South Asian parents love an expectation.

Do well at school. Go to uni. Get a good job. Don’t embarrass the family. And while you’re at it, why can’t you be more like your cousin?

In this episode, Saf and Zoheb talk about the pressure they grew up with, how much of it came from their parents, and how differently that pressure could land depending on whether you were the oldest, youngest, a boy or a girl.

They get into school, discipline, being compared to other people, the things South Asian dads absolutely do not apologise for, and the expectations that somehow follow you all the way into marriage.

Zoheb’s wife gets pulled into the conversation towards the end completely randomly. She wasn’t mic’d up, so the audio changes a bit, but the conversation was worth keeping in.

We barely scratched the surface with this one, so there’s definitely more to come.

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This episode discusses allegations and personal opinions around an ongoing public conversation.

A few clips we posted about Iksy started getting more attention than we expected, and then the DMs came in. People were sending us their own stories, screenshots and experiences. Some were detailed, some weren’t, and we obviously can’t verify everything we’ve been sent.

Then Iksy went on Podghost and gave his side of the story, so we sat down and talked about the whole thing properly.

We get into the allegations, his response, whether he seemed remorseful, accountability, second chances and what happens when people simply stop trusting you.

But it also turns into a much wider conversation about our own community. Why do the same stories around money, bad business and people taking advantage of each other keep coming up? Why does it feel like some of the things we saw growing up are still happening in our generation? And even if you forgive someone, does that mean you ever have to trust them again?

And yes, we also get into the clout-chasing comments, publicising sins, community responsibility and whether any of this should even be discussed publicly in the first place.

A note before listening:

This episode is a conversation and reflects the personal opinions of the people taking part. Any allegations or claims of wrongdoing discussed in this episode are allegations and should not be understood as findings of fact. We have not independently verified every claim, message or account referred to during the conversation, and we make no determination as to their truth or accuracy.

Some of the discussion refers to statements, allegations and commentary already circulating publicly or shared with us by third parties. Where we discuss these matters, we are doing so for the purposes of conversation, commentary and opinion.

We do not encourage harassment, threats, abuse, doxxing or contacting anyone mentioned in this episode, including their friends or family.

If you believe we have materially misstated something discussed in this episode, you can contact The Side Room directly.

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How do you know which friendships are actually built to last?

Saf and Zoheb talk about childhood friends, making close friends as adults, friendship after marriage, and the people who show up when life gets difficult. They look back at the friendships they grew up with, the ones that have lasted, the ones that quietly faded, and what happens when someone you still care about no longer fits the life you’ve built.

They also get into outgrowing old friends, keeping a smaller circle as you get older, whether loyalty should have limits, and how marriage, family and grief can change the way you look at the people around you. Plus, has social media made us feel connected while actually making us worse at keeping in touch?

Zoheb’s wife was also listening in and occasionally joins the conversation. She wasn’t mic’d up for the episode, so apologies for the audio quality when you hear her chipping in.

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Growing up Muslim in Britain meant learning the Quran, praying and, sometimes, being told exactly what would send you to hell.

Saf and Zoheb look back at getting punished for mistakes, feeling afraid to get religion wrong, drifting from prayer as they got older and eventually having to build their own relationship with faith as adults. They talk about relearning the Quran, struggling with prayer (salah), South Asian parents using religion when it suited them, and how much of what they were taught came from culture rather than Islam itself.

Were they taught to love their religion, or were they taught to fear what happened if they got it wrong?

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You get married thinking it’s about you and the person you love, but then the honeymoon period wears off. Money conversations get real, families get involved, everyone has an opinion. Suddenly, we're thrown into discussions about who compromises, who provides, whose parents come first and what exactly you both signed up for.

Saf and Zoheb get into all of it, comparing what marriage has actually been like for them. Someone else (Zoheb’s wife) also starts chiming in from behind the camera and accidentally becomes this episode’s unofficial third voice.

What follows is a very Side Room conversation about marriage, mummy’s boys, in-laws, culture dressed up as religion, divorce, financial readiness and the uncomfortable gap between wanting to get married and actually being ready to be someone’s husband.

At the heart of it is something pretty simple:

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A quick note: Zoheb’s wife wasn’t meant to be on the episode and wasn’t separately mic’d, so she’s a little quieter in places, sorry about that. We’re still improving the setup and getting better as we go.

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Note: This episode includes discussion of bereavement, cancer, suicide, addiction and mental health.

Saf and Zoheb talk about how differently mental health is understood now compared to when they were growing up, especially in Bengali families where people were more likely to be labelled “mad”, dismissed, or told they were affected by jinn than encouraged to get actual help.

Zoheb speaks openly about losing his mum to cancer, the grief that still catches him unexpectedly, and how strange it felt to be dealing with practical things on the day she died while everyone around him was visibly falling apart.

There were calls to make, people to contact, funeral arrangements to deal with, and family members who needed him. To everyone else, he looked unusually composed but in reality, he just felt like somebody had to hold it together.

They get into whether men genuinely process grief differently, or whether they have simply been taught that their feelings have to wait until everything else has been handled.

They also talk about remembering death as Muslims, grief counselling, supporting family after a loss, body image, work stress, marriage, and the small arguments that sometimes reveal you’re carrying more than you realised.

This is a conversation about mental health, but also about responsibility, faith, grief and what happens when the person everyone relies on is struggling too.

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How much of what we call culture is actually something we were simply taught not to question?

In episode 3, Saf and Zoheb look back at the expectations that shaped them: get the degree, do better than everyone else’s child, stay thin but not too thin, respect your elders and never talk back.

They get into emotional blackmail, cousin comparisons, colourism, comments about weight, physical punishment and colourism, including the belief that lighter skin automatically makes someone more attractive.

This is not about rejecting Asian culture or pretending their parents did not love them. It is about asking a harder question: which parts deserve to be passed down, and which should stop with us?

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Saf and Zoheb planned to talk about racism in Britain. Before they get there, they spend a long time chatting like two guys who have completely forgotten the microphones are on.

Eventually, they get to the topic of the day, and the conversation turns to British identity, patriotism, Islamophobia, the language used by the media, growing up brown in Britain, and the strange contradiction of wanting the culture without always wanting the people.

It is funny, blunt and uncomfortable in places, which is probably exactly what this conversation needed to be.

Also, yes, Sharon Law enters the chat at one point.

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