Tape 26: “Tires, Carrots, and Other Local Crops”

Got another recording today—this one opens with them claiming to have reached my “secretary” (the voicemail, I assume), asking if she has good penmanship.

After that, the call wanders through Bootstuck’s new agricultural report: apparently they’ve got a backfield full of “wild tires” that “grow” in the mud, plus a bumper crop of unexpected carrots. Dave’s supposedly writing a musical number about the tires.

Plans are also underway for a roller coaster (target height: seven feet), which Caleb is building out back, presumably with whatever they call “ticky tacky” around there.

Other local concerns include Martin (described as a “weaselly” fellow who ate a Tupperware lid and the toilet seat) and the critical safety rule that you must close the outhouse seat to keep out swans—or entire families of raccoons.

As usual, no clarification on why they’re leaving these messages, or how they even got the interviewers number.

Send us a text

www.bootstuck.com

Tape 25: “Bruise Your Bum?”

There was a voicemail waiting this morning. I still have no idea how they got my number. No callback info, no explanation—just another rambling dispatch from Bootstuck.

It opens with a commotion in one of the backrooms and quickly derails into a story about beach injuries sustained from excessive waving. When pressed for any kind of local wisdom, they suggest an owl could probably handle that sort of thing.

A brief airshow takes place—unverified—before a scuffle breaks out nearby and Caleb is summoned to make soup.

Hat Guy ends the call abruptly when Jerry arrives with his wheelbarrow and squeaky shoes.

So many questions remain, including who our interviewer really is… and what the original mission was in contacting Bootstuck at all.

Send us a text

www.bootstuck.com

It starts innocently enough: Hat Guy claiming there’s going to be an airshow. This, naturally, turns out to mean one plane seen from very far away, a helicopter that might’ve been a goose, and a deflated rainbow-shaped hot air balloon salvaged from wherever such things land when they've had enough. Still, it’s more organized than the ski hill.

Things then veer into a community talent show where Caleb will be judged — possibly for sport, possibly for population control. No prizes, just the chance to stay. Scorecards are involved. Posters are planned. The standard unit of measurement is “a wooden board.”

And then, just as I’m starting to feel like I’ve adjusted to Bootstuck’s rhythm, they casually mention a plane crash.

Apparently, the entire town may have formed around it. Over 200 people survived and… stayed. No one’s clear on when. Or how. Or why. But they’ve got a sign, a map, and plans to turn it into a movie, so it’s real enough for them.

If this was fiction, it’d be bad exposition. But it's not fiction — it’s a tape. And that’s honestly worse.

Send us a text

www.bootstuck.com