What if the part of you causing the trouble is also the part fighting hardest for you?

In this episode of Too Light Too Dark, I’m joined by Dr Jeffrey Smith, a psychiatrist and psychotherapist with nearly fifty years in practice. Jeffrey trained at UCLA and Albert Einstein, ran an alcoholism service, and has worked with dissociation, trauma and addiction ever since.

We talk about why he trades the compulsion of addiction for the compulsion to connect, what it means to grieve an addiction, and why being human is “more like riding a horse than a bicycle”. He explains why the inner self shouldn’t be kicked into the closet, how an unmet need for love can follow us into therapy, and why feelings, and even posture, are information. Jeffrey also opens up about learning self-reliance as a frightened child, and what he is still learning about leaning on others.

If you have ever wondered why a pattern that hurts you won’t let go, this one is for you.

Content note: This conversation includes addiction, childhood fear, dissociation and therapy that went wrong. [Add your usual support line here.]

Takeaways

• The inner self drives our motivation as well as our problems, so befriend it.
• In recovery, connection can match the power of the addiction.
• Therapy fails if the therapist shies away from attachment or promises too much.
• Feelings and body movements are information.
• Empathy is more powerful than AI at knowing what makes another human tick.

Chapters

• 00:00 Welcome
• 01:07 What drew Jeffrey to psychiatry
• 06:34 The Bronx and the rise of addiction work
• 10:00 Addiction and the power of the inner self
• 13:16 Trading compulsion for connection
• 15:20 Grieving an addiction
• 16:37 Dissociation and the child who splits to survive
• 20:09 Who do you really want to be?
• 21:40 A horse, not a bicycle
• 23:08 Befriending the inner self
• 25:03 Midlife crisis, and why therapy attachment is nothing to be ashamed of
• 28:34 Biology over philosophy, and empathy versus AI
• 32:37 Entrenched maladaptive patterns and the child still waiting for love
• 36:35 The therapist’s balancing act
• 38:17 Feelings, bodies and posture
• 40:28 Precision psychotherapy
• 44:20 Looking for a home in therapy
• 46:48 Self-reliance and learning to lean
• 48:14 What still surprises a psychiatrist
• 49:23 A message for 2am

Links

• Dr Jeffrey Smith: https://howtherapyworks.com/
• His podcast: https://howtherapyworks.podbean.com/
• Society for the Exploration of Psychotherapy Integration: https://www.sepiweb.org/
• Too Light Too Dark: https://www.toolighttoodark.com

Ever spent years thinking life was harder for you than everyone else, and wondered what changes when you finally get a name for it?

Ellie AuDHD Capstick (founder of the AuDHD community with 60,000+ members, host of AuDHD and Then Some™) grew up thinking she was lazy, “too much” and weird. Then she hit 40, got the right manual, and started working out who she actually is. This conversation is honest, funny and sweary. You don’t have to be tidy to listen.

In this episode you’ll hear:

• Why undiagnosed neurodivergence, low self-worth and addiction are so often tangled together
• What executive dysfunction really is (it’s not laziness) and what rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) feels like in a relationship
• What masking is, and what it’s like to unmask at 40 and ask “who’s the real me?”
• Why Ellie says you can’t get sober while surrounded by the same people, places and things
• Why late-diagnosed adults are being failed by schools, prisons, healthcare and support services
• Why there’s no quick fix, and why it’s still worth getting on the bus

Chapters

• 01:10 Little Ellie, childhood and early trauma
• 04:00 How a “dead against drugs” good girl ended up in addiction
• 18:13 The long road to diagnosis
• 23:39 Executive function, RSD and the labels we carry
• 28:32 Masking and who you are underneath
• 34:55 Are we failing late-diagnosed adults?
• 44:26 Building a community of 60,000
• 50:50 Her one message if you’re awake at 2am

Content note: strong language, and discussion of childhood sexual abuse and drug addiction. Please look after yourself, and if this brings anything up, talk to someone you trust.

If this spoke to you, send it to someone who needs it.

Find Ellie
🌐 www.ellieaudhd.com: bespoke mentorship (one-to-one support, accountability, body doubling, brain dumping and help with navigating life) plus a shop of funny neurodivergent T-shirts, clothing and subscriptions
🌐 www.ellieaudhd.co.uk: neurodivergent support groups, community events, Eventbrite links and the £1 / $1.35 membership
🎙️ AuDHD and Then Some™ Podcast & Newsletter: ellieaudhd.riverside.com
💜 Facebook: EllieAUDHD

Listen at www.toolighttoodark.com

This is a bonus episode, stepping out of our usual sweet spot and into the world of creativity, music and culture.

Maxim Langstaff has spent a lifetime close to some of the biggest cultural moments of the last half century. He has worked with Sir George Martin and John Denver, and produced films that are now part of the popular music canon, earning Grammy and Emmy nominations along the way. His curiosity began with anthropology and has taken him from Hollywood to rivers and mountain trails. His first novel, Susket, is out now.

In this conversation, Leon and Maxim explore:

• Why human beings operate from belief rather than facts, and why the stories we tell ourselves matter so much
• How George Martin saw the Beatles myth versus the truth, and why Sgt. Pepper's four-track limits may have made it better
• Why there are only twelve notes, yet music still feels endless
• What John Denver taught him about writing a song that becomes yours, and how "Take Me Home, Country Roads" turns a place into an emotional home
• Carl Jung's hero's journey and why every great story is really one story
• Why change is the one thing we can't negotiate with
• Why art is about connection, not entertainment, and the argument that AI and creativity are incompatible
• The story of "Yesterday", originally titled "Scrambled Eggs", and "Leaving on a Jet Plane", originally "Babe, I Hate to Go"
• Why, as an artist, you give your story away and it becomes someone else's

Whether you're a creative, a leader, or someone rebuilding meaning after a hard season, this conversation is a reminder that we're less alone than we think.

Guest: Maxim Langstaff, producer, author and storyteller

Too Light Too Dark: stay gold, stay curious, stay connected.

Primary:
Maxim Langstaff, Too Light Too Dark, storytelling, Beatles, John Denver, George Martin, Carl Jung, hero's journey

Secondary:
Sgt. Pepper, Take Me Home Country Roads, Leaving on a Jet Plane, Paul McCartney, Let It Be, Yesterday, Here Comes the Sun, music and meaning, power of story, belief vs facts, creativity and curiosity, universal themes, art and connection, change and transformation, Susket novel

Long-tail / search phrases:

• why storytelling matters
• what George Martin taught about creativity
• Sgt. Pepper four-track recording story
• John Denver wildlife concert
• how music connects people
• AI and creativity
• Jungian hero's journey in music
• music producer interview
• Beatles myths vs truth
• curiosity and creative success