A Record of Rights
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A Record of Rights
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In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle one of the sneakiest marriage killers: keeping a record of your spouse's wrongs. Drawing from 1 Corinthians 13:5 ("Love does not count up wrongs that have been done"), they explore how a mental list of past mistakes can turn your spouse into a villain and yourself into a victim—even when neither is true.
📝 The "Record of Wrongs" Trap
Don opens with a simple question for Lisa: "Do I have a record of your wrongs?" Her honest answer: early in marriage, yes—but less now, because she's learned to work on her own heart. The danger of keeping score is that negative memories accumulate, resurface during arguments, and create confirmation bias—you start seeing only what you're looking for. Phrases like "You always…" or "You never…" are dead giveaways that you're living in that bias.
💡 Flip the Script: A Record of Rights
Instead of obsessing over what your spouse does wrong, Don and Lisa challenge couples to create a "Blessing Journal" —a daily log of good things your spouse did, moments of kindness, or simple blessings from the day. (They even ask listeners to help name a "guy-friendly" version!) The goal is to rewire your brain to see the positive, which is far more abundant than the negative.
🔁 The Five-to-One Ratio
Lisa shares her practical tool: before you bring up one negative or frustration, you must first share five genuine positives about your spouse. Most of the time, after listing the five positives, you may not even feel the need to mention the negative anymore. This practice changes your heart posture, ensuring you speak out of love—not frustration or a desire to punish.
🛠️ This Week's Challenge
Get a notebook. Every day for seven days, write down five things you appreciate about your spouse before (or instead of) the one thing that's bothering you. See what God does.
🎧 Tune In
Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms.
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