『The Virtual Couch』のカバーアート

The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch

著者： Tony Overbay LMFT
無料で聴く

今ならプレミアムプランが3カ月 月額99円

2026年5月12日まで。4か月目以降は月額1,500円で自動更新します。

概要

 The Virtual Couch is a mental health podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist with more than two decades of experience who works with individuals and couples. Through relatable stories, practical psychology, and evidence-based tools, Tony helps listeners better understand relationships, parenting, addiction, emotional maturity, and personal growth, while also supporting those navigating faith crises and deconstruction from high-demand religions. The podcast offers clear strategies to break unhealthy patterns, improve communication, and build a more grounded sense of self while approaching life’s challenges with insight, clarity, and humor.Copyright 2026 The Virtual Couch 個人的成功 心理学 心理学・心の健康 自己啓発 衛生・健康的な生活
エピソード
  • They Said All the Right Things (and Nothing Changed): The Anxious-Avoidant Trap w/Mackie Overbay

    They Said All the Right Things (and Nothing Changed): The Anxious-Avoidant Trap w/Mackie Overbay
    2026/03/31

    Why do the same conversations keep "resolving" without anything actually changing? Tony and his daughter Mackie unpack what they call "mouth sounds"—when someone says all the right words, uses the right tone, even touches your hand, and you walk away thinking this time it's different… but it never is.

    This episode dives deep into the anxious-avoidant attachment cycle and why your nervous system chose your partner long before your conscious mind caught up. Tony walks through the Anxious/Avoidant attachment loop while Mackie checks boxes in real time—and then shares the raw, hard-won lessons from her own recent breakup in her twenties that every person navigating heartbreak needs to hear.

    In this episode, you'll discover:

    Why "mouth sounds" feel so convincing—and how both partners are projecting completely different realities onto the same conversation

    The anxious-avoidant origin story: how your childhood wired you to find the familiar disguised as the opposite

    Why consideration may be the highest form of love—and what it actually looks like in practice

    Mackie's breakup playbook: feel it instead of numbing it, no feeling is ever final, there's no correct timeline for healing, and being alone beats settling

    The hardest truth about leaving: sometimes choosing yourself means handing the other person the gift of getting to play the victim—and learning to be okay with that

    Tony Overbay, LMFT, draws from over 20 years of couples therapy and 1,500+ couples to explain the patterns most people can't see until it's almost too late. Whether you're stuck in a cycle, fresh out of a breakup, or watching someone you love go through it—this one's for you.

    Head to tonyoverbay.com/magnetic to join the wait list for the Magnetic Marriage course and start building the tools nobody handed you off the factory floor.

    00:00 When Talks Repeat

    01:11 Meet Tony and Mouth Sounds

    02:21 Projection Behind Promises

    03:34 Anxious Avoidant Framework

    05:02 Mackey Breakup Lessons

    06:04 Course Plug and Tools

    09:58 Mackey Joins the Show

    11:34 Dating After Breakup

    13:04 Why Words Hook Us

    15:05 Jack and Jill Origins

    21:10 How They Attract

    23:02 When Emotions Trigger Withdrawal

    24:09 Differentiation and Change

    30:05 Consideration as Love

    31:32 Four Pillars and Victim Mode

    33:15 Anxious Avoidant Patterns

    33:55 Feeling Considered Matters

    34:28 Inappropriate Outside Connection

    36:09 Boundaries Trust Walk Away

    37:36 Training What You Tolerate

    40:46 Rapid Fire Lessons Begin

    41:17 Feel It Dont Numb

    45:00 Trust After Betrayal

    48:54 No Feeling Is Final

    50:13 Impermanence Changes Everything

    53:00 No Timeline For Healing

    57:48 Leaving And Being Villain

    01:00:42 Wrap Up And Where To Find Us

    Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch on Tiktok @virtualcouch on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com

    Contact Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.

    To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course visit https://www.tonyoverbay.com/magnetic. Sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

    Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
    続きを読む 一部表示
    31 分
  • You're Not Bad. You're Carrying the Problem: Shame, Triggers, and Healing

    You're Not Bad. You're Carrying the Problem: Shame, Triggers, and Healing
    2026/03/07
    "I was triggered" vs. "I chose"—what if both are true, and neither gets to the real problem? When a listener sent Tony a viral video challenging people to replace "I was triggered" with "I chose," it sparked a deeper conversation about accountability, nervous system science, and the shame-based frameworks many of us inherited long before we ever heard the word "trigger." This episode holds two truths at once: yes, adults are responsible for their behavior—and the initial nervous system activation that precedes a choice is real, automatic, and not a moral failure. Episode highlights: Why the word "trigger" can feel like a life sentence to trauma survivors—and an identity assignment to the people who hurt them Rick Hanson's "first and second dart" framework and the four stages of change from unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence The critical distinction between activation and action—and why that space is where all growth lives How Richard Rohr's reframe of sin as brokenness needing healing (not judgment) connects directly to why shame never produces lasting change How shame gets installed in childhood before a four-year-old's brain can separate "I did something bad" from "I am bad"—and how ACT defusion offers a way out 00:00 Welcome and Course Plug 01:08 Listener Email and The Bet 03:33 Nick Pollard Trigger Reframe 04:57 Agreeing With Nuance 08:58 Trigger Word Cultural Weight 13:21 First and Second Darts 15:08 Four Stages of Change 21:21 Agency vs Nervous System 24:00 Pathologically Kind and Shame 26:46 Language Shapes Experience 27:18 Sin Versus Healing 28:36 Rohr Reframes Brokenness 31:08 Shame Keeps Us Stuck 31:57 How Shame Gets Installed 37:03 ACT And Defusion 40:13 Radical Acceptance Lens 41:52 Original Sin Culture Myth 46:43 Kingdom Of God Within 49:18 What We Learned Today 51:37 Closing Reflections Tony Overbay is a licensed marriage and family therapist, betrayal trauma certified, and host of The Virtual Couch, Waking Up to Narcissism, and Love, ADHD podcasts. If the idea of change through agency—not shame—resonates with you, explore Tony's Magnetic Marriage course at tonyoverbay.com/magnetic Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch on Tiktok @virtualcouch on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com
    続きを読む 一部表示
    54 分
  • Why "Me Too" Feels Like "Not You": Stop Fixing, Start Staying

    Why "Me Too" Feels Like "Not You": Stop Fixing, Start Staying
    2026/03/03
    You said, "That sounds really hard," so why is your partner still upset? It's called the Empathy Dash — that moment you touch your partner's pain just long enough to check a box, then sprint toward solutions, silver linings, or your own experience. In over 1,500 couples sessions, Tony has watched this pattern quietly erode trust while both partners swear they're trying. This episode unpacks why your empathy isn't landing, what your nervous system is actually doing when you rush to fix, and a deceptively simple practice that changes everything. In this episode, you'll discover: Why "me too" on the inside lands like "not you" on the outside — and the intent-vs-impact gap where relationships slowly erode Stealing Thunder: the real-time couples session moment that perfectly captures how sharing gets hijacked before it even lands How your Adaptive Child — the survival strategy that kept you safe growing up — is now sabotaging your closest relationship The neuroscience of co-regulation and why your calm presence does more than your best advice ever could The 3-Before-1 Rule: a concrete practice for staying present when every instinct says fix, solve, or flee Tony Overbay, LMFT, draws from over two decades of couples therapy, Terry Real's relational framework, and Dan Siegel's interpersonal neurobiology to redefine what empathy actually looks like in practice. If you've ever left a conversation thinking "I said all the right things" while your partner felt completely unseen — this one's for you. You're not broken. You just don't know what you don't know yet. 00:00 Welcome and Where to Follow 01:15 Retreat Story Mental Load Misfire 04:56 Intent vs Impact in Bids 06:08 Attack Surface and Pathological Kindness 09:37 Sequencing the Conversation 12:26 Stealing Thunder Named 17:02 Catching the Thunder Grab 18:17 Drive By Empathy Metaphor 21:03 Empathy vs Sympathy Basics 22:36 Why Optimism Can Dismiss 24:02 What Empathy Actually Does 26:58 Real Life Fixing Examples 28:39 Spotting the Empathy Dash 29:30 Why We Do It 30:12 Adaptive Child Origins 31:39 Fixer vs Avoider Examples 33:49 Co-Regulation Explained 34:44 Two Ways to Respond 37:16 Four Pillars Framework 38:11 Questions Before Comments 38:58 Curiosity in Action 42:19 Three Before One Rule 45:40 When Effort Feels Unseen 47:35 Handling Your Triggers 49:27 Closing Encouragement Get on the waitlist today for Tony's upcoming Magnetic Marriage live course! Head to https://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic Contact Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.
    続きを読む 一部表示
    53 分
まだレビューはありません