What if the part of you causing the trouble is also the part fighting hardest for you?

In this episode of Too Light Too Dark, I’m joined by Dr Jeffrey Smith, a psychiatrist and psychotherapist with nearly fifty years in practice. Jeffrey trained at UCLA and Albert Einstein, ran an alcoholism service, and has worked with dissociation, trauma and addiction ever since.

We talk about why he trades the compulsion of addiction for the compulsion to connect, what it means to grieve an addiction, and why being human is “more like riding a horse than a bicycle”. He explains why the inner self shouldn’t be kicked into the closet, how an unmet need for love can follow us into therapy, and why feelings, and even posture, are information. Jeffrey also opens up about learning self-reliance as a frightened child, and what he is still learning about leaning on others.

If you have ever wondered why a pattern that hurts you won’t let go, this one is for you.

Content note: This conversation includes addiction, childhood fear, dissociation and therapy that went wrong. [Add your usual support line here.]

Takeaways

• The inner self drives our motivation as well as our problems, so befriend it.
• In recovery, connection can match the power of the addiction.
• Therapy fails if the therapist shies away from attachment or promises too much.
• Feelings and body movements are information.
• Empathy is more powerful than AI at knowing what makes another human tick.

Chapters

• 00:00 Welcome
• 01:07 What drew Jeffrey to psychiatry
• 06:34 The Bronx and the rise of addiction work
• 10:00 Addiction and the power of the inner self
• 13:16 Trading compulsion for connection
• 15:20 Grieving an addiction
• 16:37 Dissociation and the child who splits to survive
• 20:09 Who do you really want to be?
• 21:40 A horse, not a bicycle
• 23:08 Befriending the inner self
• 25:03 Midlife crisis, and why therapy attachment is nothing to be ashamed of
• 28:34 Biology over philosophy, and empathy versus AI
• 32:37 Entrenched maladaptive patterns and the child still waiting for love
• 36:35 The therapist’s balancing act
• 38:17 Feelings, bodies and posture
• 40:28 Precision psychotherapy
• 44:20 Looking for a home in therapy
• 46:48 Self-reliance and learning to lean
• 48:14 What still surprises a psychiatrist
• 49:23 A message for 2am

Links

• Dr Jeffrey Smith: https://howtherapyworks.com/
• His podcast: https://howtherapyworks.podbean.com/
• Society for the Exploration of Psychotherapy Integration: https://www.sepiweb.org/
• Too Light Too Dark: https://www.toolighttoodark.com