Do you ever feel like your life is being run by an invisible rulebook you never agreed to? I should post weekly. I have to work late. I'm supposed to do it this way.

In this episode, I'm getting personal — sharing the exact moment I realized that the word "have to" had quietly taken over my work, my schedule, and my sense of self. After three years of recording a podcast every single week (yes, even on holidays, even at midnight before family trips), I finally asked myself a question I should have asked long ago: Who actually made this rule? And why was I so afraid to break it?

Drawing on cognitive behavioral therapy principles, I walk you through how our unexamined "should" thoughts generate real feelings of pressure, resentment, and overwhelm — and how a simple shift in awareness can change everything. Because here's the truth: most of the rules driving your exhaustion aren't facts. They're automatic thoughts. And you can change them.

What you'll discover today:

• Why "I have to" and "I should" are rarely facts — and what they're actually costing you

• How automatic, unexamined thoughts create feelings of obligation, guilt, and overwhelm

• The specific question to ask yourself that reveals whether a "rule" is actually worth following

• How running on "shoulds" quietly affects your mood, your energy, and the people around you

• A practical framework for rethinking your responsibilities and becoming more intentional about what you take on

• Why authenticity and courage — not perfection — are what people are actually looking for from you

Timestamps:

00:00 — Introduction: When Business Overwhelm is Really a Mindset Problem

03:45 — The Hidden Cost of Outsourcing Your Creative Voice

07:20 — Perfectionism vs. Authenticity: What Audiences Actually Want

11:00 — Algorithm Rules and the "Shoulds" of Social Media

15:30 — The Weekly Podcast Grind: A Case Study in Obligation

20:00 — What Happens When You Finally Give Yourself Permission

24:00 — The CBT Framework: Rethinking Your Responsibilities

27:30 — How "Shoulds" Run in the Background and Drain Your Joy

31:00 — Practical Steps to Identify and Question Your Obligations

35:00 — Final Thoughts: Efficiency, Effectiveness, and Living Intentionally

Connect with Kimberly:

• Get in touch: kimberlyknull.com/contact

• Connect on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kimberly-knull/

• Connect on Facebook: facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/

• Connect on Instagram: instagram.com/kimberlyknullpsych/

Be honest — when was the last time someone described you as fun to be around?

If that question makes you a little defensive, you're not alone. When we're overwhelmed, exhausted, and running on empty, fun is usually the first thing to go. And when we stop having fun, we stop being fun — for our kids, our partners, our friends, and ourselves.

In this episode, I'm asking a question that might sting a little, but one I believe is worth sitting with: How much fun are you to be around?

This isn't about being the life of the party. It's about recognizing that chronic overwhelm quietly robs us of our lightness, our humor, and our ability to connect — and that has real consequences for the relationships we work so hard to protect.

What you'll discover today:

• Why overwhelm turns us tunnel-visioned and makes us lose our humor, lightness, and ability to truly connect with the people we love

• The neuroscience behind why your brain needs fun — and what happens when it doesn't get it (hint: wine, Netflix, and late-night scrolling are not accidents)

• The "I'll have fun later" trap — why waiting for the kids to grow up, retirement, or things to slow down is a dangerous strategy

• Why so many women can't answer the question "what do you enjoy?" — and why that's not okay

• How guilt, fear, and the belief that self-sacrifice is a virtue keep us stuck at the bottom of our own list

• A practical exercise to help you figure out what actually lights you up — and why writing it down makes all the difference

• Why prioritizing your own joy is one of the best things you can do for your family, not a selfish act

Timestamps:

00:00 The Question That Makes Us Defensive

01:30 Overwhelm and Self-Awareness

03:00 We Work Hard For the People We Love — So Be Fun for Them

04:59 The "I'll Have Fun Later" Trap

07:30 Summer as an Invitation to Reclaim Joy

08:00 Why Women Can't Answer "What Do You Enjoy?"

09:44 Let's Dream — A Practical Exercise

12:00 Don't Let Your Toddler Feelings Drive the Car

15:00 The Dopamine Connection: Why We Numb Instead of Nourish

17:00 Transitions and the Soft Place to Land

19:09 My Seven-Year Wake-Up Call

21:00 Role Modelling a Balanced Life

22:30 Closing and Contact

Links from today's episode:

• Get in touch for 1:1 therapy

• Dare to Lead Workshop

Connect with Kimberly:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Related Episodes:

• What Do You Really Want?

• Are You Chronically Numbing?

• The Lost Art of Gathering

Most of us want more confidence — but we're not always sure what that actually means. Some of the behaviours we associate with confidence, like arrogance, defensiveness, or endlessly proving ourselves, are actually armor. And armor, no matter how convincing it looks, is not the same as genuine, grounded confidence.

In this episode, I'm breaking down what Brené Brown's research calls "grounded confidence" — the kind of self-worth that isn't about performance, bravado, or proving your value. It's about truly knowing who you are, sitting with the full human experience, and having the courage to show up anyway.

As a psychologist, I've seen how much our level of confidence shapes everything: how we parent, how we lead, how we set boundaries, how we recover from mistakes, and whether we even try. The good news? Confidence isn't a fixed trait you either have or don't — it's a set of skills you can build.

What you'll discover today:

• Why most of us are walking around with a "fragile self-worth" and how armored behaviours like defensiveness, arrogance, and indifference are actually signs of low confidence, not high.

• The difference between armor and grounded confidence, and why people can usually tell which one you're using.

• The 8 elements of grounded confidence, based on Brené Brown's research, including learning and improving, practicing courage, rumbling with vulnerability, staying curious, and practicing humility.

• Why confidence doesn't mean feeling 100% sure all the time, and how to build it gradually, starting with just 10% more of the time.

• How grounded confidence makes it easier to set boundaries, take risks, be vulnerable, and accept other people as they are.

• Why experience, not just mindset, is essential to building lasting confidence, and how small wins count.

• Why experience, not just mindset, is essential to building lasting confidence, and how small wins count.

Timestamps:

00:00 Why We Want Confidence

02:10 The Socialization of Self-Worth

04:10 What Confidence Really Is (and Isn't)

06:00 Far Enemies: When Armor Looks Like Confidence

09:30 The 8 Elements of Grounded Confidence

09:45 Learning and Improving

10:30 The Language of Emotion

11:45 Practicing Courage

13:00 Rumbling with Vulnerability

14:10 Staying Curious

15:30 Practicing Humility

17:00 Committing to Mastery and Practice

18:30 Feeling Embodied and Connected

21:00 Confidence Grows with Experience

23:30 Letting Go of Outcomes

25:00 Closing and Contact Information

Links from today's episode:

• Dare to Lead Workshop

Connect with Kimberly:

• Connect on LinkedIn

• Connect on Facebook

• Connect on Instagram

Related Episodes:

• 59: The Truth About Trust
• 60: Expect the Unexpected: Responding to Life's Curveballs
• 65: Body Image: The #1 Shame Trigger for Women
• 66: Are You Chronically Numbing?