A little while ago, someone gave me a piece of advice. "Stop caring so much."

My first reaction? Out of context, I wanted to argue. Don't we have a caring crisis? Shouldn't more people care more, not less?

But when I zoomed in on what's actually fueling my own overwhelm, the advice landed differently. I wasn't lacking care, I was spending it in all the wrong places: on problems I can't solve, people who didn't ask for my help, and critics whose opinion I'll never change no matter how hard I try.

In this episode, I dig into where "caring too much" really comes from (hint: it traces back to perfectionism and our hardwired need for love and belonging), why struggling isn't the same as trauma, and why letting the people we love make their own choices, even their own mistakes, is one of the most respectful things we can do for them.

I'll also walk you through how to figure out who and what actually deserves your care, so you can stop hustling for the approval of people who were never going to be impressed anyway and start saving your best energy for the people and priorities that matter most.

● Why "stop caring so much" isn't uncaring, it's discernment, and it might be the permission you didn't know you needed.

● How caring too much is often rooted in perfectionism and an unconscious belief that your worth depends on being endlessly productive or helpful.

● Why struggling is not the same as trauma, and how confusing the two keeps us rescuing people who don't need (or want) rescuing.

● A simple exercise to identify your real top five priorities, and why you have to be on that list.

● How to stop hustling for the approval of your harshest critics, whose respect you'll likely never earn no matter how hard you try.

● Why giving your best self to the people you love sometimes means doing less for everyone else.

● 00:00 The Advice That Started It All

● 01:14 Wait — Don't We Need More Caring?

● 02:32 Where Overwhelm Really Comes From

● 03:48 The Roots of Caring Too Much: Perfectionism & Belonging

● 05:20 Taking On Problems That Aren't Yours

● 07:05 Struggling Isn't Trauma

● 08:40 Watching Kids (and Adults) Learn to Walk

● 10:32 Letting Go When They Move Away

● 12:05 The Truth About "What Will People Think?"

● 13:40 Why Everyone Is Replaceable

● 15:02 Building Your Top-Five Priority List

● 17:10 Caring Less About Your Harshest Critics

● 18:35 Giving Your Best Self to the People Who Matter

● 19:50 Dare to Lead Edmonton & Closing Thoughts

Dare to Lead Workshop — October, Edmonton (use code COURAGE for 10% off)

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Do you ever feel like your life is being run by an invisible rulebook you never agreed to? I should post weekly. I have to work late. I'm supposed to do it this way.

In this episode, I'm getting personal — sharing the exact moment I realized that the word "have to" had quietly taken over my work, my schedule, and my sense of self. After three years of recording a podcast every single week (yes, even on holidays, even at midnight before family trips), I finally asked myself a question I should have asked long ago: Who actually made this rule? And why was I so afraid to break it?

Drawing on cognitive behavioral therapy principles, I walk you through how our unexamined "should" thoughts generate real feelings of pressure, resentment, and overwhelm — and how a simple shift in awareness can change everything. Because here's the truth: most of the rules driving your exhaustion aren't facts. They're automatic thoughts. And you can change them.

What you'll discover today:

• Why "I have to" and "I should" are rarely facts — and what they're actually costing you

• How automatic, unexamined thoughts create feelings of obligation, guilt, and overwhelm

• The specific question to ask yourself that reveals whether a "rule" is actually worth following

• How running on "shoulds" quietly affects your mood, your energy, and the people around you

• A practical framework for rethinking your responsibilities and becoming more intentional about what you take on

• Why authenticity and courage — not perfection — are what people are actually looking for from you

Timestamps:

00:00 — Introduction: When Business Overwhelm is Really a Mindset Problem

03:45 — The Hidden Cost of Outsourcing Your Creative Voice

07:20 — Perfectionism vs. Authenticity: What Audiences Actually Want

11:00 — Algorithm Rules and the "Shoulds" of Social Media

15:30 — The Weekly Podcast Grind: A Case Study in Obligation

20:00 — What Happens When You Finally Give Yourself Permission

24:00 — The CBT Framework: Rethinking Your Responsibilities

27:30 — How "Shoulds" Run in the Background and Drain Your Joy

31:00 — Practical Steps to Identify and Question Your Obligations

35:00 — Final Thoughts: Efficiency, Effectiveness, and Living Intentionally

Connect with Kimberly:

• Get in touch: kimberlyknull.com/contact

• Connect on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kimberly-knull/

• Connect on Facebook: facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/

• Connect on Instagram: instagram.com/kimberlyknullpsych/

Be honest — when was the last time someone described you as fun to be around?

If that question makes you a little defensive, you're not alone. When we're overwhelmed, exhausted, and running on empty, fun is usually the first thing to go. And when we stop having fun, we stop being fun — for our kids, our partners, our friends, and ourselves.

In this episode, I'm asking a question that might sting a little, but one I believe is worth sitting with: How much fun are you to be around?

This isn't about being the life of the party. It's about recognizing that chronic overwhelm quietly robs us of our lightness, our humor, and our ability to connect — and that has real consequences for the relationships we work so hard to protect.

What you'll discover today:

• Why overwhelm turns us tunnel-visioned and makes us lose our humor, lightness, and ability to truly connect with the people we love

• The neuroscience behind why your brain needs fun — and what happens when it doesn't get it (hint: wine, Netflix, and late-night scrolling are not accidents)

• The "I'll have fun later" trap — why waiting for the kids to grow up, retirement, or things to slow down is a dangerous strategy

• Why so many women can't answer the question "what do you enjoy?" — and why that's not okay

• How guilt, fear, and the belief that self-sacrifice is a virtue keep us stuck at the bottom of our own list

• A practical exercise to help you figure out what actually lights you up — and why writing it down makes all the difference

• Why prioritizing your own joy is one of the best things you can do for your family, not a selfish act

Timestamps:

00:00 The Question That Makes Us Defensive

01:30 Overwhelm and Self-Awareness

03:00 We Work Hard For the People We Love — So Be Fun for Them

04:59 The "I'll Have Fun Later" Trap

07:30 Summer as an Invitation to Reclaim Joy

08:00 Why Women Can't Answer "What Do You Enjoy?"

09:44 Let's Dream — A Practical Exercise

12:00 Don't Let Your Toddler Feelings Drive the Car

15:00 The Dopamine Connection: Why We Numb Instead of Nourish

17:00 Transitions and the Soft Place to Land

19:09 My Seven-Year Wake-Up Call

21:00 Role Modelling a Balanced Life

22:30 Closing and Contact

Links from today's episode:

• Get in touch for 1:1 therapy

• Dare to Lead Workshop

Connect with Kimberly:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Related Episodes:

• What Do You Really Want?

• Are You Chronically Numbing?

• The Lost Art of Gathering