What does it mean to be non-binary when you don’t feel like either a man or a woman?

In this episode of The Spectrum, Kris shares their experience of discovering they are non-binary and agender. For much of their life, Kris simply thought they weren’t very good at being a woman. It wasn’t until the pandemic, when they encountered the language of gender identity and discovered other people with similar experiences, that another possibility began to make sense.

Linda and Kris talk about discovering a non-binary identity later in life, the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation, and why being agender is different from other non-binary experiences. They also explore pronouns, language, family, work, medical care, and what it is like to move through a world where people often make assumptions about your gender.

Kris explains why they/them pronouns matter to them, while also describing the complicated reality of being perceived as female despite identifying as agender. They talk about keeping “mom” as a title for their children, finding gender-neutral language that works for their family, and even using their name instead of pronouns when someone is still getting used to they/them.

Most importantly, this is a conversation about discovering that “I don't fit either” can be an identity of its own—and about what it means simply to be recognized as a person.

Find the transcript at: https://spectrumpodcast.org/?p=860

00:00 What Does It Mean to Be Non-Binary?

00:55 What Does Agender Mean?

01:25 Discovering a Non-Binary Identity

02:54 Growing Up Without Feeling Like a Girl

03:47 “I Don’t Fit Either”

04:10 Pansexuality, Bisexuality and Gender Identity

05:07 Compartmentalizing Gender and Sexuality

06:04 Finding Language and Other People Like Me

08:46 Non-Binary Identity, Marriage and Top Surgery

09:43 Body Dysphoria and Gynecological Care

11:27 Non-Binary Voice, Gender Perception and Pronouns

12:42 Coming Out as Non-Binary to Family and Work

14:01 Non-Binary Parents and Gender-Neutral Language

16:17 Being Non-Binary at Work and in Public

18:01 Non-Binary People and Medical Care

20:11 Being Misgendered and Living as Non-Binary

21:14 Why Pronouns Can Be Complicated

22:02 Choosing Whether to Be Open About Pronouns

23:30 Gender-Neutral Language Beyond Pronouns

24:00 How Non-Binary People Relate to Men and Women

24:49 Why Defaulting to Neutral Language Can Help

25:28 Understanding Non-Binary Identity

26:02 “I’m a Person, Just Like Anyone Else”

26:43 You Don’t Have to Agree With Someone to Be Kind

27:57 One Person’s Experience of Being Non-Binary

The episode explores the history and significance of pronouns in the English language, the challenges of gendered pronouns, the emergence of non-binary pronouns, and the importance of respecting and using correct pronouns for individuals. It emphasizes the impact of pronouns on emotional well-being and the need for acceptance and validation.

Chapters

• 00:00 The History of Pronouns
• 01:36 Gendered Pronouns in English
• 02:44 Non-Binary Pronouns
• 05:57 Resistance to Change
• 07:25 Importance of Using Correct Pronouns
• 11:06 The Problem with Pronouns

You can find the transcript at: https://spectrumpodcast.org/?p=678

For 58 years, Maria believed she understood who she was.

She thought she was simply someone who occasionally needed to express a different side of herself. Transition wasn't part of the plan.

Then, after the end of a long marriage, she asked herself a simple question:

"What can I do to be happy?"

The answer surprised her.

In this conversation, Maria shares the winding path that led her to transition later in life, why she spent decades believing she was "just" a cross-dresser, how one month of living as Maria changed everything, and why she says she was "suddenly happy" for the first time in her life.

We also talk about:

• Growing up without understanding what she was experiencing
• Living two very different lives
• Marriage, divorce, and moving to France
• Discovering confidence after transition
• Emotional dysphoria
• Why she chose medical transition
• Reconciling the person she used to be with the person she is today

Maria's story is unique, but its themes are universal: searching for happiness, learning to accept yourself, and discovering that it's never too late to become the person you were meant to be.

You can find the transcript at: https://spectrumpodcast.org/?p=597

If this conversation helped you better understand the transgender experience—or simply reminded you that every person has a story worth hearing—please consider liking the video, subscribing, and sharing it with someone else.

The mission of The Spectrum is simple: to humanize LGBTQ+ people by sharing honest conversations with real people.

If you'd like to share your own story on a future episode, we'd love to hear from you.