My voice is a little scratchy this week! I've been fighting a cold, but I didn't want to wait another minute to bring you this episode on friendships, and the hard truths I learned while God pushed me to write to this. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you get something out of it!

I keep thinking about something I saw on Facebook. I’m not usually one to share a whole lot or put too much stock into things I see on social media, but this one hit home for me. Have you heard the song, Mary Did You Know? Well, the picture thing that’s going around right now says, Mary did know, but her mother didn’t. When I first saw this, I thought, huh, and kept scrolling. But then I saw it shared again by someone else. And I started thinking more about it. And then I read a post that went along with the picture that talked about how the angel appeared to Mary, but not to her mother. Her mother just raised her to be a daughter of God without knowing what God’s plan for her life was. She raised her to be obedient. She raised her to put her faith into a God she could not see. Mary knew, but Mary’s mother did not. Mary’s mother was an obedient, faithful daughter of God who did what she was taught to do. I recently had a daughter. And I have an almost three-year-old son. When you have children, your world as you know it shifts. And continues to shift through each new phase of their life, which is really a new phase of your life as well, we just look at it in terms of their lives. If you’re anything like me, you are constantly asking God to guide you in raising these children that He trusted you to raise. You are constantly asking, begging, even pleading for Him to intercede when it comes to raising your children. My prayers always include asking God for guidance to raise these children according to His plan. I don’t know what that plan is. I don’t know what God’s will for their lives is. I have no idea how He will use them for something greater than I could ever imagine…but I know He will. I know He will use my son to spread His message of grace and mercy. I know He will use my daughter to be a witness to His goodness. I know He will use them, but I don’t know how. I don’t know what it will look like. I don’t know what the path will be. I don’t know what is coming, but I do know that my job is to raise them to be obedient and faithful children of God. It’s scary, right? We are entrusted with these tiny humans, try to keep them alive, and then try to raise them the best way we know how. We don’t know what their lives will look like, we don’t know who they will be, but we raise them according to what we know is right anyway. We have these tiny humans who grow up to do what they were created to do, and we have no say in what that is. We spend so much time guiding, teaching, loving, caring, nurturing, disciplining, only to watch them leave and lead lives of their own. I can’t help but think about Mary’s mother. I hadn’t ever thought about this before, but now that I have a daughter (and someone said something about Mary’s mother), I can’t stop thinking about it. Mary’s mother didn’t know. Her grandson is the son of God. Her grandson healed the sick, made the blind see, and was persecuted and crucified because of our sin. He was the epitome of all things good…and he was crucified because of it. Mary’s mother watched her daughter go through the stages of pregnancy, unwed, in a time where that was punishable by death. What was she thinking? Mary’s mother watched as her daughter gave birth to a baby boy, in a manger (legit, a barn with livestock - I can’t). What was she thinking? Mary’s mother watched as Mary raised that child until he was old enough to be on his own. What was she thinking? Mary’s mother watched as Mary’s son was crucified for reasons that were not made known to her at that time. What was she thinking? Mary’s mother watched as her daughter wept for her son. What was she thinking? Mary’s mother watched as her daughter grieved for her son. What was she thinking? Mary’s mother watched as her daughter’s son rose from the dead and ascended into heaven, promising to return one day. What was she thinking? I can speculate as to what she was thinking, but we will never know what she really thought. We do know that whatev

I’m sure some of you have noticed how long it’s been between episode 3 and this episode. My goal was to produce an episode each week. And it’s perfectly doable. But here’s the thing about this podcast. I started this as a way to deal with my grief because therapy was not working for me. I listened to God when he led me down this path as a way to not only tell my story, but to process my feelings of grief and loss. I listened, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Not only am I trying to process my grief from losing my dad, but now I’m trying to work through a c-section that has had more downs than ups. I won’t lie and say that what is supposed to be the happiest time with a little one has been just that. I didn’t realize how traumatic the entire process has been. Needles never used to bother me…I cringe at the word needle now. Going to the doctor never bothered me. Now I have tried and succeeded in avoiding my postpartum visit so I don’t have to go in and tell him that everything is not perfect yet. I’ve experienced pain that I’ve never experienced before, and the level of frustration at not being able to do what I used to be able to do is mounting. Things just don’t feel right and that makes things hard. I fear the unknown as it is, but now, the unknown is inside of me. There was damage. There was unknown pain. There were complications that have created issues. I’m not saying that my experience was the worst it could have been, but reflecting on everything that happened throws me into a tailspin and I avoid talking about any of it. Instead of dealing with it, I throw myself into other things, like cleaning and organizing. In addition to what I didn’t realize was a healing process, I’m also trying to process past emotions that I’ve avoided. This podcast, talking about my story, opens up old wounds. It uncovers emotions that I’ve tried so hard to bury. And continuing to talk is difficult. I’ve been avoiding this podcast. I keep telling myself that I’ll get to it. Or I’ll tell myself that I need to sit down and get it done. But if I sit down just to get it done, is that the point? I’ve allowed myself to become detached from a project I just began because I was unsure how to handle everything that came with it. I became afraid of opening up and I allowed myself to do what I always do: run from it. I lied to myself, convincing myself I was too busy for it. But the idea of creating this has never left me. The idea that my story can help others is the reason that I need to continue the journey I began. If you’ve ever tried to process grief, you’ll understand. By avoiding something difficult, I was able to act like it didn’t happen. But it did. And my story continues on even though this terrible thing happened. I’ve been thinking a lot about Christmas. I remember up until a few years ago that the transition from summer to fall to winter was one that I relished. I loved the falling of the leaves and the smells in the air. I loved everything about it. Christmas came gradually, and there was a feeling attached to the season that is so hard to describe. Until a few years ago when the feeling changed. The transition still happens. Leaves change colors, the temperatures drop, the world is filled with all things holiday and Christmas. But the last few years have felt different somehow. Christmas itself isn’t the same. I have been trying to pinpoint exactly what feels different, but I still can’t exactly identify it. I know that this season is not a joyous one for everyone. When I was younger, I truly believed this season was joyous for everyone, that everyone loved Christmas, and that everyone saw this season as one full of all that glitters. If you’ve ever been to my house during the holidays (or to my mom’s house), you’ll know that I go all out when it comes to decorating. My husband told my son that “mommy makes Christmas throw up at our house buddy.” I heard him, made a mental note, and then went to Hobby Lobby the next day for even mo

I wanted to take a minute this week to talk about grief. It’s the reason I started doing this to begin with, but it’s also something that is ever-present in this life. I see it everywhere. And it hurts. It hurts watching others hurt. It hurts knowing that others have to go through this process again and again and again. I see it personally, and I see it globally. I see it in different forms. I see it everywhere. Grief is something everyone will experience, some more than others. Grief isn’t a one-step process. Some will grieve for days, some will grieve for years. Some will delay the process, others will deny its existence. However long the process, whatever that process looks like, grief will always be present in this world. Why? That’s the question everyone asks, but the answer isn’t something we always want to hear. Why is grief present in this world? Us. Plain and simple. Grief is present because of sin. Sin is present because of us. I so often hear people talk about if God was so great, why does He allow bad things to happen? If God loves us so much, why does He let pain and suffering into the world. The answer is simple: He doesn’t. We do. God loves us so much that he gave us free will. He gave us choice. He isn’t dictating our every move. Think about it: if someone is controlling your every move, is that love? Nope. And God loves us more than anything. So of course he won’t control our every move. He had a design, a plan for this world. He created something beautiful and then created man to take care of it, to enjoy it. But, once sin entered the world, the perfection he created on earth was gone. And sin entered the world through his perfect creation by a force that is constantly working against us in this world. What he wanted for us was destroyed. By us. And we keep destroying it. Because sin entered the world, so did pain, loss, grief, and devastation. Those things aren’t from God. Those things come from evil. And evil has taken hold of this world. Evil threatens to win daily. Evil manipulates and manifests in ways that look like good, but they are not. Evil wants us to believe that God allows and lets bad things happen. Evil wants us to believe that God does those things so that we turn from Him. But evil won’t win. Evil will try, but will fail. Evil may take hold of this world and destroy it, but this world is only temporary. Which means that pain, loss, grief, devastation - are all temporary. God allowed us choice, but He also knew we wouldn’t choose wisely, that we wouldn’t always choose what he planned for us. So He did something that I don’t think anyone else could even fathom. He sent His son Jesus, to take on the life of a human servant, spreading good news about his father, and then ultimately being put death for the message He was spreading. What message was that? Grace. God’s grace is the only reason we have a chance at the eternal life that will be perfection. Grace is the only reason that  I know without a shadow of a doubt I will see my dad again. That I’ll be with everyone I’ve ever lost once again, reunited at the feet of Jesus, singing praise and worshipping the one true king. Grace is the only reason that the terrible things of this world can be handled because I know they won’t last. This world, this sin-ridden world, is not our forever home. The bible tells us there will be no more tears, there will be more death, there will be no more pain once we reach our eternal home. I started this podcast as a way to deal with my own grief from one single event. But it’s also helping me to navigate other loss, other pain, other devastation, and other fear that comes from the evil that has manifested in this world. Grief is hard. Loss is hard. And pain seems to last forever. Which is why I look forward to one day going home to be with my savior. Because He is the only one who can evil and destroy it forever. That day will come, but for now, I have to trust that His plan, no matter how badly I don’t

Hi everyone! I’m Sara Schmidt with my new podcast, What’s So Amazing About Grace? Not too long ago, I felt called to spread a message. A very important message. About grace. But, what is grace? And how do you get it? The first episode is the (very brief) background overview of why this podcast came to life in the first place. So if you’re wondering, what IS so amazing about grace? Then just keep listening. 

Episode Two: How it all began, Part 2

-Thank you (over 100 downloads in the first two hours! Over 250 by 2 am on the 4th! And I just checked…443 downloads since I launched!! That’s so crazy to me!!) 

-Wrote the first episode two years ago as a way to get something down on paper to maybe help it all make sense; I am starting to see now how sharing and spreading a message can be so powerful

-My goal is to drop episodes weekly on Mondays, but this past week has been something else. There are always risks when you have a c-section, and unfortunately, there were some complications with mine. If you are someone who prays, I do ask for prayers that all of this is figured out so that I can begin to heal!

-When the “other side” sees you listening to something you are being called to do, obstacles start appearing

-Some of those obstacles include those few minor complications from my c-section, but it’s been enough to set me back and keep me unmotivated. However, as I review the comments and downloads, I find myself with more drive to continue 

-Continuing with the story from last week is important to understanding why this calling is so strong, and why I feel so passionately about it.

• Once dad was gone, there was zero time to process my grief. Zero time? That’s right. Because I didn’t want to. I had known my dad’s time was coming; but I still didn’t want to believe that it had come. I spent the next several weeks in a daze, unsure of what was happening. I was nine months pregnant and had just lost my dad. What in the world was I going to do?
• Less than four weeks later, my son was born. This turn of events was bittersweet. I was overjoyed at the thought of my little guy making his big entrance into the world…but I was conflicted in my emotions because I was still grieving-not-grieving the big exit out of the world my dad has just taken. Disbelief is the word I will use to describe those weeks. But once Hudson arrived, everything changed. I became motivated to be the best mom, wife, daughter, caretaker anyone had ever seen. I doubted my own abilities and kept telling myself I would fail, but I tried anyway. Those inner monologues can be dangerous!
• So how did I deal? I didn’t.
  • I isolated myself - I pushed everyone to at least an arm’s length away. If they weren’t close, I wouldn’t have to talk. If I didn’t have to talk, I wouldn’t have to face what I had buried. I stopped texting and calling people. I stopped going places as often as I could get away with it. I did all of the things you’re not supposed to do, and I was letting the other side win. But it was easier that way. I have a really great circle of friends. We are all super different, but we have something in common: we love Jesus. We go to different churches, we worship differently, and we do life differently. But it all comes back to our love for Jesus that really brings us together. I blocked that out for a while. A. While. Guys. I was still going through the motions, but without any of the passion, without any of the drive, without any kind of personal connection to my own savior. I still believed, I still trusted, but I was angry, hurt, and upset. I just felt so disconnected with everyone, with everything, and I didn’t know how to get it back. It was just easier to let it all slip away. I became more anxious and depressed, but I didn’t talk about it with anyone. I still really haven’t talked a