"Living with openness isn’t easy, but it’s the only way I feel truly connected."

In this intimate, firelit conversation recorded in the oak woodlands of Mendocino, I sit down with someone who has long felt like a little sister to me - Alyson. We’ve shared many chapters over the years, from our time living and working in Nepal to weaving our own creative paths through life. What we spoke about in 2023 still holds weight today, perhaps even more so in this ever-accelerating world.

Together, we unpack themes of identity, ego, creativity, and care. Alyson reflects on growing up Filipino-American in San Jose, California, finding healing through gardening and natural dyeing, and wrestling with the writer’s journey - the guilt, the fixation, the fear. We talk candidly about the shadow side of service, and the ever-present tug between doing what we love and doing what we think will make us lovable.

This episode is a heartfelt tribute to the cycles we move through - in art, in life, in healing. It's a timestamp of where we were, and a torchlight for the path still unfolding.

Connect with Alyson on Instagram: @alysonnoele (instagram.com/alysonnoele/)

Supporter-exclusive video version of this podcast: https://patreon.com/posts/wilderness-ww-07-135769600

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life. Each episode is intended to be an open share and celebration of the triumphs, failures, learnings, and vulnerabilities of these wonderful humans and myself, Kai J. Lee.

Follow and engage with this journey http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ | @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves - engaging with me and sharing the episodes with others.

Special thanks to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the WW soundtrack and logo. Gratitude to so many past & present patrons - in making this dream come true!

"It’s no longer getting healthy because I should. It’s getting healthy because I’m trying to become fit for fatherhood - physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally."

In this heartfelt catch-up, I sat down with my dear friend and brother, Scott Hanson - a man whose life story reminds me (and all of us) what happens when you listen to your gut, surrender to change, and build a life of intentional service and community.

Scott and I rewinded the tape all the way back to where it began: the mountains of Nepal eight years ago, swinging hammers, sharing tea, and learning the quiet power of living and working in true community. From there, our paths kept crossing: weddings, big moves, late-night conversations, and, on this day, a milestone moment - we recorded this just after his baby shower for twins (!) in Albuquerque, New Mexico in 2023.

This episode celebrates a friendship rooted in adventure, honesty, and mutual witness; the tender power of becoming a father - and how it pushes a man to grow up again and again; Scott’s reflections on leaving behind old habits, building new ones (think: haikus); the sacred role of community, especially in the western world where isolation can feel all too normal; his commitment to raising kids in a world with more connection, care, and good mischief.

We laughed, we teared up, we time-traveled through Scott’s memories - from engineering "empty buildings" in the California Bay Area to building schools & community in Nepal, and now a family rooted in ancestral soil.

I have witnessed Scott become the man, husband, and father he had journaled about.

Look for him under Scout Rockwell on these platforms - half of the Wilderness Within soundtrack has his fingerprints all over them. And, @scout.rockwell on Insta.

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life. Each episode is intended to be an open share and celebration of the triumphs, failures, learnings, and vulnerabilities of these wonderful humans and myself, Kai J. Lee.

Follow and engage with this journey http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ | @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves - engaging with me and sharing the episodes with others.

Special thanks to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the WW soundtrack and logo. Gratitude to so many past & present patrons - in making this dream come true!

In this deeply personal solo episode, yours truly, Kai J., return to one of the lands that raised me - Los Angeles - to walk, reflect, and speak aloud the truths that have shaped my latest chapter. Through spontaneous storytelling on the trail, I explore what it means to finally meet the hero I've been searching for: myself. From honouring ancestral roots and interviewing my parents on camera for the first time, to shedding victimhood and stepping into authorship of my own life story, this is an intimate meditation on privilege, presence, and the power of becoming our own witness. Blending ancestral reverence with humble awe for modern miracles, I invite all listeners into a moment of grounded gratitude and radical self-honesty. This episode is a reminder that storytelling isn’t just for others - it’s for the future self, too. Whether we're in transition, healing family dynamics, or redefining our own path, this episode holds space for the question: What story are we here to tell - and are we brave enough to be its protagonist?

Kai J.'s website: subtledream.com

Instagram: @subtledream

Newsletter: subtledream.kit.com/profile

Supporter-exclusive video version of this podcast: https://patreon.com/posts/kai-j-lee-walk-129019139

Wilderness Within (WW) is an exploration of inner worlds through shared stories and lived experiences with changemakers and visionaries whom I get to call friends. The project was birthed out of the realisation of radical it is to have such inspirational people in my life, and the interest to dive beyond the superficial and into the depths of one's devotions and motivations in life. Each episode is intended to be an open share and celebration of the triumphs, failures, learnings, and vulnerabilities of these wonderful humans and myself, Kai J. Lee.

Follow and engage with this journey http://wildernesswithinpod.com/ | @wildernesswithinpod

WW is possible due to the ongoing financial and spiritual support of patreon supporters (https://patreon.com/subtledream) and fans like yourselves - engaging with me and sharing the episodes with others.

Special thanks to Scott Hanson & Carlos Militante for the WW soundtrack and logo. Gratitude to so many past & present patrons - in making this dream come true!