What if the therapy that was supposed to help actually made things worse?

For many survivors of coercive control, couples therapy doesn't bring clarity, it deepens confusion, self-doubt, and shame.

In this episode, I'm joined by licensed marriage and family therapist Frances Russell to talk about why traditional couples therapy can be harmful when coercive control or domestic violence is present. We discuss what survivors should know, what therapists often miss, and why understanding patterns of power and control—not just isolated incidents—is essential.

Whether you're a survivor wondering why couples therapy didn't work or a mental health professional wanting to better recognize coercive control, this conversation offers practical insights and compassionate validation.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why couples therapy can unintentionally reinforce coercive control.
• How neutrality can cause harm when abuse is present.
• The subtle signs therapists should be watching for.
• Why assessment for coercive control is an ongoing process—not a one-time intake questionnaire.
• The difference between incident-based and pattern-based thinking.
• What survivors can do if they're looking back and realizing therapy caused additional harm.
• Considerations for therapists when ending couples therapy due to safety concerns.
• What to know about therapy notes, confidentiality, and family court.

About Frances: Frances works as a therapist for both individuals and couples, and specializes in trauma recovery, helping people rebuild trust in themselves, others and life after experiences that have shattered it. She works with clients who want to process childhood abuse and neglect as well as others who come in to process recent, traumatic experiences between themselves and their partner. She primarily uses Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with couples and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with individuals.

In addition to being a therapist, Frances is a trauma-informed yoga instructor with Comeback Yoga, an organization that supports veterans and their families. Frances also teaches graduate students at Regis University and her courses include Crisis, Trauma and Loss and Human Growth and Development.

In her free time, Frances enjoys staying active and getting outdoors through running, backpacking and skiing. She is also always on the lookout for new restaurants and recipes.

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Attachment theory has become one of the most talked-about topics in the dating and relationship world.

You have probably heard terms like anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, secure attachment, and disorganized attachment. Maybe you've even wondered whether your attachment style played a role in your abusive relationship.

But what if attachment theory isn't about blaming yourself?

In this episode, I unpack attachment styles through a trauma-informed lens and explore how understanding your attachment patterns can support healing, self-awareness, and future relationships after abuse.

We discuss:

• What attachment theory actually is (and what it isn't)
• The four primary attachment styles
• Childhood experiences that can contribute to different attachment patterns
• Why attachment styles are adaptations, not character flaws
• How attachment styles can influence dating and relationships
• The role attachment may play in how we experience attention, connection, and love bombing
• Why survivors should be cautious about using attachment theory as a form of self-blame
• How coercive control and abusive relationships can create attachment injuries of their own
• Why understanding yourself is often more important than trying to become an expert at spotting abusers

One of the most important takeaways from this conversation is that attachment styles do not explain why someone was abused.

Abuse happens because someone chose to abuse.

Understanding your attachment style can be incredibly helpful for healing, building self-awareness, and creating healthier relationships moving forward. But it should never be used as evidence that you caused, invited, or deserved the abuse you experienced.

If you've ever wondered how attachment theory fits into your healing journey, this episode is for you.

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What if your body isn’t betraying you… but trying to protect you?

In this episode, we’re rethinking the relationship survivors often have with their bodies after trauma. I’m joined by Karianne Gwinn to talk about the very real physical impact domestic violence and chronic stress can have on the body, including digestive issues, chronic pain, fatigue, nervous system dysregulation, and feeling disconnected from yourself.

We also explore what healing can look like beyond just “thinking differently” — including bottom-up, somatic, and mindfulness-based approaches that help survivors reconnect with safety, regulation, and their bodies in a more compassionate way.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated by symptoms your body seems to hold onto long after the relationship ended, this conversation may help you understand why.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The physical impact of trauma and chronic stress
• Nervous system dysregulation after abuse
• Digestive issues, chronic pain, and trauma
• Why healing is not just cognitive
• Somatic and mindfulness-based healing approaches
• Rebuilding trust and connection with your body

About Karianne: Karianne Gwinn is a Functional Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, Psychosomatic Practitioner, speaker, and cancer survivor who specializes in helping people cultivate whole-person wellbeing in the aftermath of major health challenges and trauma. Drawing from training in nutrition, nervous system regulation, and psychosomatic healing—as well as her own lived experience—she helps people better understand the relationship between stress, trauma, the body, and healing.

Karianne is especially passionate about helping people rebuild trust with their bodies after experiences that leave them feeling disconnected, fearful, or confused. Her approach blends evidence-informed wellness practices with deep compassion, practicality, and a healthy dose of humanity. She believes healing doesn’t require perfection—and that sometimes the most powerful shifts begin with very small, very doable changes.

Connect with Karianne at kariannegwinn.com

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Your child stopped fighting parenting time… but something still feels off. In this FCC episode, we unpack what may be happening when a young child goes from visible distress to emotional shutdown during transitions, how to think about attachment and regulation, and ways to support reconnection while avoiding assumptions or panic.

• From a child mental health perspective, what could be happening when a child goes from intense distress at transitions to seeming quiet or shut down?
• Is my ex right that this means things are getting better because she isn’t kicking and screaming anymore?
• How do you tell the difference between adjustment, developmental changes, and a child protecting themselves emotionally?
• How can I support my daughter before and after transitions without making things harder for her?
• Are there signs I should watch for that suggest she may need more support, even if exchanges look “easier” on the surface?

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What if “coparenting” isn’t failing because you are doing it wrong?

And instead, it is not working because the map you were given on how to do it is not meant for “coparenting” with someone abusive.

The way that our system is designed sets a huge trap for protective parents who want to do everything they can to protect their children and allows for someone who uses coercive control to maneuver in ways that continue to abuse.

While there are many traps that happen within this larger system, three of the ones that seem to impact protective parents the most are:

• Attempting to be the perfect parent
• Attempting to convince your child of the truth about the other parent
• Parenting from a reactionary stance and survival mode.

And all of these traps do not allow you to show up as the parent you want to be.

In this episode, I share the reasons for these traps and a starting point for maneuvering around them so that you can parent from a values-based perspective rather than from fear.

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If you're sharing children with an abusive or controlling ex, parenting can feel like walking a tightrope.

Every mistake feels high stakes. Every emotional moment feels like evidence. And many protective moms carry a quiet fear that if they don't do everything perfectly, they could lose connection with their child—or worse.

In this episode, I'm challenging the myth of perfect parenting and exploring what children actually need from us.

Because despite what family court, your ex, social media, or your own inner critic may have convinced you of, your child does not need a perfect parent.

They need a safe one.

You'll learn why so many protective parents feel overwhelming pressure to get everything right, how trauma and chronic stress impact your ability to show up the way you want to, and why repair matters far more than perfection.

Most importantly, you'll walk away with a gentler, more realistic standard for parenting during one of the hardest seasons of your life.

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What happens when a parenting plan leaves too much room for interpretation?

In this episode, we’re talking about one of the biggest mistakes survivors make during divorce and custody negotiations: agreeing to vague parenting plans that unintentionally create openings for ongoing manipulation, conflict, and coercive control.

I’m joined by Cat Climaco to discuss why detailed, clearly written parenting plans matter so much in high-conflict and abusive co-parenting situations. We break down some of the most common loopholes narcissistic or controlling co-parents exploit, including pick-up and drop-off logistics, extracurricular activities, communication expectations, and what happens when parents with joint decision-making reach an impasse.

We also talk about how to advocate for a more specific parenting plan when attorneys or mediators push back and prefer “standard” or cookie-cutter agreements.

If you’re currently negotiating a parenting plan or struggling with one that feels impossible to navigate, this episode will help you understand why clarity and specificity matter far more than most people realize.

In This Episode We Discuss:

• Common parenting plan loopholes
• Why vague agreements create more conflict
• Decision-making impasse clauses
• Extracurricular and exchange challenges
• Advocating for specificity with attorneys

About Cat: Cat Climaco, Founder of Peaceful Presence Divorce Coaching, is a nationally certified High-Conflict Divorce, Custody, and Co-Parenting Coach, mediator, DASH Risk Assessor, and trauma-informed Colorado Victim's Advocate who specializes in helping protective parents navigate complex, high-conflict family court cases to achieve greater peace and safety in life after divorce. Cat blends professional expertise with lived experience to support parents facing coercive control, post-separation abuse, abusive co-parenting, and cases involving children with additional emotional or developmental needs.

Connect w/ Cat:
https://www.peacefulpresencedivorcecoaching.com
https://www.instagram.com/peacefulpresencedivorcecoach/
https://www.facebook.com/peacefulpresencedivorcecoaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/catclimaco/
https://www.youtube.com/@PeacefulPresenceDivorceCoach
https://www.peacefulpresencedivorcecoaching.com/workshops-documentation

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

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What if the reason you can’t relax… is because your body learned that calm never lasted and does not mean you are safe?

In this episode, I’m talking about something so many survivors experience after coercive control and domestic violence: feeling constantly on edge, even when nothing is actively happening. The messages stop. The house is quiet. Things seem calm. But your body still feels like it’s bracing for impact.

We explore why survivors often struggle to feel safe even after separation, how trauma and unpredictability train the nervous system to stay hypervigilant, and why this is not a character flaw or “loving drama.” It’s survival.

I also break down the difference between being safe and feeling safe, the role of the nervous system and amygdala in trauma responses, and why healing has to include more than just insight or positive thinking.

Most importantly, we talk about “felt safety” — those moments where your body starts to believe you might actually be okay — and how building those moments can change the way you parent, communicate, respond to stress, and begin healing after abuse.

In This Episode We Discuss:

• Why survivors feel anxious even during calm moments
• Hypervigilance and the nervous system after abuse
• The impact of unpredictability in coercive control
• Why healing is not just cognitive
• Felt safety and nervous system regulation
• How trauma responses impact parenting
• Practical grounding and regulation strategies
• The difference between being safe and feeling safe

If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just relax?” this episode is for you.

Nervous System episodes:
Ep 150: Post-Separation Abuse Burnout: A Nervous System Perspective https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/17103086
Ep 11: Your Nervous System is Shot: Strategies to Move Out of Fight, Flight, and Freeze https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/11272280

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