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A Mind of Her Own

A Mind of Her Own

著者： Jennifer Reid MD
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A Mind of Her Own is a science-backed podcast dedicated to women's mental health, hosted by Dr. Jennifer Reid, MD, a Columbia and UCLA-trained psychiatrist, award-winning educator at the University of Pennsylvania, and author of Guilt Free: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations. Dr. Reid sits down with clinicians, researchers, and writers to explore topics that matter: invisible labor, reproductive mental health, physician burnout, guilt, identity, and the forces that shape how women seek care and how they thrive. Now available for CME credit!

amindofherown.substack.comA Mind of Her Own 個人的成功 心理学 心理学・心の健康 自己啓発 衛生・健康的な生活
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  • The Four Furies of Unreasonable Expectations

    The Four Furies of Unreasonable Expectations
    2026/08/21
    Hello, and welcome to A Mind of Her Own! I’m Jennifer Reid, a psychiatrist and the author of the book, Guilt Free, Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations. Today is Episode 4 in my series called Guilt Free, For Real. (Want to catch up? Here are the first three episodes: 1. Solving the Guilt Equation (Finally!) 2. The Guilt Divide: Women, Men and the Emotions We’re Taught to Feel 3. Why Can’t I Ditch this Awful Guilt? )This episode today (corresponding with chapter three in the book, if you are following along), is all about the Four Furies of Unreasonable Expectations. If you’ve listened to prior episodes, and I encourage you to do so (see above)! you know about the Guilt Equation, which is that our guilt is based on our expectations of ourselves minus our perceived reality, meaning minus what we notice ourselves doing, which may not even reflect, in fact often doesn’t reflect, what we’re actually doing. But where do these sky high expectations come from? The Four Furies are:* Constant caretaking: “I feel like it’s selfish to take time for myself instead of being available to the people who need me.”* Hyper-accountability: “I adjust what I say or do to manage other people’s emotional reactions.” * Seeking perfection: “I have trouble resting because I believe I should be trying to improve myself.” * Having it all: “When I succeed in one area (work, parenting, health) I feel like I’m neglecting another.”Understanding these four big categories for expectations allows you to see that you are not alone. These categories exist because so many women have experienced them. But I’m here to tell you that there is a way forward. Recognizing that yes, these are expectations that you’ve been taught and expected to carry, but they don’t have to be the final answer. If you’re saying “should,” someone else is writing your story. When you take control of your expectations, what you want, what you need, and what makes sense for you will create the story you follow. You get to decide what those choices are and rewrite these expectations that you’re working through. In future episodes, you will learn how to adjust each of the Guilt Equation variables, both your expectations and our perceived reality.Guilt doesn’t have to be your full time job. You are already enough.***Want to build community while lessening your guilt? Start your own Guilt Free Group here. (jenniferremd.com/guilt-free)Thanks for reading and listening to A Mind of Her Own! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.Connect with your host, Jennifer Reid, MDDr. Jennifer Reid is a physician, the host of A Mind of Her Own, and the author of Guilt Free: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations — available at major retailers.🌐 Website: jenniferreidmd.com Feeling inspired by this conversation? Start your own Guilt Free Group here!(jenniferremd.com/guilt-free)If you enjoyed this episode, please follow A Mind of Her Own and leave a rating or review on Apple Podcasts — it makes a huge difference in helping other people find the show! 🎙️🎙️ Some Exciting News!A Mind of Her Own has recently joined the Learn At Pinnacle app, so if you work in health care, you can receive FREE CE credit just for listening!(This includes Category 1 AMA CME credit and many others.)Download the free app at the link above or at: https://learnatpinnacle.com/educationSeeking a mental health provider? Try Psychology TodayNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255Dial 988 for mental health crisis supportSAMHSA’s National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357)-a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.Disclaimer:The views expressed on this podcast reflect those of the host and guests, and are not associated with any organization or academic site. Also, AI may have been used to create the transcript and notes, based only on the specific discussion of the host and guest and reviewed for accuracy.The information and other content provided on this podcast or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this website is for general information purposes only.If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that have read on this website, blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services (911) immediately. You can also access the National Suicide Help Line at 1-800-273-8255 or call...
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    19 分
  • "Why Can't I Ditch this Awful Guilt?"

    "Why Can't I Ditch this Awful Guilt?"
    2026/08/05
    Hello, I’m Jennifer Reid, MD. Welcome to this episode of A Mind of Her Own, the third in the series called Guilt Free, for Real. In today’s episode, I share 3 of the most common reasons guilt can be such a sticky emotion. (Hint: because it “helps” us in some ways.)When I’m working with individuals as a psychiatrist, there are often situations where someone says, “I know that this is not good for me, and yet I keep doing it. I keep going back to a relationship that isn’t healthy for me. I keep doing an activity that I know is not healthy for me.” What we need to understand in those situations “What is it doing to help us in some way, even though that seems counterintuitive?” It’s important to think about guilt the same way. Guilt actually can, in certain situations, help us, particularly in three key ways. * Motivation: Many of us, (myself included), feel like guilt can be motivating. In fact, when we’re feeling like we’ve already done something wrong, it can boost our motivation, but typically not for a long-term situation and at a high cost. We are starting from behind, assuming we’ve already done something wrong, that we’ve already made a mistake. We’ve already demonstrated that we are disorganized or lazy or uncaring or all these different ways that we convince ourselves and feel guilty in order to motivate ourselves. We need to work on recognizing where we are using guilt as motivation and see if we can tap into some other emotions. Maybe there’s something we really want to do, and if we haven’t done it yet, we can tell ourselves, “I really want to move in that direction. That’s something I want in my life and it is important to me,” rather than, “I’m such an awful person because I haven’t already made this change.” * Guilt protects us from other difficult emotions. You may have grown up knowing that if you expressed anger, the caretakers in your life, whether your parents, siblings, friends, early partners, would respond in a way that told you “Hey, that’s unacceptable. You’re not allowed to feel angry. Feeling angry is unfeminine, and it’s making other people uncomfortable.” So guilt becomes a way that we keep ourselves from being able to truly feel, notice and express those more difficult emotions. We might say to ourselves, “I shouldn’t feel so mad at my partner. He’s trying his best and I just need to deal with it. I’m overreacting.” Or maybe, “I shouldn’t be so mad that I got passed up for this promotion at work for someone that I don’t think was as well qualified.” We’re telling ourselves we shouldn’t feel these other emotions. This often occurs with grief. People will come in to my practice and talk about a loss that they’ve experienced, and say things like, “I didn’t do enough. I didn’t visit my father enough in the nursing home before he passed. I didn’t put enough attention into my relationship before this separation occurred. I didn’t appreciate having my children home enough before they moved out.” I think what we can recognize here is that guilt is protecting us from grief. Why is this the case? Because when we are grieving, we are acknowledging that something has truly been lost, and this can be very painful. Guilt, then, tells us, “No, this is not grief. I feel this way because I’ve done something wrong so I need to focus on how I can be better.” In this way, guilt tells us we might have some control over this feeling. It’s very hard to accept that we don’t have control over everything in our own lives, much less the safety and happiness and vulnerabilities of those others in our life. The risk of loving others is this vulnerability to loss. When we cover that with guilt, we’re also heaping self-criticism on top of what’s already a really painful time. This is why I always encourage people that getting to those underlying emotions actually allows you to face them, to explore them, and, finally, to understand them. Interestingly, guilt can also step in and protect us from happiness. It can protect us from feeling too good about ourselves or too successful. We might say, “I shouldn’t feel so happy in my relationship right now because my friend is really lonely and she wants to meet someone.” We use guilt as protection, so we don’t feel too good and risk the possibility of future disappointment. However, the cost of guilt in these situations is that it forces us to make choices that aren’t aligned with what we want and need, but rather with what we think we should do. * Guilt helps us prove that we care. Another way that I really find guilt can be so sticky and hard to relinquish is that it becomes a way we demonstrate to ourselves that we care. If I don’t feel guilty when someone in my life is struggling, then I must not care. But this is not true. You can absolutely care deeply and with love for your friend or family member and yet not feel guilty, because you ...
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    16 分
  • The Guilt Divide: Women, Men and the Emotions We're Taught to Feel

    The Guilt Divide: Women, Men and the Emotions We're Taught to Feel
    2026/07/28
    Hello, and welcome to A Mind of Her Own. I’m Jennifer Reid, MD, a psychiatrist and author. This is the second episode of my series, Guilt Free, For Real. Today, I wanted to talk to you about something that I’m asked about a lot on podcasts and interviews, “Is guilt always bad?” After all, the name of my book is Guilt Free, which suggests that we’re trying to eliminate any and all guilt. Interestingly, when I was researching guilt, what I learned is that guilt actually can be adaptive. In fact, guilt may be one of the reasons that we’ve been able to become larger and larger communities, to collaborate, to work together to enhance the success of our species. Why is that the case? Because what guilt does is help us to connect (when it’s used in moderation, in adaptive circumstances.) That seems counterintuitive, but let me explain. Guilt is when we believe we’ve done something wrong. And if we believe we’ve harmed someone, that we’ve done something that’s hurt them or made life more difficult, we feel guilty. Guilt doesn’t feel good. It also pushes us to try and do something about it. We want to relieve that feeling of guilt, and that can lead to things like apologies, attempts to repair, maybe make up for it, or at least try to learn for next time to not do that again. This is an adaptive type of guilt. We all need to be able to feel this type of adaptive guilt because without it, it’s actually going to make it much harder for us to connect. If we hurt someone and we see that they are hurt and we don’t feel anything about that at all, you can see how that would cause real problems in relationships and certainly does. So this type of guilt can be adaptive for everyone. When it becomes maladaptive, though, is when it’s not based on a particular situation or circumstance. Instead of, “Okay, I’ve made this error. I want to try and make up for it,” we are saying, “I just feel constantly like the things that I’m doing are not as good as they should be. I’m not doing enough. I’m falling behind. I’ve let people down. I’m letting myself down.” I’ve found, within my clinical practice and certainly even in my personal life, (and in my own experience), that women are more likely to feel this sort of constant overwhelming sense of guilt than men. Guilt in these situations does just what it does in adaptive guilt, pushing us to try and do something to make up for it, right? We want to relieve ourselves of this uncomfortable feeling. But what can happen then, what I see happening then in women’s lives, is they take on more and more. They become hyper-competent and begin doing all the tasks, carrying the cognitive load, remembering all the appointments and things we need to pick up and things we need to plan and prepare for. Then, people in our lives are stepping back and saying, “Okay, if you’ve got this, then I guess I won’t need to help or support in that way.” But it’s counterproductive, right? Because the more we add on, we still believe we need to do all of those things perfectly. And then we perpetually feel like we’re falling short. The reason I wanted to write this book about guilt is I really wanted women to know that they are not failing, that falling short of an unreachable ideal is not failure. And what we can learn how to do is shift this intense maladaptive guilt. In the first episode of Guilt Free, for Real, I told you about the Guilt Equation, how we can learn to examine our guilt. Guilt = Our Expectations for Ourselves - Our Perceived RealityWhen I recognize a guilty thought, it’s important to review my expectations. Are they fair? Also, I want to set expectations based on my own values and what I think is reasonable, not some comparison to some idealized version online or even in my own head of what I imagine that I should be doing. Another question I’m often asked is, why do women seem to have so much more guilt than men? It’s such a complicated answer, but I really want to hit on some key points. Number one, women, girls from a very young age are socialized to feel guilty. We are socialized to take care of everyone around us, to be able read their minds, read their emotions and try to protect them from those. We’re taught that to be valuable or loved we need to look a certain way, we need to act a certain way, we need to have self-control. We need to be able to put forth this image of really having it all together. And unfortunately, what this can then lead to is constant guilt. For men, I think it’s a different pressure. Of course men experience guilt. And like I said, it can be adaptive. But I think there are different expectations on men. And among those expectations, there are different emotions that men are socialized to experience and are allowed to experience without anyone kind of looking at them strangely. For men, I don’t think that guilt is one that’s as acceptable. Maybe it’s anger, or frustration. Maybe ...
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    11 分
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