Sure, you may have divorced your ex, but you raised kids with him co-parenting for twenty years and then unexpectedly, he dies.

A hole is left in your life, but mourning can be complicated, and perhaps your current partner doesn't understand. Or your job doesn't see that as an immediate family member and expects you to show up for your job.

What about the grief when you child gets a diagnosis of Autism or OCD and you realize that they will have to work harder than other kids to get through life. Or that it will be more on your plate as a mom, juggling two other kids.

Or someone you knew in recovery commits suicide due to addiction, and it hits you square in the heart, but feels bigger than it should?

As women, we are navigating so many complex seemingly (to society mourning standards) minor losses and griefs every day, but we are expected to just take them on in our bodies and shoulder forward to all our responsibilities. To even stop for a moment and breathe can seem like too much time in our busy schedules but if we don't face the trauma and pain, we can get derailed in other emotional ways.

Speaking today with Krista Hellman, a social worker and founder of the Trauma and Grief Institute in Ottawa, Ontario, I learned a lot about how we need to process attachment and mourning in our bodies.

Krista wrote a book about the loss of her dog called Over ther Rainbow: The Love, Loss & Legacy of Your Dog, but it is about more than pet loss. She speaks of how connection can be continued beyond loss.

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I have a newsletter, Live Your Delicious Life, where you can learn more about my events, The Exhale: Put Yourself First where we discover ways to bring more Delicious into your life.

Susan Landers, M.D. tells us that perfectionism comes from our childhoods. Be good girls. Play well in a group. Don't be too bossy. Or if we didn't get the mothering or love we needed, then we try and receive that unconditional love by the praise we get from society. A lot of working moms fall into the perfectionist trap because they feel like they have to do all the things perfectly from work tasks to the birthday parties.

And of course social media has made this worse.

Susan talks about going from a 80 hour job in the NICU with three little kids to identifying her burn out and making changes in her professional life to better enjoy life more deliciously. She learned to block out time just for herself to do what she wanted on her calendar whether it was take a walk or call a friend. In fact, she admits that she has experienced burn out twice in her career - the second at age 62.

She also breaks down the Eisenhower Matrix which identifies what in your life is urgent, or what you can delegate or get rid of. Without a tool like this, we can think its all-important and lose our perspective in the weeds of responsibility.

Susan admits she was 50 years old when she learned how to say no. And silencing the inner critic, setting boundaries and practicing self-compassion is the key to get out of the perfectionism trap.

Susan has a wonderful Substack Mom's Matter.

She has written several books and we discuss Good Enough is Your Super Power: Overcoming Perfectionism for Women by Silencing Your Inner Critic and Settting Boundaries on the show.

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How many of you are willing to walk away from a toxic job, pursue a passion project and be in naïve optimism while you do it? I know from my personal perspective, we tend with our careers or how we lead our kids to be in hard love, or face reality. Or we work ourselves to the perfectionist bone, having zero fun while we strive to "get it right."

But with Dr. Vicki Johnson, she gives a solid sell on the idea of optimism, but also chipping away at projects with high effort. This in itself will lower the potential of being a perfectionist.

She provided so many insightful takeaways in our interview, especially coming from a place where she juggled jobs, side hustles (built her platform ProFellow) and young kids, all crammed in a small apartment in San Francisco.

Currently she lives in Bend, Oregon and has recently published her book, Pitch Your Potential: The Formula for Winning Dream Jobs, Awards, and Elite Opportunities.

Would you like to be a part of the Delicious Life community where we are building events and connections? Please join me at liveyourdeliciouslife.kit.com where you can download for free my PDF Seven Acts of Self-Kindness.

If you enjoyed today's podcast, please rate and review. It helps us to get the message out that we don't have to be burned out exhausted women to achieve dreams and goals.