Send us Fan Mail

Click here to support Wedded Wednesday

Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake

For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com

In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle one of the most practical and challenging topics in marriage: what to do when you're angry. Drawing from Psalm 4:4, they explore the biblical wisdom of processing anger without letting it control you—and without letting it destroy your marriage.

📖 Scripture Focus – Psalm 4:4

Don clarifies what might seem like a contradiction: The Bible says don't let the sun go down on your wrath, but it also says to be angry and not sin. The point? You can be angry—just don't let it lead you into sin. Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is slow down, process your words, and remain silent before you speak.

🧠 Why This Matters in Marriage
When two people get married, two personalities get married. What once attracted you—the differences, the quirks—can start causing friction over time. As Lisa puts it: "It attracted, all right, but now it's becoming impactful." Fatigue and stress erase the patience we once had, and before we know it, we're frustrating each other despite our best intentions.

🛠️ Two Practical Steps
1. Be Careful with Each Other When You're Angry

Lisa shares a personal story about a season when she was on steroids for arthritis—and it made her "mean." Don had to lovingly point it out (which took great bravery!), and though it stung at first, Lisa processed it and learned to warn Don when a flare-up was coming. The lesson? Show self-control with your words and actions, even when you're angry. It's okay to say, "I need a minute to process this." But if you say that, set a time to come back and talk—don't use it as an excuse to sweep things under the rug.

2. Focus on Your Own Heart and Behavior

Don shares wisdom from his dad: "If you have a problem and you're not willing to be a part of the solution, you will always have a problem." And from Pastor Rick, who counseled him back in 1992: "Even if you're only 10% a part of the problem, you're 100% responsible for your 10%."

When you focus on your own heart, you can confess your wrongs, ask for forgiveness, and let go of the need to win. As Don says: "If you're more interested in being right than you are in being in relationship, your relationship is always going to struggle."

🔁 The Five-to-One Ratio (Revisited)

Lisa brings back their go-to tool: before you share one negative thing, share five positives about your spouse. It's not easy when you're upset—but that's the point. By the time you work through the five positives, God often speaks to your own heart about why you were triggered in the first place. Over half the time, Lisa says she never even shares the negative thing because she realizes it wasn't that big of a deal.

Don admits he can tell when it's coming: "She starts telling me five things she loves about me, and by number three, I know what's happening." But now he turns off the TV and gives her his full attention—because he knows she's worked and prayed through something important.

💡 This Week's Challenge

As Don puts it: "I love us too much to destroy us with my words."

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Click here to support Wedded Wednesday

Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake

For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com

In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith are back after a five-week sabbatical—and they're coming to you from their brand-new Legacy Leaders Studio! After seven years without a real break, their eldership team gifted them time away, and their leadership team surprised them with a completely redecorated space. It's a fresh start, and it sets the perfect backdrop for today's topic: Love Finds Opportunities.

Scripture Focus – Luke 6:38 - "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you."

Don and Lisa apply this principle directly to marriage: the measure of love, effort, and blessing you pour into your spouse is the measure you'll receive back. But it starts with finding opportunities to give.

Every Marriage Is Unique—Stop Comparing

Don asks Lisa: "How unique do you think our marriage is?" Her answer sparks a powerful conversation about how every marriage is unique because it's made up of two specific people. When couples compare their marriage to others, they become blinded to the opportunities right in front of them. As Lisa puts it: "You're never satisfied with what you have when you're always comparing."

Remember the Porch Swing

Don shares a story about a couple they mentored who used to sit on their front porch swing and talk for hours when they were dating. After years of marriage, they'd stopped. Don and Lisa gave them homework: put the kids to bed, turn off the phones, and go sit on the porch swing. The next meeting, the couple admitted it was awkward at first—but then they rediscovered something they loved.

The lesson? Remember the things that brought you together. The little moments. The unique joys. Don't let the "contract" of marriage—bills, kids, chores, work—rob you of the daydreams and connection you once shared.

The Airbnb Surprise

Don shares a recent personal moment. He's always the one who plans their trips. But recently, Lisa came to him and said, "I scheduled us for two nights at an Airbnb. Don't schedule anything."

Don's response? "I'm in. I don't need to know the details."

Why? Because love finds an opportunity to be a blessing—especially when it would be more convenient not to. Lisa took the initiative to keep the connection alive after their sabbatical, and it meant the world to Don.

This Week's Challenge

• Making them coffee without being asked
• Coming home early
• Cooking dinner
• Going for a walk together
• Scheduling a surprise getaway
• Sitting on the porch swing and just talking

As Don puts it: "Try to imagine what you could do or be working toward this coming week that would give undeniable evidence to your spouse just how much you treasure them."

The Bottom Line

If you're going to make anything a competition in your marriage, make it this: how can you out-bless each other? Love finds opportunities—even when it's inconvenient, even when your spouse doesn't "deserve" it, and especially when you don't feel like it. That's when grace enters in, and that's where healing begins.

As Lisa says: "It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't even have to cost any money. It just has to come from a heart that wants to bless."

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Click here to support Wedded Wednesday

Click Here to Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake

For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com

In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith talk about something every marriage needs but few practice consistently: being your spouse's biggest cheerleader. Not a critic. Not a fair-weather fan. A genuine, loud-and-proud supporter.

📖 Scripture Focus – Proverbs 8:30-31

Don points out that this scripture reminds him of a cheerleader—someone who is constantly present, full of delight, and rejoicing in the presence of others. That's the picture of what we should be for our spouses.

🏈 The Cheerleader Analogy

In sports, the cheerleading squad wears the same colors as the team. They're united. They celebrate every touchdown, every turnover, every good play—and even when the team is down, they cheer harder to rally them.

But in marriage, we often do the opposite. We criticize. We complain about the little things. We even join in when others are critical of their spouses. As Lisa puts it: "Negativity is contagious, just like laughter and joy."

🧠 Why We Miss the Successes

Lisa admits she tends to be more critical. She's a "glass half full" person who has to work harder to notice the good. And here's the problem: we're often looking for the earthquake—the big, Hollywood moment—and we miss the little things that really matter.

• Picking up shoes
• Watering the plants
• Making it through a tough workday
• Just showing up

Every accomplishment is an achievement. And every achievement should be celebrated.

⚠️ The Danger of Not Celebrating

Don makes a bold statement: "We gravitate toward the areas we are celebrated, and we withdraw from the places we are not celebrated."

This is why people become workaholics—because that's the only place they feel valued. This is why spouses emotionally disengage—because home feels like a place of constant criticism instead of celebration.

Lisa adds: "When we're just tolerated, that's not fulfilling."

💡 This Week's Challenge

Don promises: "I guarantee you the environment is going to change." It might not be a lightning bolt, but a little spark can cause a fire.

Lisa adds: "Write it down. Write down how you felt and how they responded. Over time, you'll see the progress."

📣 Practice Makes Perfect
Don reminds us that cheerleaders practice every day—they only perform once a week. In the same way, we need to practice celebrating our spouses daily. When we do, our spouses will lean into us for encouragement instead of looking for it elsewhere.

💬 The Bottom Line
Marriage isn't as complicated as we think. As Lisa puts it: "You just have to be intentional." Be the one who cheers louder than anyone else. Be the one who delights in your spouse. Be the one who makes them feel like they're winning.

🎧 Tune In

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to like, share, subscribe, and leave a rating! (And yes, there's a link in the show notes to buy them a sweet tea and a Little Debbie snack cake if you're feeling generous.)

Note: Don and Lisa will be taking a six-week break starting in a few weeks—so catch up on all the episodes while you can!

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Click here to support Wedded Wednesday

Click here to Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake

For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com

In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle a quiet marriage killer: the little things that get overlooked. Not the big sins or major crises—but the small, daily moments of connection that slip away in the busyness of life.

📖 Scripture Focus – Psalm 118:24

Don points out that the psalmist isn't talking about yesterday or tomorrow—he's talking about today. The joy God has for you is available right now. But so often, married couples miss it because they're overwhelmed by responsibilities, schedules, and the weight of "other things."

⏳ The 5-7 Year Fade

Don and Lisa introduce a phrase they use often: the five to seven year fade. This is the season when the "contract" of marriage takes over:

• Paying bills
• Raising kids
• Running to sports and school
• Work and chores

Suddenly, the time you have for each other gets squeezed, squeezed, squeezed—until connection becomes an afterthought. And here's the truth: it doesn't change, no matter how long you've been married. Even at 35 years, Don and Lisa still wrestle with it.

💡 The Little Things That Build Up

We often say the little things can cause damage. But the little things can also build up if you're intentional about them:

• A pop-in lunch at work
• A quick text that says, "I'm thinking about you"
• A spontaneous "get in the truck, we're going" adventure
• Sitting on the back porch together, no phones, just talking

Lisa shares how she used to think going to Don's softball games was pointless—until she realized it meant something to him for her to be there. She wasn't "doing" anything, but her presence was a gift.

🛠️ This Week's Challenge

This simple practice helps fight the negative weight of responsibility and trains your heart to notice the good.

🗓️ Date Days Don't Have to Be Extravagant

Don and Lisa encourage couples to put "date days" in the budget as a line item. But don't get it twisted—a date day doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. It could be:

• Sitting on the porch watching the birds
• Holding hands and talking
• Watching a game together on the back patio (even if the mosquitoes come out!)

There's nothing unromantic about planning. In fact, it's more thoughtful because of the intentionbehind it.

💬 The Bottom Line
The crowd is never going away. Responsibilities are never going to stop. But don't overlook the little things that can be such a great blessing every day. As Lisa puts it: "Time is irreplaceable. We have to be intentional with our time."

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Click here to support Wedded Wednesday

Click here to Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake

For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com

In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle a subtle but dangerous marriage killer: getting lost in the crowd. Not the bad crowds—but the good ones. The things that aren't wrong, but can still push your spouse to the sidelines.

📖 Scripture Focus – Matthew 9:36

Jesus saw the crowd and had compassion. But here's the tension: the crowd is never going away.And if you're not careful, even good things—ministry, children, work, hobbies, friends—can become the "crowd" that leaves your spouse feeling invisible.

😳 The Story That Started It All

Don shares a painfully honest personal story. One Sunday morning, he was greeting people at church—doing his job, being a good pastor—and walked right past Lisa without acknowledging her. He greeted the person on her left, skipped her entirely, and greeted the person on her right.

Lisa's response? "I'm tired of getting lost in the crowd."

Don didn't do it intentionally. But intention doesn't erase impact. Lisa felt unseen, and that's what matters.

🧠 Why This Happens

It's not always about bad behavior. The crowd can be:

• Children – (Blessings from the Lord, but they can consume all your attention)
• Work – (Providing for your family, but leaving your spouse alone)
• Ministry – (Serving God, but neglecting your first ministry—your spouse)
• Hobbies & friends – (Good things, but not when they come before your marriage)

Lisa nails it: "It's easier to be kind to a stranger than it is to our own spouse." Why? Because we get so comfortable that we let our guard down—and often, our tone and manners go with it.

🛠️ How to Keep Your Spouse from Getting Lost

Acknowledge your spouse – Especially in public. Don't assume they know you see them. Showthem.

• Ask the hard question – "What is the crowd in our marriage? And how do we keep each other from getting lost in it?"
• Be sensitive to needs – When your spouse says they feel lost, don't dismiss it. Don't say, "That's not how you should feel." It doesn't matter. That's how they do feel.
• Be intentional – As Lisa says, "Being intentional is all the more important when there's a crowd."
• Watch your tone – Lisa jokes that when she's upset, she gets "really polite." Don notices immediately. Tone speaks louder than words.

💡 This Week's Challenge

Then listen. Don't defend. Just hear them.

💬 The Bottom Line

The crowd will always be there. You'll never meet every need in the crowd. But you can meet the need of your spouse. When they say they feel lost, they're not criticizing you—they're declaring a need that only you can meet.

🎧 Tune In

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to like, share, subscribe, and check the show notes for ways to support the show!

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Click here to support Wedded Wednesday

Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake

For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com

In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle one of the most famous—and most difficult—verses in Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:4 – "Love is patient, love is kind."

It sounds simple. But in the daily grind of marriage, patience and kindness are often the first things to go—especially with the one person we're closest to.

🎭 The Hollywood Trap

Lisa opens up about how soap operas and romanticized Hollywood love stories gave her an unrealistic picture of marriage—all roses, flowers, and grand gestures, with none of the real-life frustrations. That false image left her feeling unappreciated and dissatisfied. The truth? Real love is lived out in the messy, ordinary moments—not just the picture-perfect ones.

🤔 The Real Question

Don flips the script: The question isn't "Is my spouse patient and kind with me?" The question is:

It's easy to point fingers. It's hard to look in the mirror.

🧠 Why Is Impatience So Natural?
Lisa nails it: "We were born selfish people." Impatience comes naturally because we insist on getting our own way. But genuine love requires intentionality—putting your spouse's needs ahead of your own.

Don points out that if you think of two couples—one with a great marriage and one that's struggling—the major difference is usually this: the thriving couple has developed a genuine practice of being patient and kind.

🛠️ The "Stranger" Problem

Here's a convicting truth: We are often more patient and kind to strangers than we are to our own spouses. Why? Because familiarity breeds complacency. We get so used to each other that we start dismissing each other. The ones closest to us should get our best, not our leftovers.

💡 This Week's Challenge

Sit down with your spouse and discuss practical ways you can show real patience and kindness to each other. But here's the key:

• Ask your spouse what patience and kindness actually look like to them. (Hint: Love languages matter! Don is words of affirmation; Lisa is acts of service.)
• Don't get offended when your spouse shares—receive it as a request, not a criticism.
• And if you're the one sharing, be gentle in how you say it.

As Lisa puts it: "Marriage is about being intentional with all our actions."

🎧 Tune In

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to share, subscribe, and check the show notes for ways to support the show!

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Click here to support Wedded Wednesday

Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake

For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com

In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle the surprising truth about marriage conflict: most of it isn't about major issues like infidelity or betrayal—it's about the little, petty things. The shoes left on the floor. The garbage that didn't go out. The same old joke told for the thousandth time.

📖 Scripture Focus – Romans 14:19 (NIV)

Don points out that Paul wrote this to early Christians arguing over silly things like whether to eat meat or only vegetables. Sound familiar? In marriage, we often do the same thing—blowing up small frustrations into huge battles.

🥊 The Real Problem: How We Fight Over Petty Things

When a small annoyance pops up, couples often fall into destructive patterns:

• Dismissing – "It's not a big deal. Get over it." (This devalues your spouse's feelings.)
• Name-calling – A form of dishonor that shuts down communication.
• Nitpicking & scorekeeping – Bringing up past wrongs instead of addressing the one current issue.

Lisa nails it: "When you dismiss someone's concern, you naturally bring their fists up in defense. Now they're ready to fight."

🛠️ The Better Way: "I'm Struggling to Get Over It"

Instead of blaming ("You always do this"), try owning your feelings:

This approach:

• Puts your spouse on receptive ground, not defensive
• Shows you want to get over it, not just win an argument
• Opens the door for mutual edification instead of mutual destruction

🔁 The Five-to-One Ratio (Revisited)

Lisa reminds listeners of their previous tool: before sharing one negative, share five genuine positives. Don admits that early on, he wanted her to "skip all that." Now he understands it helps her heart posture—and makes him willing to listen when the one thing finally comes.

💡 This Week's Challenge

🎧 Tune In

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to check the show notes for ways to support the show, send a text, or book Don & Lisa for a marriage seminar.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Click here to support Wedded Wednesday

Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake

For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com

In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle one of the sneakiest marriage killers: keeping a record of your spouse's wrongs. Drawing from 1 Corinthians 13:5 ("Love does not count up wrongs that have been done"), they explore how a mental list of past mistakes can turn your spouse into a villain and yourself into a victim—even when neither is true.

📝 The "Record of Wrongs" Trap

Don opens with a simple question for Lisa: "Do I have a record of your wrongs?" Her honest answer: early in marriage, yes—but less now, because she's learned to work on her own heart. The danger of keeping score is that negative memories accumulate, resurface during arguments, and create confirmation bias—you start seeing only what you're looking for. Phrases like "You always…" or "You never…" are dead giveaways that you're living in that bias.

💡 Flip the Script: A Record of Rights

Instead of obsessing over what your spouse does wrong, Don and Lisa challenge couples to create a "Blessing Journal" —a daily log of good things your spouse did, moments of kindness, or simple blessings from the day. (They even ask listeners to help name a "guy-friendly" version!) The goal is to rewire your brain to see the positive, which is far more abundant than the negative.

🔁 The Five-to-One Ratio

Lisa shares her practical tool: before you bring up one negative or frustration, you must first share five genuine positives about your spouse. Most of the time, after listing the five positives, you may not even feel the need to mention the negative anymore. This practice changes your heart posture, ensuring you speak out of love—not frustration or a desire to punish.

🛠️ This Week's Challenge

🎧 Tune In

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms.

Support the show