Newsletter: subtledream.kit.com/profile

Supporter-exclusive video version of this podcast: https://patreon.com/posts/kai-j-lee-walk-129019139

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life. Each episode is intended to be an open share and celebration of the triumphs, failures, learnings, and vulnerabilities of these wonderful humans and myself, Kai J. Lee.

Follow and engage with this journey http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ | @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves - engaging with me and sharing the episodes with others.

Special thanks to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the WW soundtrack and logo. Gratitude to so many past & present patrons - in making this dream come true!

After a hiatus, we're back! This episode features a very special guest and friend, Tamara Wilder.

Tamara became fascinated by ancient living skills in at age 19 when she attended an Ancient Living Skills gathering. She was “hooked” and quickly began incorporating the practice of skills into her daily experience. Ever since, she has been dedicating her life to enjoying, learning, researching, experimenting with, writing about and teaching Paleo Technologies through a variety of programs, workshops & demonstrations on a range of skill topics at a plethora of locations through her company Paleotechnics.

Tamara embodies eldership: rooted in experience, humble in presence, yet fierce in her commitment to keeping these skills alive. She emphasizes the urgency of teaching young people as both inheritance and responsibility, reminding us that every basket, fire, or tool is a story connecting us back through generations.

For over 30 years, she has run programs in stringmaking, firemaking, rope making & hunting technology and other fiber arts for grade school students all around Northern California as well as adult workshops in the Pacific Northwest. Tamara is co-author of the book Buckskin: The Ancient Art of Braintanning, a series of Paleotechnics Handbooks and numerous chapters in other books.

Tamara's offerings, information, and contact can be found via https://paleotechnics.com

Her patreon: https://patreon.com/paleotechnics

The Spirit Weavers gathering: https://spiritweaversgathering.com/

Supporter-exclusive video version of this podcast: https://www.patreon.com/posts/tamara-wilder-of-122607334

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life. Each episode is intended to be an open share and celebration of the triumphs, failures, learnings, and vulnerabilities of these wonderful humans and myself, Kai J. Lee.

Follow and engage with this journey http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ | @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves - engaging with me and sharing the episodes with others!

Special thanks to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the WW soundtrack and logo. Gratitude to past & present patrons - in making this dream come true!

In this episode, I speak with Beth Huggins amongst the hills of coastal Ecuador on land being stewarded and restored by Regeneration Field Institute. Beth believes in development work that intimately considers unique community and individual needs with a systemic and holistic approach. I recall her soaking up the book (amongst countless other books) 'How Can I Help?' while living and working together in Nepal. She says "The concept of service in my mind is that you just show up, day after day. You have no expectations. You have no agenda. You are there to support life."

When I asked about the cultural barrier of working in Nepal, "I never imagined I'd spend 7 years in a place. But 7 years (is what) it's taken me to understand the background of those cultural challenges. To understand that, 'oh, even if I don't like this power dynamic that exists' when we work with communities, I don't really get to choose this - it's their power dynamic. It's their culture... All I get to have a say in is how I get to spend my life minutes to support other people to have a say in that - whose space it is."

We also speak into sacrifices, challenges, patience, and of inspiring people in Beth's life who have guided and positively impacted her.

Connect with Beth via @bugggins (https://instagram.com/bugggins/) and her work @consciousimpact (https://instagram.com/consciousimpact/) and @regenerationfieldinstitute (https://instagram.com/regenerationfieldinstitute/)

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life. Each episode is intended to be an open share and celebration of the triumphs, failures, learnings, and vulnerabilities of these wonderful humans and myself, Kai J. Lee.

Follow and engage with this journey http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ | @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves - engaging with me and sharing the episodes with others.

A shoutout to Melissa Carter for her editing & production magic. Special thanks to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the WW soundtrack and logo. Gratitude to past & present patrons - sooo many to name - in making this dream come true!

In this episode, I have a connective walk and talk with Orion Haas, a long-time friend, brother, and collaborator amongst the jungle on the outskirts of Tulum, Mexico. Orion speaks into the early months of our friendship, then diving into our time and work in Nepal which brought us into a post-disaster, service-oriented community and the contrast to the living situation then in Tulum as a newly married man to Mariana, who was the guest in the previous episode. He offers insight into their lifestyle decision to live life with as little plastics and inorganic waste as possible while maintaining a connection and sense of responsibility to the natural environment and the elements. In essence, Orion shares why a conscious impact is not only important but vital to living an aligned, value-driven life. We converse about community living and the difference he has experienced when the community has a collective sense of purpose. The conversation then shifts towards the ubiquitous and profound quesiton of "What does it mean to be human?" and his purpose of late of deepening his learnings and practice of Ayurveda, an ancient form of medical sciences from India dating back thousands of years. There is a bonus something at the end of the episode ;)

Connect with Orion: @orionhaas (https://instagram.com/orionhaas) or Facebook (https://facebook.com/orion.haas).

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life. Each episode is intended to be an open share and celebration of the triumphs, failures, learnings, and vulnerabilities of these wonderful humans and myself, Kai J. Lee.

Follow and engage with this journey http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ | @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves - engaging with me and sharing the episodes with others!

A shoutout to Melissa Carter for her editing & production magic. Special thanks to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the WW soundtrack and logo.

In our first full episode with a guest, I have a connective walk and talk with Mariana Jimenez Moreno, a dear friend, natural building teacher, and community living advocate in the tranquil forested art walk at Holistika in Tulum, Quintana Roo, Mexico. Mariana speaks into her unique dual-world upbringing in Mexico & the United States, snippets of travel and living experiences in Mexico, France, India, Dominica, and Nepal that have shaped her perspectives and ways of being. We dive into her early curiosities in school on ecologically-sound building methods, and being disappointed by professors and classes' lack of coverage beyond the conventional. Mariana and I also had a round of shares on some of the dilemmas of isolated modern day living and the contrast to the community living we experienced together through Conscious Impact in Nepal since 2015. She paints a picture as to what the near future could look like for her and her husband Orion, on land and in community, connected with the natural cycles, the elements, and leaning into the skillsets and interests of those around them. This episode was recorded in Feburary 2022 during my memorable visit to the region.

Follow Mariana's natural building journeys via Instagam, @superadobe.delanait (https://instagram.com/superadobe.delanait/).

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life. Each episode is intended to be an open share and celebration of the triumphs, failures, learnings, and vulnerabilities of these wonderful humans and myself, Kai J. Lee.

Follow and engage with this journey http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ | @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves - engaging with me and sharing the episodes with others!

A shoutout to Melissa Carter for her editing & production magic. Special thanks to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the WW soundtrack and logo. Gratitude to the following humans - Paul J., Antoine M., Aiyana B., Deborah C., Rene D., Luke F., Kelly P., Carina F., Kelsea L., Khen R., Kelsey Y., Michael C., Evan S., Kristine S., Lindsay C., Anne G., Yu Shan C., Otis S. Steven T., Steven M., Steph P., Anna W., Camila N., Dana W., Naira d. G., Dora L., Orion H., Michelle K., Steven W., Jackie C. S., Romar S., Peter W., Jacky C., Tsetop S., Frankie L., Jim B. Lisa C., Marek B., Mikey L., Alex A., and more past & present patrons - in making this dream come true!